One important thing to remember in life: Do not coddle men. Do not do their work for them. Do not perform uncredited labor for them, including intellectual labor. Do not bend over backwards to help them. Do not tell them they are good at things they are bad at. Do not smile at them when you donât want to. Do not laugh at their terrible jokes or stroke their egos or let them think they are better than you when odds are good that they are almost definitely not. Do not even deal with men whose presence bothers you when you can get away from them/when you arenât regularly forced to be near them for things like work. Do not include men in your life who donât deserve to be in it any time that you can avoid it at all.
shoutout to bi girls who are tomboys but feel like they cant talk about their gender non comformity bc there r no terms for it for bi women. shout out to gender non conforming bi girls trying to find a place to exist and be loved. shout out to dysphoric bi girls struggling with womanhood and their bodies. shout out to bi girls who were told âwhy cant you just be a lesbian since you look like a guy?â your gender non conformity is unique and beautifully bisexual!
Iâve been thinking about how I rarely ever hear any female-attracted men mention that they love women. As in, one of them just bursting out in how much they adore women.
Iâve legit heard many more gay men say that they really love women (Platonically, of course) than any straight man or even bi man. I think Iâve heard like. Three female-attracted men mention how much they love women in a way thatâs actually loving, like genuine love. In my entire life, not just tumblr.
Instead⌠I hear SO MANY female-attracted men say how stupid women are, how ridiculous we are, how even repulsive we are to them when weâre not serving them as pretty fuckholes and even while theyâre using us like that they can still spew how much they hate us. And yes, this includes MGA men, Iâve seen it in pretty much the same fashion.
However, in society, menâs attraction to women is seen as healthy, as natural, as normal, as good.
But whose attraction to women is universally seen as gross, predatory, repulsive, creepy, unhealthy?
Womenâs.
And the thing here is that, there isnât a day in lesbian tumblr in which I donât see at least ONE post being reblogged by all the lesbians I follow about how much they love girls, how amazing, how beautiful, how great, sexy, strong, adorable, breathtaking, fun, admirable women are. We literally canât shut up about it when we feel weâre safe enough to express it.
When I thought I was bi I remember bi/pan-girl tumblr being similar.
Itâs already sad enough that society at large (Including straight women) thinks of us as being the gross predatory ones.
But the real saddest thing is that we believe it too. Weâve been taught that all our lives and itâs so hard to unlearn it. I still canât truly unlearn it even though I know all this in a rational way.
That article where a law professor argues that battered women are morally entitled to kill their abusers has an interesting quote:
â Men can kill women with their bare hands, and they do. Women almost never kill men that way. They canât. [âŚ] While very few women kill abusive men who are asleep or passed out, itâs âunfairâ to charge them with first degree murder, Sheehy argues. âItâs not fair to characterize it as the most heinous form of murder, because it may be their own route to survival. â
There have probably been feminist analyses of this already, but itâs worth discussing how the concept of self-defence, especially in domestic violence cases, was designed by men to benefit men. In my country at least, your attack is only considered âlegitimate self-defenceâ if it is a) necessary, b) immediate, c) proportionate.
A concept of self-defence that only applies if you hurt or kill someone while they are attacking you, and if you hurt or kill them using the same weapons as them (your bare hands, if thatâs what they are using) only benefits people who are likely to be attacked by people of similar size and physical strength, and is utterly useless to women.
When a bigger, stronger male beats up his much smaller wife, itâs almost impossible for her to kill him in self-defence (immediately and proportionately ie with nothing but her fists), and yet itâs the scenario through which she can hope to be acquitted or get a light sentence. Thatâs not a coincidence. The other two scenarios (and she will be despised if she picks either) are for her toÂ
1) kill him later (when he canât use his physical advantage, eg when heâs asleep or has his back turned on her), but it wonât be self-defence because it wonât be immediate. (In the Jacqueline Sauvage case, one of the main arguments against her was that she shot her husband in the back at a time when he wasnât actively beating her up)
2) use a weapon, but it wonât be self-defence because it wonât be proportionate. Obviously this condition also benefits men, because when a woman gets punched by her husband and she punches him back, itâs seen as a proportionate response but it shouldnât be, because her punch (typically) wonât do nearly as much damage as his. Anything else she does (like use a weapon) to try and hurt him as much as he hurt her will be considered a disproportionate response and will mean it wasnât self-defence.
The idea that killing your abuser in a honest face-to-face fight with your bare hands is honourable and forgivable, but killing your abuser in any other way is shameful and wrong, utterly benefits men and protects men. Itâs also why poison was historically reviled as a âfemale weaponâ and as the most cowardly way to kill someone. Poison has been described as âa great equalizerâ - no wonder men hated it. Men have always hated, and will keep hating, shaming, and outlawing, any form of attack through which women can compensate our disadvantage in strength and size, and they will keep praising as the only valid method of self-defence, the method that presents the smallest risk of being effectively used by women against them.
Widows have better health than their counterparts with living husbands.Â
Married women are more likely to have depression than single women; for men the opposite is true.
Women who are unhappy living (unmarried) with a partner are likely to be unhappy because society disapproves of their situation, not because it is inherently less happy than marriage.
âSingle people are more connected to parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, and coworkers than married people are, and when people marry, they become more insular.â
Been reblogging a lot of marriage criticism lately. It is good to see it on my dash. The truth about being married to a man is that, even though the law doesnât say so anymore, in the eyes of society your husband OWNS you.
Hell, a lot of us here on tumblr were born before marital rape became illegal. Think about that. Think about what the word âhusbandryâ actually means and where else it is used. Think about the rituals associated with marriage, the father giving away the woman to her new handler, her losing her identity and changing her name.
If you get married to a man, he will own you, and society will side with him on that. The police will side with him if he beats you, because he owns you. People will expect you to sacrifice your career to further his, because he owns you. If you want him to carry his own weight and do his share of domestic labor, society will agree that you are a nag and a bother and probably dirty, because he owns you. He owns you like he owns a dog or a washing machine or a fleshlight.
Societal perceptions move slower than legal text, and people who apply and judge laws are still human and part of their society. Even if marital law is somewhat âequalâ now - in some parts of the world at least - you will still be seen and treated as property once you get legally attached to a man.
Tbh, iâve seen nothing of marriage - including my motherâs 2 marriages - that would convince me that being a wife is anything other than a protracted death
Definitely - although itâs not subtle. You can tell by the way bras are made what they are really designed for.
In modern bras the breasts are âevened outâ and lifted away from the chest wall - the garment is also constructed in order to push the breast tissue toward the center of the chest to create âcleavageâ and to thrust forward and âstick outâ - they are surrounded by wire(!) to ensure they are held in that position (i.e. by literal force)! The top is left to show and move (i.e. âgiggleâ) while the bulk of the fat and tissue is propped-up, lifted and presented more roundly, uniformly and evenly and in a more visually obvious way to onlookers. Bras make all breasts look the same as all other breasts i.e. they hide the reality of real breasts by disguising the fact that most breasts are uneven, sag, point down/outward, etc. Essentially bras are constructed to mold breasts into an ideal - for others to view and judge.
But the reality is breasts donât need wire - they donât need lifting and they donât need to be evened out. Breasts should be stabilized for comfort and held close and tight to the chest to take strain off the ligaments and skin that hold them on the chest wall. So if bras were really designed to support breasts - rather than make them appeal to the male gaze - they would actually make them look smaller and less visually obvious and âappealingâ.
nb âSensibleâ sports bras (without padding) and tight fitting crop tops (again without padding) are what breasts actually need for support and comfort.
Opportunities for living on the land include: building your own home with the help of other Hexagon members, paying tradeswomen to build your home to Hexagon environmental and community standards, âŚ
Mission: Hexagon seeks to provide marginalized women access to our land, offering affordable housing units, either permanent or mobile, where they can live, work, and volunteer.
Vision: Hexagon will be a sustainable, democratic, permaculture-based community of women with the shared goal to alleviate poverty and abuse, nurture our relationship with the earth and animals, and live comfortably but reasonably. Part communal and part private, Hexagon envisions a radical new way of living in solidarity with one another and the planet.
Values: anti-oppression, community, connection, feminism, the environment, sustainability, self-reliance, living in synergy with nature, activism, gardening and growing, healing
Hexagon Womenâs Land
The purpose of this proposal is to offer something both concrete and accessible to those interested in learning more about Hexagon. At this point in time, Hexagon is a well-established imagining, and we are seeking investors and volunteers to support this project through donations of time, money, land, energy, or other gifts. Our contention is that women know what is best for women, and those directly involved in the project, meaning those who will be occupying and cultivating the land, should be the ones working in tandem with nature to make decisions.
The intention of Hexagon is multiple. Initially, it is to cultivate a space that can be later developed as a means to alleviate homelessness for women in Muskoka, Ontario, Canada. Right now, we are seeking investors to donate the land so we can begin building. We are pursuing support (which includes brainstorming, commitment of volunteerism, supplies, labour, expertise, financial support, and more) to make this land a reality. Ideally, Hexagon will be built entirely by women, by female tradespeople, experts, volunteers, and other hired persons. We seek support from all progressive people in Muskoka, from citizens, to business owners, to town councilors.
The homes on Hexagon will be made with recycled/repurposed, donated, and environmentally sound materials and practises. This means sourcing certain supplies that may cost more initially but stand up to the elements and create a sense of security and responsibility, as well as support businesses that respect the earth. Hexagon also promotes permaculture, which means observing and replicating nature where nothing is wasted, everything has use and value. Therefore the concept of âwasteâ is foreign and efforts must be made to make use of all materials in our surroundings. Our relationship with the land is a working one: no blasting or clearcutting of trees, no major âdevelopmentâ of the land. We will work with what we are offered and make best use of it as it currently exists.
Hexagon portends that women fleeing homelessness and abuse deserve more than bare-minimum standards of âneeds metâ. Rather than women renting rooms in houses where they have very little space and control, or renting units in apartments where noise and immersion in other peopleâsâ crises can be very triggering, we believe women need their own space, suited to their particular needs, close to nature to soothe the chaos that comes as a result of trauma. Many studies now reveal the benefits of being in nature, gardening, being barefoot in soil, eating organic produce, artistic creation, community, and most importantly, security. Hexagon will offer women the peace of mind of affordable, permanent housing suitable to their needs, with the added benefits of community, skill-building, and the knowledge that their investment (rent) in the land offers more women the same opportunities afforded them.
Things men who are serious about becoming feminist allies have to do before they can even think about claiming they respect women:
- Stop watching porn
- Call out their friends who watch porn and tell them how unacceptable it is
- Stop making rape jokes
- Stop laughing at rape jokes
- Never, ever buy sex
- Stop taking part in the dehumanization of women in prostitution and other parts of the sex industry
- Read about consent, the responsibility to make sure consent has been given before sex and under circumstances where the other person was free to make their own choices, read about sex as self-harm and circumstances which can make it difficult for someone to say ânoâ, read about how victims of rape can freeze or dissociate as a natural reaction instead of screaming or fighting back, and make sure you really, really understand all these concepts and what it means when actually engaging in sexual relations
- Listen to female feminists and make sure you donât silence them or talk over them
- Tell other men to listen to female feminists
- Tell other men never to derail conversations about feminism or violence against women with ânot all menâ or âbut what about men?â
- Turn your energy into calling out and making other men aware of how they perpetuate misogynistic ideas and structures
- If women tell you that youâre not welcome in a particular feminist space or that a space is female-only, respect that
- Listen, listen, listen and learn to become more aware of all the little (and big) ways and the nuances of them in which men uphold their domination, belittle and silence women, condition womenâs humanity and right to speak up, threaten women with violence and violent consequences, perpetuate rape culture, perpetuate oppressive gender norms and ideas about âhow women should beâ and reinforce the view of women as less of human beings than men
Men donât have to stop watching porn. Thereâs plenty of porn that is produced by women and/or is more supportive to the women who perform. Same with prostitution. All men (and women) have to do is get in touch with our good friend Google.
Men have to stop watching porn. The sex industry is exploitative and misogynistic. It is built upon, feeds on and reinforces the exploitation and oppression of children and women. In a patriarcal world it can be in no other way, and to prioritize defending porn or prostitution when children and women are exploited, abused, raped and killed is to let children and women all over the world down. There are numerous sources you can educate yourself through. All you have to do is to get in touch with your good friend Google.
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