Am I (??m) the Asshole for Trying to Kill this Guy (??m) and Then Actually Killing this Other Guy (??m) ??
So I was minding my business one day, when this guy (let's call him Dry Bastard cause that's what he is) tried to dry me out. And I know you're thinking what I'm thinking -- what the fuck?!?! But then I find out he's been doing similar things to all of my friends, and now I'm starting to get real pissed.
The last straw was when he took the fight to my best friend, Slugmo. Slugmo is my pet slug/fidget toy. We are inseparable. And this motherfucker, Dry Bastard, decides to fucking EVIL MY SLUG???? WHO DOES THAT???
So naturally, I confront him and tell him I'm going to end his life. And he just goes 'oooh I'd like to see you try' and I'm proper pissed at this point, so yeah, I do try. I shoot him with my autism beams. But then he's just like 'oh nooo you're becoming the thing you swore to destroy' except he says it more diabolically. But I was in a bad place at the time, so he said this and I decided that fuck he must be right and then I started spiralling.
Thankfully, my wonderful friends reassured me that I was in the right. And so I decided I wasn't going to be evil, but heroic. But it turns out people 'don't like it when you want to kill a guy' even when it's an evil guy! I ended up getting two people to give me their weapons, the Sword of Mediocre Moisture and the Mace of Lesbianism. Both are very potent and have a great hand-feel.
But things all came to a head at this party we went to recently. I was trying really hard not to think about the fact that I'd lost most of my friends because they thought I shouldn't be trying to kill anyone, even if they're evil. But fuck me I guess. Anyways I was drinking my sorrows away (it was definitely hand sanitizer, I don't know what possessed me to think it was Everclear), and I was showing off cool party tricks. So I'm showing my friend (call them Bomni) a cool trick I could do with the Mace and the Sword, when I fucked up 'cause I was drunk off my ass and ended up hitting him in the face.
Somehow this killed him.
I sort of went crazy because the weapons I'd acquired to try to protect my friends from evil had ended up killing my friend and turning me into the evil, and now I'm spiralling more cause fuck Dry Bastard was probably right about me being as evil as he was.
Then I met up with Bomni’s pal (call 'em Moldy) and they start freaking out cause I did just kill their friend, so understandable, but then they say they're scared of me. And that pushes me over the edge. So I get them to admit they aren't scared of me, but then another guy (call them Contused) walks in and I'm really scared for a second that he's going to hate me too but-- then we hug and he says it's alright ^u^.
But. Uh. Yeah I did kill a guy but AITA here?
TLDR: Someone dried me and then I got drunk at a party and killed someone.
UPDATE: My buddy (let’s call him Liquid) and I talked — well, fought actually — it out, and now I’m not evil anymore!
UPDATE: My pal and I Driplea are going to bomb someone but not in the scary way.
UPDATE: Went over to apologize to Moldy and their partner started giving birth.
UPDATE: Fuck me and Driplea actually did bomb someone (Liquid) in the scary way.
