When u lost the one you thought you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, it sucks.

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@nevervalued
When u lost the one you thought you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, it sucks.
The Story of Us
We met at a bar near UST. Didn't really click. He wasn't talking at all. He was the person I didn't expect would have a great impact on my life. Do you guys believe in fate? Because when I met him, I suddenly did. I believe we don't just meet a person for no reason or by accident. Yes, I didn't really like him at first but this guy was persistent and thoughtful. When I'm interested on a certain thing, he would try it out himself.
I guess that's why we lasted longer than I expected. We are super compatible. And I think that's more important than chemistry. We both have a thing for games. We both try each other's interests and turns out that we like it. Different kind of games. Zelda. Pokemon. God of War. League. Mobile Legends. And when I say compatible, we both have the same preferences in almost everything. Especially dates. Usually I get bored with routines. But with him, anywhere is fine. Staying on bed all day, going to the mall, travelling far to meet his family (which is super nice btw). I feel safe around him.
My family also loves him. They think of him as family too. When we're going out or planning on a trip, my family would've already invited him. Even on Christmas, my mom would prepare gifts for him. Heck, even my dad trusts him. I can't even get my dad's trust but he managed to do so.
I love this guy. I love Hwanjo.
But there's this tiny bit of issue, my trust issues. And his lies, temper and checking out other girls. We broke up the first time because of that. We broke up for 1 month. Dec, 2019. He had a grand gesture of giving me a ps4 at my home, in front of my mom. And he's just so overwhelmed that he thought it would make everything okay. I appreciate it. I appreciate him. But I also wanted to talk. Fix things. He didn't say sorry. He didn't talk to me about it. Nothing.... :(
Kind of became distant after that. I don't think he noticed but I kind of just stopped being jealous, got tired of it. March 2020 comes the lockdown. My love language is quality time and touch. Imagine if on my part I wanted to talk about the issue and we got lesser time. I grew distant. But I didn't let go. I still loved him.
I still wanted him to try. But he didn't. He just let me go. It fucking hurts. Am I just trash to u? It hurt my self esteem, I questioned my self worth. But even after all that, I still want what's best for him.
He deserves all the love and happiness in the world. I'm grateful for all the years I cherished with him.
I love Hwanjo so much.
I prayed hard for him to be happy, even if it's not with me anymore....
Goodbye.
Feb. 28, 2021.
Before I go I just want to leave a memory of my fave quarantine buddy here. I love you, Keisha. Live long baby.
Feb 22, 2021
Kind of wanna delete this blog of mine. But damn, part of my soul has been poured on this blog of mine. Since 2011, I've been posting my thoughts and feelings here. Part of me lives here. Kind of like a peek of what's in my mind.
But also, there's a lot of sad memories. So I might just try to keep this alive while I update my new blog. Thanks, nevervalued.
From the moment I woke up, I started doing chores. My parents weren't home and it's really nice to just clean the house when you're alone. Put all the dirty clothes in fhe washing machine and washed our dogs when the machine was still on going. Cleaned the cr. Vacuum and mop the house. What a day. But it feels nice.
Especially you… 😔
“I guess we will never ever get used to the pain no matter how often it comes to us. Regardless of how hard we try to prepare for what might happen, it will always be scarier and more tragic than the last time. The pieces will always break differently every time.”
— 𝓭.𝓻.𝓷
Yeah…
It feels weird going back to this tumblr account of mine. Since 2011, bro. Staying strong. Kahit flagged as inappropriate lmao
Akala ko susubukan pa natin ulit. For a period of time I held on to those words. Na may babalikan pa. Na aayusin pa. Na susubukan pa. I had a lot of reasons to leave, but I still held on. Kasi ikaw gusto ko makasama pagtanda. I just wanted reassurance.
Pero wala eh, baka hindi na ako worth it ipaglaban pa...
Help me :(
…even if it means denying myself of everything i hold dear
//ok to rb
people with trust issues and who go to therapy please share your secrets i genuinely want to know how to trust people again
What I really want is to give someone my deepest trust - let them bend me, bind me, warp me to their will until I am beyond able to question their commands in any way, and then for them to prove that all of that trust was warranted. For them to use this absolute control over all I am only to help, not to hurt. And hopefully to let it help them, too, in the process. Take my trust, make it so that I cannot take it back, and then cherish and care for it, never leaving a single scratch
Do u ever sit back and realize ur not anybody’s favorite person, ur just kinda there and then you get the sudden urge to distance urself from everyone and chill alone
All the time??