I am the one who has the privilege of having @tillybloom call me Sir.
When we first met on Tumblr, she was up at all sorts of hours. It was her summer vacation from uni, so she didn't really have anywhere to be at any particular hour on any particular day.
Two weeks after we met, she offered herself to me as my submissive. She was (and is) a precious gift to me. A gift that came with a great responsibility. Here was this young woman, inexperienced in D/s, giving herself to me, showing me this unconditional trust, not really knowing what she might be getting herself into. So, ever since, I have tried to be worthy of her trust.
I was, as she says, amused by her erratic sleep pattern. It was convenient that she was awake in my evenings, which, due to time difference, was in the middle of the night for her. But, in the back of my mind, I knew this was not good for her.
Then she got sick. I knew that regular sleep was important for her health. So, I tried gently to make her go to bed at a decent hour. I even tried to keep myself from checking if she was awake and ready to play at odd hours - the sacrifices I made!
Much happened, and this summer, when she was over the worst, but still vulnerable, she gave herself to me again, with the stated purpose of using her desire to please me to help her get better. We negotiated rules that I would hold her to. I never hold her to something she had not agreed to. However, it soon turned back into our full-fledged long-distance D/s relationship
Bedtime was still a sore spot. I knew it would be counterproductive to impose rules that she did not really agree to, so we made a soft agreement that she would go to bed "at a decent time" and not turn night into day.
This is when Tilly found herself up late at night, on Tumblr, time forgotten, receiving a compliment on her blog that turned into an unpleasant conversation that upset her. Since this was late at night, and I was traveling near her time zone, I was asleep, so she could not reach me.
Instead, Tilly reached out to @instructor144 (sorry, Tumblr won’t let me tag). I think that was smart of her, and I am very grateful to Instructor for validating her feelings and reassuring her, when I was unreachable.
One of the things I want Tilly to take away from our relationship is a strong set of expectations for what is reasonable dom behavior. So, when she told me about it in the morning, I was not upset that she had been on Tumblr. Nor that she had talked to other people on Tumblr. I want her to talk to people and get other perspectives. I want her to be able to get reality checks on me and make sure I am not unreasonable or gaslighting her. I want her to have a safe and enjoyable time as she explores D/s. But I obviously don't want her to have experiences like this one.
So, I was not upset with her for having the conversation. I was surprised that she didn't shut it down as soon as it turned sour, since timid is usually not a word that describes her. But we talked about it and agreed on a rule for when she is to shut a conversation down, fixing one part of the problem.
We also agreed that she would set her message settings so not just anybody can message her, as another part of future damage control. I still want her to talk to people, but not the trolls of the internet.
The only thing that really upset me was that she had stayed up late for no good reason, doodling around on Tumblr, wasting her time. She acknowledged that this was not in her self-interest, so, reluctantly, she agreed to a set of bedtime rules. And, before you conclude that I am an unreasonable hardass, let me share that the rule is that she has to go to bed at 1 AM during the week and 3 AM on weekends.
Tilly has (what I consider) a bad habit of just letting things happen and not stay in control when it comes to ending evenings. So, a week later, she fell asleep while watching a movie with a friend, not messaging me good night (I can live with that) and not taking her medication (I was seriously unhappy about that). It was entirely predictable. It was far from the first time she had fallen asleep to a movie with a friend.
I punished her in the gentlest way possible. The main part of any punishment is letting her know that she has disappointed me. It is my principle that no punishment can be something I enjoy - so, no spankings or any other D/s fun. I should have no incentive to punish her, except her wellbeing and to give her a good D/s experience. So, all her punishments to this point had been writing letters of apology or making pretty signs acknowledging her digression. The sign being the gentlest one. So, a sign it was. Another firm rule is that once she has served her punishment, the slate is wiped clean and she is forgiven. That is the end of it. I don't circle back and re-open the issue. I am not resentful. I make a point of letting her know she is cherished throughout the process of punishing her. I never take away my fondness for her.
A couple of weeks later she broke her bedtime rule again. By about an hour. This is when it is hard being a dom. I knew bedtime was a sore subject with Tilly. It was "only" an hour, so no real harm done. I knew how upset she would be, if I punished her. It would be so much easier to just let it slide. But what about next time she missed by an hour? Or two hours? When would I call her on it? And, when I finally did, would she feel I was an unreliable and arbitrary enforcer of her rules? So, I decided to call her on it. I accepted that I would upset her and have to build her back up after I punished her. I made the hard decision. Because she has given herself to me – given me this incredible gift of her submission. Because she deserves a reliable enforcer of her rules, I had to live up to my responsibility as her owner.
Tilly kneels for me morning and evening. This ritual is important to her. She knows it is a treat for me as well. Who wouldn't like to have a naked submissive woman kneel and offer her obedience? I decided her punishment would be loss of kneeling privileges for three evenings. I knew it would feel like a loss to her. I knew that she would feel that by breaking her bedtime rule, she was depriving me of the pleasure of having her kneel for me. I knew that she would feel terrible about that part especially. This was by far the harshest punishment I had ever given her.
Tilly accepted her punishment. Predictably, she felt terrible, so I set about comforting her and building her back up. Letting her know that she was no less cherished because she had stumbled and messed up. But that she had to take her punishment. It quite frankly hit her even harder than I had expected. Even though we kept talking throughout. Even though I still used her and had her please me and let her know how much she pleased me. She still felt terrible.
So, after two days, I gave her back her kneeling privileges. She didn't beg or plead. She was ready to take the third evening of her punishment. But the lesson had been learned. The point had been made. So, I was not going to rigidly refuse to change my mind and be lenient. I am comfortable with my domliness. I can be forgiving and gentle, when that is called for. So, I let her kneel for me the third evening. I let her know that she was forgiven and that the slate was wiped clean. That I cherished her as much as I ever had.
Tonight, Tilly is at a concert. She is going to stay out late. She is going to stay at a friend's house overnight. She has asked in advance and received a late-night pass and permission to not sleep at home. I am sure she is having a good time. I am sure she is feeling cherished and owned and cared for. I am sure she is feeling my leash controlling and guiding her, but not strangling her. I am sure she is my happy, submissive whore.
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