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Useless recs: as requested by @lycanpriince here is a list of dating sims (with some exceptions) where you can play as a non binary character (they/them) or as a male character (he/him)!

The list is divided in different categories.

All the games within each category are in order of how much I liked it! I also added a link to the summaries of each game written in this blog (what to expect). In general I do prefer games with one romance options only, which is why I started from those! Apologies if I sometimes use the term dating sim a bit loosely, I kinda mean games with romance being central.

For quick search the games where you can play as non-binary are here in orange. Everything else allows you to play as male (here in blue) or as a choice between male and female (here in violet). All games have same sex romance options too a part for one (Slay the princess).

(Visual novel) One romance only

The Remainder: (what to expect) This is one of my favorite videogames ever. You play as male, female or non binary, and the romance option is non binary. You play as a mage who just woke up to find that you have lost your memories after a dangerous spell. The game is mystery based, it has also one nsfw scene (and you choose genitals and top/bottom). The game's text is dialogue and narration too;

Cursed Covenant: demon pursuit: (what to expect) You play as a male or female character and you decide the gender (male or female) of the love interest. This game has a lot of nsfw and sex minigames but the story was really amazing and touching. You play as an adventurer who is hired by a fae magi to help against an imp, except that you seem to remember nothing of your name or your past. The game's text is dialogue and narration too, also mystery based;

A date with death: (what to expect) Beautiful and fully voiced visual novel where you can play as male, female or non binary. The love interest is male. You play as a normal person who suddenly gets contacted by the grim reaper himself as it seems like he cannot take your soul. The base game is free and with multiple endings. There is a purchasable dlc that add more gameplay and more endings. It also has nsfw scenes, here too you can choose top/bottom;

Our life: beginning and always: (what to expect) You can play as any gender (m, f, nb) and your love interest is male (there are some dlc that add other love interests). In the game you start as a kid and grow up alongside your neighbour Cole (and love interest). Very cool concept and you can also adjust your relationship with Cole every time you age up (ex. crush, or friend, or dislike);

Slay the Princess: (what to expect) you play as a male character, a hero who is sent to slay a dangerous princess. The story is not a typical romance, but it is at its core a romance between the hero and the princess;

A tavern at night (and sequel): short free itch io game with a free sequel. You play as an adverturer (any gender) meeting an adventurer orc in a tavern;

Worst Dating Sim: (what to expect) This is a free game and a comedy one full of bad endings (I had to follow the guide for the good one!). It has a lot of funny moments and some surprisingly sweet ones. You play as a male character romancing another male character;

Moonflower: I am currently playing this one, so I do not have much information. This is a fantasy game where you play as a male royal alchemist. There is one romance interest (male);

The Symbiant: (what to expect) Fully voice nsfw visual novel. You play as a male character, the captain of a small transport ship. There is one male romance interest, an alien who asked for passage. And tentacles. This is very nsfw. The romance is sweet and kind of cute. There is also a sequel that has two routes: an angsty one and a more sex+dates one.

Visual novel dating sims with multiple options

Fledging Manor: (what to expect) you play as a male character and newly made vampire, three romance options (one of them being a non binary character), mystery game, plot focused and has two endings for each romance;

Slow Damage: (what to expect) this is NOT a game for everyone, please check the what to expect link for trigger warnings. As all nitro+chirals games it is extremely violent too. You play as a male character, there are four male romance interests (one being an abusive one), and each having a negative and a positive ending;

Amarantus: (what to expect) you play as a male character escaping from a corrupt government, mystery based, you can romance four other characters (three female characters and a male character, there is also a polyamorous romance m/f/m). The game is plot based but I thought the romance was the best part of it;

Dream Daddy: (what to expect) you play as a dad meeting and dating other dads. Multiple endings, some minigames but mainly it is in visual novel format.

Rewritten: Short free itch io game. Gender neutral protagonist and five male love interests. Very cute;

Monster Prom: (what to expect) mainly a comedy game, but still cute. You decide the player's character's gender (male, female, non binary). Multiple love interests, school setting;

Synthetic Lover: You play as a male character, in particular as a male android who is helped by another male character (love interest). There are two love interests each with their own separate route and endings;

Dreambound: I am currently playing it, so I cannot say much. You play as a male character, iinvestigating murders. Three love interests (all male characters);

The divine speaker: (what to expect) You play as a male character and can only romance male characters. Plot driven, nsfw, three love interest, visual novel with two endings for each romance option;

Togainu no Chi: This is another nitro+chiral game like Slow Damage. Please check the trigger warnings before playing. You play as a male character and there are multiple romances (some abusive) with male characters. Very nsfw;

When the night comes: I never finished this one and it has been a while! Fantasy game, you play as any gender and there are multiple romance interests (some polyamorous). Mystery based;

Longstory: (what to expect) I really did not like this game, but in case... you play as any gender (m, f, nb), school setting, multiple romance interests.

Dating sims but in text form

There are a lot of choice games that exist in the wild and have excellent romance and where you can play as any gender or as male/female, but I really want to recommend some of my favorite text game romances:

Demonology: incubus: (game can be found here) You play here as a detective (m, f or nb) and through the game you will romance Flea, an incubus you meet for a case. The game has multiple chapters, chapters 1-3 are a complete story, with the romance just at the starts, then 4-5 are a second arc, where the romance further develop. Chapter 6, 7 and 8 are each a self contained detective case and the romance is full developed by 8. There will probably be two new chapters in the future, but for now I think the end of chapter 8 also feels satisfiying. The game has nsfw scenes (you choose genitals and top/bottom plus some bdsm elements);

A Study in Steampunk: Sherlock Holmes meets steampunk. You play as the Watson character of the story (only male) and work with Finch (the local Sherlock Holmes character) to investigate some terrorist attacks to your country. Interesting choices, especially regarding your political and religious alliances! Also you can romance Finch (or other two female characters);

Wayhaven Chronicles: This is probably the most popular romance choice of games out there as the game really focus on developing the relationship between the player and the chosen character. You can also find this game on steam. Here you play as a detective who accidentally finds out that some recent mysteries are connected to the supernatural. You will end up working on the case with a special unit of vampires, and all characters are romancable (4 options). Each book has a different case, and also develops the chosen romance further;

Heart of the House: horror, mystery, where you play a occultist trying to find your uncle! You can romance a non binary character, or male or female characters. The game is focused on understanding what is going on in the mysterious house where your uncle disappeared. This is a bit more romance focused than the other three;

Butler did it: You play as a thief (or variants on the theme) and end up being hired by a big family, to help them maintain their mansion. You slowly have to uncover what is going on with the Automata, robots that people now use for every need of their life. Less character is more, you have three different romance choices.

Dating Sims elements (other gameplay elements present)

I was a teenage exocolonist: (what to expect) one of my absolute favorite games. Most of the game is in visual novel style, but there is isometric/rpg-like exploration, card games to pass certain challenges, resource management. You can play as any gender (m, f, nb) and there are multiple romance interests of different genders. You start the game as a kid as part of a mission that is colonizing a small mysterious planet. Through the game you will live your first years on the planet and discover its mysteries (the game end at year 20 of age);

Loren the Amazon Princess: (what to expect) jrpg-like game with turn based combat and visual novel romance and exploration. You can play as a male or female character and you can romance your companions (male or female). If you play as a male character there are two options for same gender romance, plus a third one (Mesphit, my favorite) in the dlc. You play as a young warrior who leaves on a journey alongside your princess Loren;

Boyfriend dungeon: (what to expect) You can play as m, f, nb and there are multiple romance interests of different genders. You play as a newcomer in a city where weapons are actually people and you romance swords/weapons! The game has visual novel sections and is then hack and slash where you explore a dungeon;

Cursed Lands: (what to expect) Similar to Loren The Amazon Princess and part of the same universe. Visual novel and jrpg like turn based combat (skippable). You play as male or female, you are an adventurer who has to collect companion and fix some big fantasy problem. There are multiple romance interests, male and female.

Ikkarus and the Prince of Sin: (what to expect) Short game where you play as a male character and you can romance three other male characters. You are an adventurer who has a local tavern. This is in this section because the gameplay also has tavern management and some mini fights;

Tales of Aravorn: (what to expect) Similar to Loren The Amazon Princess and part of the same universe. Visual novel and jrpg like turn based combat (skippable). Works like the other games, but this is a sequel of Loren, so you play as the same character (male or female). Only two of the Loren's romance interests are here, but there are two new ones. Honestly, I found it very boring.

More rpg than dating sim, but worth it if you like good romances

(I did not add here all rpgs with romances, just the ones that have what I think are good romances. Here they are in order of how much I liked the romances and how much romance content there is)

Dragon Age Inquisition: (what to expect) third game in the dragon age series, but I feel like the romances here take the most content compared to other games. Action rpg with combat. You play as male or female, and there are multiple romances (male or female);

Dragon Age 2: (what to expect) second dragon age game, all romance options are bisexual, you can play as female or male. Action rpg with combat;

Dragon Age Origins: (what to expect) first dragon age game, if you play as male you can romance one of three characters (two female characters and a male one), more isometric rpg with pause-start combat;

Rogue Trader: isometric rpg, narration and dialogue is all text. You play (male or female) as the commander of a ship. This is set in the Warhammer universe. Multiple romances, favorite ones being in the two dlcs;

Pathfinder Wrath of the Righteous: (what to expect) isometric rpg, narration and dialogue is all text, as all Owlcat Games there are multiple romances (male and female characters), and you can play as a male or female character;

Pathfinder Kingmaker: (what to expect) isometric rpg, narration and dialogue is all text. Similar to Wrath of the Righteous, but this is the only Owlcat Games that has a polyamorous romance (my favorite);

Kingdom Come Deliverance: (what to expect) action historical rpg, you play as a fixed male character. Game 1 has one full romance with a female character, while the sequel allow you to romance three characters (one male character and two female characters);

Baldur's Gate 3: (what to expect) turn based combat rpg, where you can play as female, male or non-binary. You can romance any of your companions;

Enderal: (what to expect) free mod for Skyrim, but it has a fully different story and characters and is fully voiced. Action rpg, you can play as female or male and there are two romance options;

In Stars and Time: (what to expect) turn based rpg (jrpg like) where you play as a fixed non binary protagonist. The game is quite good, and has a romance subplot with a male character;

Sorcery!: (what to expect) the romance is not much but it is beautiful and this is also one of my favorite games. Text rpg with combat, you can play as a female or male character and the romance is only one (Flanker, male).

Visual novels dating sims I have not played so in random order:

First Bite: itch io, non binary they/them protagonist, nsfw, three love interests and vampire;

Bewitching sinners: itch io, male or female protagonist choice, four male love interests;

Break chance memento: male protagonist, mm romance but I am not sure how many love interests;

Starfighter eclipse: itch io, male protagonist, nsfw, space, I actually played this one but I remember nothing;

Errant Kingdom: This game has an unfortunate development history, and the reviews seem not too positive, still: you can play as any gender and there are multiple romance interests of different genders;

Arcadia Fallen: You can play as any gender and you play as an alchemist;

Heirs and Grace: You play as a male character, a warrior who has to become the heir of a nobleman. Multiple male romance interests;

Doomsday Paradise: Comedy dating sim, multiple romance options. Unsure if you can play non binary, but I think you can play as male;

Love Shore: You can play as male or female, multiple romance interests;

ValiDate: Not sure how complete this game is, I know you can play as female or male, maybe non binary, and it has multiple romance interests;

Tell Me Why: what to expect;

Arcade Spirits: You play as any gender of your choice (m, f, nb) and you just got hired into an arcade. There are seven love interests of different genders;

Error143: On itch io and probably steam too, this is a free game. You play as any gender, and the romance interest is male and your rival hacker!

Mythic Love: Iberian Legends: comes out 18 June

More resources:

Visual novel database: non binary protagonist

Visual novel database: male protagonist

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