Netflix + My 1st Amendment

This is a film reviewing blog. I've got a Netflix account and plenty of free time, so sit back and watch the criticism fly.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Run from Logan's Run (1976)

In a continuation of operation: DVR clean, I sat down with a friend and we decided to watch Logan's Run (1976.)  He tapped at 45 minutes or so, and I tapped at about 46 minutes.  In the minute between my friend said, "so... tap?" I had responded with, "you want to tap? now?  Something's gonna happen soon."  That something was a spearhead lazily hitting the wall behind Michael York and falling to the ground.  I hit the stop button and then deleted the movie.  I usually don't tap, I had to this time.

Perhaps the 70s was a druggier time and that I needed to be under the influence of marijuana, cocaine, some kind of acid, or meth to better grasp this movie and wrap my mind around its concept.  I would post the 5 minute version of Logan's Run, however YouTube has an advertisement every video these days.

Probably one of those high concept 70s sci-fi films that just don't translate well into today?  I don't know at this point, I have some radical thoughts on movies at times.  I'll try again sometime soon with another DVR choice.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

And netflix recommendations?

I haven't had Netflix in about 8 months, no idea what's on it at the moment.  I've had two jobs running me ragged, but my DVR is kind of full.  Also this might be some good reading material:

http://www.slashfilm.com/if-you-were-planning-to-watch-any-of-these-movies-on-netflix-do-so-before-january-1/

Also on my DVR I recommend before seeing:

Enter the Dragon

St. Elmo's Fire

The Jazz Singer (first "talkie," however, not the first movie with sync sound.  That honor is bestowed upon Don Juan)

Kind Hearts and Coronets

Restrepo

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Tarantino or P.T. Anderson?

How am I supposed to compare Boogie Nights to Pulp Fiction?

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Back with Melancholia (2011)

One blog post back and I already fell for it.  I thought this was going to be a good movie.  The title should've been a hint.  MELANCHOLIA, some kind of offshoot from "Melancholy."

This movie had a great premise of "a planet will be coming from behind the sun to crash into earth."  Bravo, now take that and run with it!  I'm all in, John Hurt is in it for 3 lines and two minutes, Jack Bauer is there, DUI-ing it up, ready to yell at the terrorists who are controlling the planet, and what's her name... Spiderman's girl... shit... really blanking on the name... trying not to look it up... Mary Jane Watson!  FUCK... let me google that real quick.  KIRSTEN DUNST!  (Wow, I need to get back into the swing of this nonsense.)

Okay, so you have a cast, then you have a storyline.  It's Kirsten Dunst's wedding night.  In the words of Calculon: "I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this."  Through some weirdo psychological issues, she ends up having some episode and then by the end of the night she's jobless and no longer married.  That's part one which crawls along for an hour.  (The planet is only seen as a red star way off in the distance of the night sky as everyone's too busy seeing this abysmal wedding.  Seriously, the Red Wedding had a better outcome.)

Part 2: The planet finally becomes a big fucking deal.  They track the planet, Jack Bauer has some interesting wardrobe choices.  I can't figure out if they live at this castle estate or if they're just living at this castle hotel.  It's just slogging through at this point.  I'm time committed now, and I don't usually back down from a challenge.  This was a mud run of movies, the quicker you try to get through, the deeper you end up and the more work you have to do to get through.  Ugh, well, I'm not going to sugar coat this movie (nor recommend it.)  THE PLANET KILLS EVERYONE!

Lars Von Trier, you're good at the actual film-making process as there's some merit there, but the story delivery was just shit for me.  I'll have to watch some of his other stuff and use Melancholia as a barometer.  I will give this film two stars as I didn't like it.

Hopefully, I'll be back to updating this at about 2 times a month if you're lucky.  I can do that: just ramble on to an audience captive to social media such as a guy in New Jersey who sometimes has the nerve to deliver his opinion via the internet.  Maybe Lars Von Trier will tell me to fuck myself and/or start a Twitter battle with me a la Jimmy Kimmel and Kanye West?  Doubtful.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Looper (2012)

This movie is entertaining.

However, being that this deals with time travel, there are probably some paradoxes and loop (haha) holes-- or do I mean plot holes?  Probably the latter.

JGL does a great job as a low key hitman.  Bruce Willis does a great job killing people that mean him harm.

Initially I watched only the first ten minutes and knew I had to see the rest of it.  However that night it was late and I was tired. (Gary Larsen, anyone?)  Last night I decided: "I'm going to finish Looper.  I was glad I did.  One sequence that kind of got to me (which is surprising as not much gets to me) was when the Doctor was working on Young Seth as Old Seth is fading away almost Marty McFly style.  It's in the first act, you won't have to wait long.

Overall I liked the movie, so I'll give it three stars.

Also I should probably change my tumblr's name since I don't have Netflix anymore.  You know, times are economically tough and I don't have expendable income these days.  Thanks, Obama!

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Epiphany

So I was with a group of friends and somehow ended up watching Captain America: The First Avenger and it got me thinking.  I thought about what I'm going to try and do this summer and how I'm going to get back into my blogging where I was churning out 2-3 movie reviews a week in my heyday.  Hopefully summer will give me a chance to watch at least 2-3 movies a week; clear off my DVR and my hard drive and maybe even get back into my Netflix streaming. (Still waiting on them to give me a discounted free month to come back.)

Also, I have a big goal for the summer: watch two franchises in their entirety.  The first franchise consists of six movie: The Fast and the Furious.  The next one contains many, many more: JAMES BOND.  If the Bad Movie Fiends can do it, I can do it as well!  Moreover, I'll be sure to watch the Casino Royale from 1967 and Never Say Never Again from 1983.

Note: Bad Movie Fiends: www.bmfcast.com

[netflixhateschris-blog]

You should watch "Lars and the real girl." Its a movie starring Ryan Gosling. I thought it was pretty good. I'm curious to know your thoughts. I enjoy reading your movie reviews btw. Take care.

I did see Lars and the Real Girl.  I forget how I felt about it, so that means to me that it wasn't bad.  Probably I had thought it was something different to see, especially since I was in college for radio/tv/film and Hollywood has just been pumping out constant crap.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Movie 43 (2013)

This movie sucked.  The funny parts were in the trailer.  My favorite vignette was probably the one with the Christopher Mintz-Plasse since they're just running around yelling.  Then David Putty steps in to explain to them how female's menstruate.  Second place goes to Terrence Howard telling his basketball team that they'll win because they're black... how racist.  Third place goes to the Emma Stone story where they're saying a bunch of weird shit to each other as they're broadcasting over the public address system to the supermarket.  "He was a wizard!"

One star, I hated this movie.  I'm glad I didn't waste money in the theaters.  Sure, I had some laughs, but not anywhere near ten dollars worth of laughs.  If you can watch this for little or no money (like Netflix) sure, go ahead.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

One day I was out in Los Angeles visiting my friend, Jeff, he was rooming with his friend, Eric.  Well, turns out Eric has a podcast co-hosted ny Jeff.  I’m four episodes in and they’re hilarious.  These episodes are easy listens because they’re under 30 minutes.  If you’re looking for a change of pace from AM/FM, your HAM radio, or a certain satellite radio provider, give Highway Diaries a listen!  Oh yeah, it’s FREE!

[kateoplis]

We know our economy is stronger when we reward an honest day’s work with honest wages. But today, a full-time worker making the minimum wage earns $14,500 a year. Even with the tax relief we’ve put in place, a family with two kids that earns the minimum wage still lives below the poverty line. That’s wrong. That’s why, since the last time this Congress raised the minimum wage, nineteen states have chosen to bump theirs even higher. Tonight, let’s declare that in the wealthiest nation on Earth, no one who works full-time should have to live in poverty, and raise the federal minimum wage to $9.00 an hour.

POTUS (via kateoplis)

So let's do some math...

$9.00 x 40 (hours) = $360 (/week) x 52 (weeks) = $18,720 a year

$18,720 - $14,500 = $4,220 a year difference

That's all it takes?  The way the government spends money this could be a tax break.  Also, does anyone know how this will affect inflation?  I'll give you a hint: not good.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

21 Jump Street (2012)

21 Jump Street was one of those movies I skipped when it released to theaters.  The other night it was on TV and I saw the part where the duo takes the Poop drug and they go through the phases.  I laughed and laughed at that sequence.  When the eyebrows moved from their original location to a moustache position, I was dying.  I decided at that point, I had to watch this movie in its entirety.

Tonight I did just that.  Holy crap; it's funny.  It parodies itself, parodies how Hollywood is just remaking ideas from the past... like 21 Jump Street.  It's just a stupid, funny, action movie.  It's worth a watch for a laugh.  I'll give it a four, since I really liked it.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Flypaper (2011)

It's a dual-heist movie, people!  See, there's a crack team of professionals robbing a bank vault as well as a duo of nitwits trying to rob the ATMs at the same time!  That triggers a dark comedy chain of events.  Patrick Dempsey plays a guy who goes into the bank to get some coinage and ends up smack in the middle of it all.  He also goes about solving the mystery of why there was a man shot in the middle of the bank.  Since it's a mystery of sorts, I shouldn't really go into too much detail.  This is one of those IFC Films that goes under my radar since it doesn't get much in the way of mainstream advertising because Hollywood thinks they know what people want to see.

If you're in the mood for a movie with a dry sense of humor and something different than the status quo of mainstream, check out Flypaper.  I really liked it, so it'll get four stars.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Revolution (TV) (2012)

I meant to do this about a week ago, however I lost power for 6 days due to Hurricane Sandy.  Everything's okay on my end though, don't worry about a thing.  I'll cover the first four episodes, as I haven't seen the 5th and 6th yet, but I'll state that this show is a guilty pleasure, mostly.

I hate this show.  I don't care about the characters.  I don't care if they succeed or fail.  I just don't care.  However, I can't stop watching this show.  Theres this shlock / dreck value to it all.  The plot holes are offensive; especially the one where all electricity just stopped but not the electrical process that cells in the human body does.  (Wisely they don't really give an explanation as to why all electricity stopped, it just did.)  Also, how'd all these guns get into Chicago?  Where, when, and how did everyone get a sword and trained in swashbuckling?

The doe-eyed protagonist stinks.  The world is in full scale apocalypse mode and she's still worried about morality.  Why bring the fat man with glasses?  Worst choice ever.  How is he HUSKY in an APOCALYPSE?

The first episode: I'm all in.

The second episode: I get pissed at the neck-breaking story telling speed and quick resolution.

The third episode: Okay, I'll watch another episode.

The fourth episode: Oh, there's a train in this one, all good movies have a train: Taking of Pelham 123, Back to the Future III, Unstoppable, Von Ryan's Express.

The uncle is an ass, however, I still don't like him.  The whole world looks lush, bright, and green.  That's fine, but I always thought it'd be more gray like Fallout 3 or dark like Jeremiah.  I guess the survivalists are so plentiful since all the incompetent people died with in the first couple weeks.  That's believeable.

Okay, I'll expound on the 3rd episode a little more here with some bullet points:

-There was a commercial for scrubbing bubbles... maybe because this show is shit?

-I hate the protagonists gung-ho save everyone because just like Anne Frank, "I think people are all good deep down."

-Hahaha, those muskets don't shoot that fast!

-Who's your best shooter?  "This guy!"  No quick line like "Navy-seal" or "Marine rifleman!"

-This episode reminds me to read the Poor Man's James Bond book.

-Miles' true identity revealed!  Now quickly, leave them in a cliffhanger and go to credits!  ...oh, wait, there's still 12 minutes of show left?

-Miles: "I'm not talking about this."  3 seconds later: "Okay, I'll talk about this."  That's just offensive to me due to the shit writing.

-Oh, they saved THAT guy!

Fourth episode:

I like Captain Neville.  If this were a movie, Morgan Freeman would portray him.

Hopefully this show will be a mini-series and NBC will pull an HBO and just have a certain number of episodes.  I don't see them having legs if the entire series is about them trying to turn on the power.  Although I want to know who killed that old lady with the computer in her attic.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Going the Distance (2010)

So while not doing much of anything, I decided to watch this movie.  Yeah, this is a rom com, big whoop.  It was kind of made within the same time frame of Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached.  This movie also starts off with two people who just kind of have an open thing, then she moves back to San Francisco and they somehow keep it going while he lives in New York.  Spoiler alert: happy ending.

Some highlights of this movie for me were Charlie Day playing Dan, aka Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia while Jason Sudekis plays a composite of Mac and Dennis from the previously mentioned TV show.  It's funny and it's got some heart or something, I don't know.  It didn't make me want to claw my eyes out or throw myself off the roof.  I laughed at some parts, which is good since it is a comedy.  I guess if you're out there and a girlfriend makes you watch a movie that's funny and a bit of a chick flick, watch this one.

I give it three stars on the Netflix scale since I liked it.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

I could say I liked this movie, however, I would be lying.

See, I didn't like this movie since I didn't enjoy it.  I even went into it thinking, "This will be one of those 'just watch for fun' movies."  I had no fun.  Most of it is just CGI bullshit nonsense which causes Abraham Lincoln to roll over in his grave.  Ugh...

Also, a McPoyle being one of the main characters kind of annoyed me since he'll forever be typecast as a McPoyle (from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.)  I did like the battle scenes because that's really the only thing I wanted to pay attention to during the movie.  At points I just didn't really care what was going on; I just wanted it to move along quicker.  Perhaps I just wasn't in the target audience of this one.  Yeah, that's it.

One star since I hated it.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Haywire (2011)

This one fell through the cracks; I watched it 10/25 but due to a hurricane, I didn't get around to reviewing it.

It's one of those agents gone rogue / trying to get out of the business type movies.  It's a bit slow, but a quick watch at a little over 90 minutes.  There's also some cool fight choreography.  That's about it.

Three stars, I liked it.

[netflixhateschris-blog]

Flight (2012)

"Denzel Washington's great in anything!" -Me as we decided last minute to see Flight instead of Argo because 1) we were late and 2) we didn't want to miss Argo's The Office-like cold open that leads to the storming of the embassy.

Well, the first scene has female nudity in it.  Awesome!  Who doesn't like breasts in a movie?  Especially when it's Ruxin's wife.  (The Jewish guy from The League.)  Well, anyway, it seems to be Denzel's a little over partied and he has a flight (get it?) to pilot in about an hour or two.  Well, the best cure for a hangover is CO-FUCKING-CAINE!  Naturally.

So, he gets on the plane with Specialist Eldridge from The Hurt Locker who upon coming back from Iraq grew a moustache and became a devout Christian.  (That comes up later in the movie.)  See, Denzel plays "Whip," a former United States Navy pilot of sorts.  He knows his shit, he just has a drinking problem.  (SPOILER ALERT!)  Now, there's a buildup to shit hitting the fan.  Whip drinks a coffee, takes two aspirins, mixes up 2 shots of vodka into OJ.  You know, to take the edge off the cocaine as you do.

So, the plane has a calamitous mechanical malfunction and they go into a nose dive.  Well, let me tell you that my stomach had been clenched like that only once before as I slid slightly to the edge of my seat.  Not since The Godfather restaurant scene have I been that on edge watching something.

Now, Whip stays calm under immense pressure, makes sure to tell the stewardess to say she loves her son for the black box recording, and somehow inverts the plane to control the dive, then rolls it right ways up when he decides to land in a field, gliding, no less.  And then from that point onward, when he's pulled from the flaming wreckage that the movie drags onward at points.  It's not a bad movie, but I didn't really like it.  There were enjoyable parts like John Goodman playing some sort of drugist / friend of Whip.  Yet, Don Cheadle's role is just so slight.  I felt he was underused.

Oh well, at least this movie was free for me as I used old movie passes much to the chagrin of movie theater management.  I'll restate: it's not a bad movie, but I probably would've enjoyed Argo, even with missing the opening.  Flight has ups and downs, but after such an intense crash scene, it's mostly down. :(  Yet, look for the special Rob Lowe cameo early in the movie!  Two stars for this movie.