I miss when we actually loved to read.
It's a strange feeling, y'know. Maybe it's because I'm getting old and I'm starting to think that everything was much better in the old days, but I really feel as if this was better back then. In the good ol' days.
I was never one of the pretty girls. Don't get me wrong, I was pretty; I've always been pretty, probably in the same way that you are. But my complexion was kinda dark for the nineties the earty 2000s, and also, my personality was freaking weird. Gifted, they'd say, but also with the spicy ADHD that made me annoying. Talkative but pedantic, interested in things that were… well, I never loved dolls and makeup. I loved fantasy and fairy tales, SciFi and space operas, talking about adventures with the boys. So I was never one of the pretty girls.
I was one of the geek ones, I'm afraid. Being raised in a small town in Spain, the fact that I preferred to spend my hours reading and drawing didn't sit well with my classmates, who thought I believed myself to be "better than them". Maybe a small part of my did it, 'cause I was a girl and a teenager years later, and those tend to be a little self-centered. I was almost completely alone, but I really didn't mind. I had a friend who loved comics and was kind enough to let me talk about books non-stop, and I had another one who was a nerd and was always happy to remind me that I actually needed to do my homework. They didn't really talk to each other, so I was basically alone with one, or alone with the other, or alone. And it was fine by me, even though sometimes I missed having someone who loved the things I loved. And when the internet entered in our lives, I discovered I wasn't the only geek girls around.
Are you old enough to remember the early 2010s? The golden era of the fandoms. I discovered then that there were more geek girls who'd actually love to talk about books non-stop; people who'd answer my comments and questions and crazy theories, not just let me ramble. People who'd write fan fictions and read mine. People who'd theorize about Tyrion being Aerys' child, who'd write an entire fan fiction about Tywin and Joanna - I lost that one and I'd really, really love to find it again. People who would love to talk about Katniss' decision, who would side with Gale or Peeta. I even read Twilight and wrote some passionate defences of Jacob being the actual good one for Bella. A friend of mine got the mockingjay tattoed. Yeah, of course, some of them were "just for girls" and girls were shamed for loving them; some of them were "elevated" and men loved them too, so girls were allowed to talk about them without being labelled as "annoying" of "hysterical".
The thing is, that lasted for ages. Each book we read was there for many months, years even, and it was a sort of collective experience. We were writing about them on blogs, on forums. And we were doing it together. I even took part in an online role game thet consisted on writing chunks of text, in the form of a fan fiction, about our OCs in the Hunger Games universe. It was about the books. It was about the characters, about the ideas. And the mark those left in my generation was kind of… permanent, I guess.
But then, for some reason, it all vanished. And it didn't give way to something better.
I hate going on booktook. Or bookstagram. Or booktube. Or booktwt - is that a thing still? I always feel as if I'm far, far behind. Books appear in 30 seconds videos and they're the best freaking thing ever, and then they disappear. All of them are the best, but they never stay for more than a month. There's always a new release, a new and shiny special edition that we need to buy. Fandoms shift so quickly I never have the chance to talk about the story I just loved. I don't even feel that there's a fandom anymore; there is this new influencer who wants the crown for discovering this new saga. It's their saga, y'know; and no one else can't talk about them, 'cause they discovered it. It's not collective anymore; we're not together talking about books, but following that bookfluencer who'll try to make us feel the need to by more books, so the big publisher will send them more free books.
And the stories fall into the void.
Do you remember the Grishaverse, when it started? I thought it'd bring back the fandom era, that we would be heartrenders, tidemakers and alkemis, as we once were Ravenclaws, from District 12, demigods or Martells. But it didn't happen - though I have to admit that the fanarts are pretty impressive. Then the Netflix series came and I felt hopeful again. I felt the same with the House of the Dragon series.But it didn't happen. The marketing teams tried to make us pick a side, and most people did, but it feels more as if they're rooting for their football team and less as if they're loving a series based on a great book.
I don't know. Maybe the thing is that I'm old now, that I've to work eternal hours and that I don't find the time to read anymore. But when I say those amazing fanarts of Meleys and Moondancer, when I see them swallowed by the algorithm, falling into the void… I can't help but think that the old days were, in fact, the good ol' days. Those days when a book came to stay. Those days when we were readers and not consumers, when we were talking about the things we loved, and not following the next trend.
I really don't want more special editions. I really don't want the next best seller. The next Tolkien. I don't want any of that.
I just want to find the feeling I had when I was fourteen and talking non-stop about books with people who'd talk me back.
Those days seem something from a book right now.
And I really want to go back there.
turnnoffyourmind
amandla
stormborns
origamiaround
