❛ SPIRAL DOWN THE FREAK SHOW ❜
chapter fourteen.
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pairing: the freak circus x gn!reader . uhhhhh, i apologise
word count: 3.9K
summary: i am so sorry.
a/n: never beta read. well… someone did read it. anyways please accept my sincerest apologies! i will take a one week hiatus to take a break and focus on my requests! so i hope this chapter is as emotional as it was for me to write. teared up (i sobbed). literally five apologies. i will post this series on ao3. a chapter a day until it catches up to this chapter.
you trudged your weary legs. one step at a time, dragging two heavy bodies. that heat that was pooling in your abdomen seared painfully like a heat press that branded against your skin. you held it together. while you took another step. you needed to see them. until you arrived at your favoured destination. your hands shook, while you opened the flap of the tent. ❝ everyone ❞ you whispered with a weary tired smile. to them, you smelt like blood. with two grown bloodied men you were dragging, they weren’t breathing. no. not one bit. they were unmoving. as you stumbled in, putting them into the centre. blood soaked through your clothes. your eyes tried to remain bright. like starry eyes that they remembered when they were at the beach. your hands reached to the latches and unlocked each and every cave. even when you knew they could do it themselves. but they always seem to choose to remain here. ❝ i brought extra ❞ you whispered even as your voice shook.
before you chose to sit down, leaning against a pole. watching them with a smile on your face, you had a small snack in your hand. trying to chew even though you were getting more exhausted. even when you knew you couldn’t truly stomach. your back wasn’t turned. oh no. you needed to look at them. just this time. ❝ ██████, i didn’t expect you would join— ❞ sapphire was going to continue. ❝ please. don’t… don’t call me that… ❞ you whispered. as you didn’t want to hear that name. you just wanted to spend time with everyone. to simply cherish this moment with everyone. not with a name that was not yours. ❝ very well. ❞ he nodded. as he always seem to notice your aversion to the name. unaware of the static that followed whenever one spoke of that name. so you favoured the names, the nicknames… everything but that name.
and so the meal commenced. there was a simple meal. you watched sharp fangs tore into flesh. though truly, you couldn’t really stomach anything really. even as you nibbled on the snack. you were trying to keep a brave front. trying to commit them into memory even if it did make you hurl. you were truly too weak to remain by them. the scent of iron was strong. nauseating yet somehow felt like home… that was a funny thing to think and say. you detest blood… you want to wash it away. but it was the same scent that lingered in the tent where she would see everyone. seeing how everyone was waiting for you.
rose was talking about the beautiful ocean once again. how they should go again, without restraint. ❝ we should really go back. bring back trinkets to remember each time we go! ❞ she chimed brightly, her eyes glittering. the ocean was holding such beautiful memories that she wanted to relive the night over and over again. aventurine rolled his eyes with a soft scoff, ❝ how about somewhere else? maybe the mountains, the big trees, fresh air that isn’t all salty ❞ he stuck out his forked tongue. but a grin still mirrored his face. he didn’t mind going back to the ocean. it was beautiful. it was a moment of normalcy where they could run around and have fun. after they had practically allowed themselves to be free for one good night with you before their plan. and seeing you just so careless… so carefree. it made him wonder how it would be like everywhere else.
as everyone spoke. alexandrite seems to want to go deeper into the forest. see all the unique plants that he couldn’t get his hands onto. sapphire and amethyst seem more interested in the city that seems to glow at night. possibly go to a library or to a store… each and every destination that was spoken felt and sounded so real. possible. so close that you can touch it. and you wished you could. ❝ i hope… there is the way that it could be as calm and quiet like this ❞ you smiled. this calm familiar dinner amongst everyone. aventurine let out a soft huff. ❝ quiet is boring. i want some noise! some music! maybe some dancing ❞ he grinned your way. moving like he was dancing with the severed hand. somehow everyone couldn’t help but laugh. and you tried to join them. oh… how it catches half way to your throat. it felt like a struggle. this happiness. it was so fragile that you realise it would hurt. you wish you could tell them how much you would love to go with them. to speak of the many places they could visit and go. but you don’t.
❝ you have been quite quiet, my dear ❞ topaz had noticed your rather observant silence. ❝ was it a long day? ❞ he asked worried. alexandrite had noticed your bloodied form, the bruises. ❝ was this food procured by yourself? ❞ alexandrite asked. he had finished his fill. it truly was good. the fact they were able to get an actual body was truly a feast… but something wasn’t adding up. ❝ i… i was just thinking… it is just nice to hearing you talk about tomorrow ❞ you smiled warmly. even if it was strained. and you slowly nodded, ❝ and yes, i did ❞ you whispered even when your voice wavered. alexandrite knew of your rather aversion to killing. to harming a soul. but somehow you did this. for them.
just as everyone continued to speak. talking about the journey ahead. somehow you felt close. you had held out rather well. for this long. you couldn’t help but realise how resilient you were. maybe it was because you truly loved them. you wanted to continue to hear their voices. oh… how their words simply washed over you like a gentle caress. like a sound you will never get tired of. your chest aches but much softly now. ❝ amethyst ❞ you had finally uttered his name. which caused the post feeding atmosphere to go silent. eerily so. you looked at everyone. each in turn. memorising the lines of their faces. memorising their little small quirks that somehow made you smile. but also understand that good things come to an end.
❝ the promise… do you remember it well? ❞ you couldn’t help but let out a soft rumble of a chuckle. your eyes slowly blinked, looking over at amethyst. he who stood there, shell shocked. the scent of blood still permeated in the air. amethyst was sitting there, completely rigid. this was not a part of the plan. this was outside the plan of escape alongside you. ❝ amethyst… are you listening?… do you remember? ❞ you asked, as the silence was thick in the air. like a thick miasma that made it hard to breathe. you smiled at him as he seemed rigid. a reminder of a promise that you had made with him. amethyst was looking at him, his vibrant purples stared at you. his eyes flickering to different parts of your body. seeking, searching for something that could truly explain what had happened. before… he noticed. you were clutching your abdomen tightly. your hands were bathed in blood. blood you so often tried to scrub off over and over again. your face, your smile, it was filled with some resignation to your fate.
you were going to die soon. and you had accepted your fate. a stab to the abdomen was treatable… but you were ninety eight percent sure it grazed something. and well… you truly had let it happen. accepting your death once that knife head plunged in your stomach. the pain was excruciating. and in this time and age, there wasn’t truly someone to save you with conventional means. but it was the realisation. you were dying. you were going to die. here. but somehow this was what you wanted. to die amongst those you cared for. to those who would reverently relish every part of you. even when those thoughts were extremely morbid and rather… dark. but somehow… you rather that… than possibly being thrown into some ditch and left to rot and get bleached in the scorching sun. you rather… be with them…
until it was someone who had moved first. a slow theatrical clap echoed throughout the tent. blood stained his hands and dripped from his mouth. his green eyes shone brightly and a wide toothed grin adorned his features. ❝ well, well… it took awhile ❞ aventurine stepped up, his eyes gleamed. flickering to the others before you. his footsteps towards you were slow. ❝ finally, the one with the need to save us, is finally at our mercy ❞ his voice rumbled like a purr, he paced around you like a predator circling its prey. yet, even through the haze of your consciousness, you can see the minor shake of the hands. ❝ i was growing quite sick and tired of these games ❞ he spoke, his clawed hands reached out before anyone else reacted. his tentacles wrapped around you, but it felt like a final embrace than to hold to restrain you.
❝ no— stop it— ❞ topaz hissed as he tried to lunge forward. only for aventurine to tighten around you, which only made the yellow eyed entity’s eyes to shine with sheer anger. ❝ ah. ah. ah. don’t act like that, my dear friend ❞ aventurine grinned as his clawed hand wrapped around your neck. ❝ we did need the strength to escape ❞ he purred. while his index finger traced lines along your neck. a circular motion along your pulse point. his green eyes seem to narrow at their yellow eyed friend. though as you were feeling tired, you looked at amethyst before at the others. a smile adorned on your still features. it was fast. as there was a sharp pain against your neck. what you last saw, it was one where topaz had actually lunged. fully in deep rage. the sound of ringing had returned. pulsating in the thrumming of your heart that was slowing down. yet you felt something wet and warm against your neck. was that your blood? you didn’t know. all you can feel was that small little action that aventurine always seems to do.
❝ it had been fun ❞ you choked out blood. aventurine’s fingers paused before his nails pricked down your pulse point. a shaking breath left his body that he tried to mask with a broken cruel laugh. ❝ oh.. don’t be dramatic, human. it wasn’t much ❞ he forced it out of his lungs. but you couldn’t help but smile. you see their figures illuminating under the beautiful sunset from the open flap of the tent. everything was so much softer now. like the world was blurring like watercolour running together. even with aventurine’s supposed cruel words, all you can feel was his warmth. his hands. his tears… the weight of being held. even when the pain had dulled. all you can hear is them calling for you. was that topaz? or maybe rose… it truly was a peculiar feeling… hearing how small and trembling a voice can truly be when someone who loves you call for you.
even as your eyes seem to blur. even when you tried to memorise their faces. they looked both older and younger, stripped down to something so pure. you truly wanted to memorise them but your sight, your vision slowly start to flicker like a tired light. but you were forcing yourself. forcing you to look at them all even when you were getting tired. ❝ still… i’m glad it was with you ❞ your breath shudders out of you. you had never truly realised how peaceful it felt to fight at inevitable. the sound slowly started to fade, their voices sounded so faraway now. like whispered songs that lingered through the wall. your chest rises… barely… before it stills. it stills.
and in your one last lingering thought, in that final heartbeat. you think, ❛ thank you ❜
it was the silence. the lack of your heartbeat that had both topaz and rose broke. ❝ why- ❞ topaz’s voice cracked. watching aventurine tore you apart. even when his hands shook, even when he couldn’t stomach it. but aventurine said nothing, his face a mask of a quiet loss. ❝ eat ❞ aventurine hissed. even as he took a bite. all he could truly taste was salt… blood… bile rising up his stomach… that was all he could feel. the fact that topaz and rose tried to protest, aventurine took matters into his own hands. shoving flesh into their mouth. ❝ don’t. waste. them. ❞ aventurine hissed, his eyes flashed with a cruel anger, was it targeted towards them? or was it to himself. he turned to look at amethyst. amethyst was taken back. yet somehow, the fact aventurine took charge— even as his hands shook. it looked like aventurine was taking up the blame.
but he knew, the promise. god he promised back then. amethyst didn’t think twice and ate. looking at both sapphire and alexandrite. and they ate. they ate you. even as they tore into flesh. broke your bones, leaving nothing truly untouched. tears streamed down their faces as they devoured you completely. it was truly hard to stomach eating the one they all undeniably loved. the saviour. their sacrifice. even as rose retched, it was sapphire who had his hand on her shoulder. almost like a ❛ do not waste ❜. almost like trying to make it so that she continues to power it through. topaz was faring much worse. trying to savour yet all he can do is quietly wail as he ate. even alexandrite, the one with the most voracious appetite, had some difficulties eating. three bodies devoured, but one was what truly made them struggle.
no one even uttered your name. your silly sweet names. it felt too heavy. too wrong. but you were gone. and now everything reminded them of the quiet between the breaths… no one could look at each other. they couldn’t. the fact that you had been the best of them. the one who believed them, the one who sneakily try to open their cages, and sneak more food. and now you were gone. it didn’t seem real. something so wrong that they couldn’t truly comprehend. there was your blood in their claws. your blood across their mouth and lips. you were just a human. one of those who had trapped them here…
but you were the only human that gave them something. a smile. a small hope of surviving everything they had went through. and now you were gone…
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by morning, none of them could describe what happened next when the ringleader had grudgingly visited them. seeing the man, even hunched and pale faced… something heavy and the last ounce of humanity you had left in them, the complex set of virtues that burned raw into dust.. empathy. compassion… withered away like ash after a wildfire… it had just snapped. and what had happened next did not play in order as they were consumed with indescribable anguish. rage. raw grief consumed their being. none of them truly remembered it. it was all sounds of screams, pleads… the breath that would leave their lungs. it was a blur of the motions. something. something like they were trying to outrun guilt with their bare claws. with their jaws snapped shut. the crunch of bones and snaps of bones. the gurgles of blood… it was truly necessary.
it was simple silence. a silence that was so much worse than the screams. it wasn’t peaceful. it spoke of your absence. all six of them stood among what they had done. breath ragged, bloodied claws and mouths… bloodshot eyes that screamed that they cried. not from the slaughter, but from the sin of harming you. the air stank of iron and fire. even when there was no one in sight, there was no sound. just silence… yet it did not feel like a victory. amethyst walked, his eyes bloodshot but cold. stepping over bodies that seem to crunch. the blood drying on his form. it was the blood of those who had wronged them. not even the blood that belonged to the people that had killed you… no… but he wished he was much crueller to those he devoured back then. if only he knew then. but you were long gone now. and nothing can truly bring you back.
rose was trying to breathe. ❝ they would hate us for this ❞ she whispered, her voice broke and wavered. breaking the silence. ❝ you know they would ❞ she knew she was at fault. grief had blind them all. even when they were planning this. topaz clenched his fist, looking away. unable to truly face what they had truly did. he tried to breathe, he could taste you on his tongue. amethyst stood there, looking at their weakest but had shown her fangs and claws in moments of utter turmoil. ❝ perhaps… but they’re dead ❞ he spoke. his claws combed through his hair, twirling it. the truth hit as hard, heavy and permanent pain that etched on their skin. you were gone. your laughter, their future plans… even your little quirks…. they’re all gone. every heartbeat since had been an echo of your absence over them.
though alexandrite was standing over the large pot. he reached in, pulling the plants that sunk to the bottom. he was silent. until he pulled up. believing… he could even state the obvious. ❝ what do you got there? ❞ sapphire asked. looking over the shadow of the large avian entity. alexandrite’s jaw clenched. even in death, you continue to help them. the massacre came easy. there were many who were incapacitated. vomiting. sweating, he tried to cover his eyes. holding back tears as he laughed. raw… unfiltered, yet it sounded painful. you really used the knowledge he gave you to do this. ❝ petals… i have petals ❞ alexandrite answered sapphire. he ran his thumb over the drenched flower, the colour had dulled. faded from being simmered. ❝ even in death… you still help us ❞ he whispered. sapphire who stared at the flower had slowly nodded. understanding the context.
sapphire who stood up tall. turning to the second youngest, aventurine. aventurine was sitting perched on a crate. his hands shook. his entire body shook. but he closed his eyes. breathe in. breathe out. sapphire was going to ask. alexandrite reached for sapphire, shaking his head. ❝ not now ❞ alexandrite’s voice whispered. sapphire pursed his lip as he allowed his hand to fall to his side. rose was still in a state of disarray. trying to rub off the blood, the bodily matter from her claws. choking on words before they could even get a chance to leave her throat. alexandrite… even if he did not look like it… he was holding the petals like it was what was truly left of you. sapphire had disappeared to the tents. to collect anything of value… their belongings… the pictures you left behind. sapphire could not leave those behind.
❝ what… what do we do? where do we go now… ❞ aventurine spoke. finally. even when his voice was raw. no one answered right away. almost like they were trying to figure out what to do. after their plan had been meticulously torn down. amethyst glanced at the bodies. turning to the tent that they had devoured you in. he wanted to scream. wanted to collapse. but something in him wouldn’t allow it. someone had to stand. ❝ we leave ❞ he spoke quietly but his voice was almost projected by the morning wind. ❝ soon. before humans find this place ❞ he spoke. he turned to see topaz. clutching on what truly remains of you. bones. nothing truly left, not even the bone marrow or cartilage.
❝ we… we just can’t— ❞ topaz had looked at everyone with glassy eyes. ❝ we have to. ❞ amethyst’s voice came out sharper than he meant it to be. seeing topaz was distraught. you were his saviour, the one who protected him and rose. amethyst looked away from your form, ❝ we can’t bring them back… we cannot stay here. ❞ the voice turned softer. almost like he was pleading. there was no room for regret now. they had to move before other humans started to look. they had their vengeance. clawed back their freedom. but this time… it felt like everything good that was left in them was now buried in the rubble. and what left was the haunting absence that would linger in their mind, the walls… nothing has truly changed. the hole your left was still there… and you couldn’t truly fill it with violence. it only dig deeper. there was nothing else to say. only a faint crackle like a flame… of what used to be their rage. a finality.
❝ gather what we can carry. we go up north. if we stay here, they would hunt us like animals ❞ amethyst’s voice was firm even when he wavered inside. even when his legs felt clumsy and heavy from carrying the burden. no one seemed to even move at first. but soon, slowly everyone did. dragging themselves to their feet. to gather what they can. even as they walked away. just everyone headed off first, amethyst stopped. looking over his shoulder. the rubble of the freak show. dead humans scattered. blood stained the tents. the flames that were ablaze was fizzling out. and somehow he imagined it. you standing there. laughing, smiling in that easy warm way at them. hearing you call his and everyone by those little silly names. and for one horrible torturous second… he almost believed he could hear you call for his name again. he blinked hard. forcing the images away. not yet. he couldn’t break. maybe not ever. even with everyone’s gaze— grief, exhaustion and the same emptiness they all felt. but he could not let his mask slip.
❝ everyone stay close. quiet. and if any of you fall behind… ❞ he paused. the unspoken threat hanging. but they all knew it was all a lie. he would carry them if he had to. just as he walked ahead. he could only focus on the forest ahead, swallowing a sob that wanted to leave his being. how it wanted to claw up his throat. he just knew he need to get them out. keep everyone alive. just how you would have wanted it. even if his own soul felt like it was crumbling in a broken foundation with every step.
now they were free.
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beep. beep. beep.
the monitor beeped, steady and indifferent. the scent of antiseptic was in the air. the blinding light of white clouds your vision. something felt heavy on your face. slowly but surely, you fluttered your eyes open. staring at the ceiling that was staring at you back. you winced, slowly pushing yourself up. your vision was bleary and fuzzy. even as you blinked it away. the sound of the television playing in the distance. the news. you slowly turned around. and just as that was happening. you turned your head with effort. your muscles are incredibly stiff.
in due time, you realised you were in a coma for only two weeks. two weeks… versus the months it felt on your weary mind and body. and that shattered something in you completely. even as they explained to you of your miraculous recovery after a hit and run. all you can think of was them… them…
everyone.
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