★ @nerdloserrrr - Tumblr Blog

ive actually be3n cryin gfor am hour statifht i don4 mno2 2hay to do i cant see my screen b3acuse of thr tears a d im shaking

gingehh

reverse solipsism: everyone else has a vibrant interior life but I'm just a passive observer

eymurn

Being kept around and being fully chosen are two very different things.

i feel like a fraud in every aspect of my life

#and i feel like im going to throw up

fuck man

#sitting in my car in front of the ocean wanting to bawl my eyes out but the tears just not coming #i keep having more thoughts these days and they terrify me #like that one in the stairwell because it would just be so easy #ive got no one on my side through all this #everyone is too busy with their own lives and they have no idea the extent of what im going through and they never will #i feel so alone and so tired of everything #i feel like i dont belong anywhere and no one could ever care about me #i feel like a failure of a human #i feel like ill always be alone

letsbelonelytogetherr

— Melissa Cox

phone calls are a humiliation ritual

what if i offed myself ^_^

i am actually so scared shitless for tomorrow lollll

my condition is worsenig hahaha i feel really really bad and im running out of the good pain meds i only have two left to get me through the whole of tomorrow and im so tired and dizzy and in pain and all i can think about is how im goinf to have to excuse myself from everyhing tomorrow because theres so much work i havent done due to the growing abscess in my face and the fever ive have for the past week now. and i have another test and i just cant write it i dont know what to do. all ive done today is sleep and all i want to do is sleep forever and its not èven to escape the pain, my body is just So tired

hahahah legs nearly gave out while running today and i lowkey cant feel my toes and also. a couple fingers. puter am i about to die

nerdloserrrr

lwts see if i actually wake up tomorrow morning for a run

#lol absolutely not #i couldnt fall asleep until midnight i think #so when my alarm went off at 6 absolutely not #i wish i had sleeping pills

lwts see if i actually wake up tomorrow morning for a run

#my tummy has been feeling sooooo bad and strange today #gonna say its nerves and stress i think

ive been doing a lot of thinking lately

#need to get my shit in order

i just feel like i fuck up no matter what

#do people not realise quite literally how alone i am?#did i do it to myself? yes to an extent? but i have no one. everyone else has SOMEone and i have no one #when things go wrong i have no one i can go to #every single time something HAS gone wrong #the people i end up going to get annoyed with needing to help me #but dont they understand i have NO one else?#i am all alone and i am struggling through it all and i dont want to live anymore #and i havent wanted to live anymore since i was 12 but ive fucking stuck around #and i just dont know how much longer i can do it if nothing changes #every interaction i have with people makes me want to cry and scream and tear my hair out because i can never do it right #something is wrong with me and the world knows it

feeling like i should just never talk to anyone ever or ask them for anything ever again. and especially i should not talk about myself

#maybe i should go see a psychologist

sobcat

who up wanting to change the way they conduct their everyday life

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