closing a chapter once and for all.
hi everyone, please read this as it contains important information, reasons and how to stay in contact with me as i start this book writing process !
funny how this is the second time i have to do this, isn't it ? if you have been following me closely, you know that i took a long break a while back and then, decided to stop writing on tumblr. but, not long ago, i came back thinking i'd be able to write fanfictions again, i really thought i'd be able to go back to normal, like when i first started running this blog. at first, i thought i just had a huge case of writer's block but more recently, i understood exactly why i couldn't write fanfictions anymore.
you've heard it many times before but, the interaction between a writer and readers isn't the same anymore. i won't be explaining nor developing on the issue too much but the like to reblog ratio is ridiculous now : your work will be seen once it's released but after that, it will die down as everyone prefers to like rather than reblog on their own blog. you can say that since i've came back, i didn't post anything therefore, cannot really judge the whole situation but : this has been going on for long, really long and, i've seen my mutual's work barely getting the notes their deserve and having little to no reaction, asks, appreciation. i remember saying i couldn't write for nct anymore but actually, it's not really just an nct issue, it's a writing fanfiction issue. when you write fanfiction, at least for me, i have some freedom when it comes to the plot, the setting. however, i have very little say when it comes to the characters themselves : you already know what the members look like, you somewhat should follow their personalities for some type of fanfictions. y/n is even more restricting, you can not add too many details - actually you can't add details when it comes to physique, the backstory too at times and that, became an issue for me. it's something i totally understand : you don't want to make some of your readers feel left out when giving details but at the end of it all, right now, i feel like my stories are a bit...empty ? something's missing, it's missing developed characters with a solid personality i can display, with details i can give out little by little, i craved nicely built characters with intricate stories. now yes, i know i could write member x oc but this doesn't work on tumblr, most people want to be able to self insert, that's a reality. third, i don't feel comfortable writing smut anymore, i've found myself skipping the parts when rereading my stuff. i don't really know why, maybe i'll understand later.
with all of this, i was in a weird situation : i wanted to write but didn't feel the same excitement when thinking about writing fanfictions, it didn't have the same appeal. i liked the ideas i was coming up with but when i was in front of my page, thinking about adding the members and y/n into it all, it didn't feel right.
finally, i came to understand : i just wanted to write a book, an actual one. for a little backstory, i've been writing since i was seven. i started with french and here, in france, you often have exams where you can write a story, i would always give it my all and my teachers would always love them, read them to the class. one day, when i was in high school, i finished my first creative writing work in english and submitted it to my english literature teacher and when she gave it back, she claimed she couldn't give me a grade because of how good it was and she asked me if i ever thought about writing a book. her words have been stuck with me ever since. i would remember this moment often until recently, i finally got an idea book-worthy. the entire process is terrifying, truly but, by closing this chapter i feel like i'll be able to fully jump into this new phase of my life. will i be able to finish the book, will a be satisfied with it and will it ever be published, who knows ?
thank you for the support, especially for those who voiced it. even if you sent a small ask once filled with keyboard smash or a full review, you cannot understand how much this impacted me and helped me actually make my mind up about this book. see you another time, maybe.
finally, i won't be deleting my work but please, if you ever see someone taking my work, plagiarising me, send me an ask here.
with love, han.