Tasteful Insight; @nessaxd-blog - Tumblr Blog

Hey ness, I know we haven't talked in a while but I know exactly what you're going through, not exactly with cheer, more with work, but it's okay to feel like this, it's always darkest before the dawn and sometimes just when you think you'll never see the light of happiness, the sunshine slices through the dark and everything will work out, feel better ❤

Thank you so much! <3333 this was actually reassuring and I really appreciate it Jordeezy.

im in love with a boy that loved me all of high school

and he doesnt love me anymore.

roles reversed.

Theres no way ill get over him. Ever. The only thing i know is how to act hard.

Back at it midnight 9/10/13

Honestly im only typing this out because I have an essay to do. I haven't used tumblr in so long due to the fact that its pretty irrelevant. It crazy to think that im in san jose. Im in a city which i absolutely hate. I have minimal freetime and my time management is sub average. I fake the fact that I hate college. I think about giving up on the daily. I think about wanting to go to a jc back home. The only thing stopping me, pathetically, is social standards. Knowing I do to a school with the acceptance rate of a lower tier prostitute boggles me. It's strange to see that I ended up here, knowing that I should have been at a different university. I take pride in where I am, I just want to go back. Going to tumblr and talking like a pity party just seems so lulling. I feel as if i'm back to the days where I'd subtumble to relieve my inhibitions. Let's be real nizz, youre tumbling right now because you know nobody will read this....and you're dang lazy to handwrite. Look at your picture.... its ridiculously outdated.

I need to find a better way to manage my time and stress. It's not that I have stress, its that my decision making with time management is horrible. Im in denial and I have that problem with more than 3 things in my life. I tell myself that Im great at managing my time, im not. I tell myself that I can handle a bunch of thing, i cant. I tell myself im smart. Im really not. Im probably the biggest fronter I know.

SO nessa you have a midterm on thursday and a memoir to write before you have to wakeup for morning training. Whats the number one thing on your mind? if your eyes will still be puffy in the morning. youre a joke

You know nessa, sometimes i reflect and get disgusted. Youre disgusting.

The take pride in so many things when its barely even pride, its ego. Youre egotistical and you let yourself get ahead of yourself. To be quite honest you need a swift reality check. You need sometime to finally break and say "Nessa, youre not as good as your put yourself to be".

jumping tenses

I miss elk grove. I miss high school. I miss living under a roof. I miss the freedom I had. I feel more restricted than ever. Yes cheer has instilled so many moralistic attributes that will stay with me the rest of my life. Im more than happy to say Im clean. THeres never room to sex. Never room for promiscuity. No room for drunken mistakes. No room for drugs. No room. Only room for progression. I love that. So now im back to the point where I need to be proud ive made it to this point. say yes to one, while no to another. No to drugs, yes to progression. Yes to studying, no to academic probation. Yes to full ranges of motions, no to being average. Making decisions. making decisions is what controls your life. I just want to thank kelvin lam for providing me this insight. I love my coach with all my heart. He truly has driven me in the direction nobody else has.

WHats the next decision?

Yes to maturity, no to outlashes of "relationship nizzy"

eff word im still in love.

Bye. Before i throw my last meal up from thinking too hard.

thanks for listening tumblr. I want to vent, but the only one i vent to is the one that provokes this whole thing.gosh damn im a freaking girl now.