Yunsik began his career as the maknae of Nebula, a boy group under DSP Media. It didn't take long for Yunsik to become an often-talked about topic among netizens, with his visuals grabbing attention right from their debut in 2009.
Unlike his members, Yunsik had begun his solo activities only a year after his debut when the group slowly began to pick up momentum with their popularity: the idol started to obtain love-calls from various magazines and designers and soon became a well-known face in the fashion industry.
With Nebula's popularity sky-rocketing in 2011, Yunsik only grew more popular, walking countless runways and making numerous magazine covers, with more and more people following in love with him and his visuals. Shortly after the group became popular, Yunsik landed a minor role in a drama, beginning his pattern of obtaining supporting roles in countless movies and shows.
In 2016, just like the rest of his members, Yunsik left DSP Media following the disbandment of Nebula. He worked without an agency for a year or so, continuing his modeling career, until he was contacted by his former member and close friend, Yongsun. The elder had signed with Neostar Entertainment, and urged Yunsik to do so as well if he wished to continue his career in a company without many downsides: Yunsik did just that, flourishing into an actor who has been landing lead roles constantly under Neostar. Although he has no desires to continue music, he often appears on Yongsun's projects whenever asked.
Youngsun started his career in the entertainment industry as a back-up dancer for various idols before DSP announced his official idol debut in 2009 in boy group Nebula. The five membered boy group managed to become a trending topic in 2011, reaching success two years after their debut with their first chart-topping single. Nebula began to stand on their own with the bigger groups at the moment, achieving more and more success with each comeback, while DSP managed to promote the boys separately in different areas.
Youngsun had a solo debut in 2014, and received immense love and praise for having a sensual concept that had a charm with the media claimed only the main vocal of Nebula could have. Since then, his popularity sky-rocketed and he began to have as many solo promotions as the other members in their respective areas.
In 2016, 7 years after their debut, Nebula announced their disbandment due to the members wishing to explore more solo activities, which was followed by Youngsun leaving DSP as well. In the same year, Youngsun signed under Neostar Entertainment, becoming friends with the CEO during their early idol years. Youngsun continued his solo career as an artist until 2019, when it was announced he was founding the first sub-label under Neostar: Moon Circus. Since then, Youngsun has been focusing on building the label, exploring various styles of music, and helping newer artists settle themselves in the industry.
MOON CIRCUS is the first and only sub-label created under Neostar Entertainment. The sub-label was founded in 2019, by former boy-group idol Kwon Yongsun. The label, unlike its parent company, focuses on promoting smaller solo artists in an rnb and hip-hop route, not presenting their artists in music shows and award shows like Neostar.
Moon Circus was founded by Youngsun after the idol’s contract with DSP Media was not renewed following his group’s disbandment. While Youngsun had been an idol for 7 years, he learned more about himself, including his interest for producing music rather than being an idol on stage. When his friend Taehui created Neostar Entertainment, he had always held out a hand to Youngsun in regards to if he wanted to pursue music in the future, which led to the sub-label’s creation.
The label is mostly widely known for supporting Yongsun’s solo career, Lee Haeju from Honey Moon’s solo career, rnb artist Eclispe, and rapper Bae Wonshik. There are numerous artists under the label as well, but most of them have kept a low profile either willingly, or are still attempting to build a name for themselves.
MOONLIT makes the cover of Singles Magazine's June 2021 cover.
The idol duo continues to make their presence known in the modeling scene, with their countless magazine cover appearances since their debut. The duo spoke mostly about trying to find themselves as they’ve continued to grow older, and as they’ve experienced countless changes due to their position in the limelight and their growing success.
Both Changyun and Daehyeon spoke about different ways they’ve tried finding themselves in their 20s, from trying new things to fixating on others to improve in certain fields, to simply trying to learn more about themselves. Moonlit put emphasis that learning more about yourself is different for everyone, and that no one path will work for everyone; it’s a long journey for everyone, one that both of the members are still enduring.
Moonlit also stated in their interview that their music and careers will also be showing the changes they themselves experience, hinting a possible different side to their music. The duo has made suggestions that they’ll be coming back soon with a new album to celebrate the beginning of summer.
SYNOPSIS: When college student Byungchul goes missing, rumors begin flying in regards to the student's sudden disappearance: going from the top student in his classes to a face on missing posters isn't something common. However, as time progresses with no news of Byungchul, his name and story are soon left in the past. Until four people, all intertwined in the life of Byungchul in different ways end up crossing paths as they all realize there's more than meets the eye with their friend's disappearance. The race to find out what happened with Byungchul begins, and it's one with dark alleys, mysterious men in power, life-ruining crimes, and a battle against uncovering the truth and surviving constant threats.
SYNOPSIS: When college student Byungchul goes missing, rumors begin flying in regards to the student's sudden disappearance: going from the top student in his classes to a face on missing posters isn't something common. However, as time progresses with no news of Byungchul, his name and story are soon left in the past. Until four people, all intertwined in the life of Byungchul in different ways end up crossing paths as they all realize there's more than meets the eye with their friend's disappearance. The race to find out what happened with Byungchul begins, and it's one with dark alleys, mysterious men in power, life-ruining crimes, and a battle against uncovering the truth and surviving constant threats.
Summary: Daehyeon had fallen into a routine he couldn't bring himself to get out of. To spend countless nights with unknown men, seeking intimacy in moments of lust and desire, but never truly getting what he craved, surrendering himself to moments of loneliness and rash decisions.
Warning(s): sexual content (no actual sex), potential slut-shaming, bad mental state, mentions of toxic relationships
When Daehyeon was growing up, he had been enticed by the prospect of fairytales and happy endings. He was fascinated by the idea of a true love so strong it would stand the harshest tests the sand of times used in an attempt to bury the romance. As Dae grew older day by day, so did his desire to fall in love. To fall so fast, that it would be impossible to avoid it. To fall so hard, that his body would never forget it. To fall so carelessly, that he would never regret it.
When Daeheyon was growing up, he left the idea of being in love alongside memories in the past. He threw himself overboard from his journey in finding his true love, and subsided into a sea of yearning instead. As Dae grew older day by day, so did his disdain for the concept of falling in love once again. To fall so fast, that the adrenaline of it all wouldn’t let the pain be felt until long after. To fall so hard, that there would be reminders in and on his body of how harsh the impact was. To fall so carelessly, that he would never make another move without any thought again.
The young idol shook the drink in his hand gently, only taking sips of the water whenever nobody was around so he could freely pull his mask down. He tried to submerge himself in the waves of music that illuminated the bar, without the tinge of alcohol rushing through his body. Water, because drinking alcohol on nights like this had already burned a regret so fiercely that Daehyeon still felt the flames of its pain. The bar had become both another home, and had become a thriving reminder of the countless mistakes Dae had made and the mistakes he was bound to make.
With how comfortable and acquainted Daehyeon had become with the constant hookups and one-night stands it wasn’t difficult for him to know which streets of Seoul to venture towards to find places that had what he was looking for. Never trying to become too familiar in a particular bar or club, in a specific part of Seoul, Dae spent countless nights bouncing between Itaewon and Jongno, sometimes going to buildings hidden in dark alleys and quiet streets.
He never made it a habit to visit a particular establishment too much: although Moonlit wasn’t booming with popularity, he wasn’t looking to take the risk. Plus, it was a hit or miss with the guys Dae spent the night at hotel rooms with.
Some of the guys were the type who Dae knew he’d never see again: the type who used Dae like an experiment. The ones who would fuck Dae without caring a bit for the idol’s pleasure or desire. Simply wanting to see if their attraction to men was something real or not, before slipping out of the room the moment they finished, never intending to return. If they realized they had no interest in men, Dae simply became a memory hidden in the darkest corners never letting the light reach. If they realized they had an interest in men, Dae was out of the question: they wanted someone who was made for a relationship, not someone who was good for spreading their legs within seconds.
Some of the guys were exactly what Daehyeon was looking for. Men who were on the same path of simply wanting a good fuck, no strings attached and no romance threatening to peek around the corner. If they both enjoyed their companies, they’d share numbers and solely contact whenever one wanted the other, no simple pleasantries.
Yeah, maybe Daehyeon was just something to be used to these men, but it wasn’t like it was any different for him. Being used meant being needed, and it had gotten to the point where as long as Dae felt needed, it was ok.
He suddenly felt someone slip into the seat next to him in the bar, looking from the corner of his eyes to see a guy who’s back was to the bar, idly sipping his drink. If it had been Dae’s first time out like this, he would’ve simply turned and continued to mind his business, but having spent so many nights like this he knew what it meant.
It wasn’t the easiest thing to simply walk up to someone and ask if they wanted to have a good time for countless reasons ranging from the awkwardness of it all, to the possibility of a blunt rejection. Little motions and movements like these were simpler and got the message across in a way that was solely known between the two people.
Daehyeon leaned back just a bit, to the point where he made eye-contact with the man and gave a small nod. He had a striking face, his straight brows highlighted his sharp eyes, cheekbones that would’ve made Dae think he was a model if he wasn’t so confident showing his face like this, and soft red lips that had a playful smile the moment he met Dae’s eyes.
It wasn’t even a moment after he got up and left towards the bathroom that Daehyeon followed, leaving his water at the bar. Taking barely a step into the bathroom, he felt a hand grasp onto his wrist, tugging him into one of the stalls. Dae slipped off his mask almost out of habit, ready to speak before he felt lips pressed against his.
A surge of worry spread through his body like a bolt of electricity, feeling the man’s hands grab onto his back pulling Dae closer into him. However, the momentarily worry fades when he finds himself seeping into the kiss, letting his desire take a hold of him.
A gentle gasp slips from his lips at the man’s sudden movement to Dae’s ass, grabbing a hold of it as he pushes Dae back against the stall wall, the gasp allowing for his tongue to touch against Dae’s. The daze that the idol’s become far too familiar with, the feeling flourishing from his mind to throughout his body was what he was craving the moment he stepped into the bar. The feeling of being wanted; the feeling of being needed.
Daehyeon couldn’t stop himself from moaning into the nameless man’s mouth as he got harsher with his hands, squeezing his ass with both a sense of desperation and lust. He left himself in the mercy of the stranger, allowing for the latter to take full control and lead Dae however he wished.
It wasn’t until both men were out of breath that they pulled away, locking eyes again for what seemed like only the second time before he made a move once again, this time his hands darting towards Dae’s jeans only for the idol to stop him.
“Hold on, I’m not getting my back blown out in a bathroom stall.”
“I thought that’s why you followed me?” the man’s voice was smothered in a tone that made the question falter more like a statement, Dae having to stop his knees from feeling weak when he heard the deep raspiness emitting from his words.
“Ok, well, yeah. Definitely wouldn’t mind getting my back blown out, but bathrooms aren’t my thing.”
“Speaking from experience?” the man now had the slightest smirk growing on his face, leaning over just to the point where his shoulder was resting on the opposite wall.
“Maybe, maybe.” Daehyeon ran a hand through his hair, licking the same lips he wished were still pressed up against the lips of the man in front of him. “Not planning to try it out again here, though.”
The man whose eyes seemed to dance with a light-hearted brightness that rivaled the bright lights of the bar outside simply took a moment to catch his breath, idly looking Daehyeon up and down as if he was questioning if he was worth something more than a quickie right next to a toilet.
“Fine. Let’s go.” his words were brief and lacked any real care, as if he was the one in full control of what happened tonight; as if Daehyeon was simply just something from him to tug along until he no longer wanted him around. And maybe that was the truth.
The two left the bathroom together, neither making any type of move to look as if they were together; it was simply the man who smelt like the most cautious mixture of cigarettes and the woods walking in front, while Dae idly trailed behind him. It wasn’t until they were both out of the bar that the idol finally matched his pace, walking side by side to the man who was just moments ago feeling every part of his body, only to walk now as if he had little to no care if Dae would follow.
“So, can I get a name?”
“Nah.” Daehyeon only smiled at what he assumed to be a joke from the man, only for the smile to fall as fast as it appeared when he realised he was completely serious. “It’s not like you need it, and it’s not like we’ll see each other after tonight. I know a cheap hotel, c’mon.”
Daehyeon grew silent, realizing any idle chatter created in an attempt to lay down a comfortable environment was not needed. It wasn’t rare for Dae to meet someone like this, after all he’d fucked married businessmen who made it seem as if they didn’t even want to know anything about Dae aside from how he looked bent over a bed. It wasn’t uncommon for Dae to feel like a slut on nights like these, after all he had since long lost track of the number of men he let fuck him in the most questionable manners and places.
However, he was more than fine with feeling like that.
Daehyeon didn’t mind feeling like a slut or being called a slut, because it was the truth.
Daehyeon didn’t mind it, because he would much rather wear his scarlet letter brightly on his chest, than to let his heart beat on his sleeves. Being used as someone who was just good for a quick fuck, sometimes not even in private, and sometimes not even with a care for his own pleasure, was much better than being someone who was vulernable to having his heart stolen from him; to have each aorta ripped out in the name of love, each valve ripped open, leaving nothing for himself while having given everything to someone else.
Before, Daehyeon was drowning in the waves of bad memories that someone he once so clearly loved and cared for, had decided to pull the tide against him. Every time he attempted to raise himself up, another wave simply crashed into him, always casted upon him by the people he loved but never truly loved him.
Now, Daehyeon had decided to simply float amongst the countless waves, instead of fighting against them.
It was different now. Rather than being vulnerable to pain that he would never see coming, Daehyeon was in control of what happened to him. Maybe he got hurt every so often, but it was different to be in charge of the hurt, than to be hurt by others.
When university student Seo Daehyeon is in need of cash, a friend of a friend asks him to be a model for his art project. Little does Daehyeon know that with random coffee meetings to discuss the project, being the focus of the artist for countless hours, and feeling a sense of happiness he’s never felt before whenever he sees him, the painting isn’t the only work in progress.
CHAOTIC (2018)
Love comes in countless forms, but love isn’t always a blessing. Stuck in a relationship where the feeling of despair and pain is more prominent than the love that’s become lost memories, Seo Daehyeon has to learn about putting himself first: loving himself is the only way to get out of this.
FIND YOU (2020)
When Cha Changyun wakes up one morning to find out all his loved ones have no recollection of him, all hope feels lost. When Cha Changyun attempts to lean on his boyfriend he finds out he no longer exists. But when notes and hints are scattered around in the places that only these two know, Changyun is determined to find him. To find everything he's lost.
99 DEGREES (2019)
Being the son of one of the world's largest spy agencies, Changyun expected a lot out of this life: from insane missions across the globe, high speed chases in the middle of the dessert, and fights that would leave countless scars, both physical and mental. But what he didn't expect was falling for the son of an enemy agency, and realizing his greatest fight had just begun.
Dumb and Dumber is a personal series started by members Yeonjin and Eunjae; coining the nickname their fans and members have given their friendship. Dumb and Dumber will focus on "fun content to give Shining Knights enjoyment throughout the year", with the two members claiming to share pranks, challenges, and storytimes on the channel. Yeonjin stated on a recent V-Live that the content created by them will feature more of the artists under Neostar, trying to produce light-hearted and humorous content to make their fans smile whenever they need it.
DEOKSU'S DISCO
Deoksu's Disco is the personal series created by leader Deoksu. The videos created for his series will focus on both music production and performance aspects. He'll be working on covering songs he personally enjoys, sharing music he's produced or song he's written in a more detailed process than his soundcloud, while also showcasing his abilities in choreographing, and covering dances as well: ultimately creating a disco for fans to enjoy.
CHAN'S CORNER
Chan's Corner is the personal series for member Chan, which will focus on vlogging and "everyday content". Chan has stated his wishes to share more about himself and the group's daily lives for fans to connect with and enjoy, while also trying to share what's going on in the background of their activities, schedules, promotions, and much more.
Summary: Yeonjin had burnt a permanent place into Deoksu’s life, the moment his bright smile and loud voice entered his life. Over the years, while Deoksu tried to do everything in his power to be the best version of himself he could be, Yeonjin was always there to remind him that any version of him had unwavering love ready to hold him.
Warning(s): mentions of bad mental health; bad eating habits; self-hate
When Deoksu first met Yeonjin, he instantly saw the younger as someone who Deoksu simply wanted to wrap his arms around and protect him for everything that wasn’t good in the world. However, as time went back and relationships evolved in ways that weren’t always obvious to the eye, Deoksu realized Yeonjin had often done most of the protecting instead.
Rather than doing his best to set an example as someone who was older, someone who was meant to be wiser, and someone who was meant to be the best as the group’s leader, it often felt like the reverse was happening. Yeonjin always had an extra eye on all of the members, in ways that Deoksu hadn’t managed to think of. Yeonjin always had discovered a way to comfort his members, in moments that Deoksu hadn’t realized something was wrong.
Yeonjin always had managed to be countless steps ahead of them all, while still managing to walk side by side with them.
It was clear to Deoksu that Yeonjin was someone who had managed to imprint a mark on the former’s life the first time he came running up to him with a smile that would have made the sun quiver with how dim it seemed compared to the brightness in his. Having been the sole trainee prior to Deoksu’s arrival, Yeonjin was quick to both befriend the older in a moment’s notice, and was quick in trying to help him adjust to it all.
Their friendship was born in between late-night runs to the grocery store across the street, eating junk that both of them knew they’d be better off without, all while Yeonjin playfully chastised his seniority in the company over Deoksu. Their friendship grew as Yeonjin’s bold yet caring words brought out parts of Deoksu he had managed to keep hidden from even himself. Their friendship blossomed as Deoksu found himself on countless train rides to Busan to Yeonjin’s family home, promising a friendship that would last beyond their time in the industry.
When their debuts were announced, and it was solidified that they’d be debuting together, things began to change. The news of Deoksu being the leader came as a boulder that only added his previous problems weighing on his shoulders. While Yeonjin’s excitement seemed to devour his being, the aura of happiness never wavering once within him, bits of dread of anxiousness seemed to cover Deoksu head to toe, worry never once leaving his body.
Deoksu couldn’t have been more happy when he debuted.
Deoksu couldn’t have been more anxious when he debuted.
He couldn’t understand how something he looked towards for so many endless days could become a convoluted equation of both happiness and sadness. With everything good that came with his debut, Deoksu found something dark and heavy hovering over it.
A noise of contempt tore Deoksu away from the storm brewing in his mind, looking to his right to see Yeonjin with his eyebrows just slightly furrowed, making him visualize the pout that had become a trademark for times where he seemed deep in thought, behind the mask on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“You know…” Yeonjin’s voice trailed off just slightly as his eyes moved quickly, taking in the countless stores still open around them, and the people who didn’t seem in the slightest to be heading home. “I just thought it would be different.”
“Different?”
“Yeah, like,” something on the inside of Deoksu frowned instantly when Yeonjin turned to look at him, subtly yet quickly noticing the red hues that had become more evident in the younger’s eyes. “I thought it would feel different being out this late. Like, the city would be something else past the ‘normal’ hours of the day.”
Yeonjin wasn’t the type who preferred going out when it was super late, like it was currently. It wasn’t like the youngest opposed it whenever the group made plans, in fact he was always ready with a smile behind the wheel, ready to take them wherever they pleased. But, if it was up to him, he’d much rather prefer staying up light to watch some movies in the comfort of his own home, or simply sleeping the night away rather than looking up to see the blanket of stars stare right back at him.
“We’re in the same city, buddy.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Last time I mentioned this Chan said we didn’t teleport to Atlantis.” the way he murmured brought a gentle smile to Deoksu’s face, something in his heart pulling at him whenever he could hear the pout in Yeonjin’s voice.
“I like being out at this time.”
The words were not a lie in the slightest, Deoksu did find it more enjoyable to be out of the dorms whenever at this time, but that was simply in comparison to staring at the ceiling wall as the time ticked away. Deoksu liked being out at this time, but he didn’t like being awake at this time, even if he couldn’t change it.
When Deoksu didn’t receive a reply, he turned his head to look at Yeonjin only to be met with staring eyes, a look that the older couldn’t truly figure out painted over Yeonjin’s face.
“Something wrong, bud?”
“I think so.” Yeonjin titled his head as he didn’t break eye-contact with Deoksu, the latter suddenly felt small under his friend’s gaze. Yeonjin had a way with his words and feelings that always stood out against his members.
There was Deoksu himself, who although had difficulties expressing a lot of his thoughts and feelings, was adamant on showing how much he cared through his actions instead. Eunjae, who although often struggled himself, was there to physically comfort his members whenever they weren’t in high spirits, through hugs and never-ending cuddles. Chan had his brazen realistic remarks, never wanting to shower his members with a false sense of security through optimism, and simply wanted to reassure them with the varying prospects of reality.
Yeonjin, himself, was different from the other three. Seemingly never wavering in his mind and heart, Yeonjin was blunter than all three of them. He didn’t have trouble expressing what he was thinking like Deoksu, he didn’t have the hurdles of his own issues like Eunjae, and he didn’t feel the need to pick optimism or pessimism like Chan. Yeonjin had the ability to both put countless amounts of thought into a single sentence, and let it all out as if it was the simplest of things.
He was never afraid of stepping out of a comfort zone in order to address an issue; bold in his approach, yet gentle in his intention.
Yeonjin suddenly broke eye-contact with Deoksu to look away, causing the older’s gaze to follow his line of sight; eyes landing on a small restaurant in the corner of the street, it’s bright lights still welcoming potential customers even in the dead of night.
“Want some?”
The only response Deoksu received was Yeonjin quickly grabbing at the sleeve of his jacket, tugging both the denim and Deoksu towards him as they made their way closer to the store. It only took a second of stepping into the building to be hit with the aroma of countless foods being cooked, and although it was a grand mixture of several meals, the combined smell only made Deoksu’s stomach growl every so softly.
“Reminds me a bit of home.” Yeonjin’s smile was a gentle one, his eyes glazed with reminiscent glow as a worker approached the two of them before Yeonjin’s fingers moved down to grab onto Deoksu’s hand and yanked him along to where the worker seated them.
“How is it that even when the weather is chilly your hands are always so warm?’
“Hey, you’re talking to the member who was voted as the hottest by our fans, don’t act all shocked.” Deoksu was met with a confident grin and eyebrows that danced playfully when they both sat down, making him snort in laughter.
“I don’t know, bud, Chan convinced me that you may have rigged it.”
“This is just blatant discrimination.”
“Based on?’
“You being old: it’s ageism!”
Deoksu shook his head with laughter, knowing he couldn’t compete with Yeonjin’s antics, someone who was confident in getting the last word whenever he desired. “Maybe it’s because you’re practically my little brother, Jinnie.”
“Practically? Just say we’re brothers or you’ll embarrass me whenever I call you mine.” Now that his mask was off, Deoksu had a full view of Yeonjin’s signature pout that always managed to find its way onto his face whenever he was up to no good.
“I don’t know, Daehyeon is kind of territorial when it comes to that.”
“Eh, we didn’t even consider ourselves related until a few years ago.”
“Huh?”
“Oh yeah we, like, just completely avoided each other when we were younger. Looking back, there was definitely more hate than love between us. I could say I didn’t know why, but that’d be kid of a lie. ”
“Oh.” Deoksu tilted his head in a slight sense of shock from hearing about the two brother’s relationship, not knowing how to reply as Yeonjin casually placed a napkin on his lap.
“Yup! So, he doesn’t have a say, which means you’re stuck with me forever!”
“Define forever.”
A gentle kick to Deoksu’s shin made both boys laugh, Yeonjin looking away as he began taking in the interior of the restaurant, letting his eyes linger in different directions as Deoksu simply watched, a warm smile finding its home on his friend’s face. It didn’t happen extremely often, but sometimes the boys found themselves in restaurants similar to this one; small, but welcoming enough to make it a comfortable and inviting atmosphere; quiet, but the chatter from the kitchen making the building always seem alive. In certain moments like these, it was obvious that Yeonjin was missing home. Simple memories of his family’s restaurant become an aroma in the air, and all Yeonjin could do was sit there and take it in.
“Missing your family?”
“Well,” Yeonjin turned his attention back onto Deoksu, the older relieved to see the same smile etched on Yeonjin’s face, not seeing tints of nostalgia looking back at him. “Yes and no.”
“Both?”
“Yeah.”
“Want to elaborate on that, buddy?”
“Huh, thought it’d be obvious. You know for the oldest, you kind of pick up slowly.”
“I think this is actual ageism.”
Yeonjin let out the softest giggles as watched Deoksu’s eyebrows furrow in thought. “I miss them everyday, they’re my family, I feel like it’d be impossible for me not to. I know what we signed up for when we decided to become idols, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know that I wouldn’t see them as much, but it doesn’t make me miss them any less. But I also have my family here. With you guys. So, yeah, I do miss them a lot, but funny enough when I’m with them, I end up missing you guys.”
“That’s...” Deoksu was lost for words at Yeonjin’s confession. A part of him suddenly felt his body heat up, a certain sense of helplessness flourished throughout Deoksu all at once. A feeling of jealousy pricked at his insides; Yeonjin’s confessions always came out as simply and gently as if he was commenting on the weather of the day, no matter how weighted or important his words were, it came with an air of ease that Deoksu could never perfect. Most of the time, Deoksu was struggling to figure out how he felt internally, before even thinking of trying to express that externally.
“That’s why we’re here tonight.”
Deoksu’s confusion must’ve been evident in the way Yeonjin stared at him with the most gentle smile on his face, something akin to how people look at young kids.
“What’s up with you, Deoksu? You’ve been...off, recently.”
“Off?”
Yeonjin let a moment of silence slip past them, as if he was slightly contemplating the extent to which he was comfortable crossing with Deoksu tonight. “You haven’t been doing the best recently, and maybe it’s not super obvious but it’s not super hard to pick up on either.”
“I’m...still lost?”
“You’ve been sleeping a lot less than usual, Your meals have been getting smaller, and that’s when you decide to eat with us. You’ve been in the practice room every chance you get to the point where we only see you in the dorms when you absolutely need it...you’re just...you’re not yourself these days Deoksu.”
This time it was Deoksu who let the silence return, embracing it as he simply stared at Yeonjin who didn’t hesitate to stare right back. The elder would’ve lied if he said he wasn’t aware he had been making small changes here and there, even if it wasn’t entirely voluntarily, but he hadn’t thought it had been big enough for anyone to notice.
At times Deoksu himself didn’t realize what he was doing, how could he have expected that his members would?
“I’m fine, Yeonjin, it’s nothing serious.”
“Sure,” Yeonjin raised a brow when Deoksu opened his mouth to try and cut him off, silencing his friend with just a look, “Maybe it really is nothing serious. Maybe it’s something extremely minor, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”
“So what are you talking about?”
“It could be the smallest problem, or it could be the biggest crisis in your life. I’m still going to be concerned for you, Deoksu.”
“But I didn’t ask for that.” Deoksu’s annoyance had become evident in his voice, but it wasn’t pointed at his friend. He was annoyed with himself. This conversation should be happening the other way around: he should be the one comforting his members. He should be the one looking after them, realizing ways they may change their smallest of habits. Deoksu should’ve been painting an image as a leader that they could all come to him with their problems, not illustrating a call for help.
“And you don’t have to. Neither does Chan or Eunjae. I love you guys, if something’s wrong I want to be able to help if I can.”
Both boys stared at each other, neither backing down from their respective stances, before a worker came to ask them for their orders. Deoksu let Yeonjin take over, watching as he seamlessly put on a charming smile before asking what their specials were, and what the worker himself would recommend.
Deoksu was torn. Maybe this was an opportunity where Deoksu could finally come clean about all the worries and issues he had grown a collection of since their debut. Maybe this was a chance where Deoksu could finally feel like he was just another person, and not a well of problems that walked around. He didn’t know if it was right to load his burdens onto someone else, in general, aside from the fact that he was his group’s leader.
Yeonjin gave one more smile to the waiter, thanking him before turning to Deoksu and opening his mouth ready to speak his mind once more.
“I don’t think I want to be the leader anymore.”
Deoksu didn’t know what to expect when the words slipped out of him like a rushed confession. A part of him imagined a weight lifting off his shoulders; freeing him from the feeling of being dragged down. Another part of him thought he would feel the rush of relief for letting go of something that had managed to pull him down for so long.
But he felt none of that. Deoksu didn’t feel like the weight was off his shoulders, because it wasn’t. He was still the leader. He was still giving a home to such destructive thoughts and harmful decisions. Deoksu couldn’t be relieved because it wasn’t just about being a leader. It was about everything in his life, and that meant Empyrean too.
Everything Deoksu was desperately trying to overcome and hide in his past, found its way to the present: brighter and louder than before.
When he finally looked towards Yeonjin, all he saw was the younger’s head ever so slightly tilted, with his brows raised up in the tiniest bit of shock at the revelation. “Why?”
“Because...Yeonjin, I don’t think being a lea-”
“No. Why did you think you couldn’t tell us this?”
Out of everything Deoksu had expected or imagined, that question was something that never crossed his mind. Maybe it was intertwined with the fact that Deoksu never expected someone to care for his own desires and wants. It was always the other way around.
“I...I don’t know.”
“Deoksu.” Yeonjin’s voice had been tinged with both concern and sincerity, letting a warm feeling emit from his words. “I’m sure there’s a reason why you didn’t want to tell us, but I’m not going to pry that from you, ok?”
“Why do you care?” Deoksu’s face flushed with embarrassment at how harsh his tone was, his lips parting to form an apology that didn’t come. Why did Yeonjin care? Why did Yeonjin care in a way that nobody else in his life did before? Never ever since him.
“Because, Deoksu, before you’re my leader you’re my friend. Just because you’re our leader doesn’t mean you aren’t supposed to lean on us; that you aren’t supposed to come to us as friends. Your problems are just as much our problems, like how you’ve said our problems are yours. Your position in the group doesn’t overtake the friendship we all have. That’s why I care.”
When the silence threatened to invade their space once again, Yeonjin moved his hands across the table, reaching out to grab Deoksu’s comfortingly. Deoksu, who was at a loss of words of how this conversation carried, simply sat there in slight awe while clutching onto his friend’s hands tightly.
“If you decide that you don’t like or don’t want to be our leader anymore, that doesn’t change anything between us. You’re still our member; Deoksu, you’re still our friend.”
“I…” Deoksu didn’t know what to say. Out of everything that could’ve happened when he confessed his thoughts, a supportive reaction like this wasn’t something he was imagining. It’s not something he was used to growing up. “It’s just been so hard. I’ve always had doubts and worries since even before our debut. But it feels like it’s gotten to the point where it’s unbearable to keep up with them, y’know? I’ve always been scared that no matter what I do, I’ll find a way to mess it up, and being like this just...it’s not helping.”
“That’s ok. I mean, it’s not ok that you’ve been keeping it all to yourself for so long, but it’s ok to feel like everything’s not ok. You have to let us help you, the same way you’d help us, ok? I’ll go with you to Taehui’s office this week, and I’ll do all the talking with Eunjae and Chan if you need me to. I’m here for you, Deoksu, I’ll always be wherever you need me to be. Because I love Park Deoksu, my friend, before I love Deoksu, the leader.”
Though the words were a sense of comfort Deoksu had longed to feel for countless days, and it reached his heart in a way he knew was only possible if it was nothing but the truth, he couldn’t help but feel the pit inside of him hurt just a bit more, glow just a bit darker, and weigh just a bit heavier.
Deoksu’s worries had bloomed from his position as leader, yes. But the words he spoke tonight had stemmed from his position in the group, altogether. With roots buried deep within him due to events in the past, it seemed like it was only now that the flower inside of him was growing to an extent he couldn’t care for any longer. It was blossoming, while he was withering. Deoksu’s mind was a garden of invasive thoughts that blocked the sun for every other seed.
Debuting as an idol had been Deoksu’s dream for countless years. Yet now, it felt like every wrong action, every misguided step could lead to neverending nightmares. And it wasn’t just about being an idol. Deoksu felt like every step in his life in general was so close to creating a path of hurt.
Deep within himself, he knew where the problems began and he knew he had to confront them in order to overcome this feeling. But he didn’t know if he had it within him to walk the path back to the start and change everything bit by bit.
Deoksu had always given. He gave everything inside him and more, without any expectations of receiving anything back. In the past few years, Deoksu had been running out of parts of himself to give, leaving himself with a vast emptiness whose threat grew as he lost more of himself.
If Deoksu couldn't give anymore, what was he good for?
NEOSTAR ENTERTAINMENT is a South Korean entertainment company founded by Kim Taehui in 2010.
Kim Taehui had decided to depart from SM Entertainment after a short career with them, and made up his mind about creating a place where he would be free to do as he pleases with his music. After settling down his own company, Kim Taehui debuted as a solo artist.
A few years passed before Taehui himself began showing interest in creating artists himself. He began holding auditions, and soon enough he had his first idol group out there in the industry. Since then, Taehui has slowly been pushing more of his groups out there, attempting to not only show a fresh and unique artists but also provide a safe space for his artists to pursue their passions.
I get so angry hearing and reading about what's happening in Palestine right now. I don't even know what to do and it all feels hopeless 😔
The situation around Sheikh Jarrah should make everyone angry. For those of you who might not know what’ going on here’s a brief breakdown:
Indigenous Palestinian residents of Sheikh Jarrah, for a very long time, have been fighting lengthy legal battles in Israeli courts against eviction orders which aim to replace these indigenous people with illegal Israeli settlers.
On May 7th, the illegal Israeli settlers along with courts (an apparatus of Israel’s apartheid regime) have started a campaign to illegally take over the home’s of Palestinian families in Sheikh Jarrah. These families were given until today (May 10th, 2021) to “reach an agreement” with the occupiers. This obviously prompted protests. The IDF has also brutally responded to these protests. Now the world is watching and global protests have started happening.
Some important things to note:
-Sheikh Jarrah belongs to the Palestinian families. It is part of the occupied Palestinian territory, and therefore any Israeli settler presence in it amounts to a war crime under international law.
-There has been a mountain of UN Security Council resolutions demanding that Israel withdraw from East Jerusalem which Israel continues to ignore.
-This is ethnic cleansing
I know you feel hopeless but here’s what we can do:
-Support BDS (Boycott, Divestments, Sanctions) movements (What”s BDS?) Boycott Israeli products from their colonial settlements
-Understand whats happening in Palestine and the crimes of apartheid/persecution being committed by Israel. (Check out this great report by HRW on the situation) After getting an understanding. SPREAD AWARENESS. Especially in the US. This is key to combatting Evangelical propaganda and Israeli lobbyists. Do this through social media.
-Contact your local reps and pressure them to stop giving Israel military funding or any form of financial support. Fight against zionist lobbyists such as AIPAC or Christians United for Israel.
-Donate if you can. Here’s a few links. If you can add more (reputable) donation links to this, I ask that you please do.
International Medical Corps
Palestine Children’s Relief Fund
Grassroots Al-Quds
I found this great twitter thread of donation links
Here is another
This is a start and we can honestly make change happen. I personally believe social media outrage coupled with supporting the BDS movement is a great way for you to help even by sitting at home.
Empyrean Moon’s leader, Deoksu, uploaded another track to his personal SoundCloud, dino_deokie, for the first time in months, on April 25th: his birthday.
Although his upload went without his usual fancafe update, fans were quick to understand the meaning behind the track and the release date. Deoksu tweeted the link on Empyrean's official twitter with the simple message of "happy birthday to a young me :)".
"Night" is a track that focuses on the struggles of having to grow up and mature at a young age; putting an emphasis on the effects of burdening the responsibilities and worries of an adult at too young of an age. Although the message of the track is a heavy one, Deoksu mentioned it during his birthday v-live, talking about how it was a message that he wish he could send to his younger self, and how now that's become older he wishes to comfort himself in ways he didn't know how to before.
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