Warnings: smut (finally), NSFW, a lot of emotions, fighting, arguments, swearing
Summary: It is the day after the incident with Y/N. Bucky and Y/N got into another fight 😈
A/N: Wow my first ever written smut. I got to say it was really hard even though it’s not that long. I need to get better at describing sex scenes guys I know that 😎 also sory for the delay but school has started 😑but don’t you worry… we are barely in the middle of the story 🫡 enjoy!
The first thing I registered was pain. A dull, throbbing ache pressing against my skull, radiating down my spine. My limbs felt like lead, heavy and uncooperative as I stirred.
I inhaled sharply, the scent of antiseptic soap and crisp hotel linens filling my nose. The dim glow of the bedside lamp bathed the room in golden light, casting long shadows across the walls. I blinked, my vision swimming as my mind struggled to orient itself.
Memories of last night flickered like a broken reel of film—fragments, disconnected and hazy. The ball. The mission. Sokolov. And then…nothing.
My fingers twitched against the sheets, a surge of unease creeping up my spine. My body felt foreign—sore in places that hadn’t been sore before. My knuckles stung, my muscles ached like I’d fought a battle I couldn’t remember.
A voice. Low, urgent, familiar.
I turned my head towards the sound, my breath catching as I saw Barnes standing by the window, phone pressed to his ear. His back was rigid, shoulders squared, tension radiating from every inch of him.
“I don’t care what the fuck you thought would happen, Fury,” he growled, voice razor-sharp. “You didn’t tell me she was compromised.”
“What do you mean you didn’t know, how is that even-”
My stomach twisted. I pushed myself up onto my elbows, the movement sluggish and unsteady. Bucky’s free hand was clenched into a fist at his side, his jaw tight, eyes dark with something I couldn’t place.
“She attacked me,” he continued, his voice dropping lower, more strained. “No hesitation. No recognition. The same fucking way I used to—” He cut himself off, exhaling sharply.
The words hit me like a physical blow, knocking the air from my lungs. My heart pounded against my ribs as the pieces slotted into place, slow and merciless. The scar behind my ear. Sokolov’s knowing smirk. The words—the words I didn’t even remember hearing.
And yet, I had obeyed them.
A cold, suffocating weight settled over me. My pulse roared in my ears. My hands curled into fists, nails biting into my palms.
I had attacked Bucky. I had tried to kill him.
The realization left me reeling, a sharp, jagged wound in my chest. I forced myself to sit up fully, swallowing past the lump in my throat. My whole body trembled.
“Barnes,” I croaked, my voice hoarse.
He stiffened, slowly lowering the phone from his ear. I watched as he ended the call without another word, slipping the device into his pocket before turning to face me. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes—
They were exhausted. Guarded. But underneath it all, there was something else. Something raw and painful and too damn familiar.
For a long moment, neither of us spoke. The silence between us was thick, heavy with the weight of what had happened.
“What the hell happened last night?” I finally forced out. My voice sounded distant, like it belonged to someone else.
Bucky’s jaw ticked. “You don’t remember.”
I shook my head. “Not after Sokolov invited us to his private quarters.”
Bucky exhaled slowly, dragging a hand through his hair. “He knew who we were. Knew who you were.” His gaze flickered to me, something like regret flashing across his features. “He said something. A set of words. The same ones Hydra used on me.”
I went still, nausea rolling through me in sickening waves.
“And I—” My voice cracked. “I responded? How, I mean what… How the fuck is that even possible?! What did Fury said? Let me talk to him. I want to speak with him right now!”
I was in such shock, I didn’t know where to start. Call Nick? Hearing their conversation, he didn’t know much either. So what was I supposed to do then? What the fuck happened, and how did it come to this? What did NEXUS do to me?
Bucky didn’t answer right away. Instead, he took a step closer, studying me like I was a puzzle he wasn’t sure how to solve. “You were gone, Y/N. Your eyes were empty. No hesitation. No mercy. Just a mission.”
The room felt too small, the air too thin. I wanted to deny it, to tell him he was wrong, that I couldn’t have—
The scars NEXUS had left behind were deep. Deeper than I ever allowed myself to admit. And now, it was undeniable.
Bucky must have seen the horror on my face because his own expression softened—just barely. “I had to knock you out,” he said quietly. “It was the only way to stop you.”
I nodded numbly, unable to find my voice.
A part of me had always feared this. That no matter how far I ran, no matter how much I fought to be something else, something better—I was still their toy. I was a kid. I couldn’t do much more back then right? Or maybe I just don’t remember it.
I sucked in a shuddering breath, squeezing my eyes shut.
“It’s not your fault,” Bucky murmured.
I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. “Isn’t it?” My voice wavered. “I spent so long thinking I’d escaped them. That Fury saved me. That I wasn’t like you.” I met his gaze, something breaking inside of me. “But I am, aren’t I?”
Bucky’s expression darkened. “Don’t,” he said sharply.
“Don’t what? Face the truth?” My voice rose, frustration bubbling up in my chest. “I tried to kill you, Barnes.” My throat tightened. “What if you hadn’t stopped me? What if—”
“You think I don’t get it?!” His voice cut through mine, rough with barely contained emotion. “You think I haven’t spent years asking myself the same fucking questions?”
I fell silent, staring at him.
His hands clenched at his sides, his breathing uneven. “I know what it’s like to wake up and realize you’ve done something you can’t take back. To look at your hands and wonder if they’ll ever be clean.” His voice dropped lower. “I know what it’s like to hate yourself for something you had no control over.”
A lump formed in my throat. I hated how much sense he made. How much I wanted to believe him. I hated how much I still tried to isolate myself from him. I hated how he saved me. I hated how at that moment I was the freak. The monster. I hated him for being right. And I hated him for how much his eyes were filled with concern about me.
I inhaled sharply, forcing the words out. “How do you live with it?”
Bucky’s gaze softened, his voice quieter this time. “One day at a time.”
Silence fell between us, thick and suffocating. I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to steady my breathing.
I wasn’t sure if I could do that.
But for now, it was all I had.
Bucky sighed, running a hand down his face. When he finally met my gaze, there was hesitation in his eyes—like he wasn’t sure how to say what needed to be said.
“We’re heading back to the Tower.”
He exhaled, shifting his weight. “We’re done here, Y/N. Fury’s already arranging for an extraction. We leave in an hour.”
“No.” The word came out sharper than I intended, my pulse kicking up. “We still have a mission. Sokolov—”
“—is already three steps ahead of us,” Bucky cut in. “Again in case you were not listening. He knew who we were. He knew who you were. That means this op is compromised. We’re compromised.”
I clenched my jaw, anger flaring in my chest. “So what? We just tuck tail and run?”
“We regroup,” he corrected, voice tight. “We get answers first.”
I shook my head, shoving the covers off and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. My whole body ached, but I forced myself to my feet. “No. We don’t have time for that. We finish what we started.”
“I’ll kill them for this.”
The words left my lips with a venom I barely recognized. A deep, burning rage coiled in my chest, thick and suffocating. Sokolov had turned me into his puppet. He had cracked open something inside me that I had fought so hard to bury. And I wanted him dead for it.
Bucky stepped closer, shaking his head. “You’re not thinking clearly.”
“I’m thinking just fine.”
“The hell you are!” His voice rose, raw with frustration. “You were just fucking brainwashed, Y/L/N! You really think you’re ready to walk back into the lion’s den?”
“I don’t have a choice!” I shot back. “They did something to me. They still have a hold on me. And no one even knew this. Not even Fury. And I am not going to sit around and wait for it to happen again.”
“So what, you think killing them is gonna fix it?”
“Yes!” The word burst from me like a gunshot, my breath coming fast and shallow. “Because if I don’t end this now, they’ll keep coming back. They’ll keep proving that I’m not in control of my own fucking life and that they can take everything away from me again.”
Bucky’s jaw tightened, his fists clenched at his sides. “You are in control.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “I attacked you.”
“And I stopped you.” His voice dropped lower, but it was no less intense. “Because I’ve been where you are, Y/N. I know what it feels like. That urge to burn it all down, to erase every trace of what they did to you.”
I swallowed, my throat tight.
“But listen to me,” he continued, stepping even closer. “Killing them? It won’t make it go away. It won’t erase what happened. And it sure as hell won’t fix you.”
I hated how much I wanted to believe him. I hated how his words cut through the haze of anger, piercing something deeper inside me. Something raw and broken.
I clenched my fists. “I don’t need to be fucking fixed!”
Bucky’s eyes softened, just barely. “I know.”
The silence between us was thick, heavy with everything we weren’t saying. My pulse pounded in my ears. I hated this. I hated feeling weak. I hated that he was right.
And I hated him for knowing exactly what I was going through. Especially him. But now I wasn’t so sure that it was him who caused me the most pain.
Anger and frustration warred inside me, twisting into something ugly and desperate. My breath hitched, and before I could stop myself, I grabbed his collar, yanking him closer.
His hands immediately went to my wrists, not pushing me away, just holding me there. His breath was warm against my skin, his scent familiar, grounding. His gaze burned into mine, searching, waiting.
I surged forward, crashing my lips against his.
Bucky froze for half a second—just long enough for me to question everything—before he kissed me back just as hard. His hands moved to my waist, gripping tight, like he needed this just as much as I did. Like we were both drowning, desperate for something real to hold onto.
The kiss was a battlefield. A war of anger and desperation, frustration and need. Teeth clashed, tongues fought for dominance. It was messy, raw, unrelenting.
I gasped against his lips, fingers tangling in his hair as he pulled me closer, impossibly close. His grip on me was firm, grounding, keeping me from spiraling into the dark abyss clawing at the edges of my mind.
When we finally broke apart, our breaths were ragged, our foreheads pressed together. My chest heaved, my body burning. Bucky swallowed hard, his hands still on me.
Neither of us knew what to say. The terror in his eyes was even greater than in mine. He leaned slightly toward me, searching for approval. And he found it.
Our lips met again. This time, the kiss was even more intense.
The tension between us was suffocating. It has been for months, a constant push and pull, venom-laced words thrown like knives, glares sharp enough to cut. I fucking despise him—his arrogance, his brooding silence, the way he looks at me like I’m nothing but a thorn in his side.
But then? Bucky Barnes was pressed against me, his breath ragged, his body taut with something that feels dangerously close to surrender.
“Tell me to stop,” he growls, his voice like gravel, rough and unsteady. His metal fingers dig into my waist, not enough to hurt, but enough to hold you in place. Like he’s afraid I might slip away before he can make sense of this madness between us.
But I didn’t tell him to stop.
Instead, I gripped the collar of his shirt and yanked him down, crashing my mouth against his once more. It’s not soft. It’s not sweet. It’s war.
He groaned into the kiss, and I swallowed the sound, biting down on his bottom lip just to hear him hiss. His hands moved—one gripping the back of my neck, tilting my head just the way he wanted, the other pressing flat against my lower back, shoving my flush against him. Every inch of him is solid heat, coiled tension, and I hated that it made my stomach tighten with something dangerously close to need.
“You drive me fucking insane,” he growled against my lips, his mouth trailing down my jaw, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of your neck. “Always running your mouth, always getting under my skin—”
I shoved him back, just enough to look into his stormy blue eyes, both of us panting. “Right back at you, Barnes.”
Something flashed in his gaze—a challenge, a promise—before he surged forward, capturing my lips again. It’s even hungrier this time, rougher, like he’s trying to consume every angry word, every insult I have ever thrown at him. His hands roam, fingers gripping, tugging, pulling, like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to ruin or worship me.
My hands weren’t idle either. I fisted his hair, yanking his head back just enough to scrape my teeth against the strong line of his jaw, relishing in the way he shudders. His control is slipping, and fuck, I love watching him come undone.
Bucky let out a dark chuckle, his fingers tightening on my neck, his thigh slipping between mine as he shoved me back against the wall. His voice is low, dangerous, dripping with something possessive. His lips brushed against my ear, his breath hot as he murmurs, “You’ve been looking at me like you wanted to tear me apart since day one.”
I shivered, my nails digging into his shoulders. “Maybe I do.”
His lips curl into a smirk against your skin. “Then do it.”
And so I did—dragging him back to me, bruising kisses and desperate touches, both of us losing ourselves in this battle where neither of us wins, but neither of us wants to stop fighting.
I wanted to take control. I tried—unsuccessfully—to pin him against the wall. Barnes only chuckled before gripping my thighs and lifting me effortlessly, as if I weighed nothing. I kept forgetting just how far I still had to go to reach Winter Soldier’s level. Fuck him.
He threw me onto the bed and, in one swift motion, pulled his shirt over his head. Fuck. His broad shoulders and chest rose and fell with each heavy breath. The way his scars merged into the metal of his arm fascinated me. But before I could think about it for longer, Barnes was already on top of me.
His right hand moved slowly—first over my breasts, then down my stomach, my thighs. And finally, he slipped his fingers beneath my panties. I gasped, pleasure shooting through me. Before any other sound could escape my lips, he crushed his mouth against mine again.
His fingers moved faster, rubbing me just right. Fuck, it felt good. Like he knew exactly what he was doing, as if he had known me—known my body—forever. I needed him. Right now. Nothing else mattered. No thoughts, no emotions, only desire.
As if he could read my mind, I felt his body shift. And then—I felt him. His thick, throbbing cock stretching me open.
"Oh my god," I cried out. My eyes rolled back, head pressing harder against the edge of the bed. My nails dug into his back as I pulled him closer.
I hated him. I wanted him.
We moved together like we had done this a thousand times before. Somehow, he knew exactly what I needed, exactly how to push me further. God knows how the fuck he knew that. He started fucking me harder, his gaze dark with raw, animalistic hunger. I felt his hands everywhere—in my hair, around my throat, gripping my thighs. And I wasn’t any better. I didn’t know where to hold onto him, didn’t know what to grasp. We just wanted more. More with every passing second.
It was raw, heated, and fucking messy. But it was amazing.
His breath grew heavier, his thrusts deeper, rougher. And with one final push, a deep groan tore from his throat as he came inside me.
For a moment, we just lay there in silence, the only sound in the room was our ragged breathing.
What the fuck did we just do? What the hell just happened? Could I not go a single day without making a mess of things?
Neither of us spoke. How could we? What the hell were we even supposed to say? Had we just gone from enemies to fuck buddies? No way.
God, I hope he didn’t put any cameras in here for the mission.
"Agent Y/LN, everything is arranged. You can return now—I’ll explain everything when you get back."
I put the phone down, barely managing to wrap a blanket around myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Barnes was already dressed, his gaze fixed on the floor, his expression unreadable.
"Let’s get back," I said coldly.
Fuck. This was about to get really awkward.