New York

“When she left, it was like someone had ripped my heart out, crumbled it up like a flimsy piece of loose leaf paper and crammed it back into my chest. It somehow managed to work, but it would never, ever feel the same.”

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tell

Stop interrogating me and just tell me if I'm supposed to like your hair.

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Bette Midler sounds like what you should do if you typically wager too high or too low.

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When I'm empty-handed my dog doesn't know what the word 'sit' means, but if I have a treat she can perform neurosurgery.

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Now he's taking up too much bed and I'm uncomfortable.

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Made a person from my pillows so I had someone to cuddle. 

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Why is it called a 'straightjacket' and not a 'loonytunic'?

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He is a man of his word. Unfortunately that word is 'douchebag'.

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Inspirational

Inspirational tweet for the day: Don't be a dumbfucsk.

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I don't think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.

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