SYNOPSIS; michael wants your babies. thatâs literally it.
THEMES; unprotected sex, heavy breeding kink, toxic dynamic, controlling behaviour, secrecy, oral (m!receiving), degradation, isolation & michael getting a lil physical when heâs jealous (not w reader), angst i guess, lots of dirty talk
NOTE; i had thradera!mike in mind for this but you can imagine him however you want. heavily inspired by massive attackâs dissolved girl. in ref to the person requesting more toxic!mike. masterlist can be found here.
TAGS; @galacticpurpl3 @mrsjacksonnnnnn @abrokennbottletop @wonin1nie @chrollosblackgf66 @thebaddestfish @veraberaxx @sensualxdisguise @wildpandorasky @kekeonna @piercedheartxo @cherrypiex-a @pinkgangstaa @cassanibal @prettygirlwmula @slickdickwitchbitchh @violet848 @marceadoresu @bleachedantler @peacenluv04 @roromanok @iamsosexy2 @pnd-luvr @gogoyubari888 @tojiswifeforlife @girlsrpilots-2 @yeaitsapplehead @angelicalfaced @theprincessh3rself @justadashofevil @neworleansgurl @lauren7050
Michael loved you like the world was ending.
That was the only way to describe it, in those early months, when the relationship was still new enough that every touch felt like a revelation. Michael didnât just want to be near you. He wanted to be around you, threaded through you in some way that made it impossible to tell where he ended and you began. He called you baby from the first week, constantly, the word a substitute for your actual name. His voice dropped half a register when he said it, low, intimate, even in public and even when his brothers were in the room making kissing noises, and laughing at him for being so gone.
âIâm not gone.â He protested once, his arm draped across the back of a booth at a restaurant in Encino, his thumb tracing the ridge of your shoulder through your blouse while Tito pretended to gag across the table. âIâm just, you know⌠attentive.â
âYouâre sick.â Marlon corrected, pointing a breadstick at him. âYouâre love-sick, man. Itâs embarrassing.â
Michaelâs mouth curved, though he didnât look at Marlon. His dark eyes found yours, bright with something private that belonged to the two of you alone. His thumb continued moving against your shoulder in that slow, deliberate rhythm, less an absent-minded habit, but more a declaration of ownership disguised as tenderness. "Let them talk." He murmured, just loud enough for you to hear. "They donât know what this is."
He was right. They didnât.
What it was, in those first months, was intoxicating. He paid attention in a way that felt like being the only person in the entire world. He noticed things no one else noticed, the way you twisted your napkin when nervous, the exact shade of lipstick you favoured, the way your voice changed on the phone depending on who was calling. He catalogued you with the same meticulous focus he brought to a recording session, turning you over in his mind like a mix he was trying to perfect, except the scrutiny was so warm and wrapped in genuine delight, that it never occurred to you to call it what it actually was.
He was generous too, which made it impossible to see the edges of what was happening until you were already inside it. Not just gifts, though there were plenty of those. A gold bracelet arriving in a velvet box on a Tuesday for no reason. A leather jacket youâd pointed out in a window once, then forgotten about three minutes later. Flowers so constantly that the vase on your kitchen counter was never empty.
He gave you access. The private phone number, a key to Hayvenhurst, a seat in the studio during sessions where youâd sit in the corner with a book while he worked, occasionally glancing up between takes to make sure you were still there, still his. Every gift was a thread. Every key, every phone number, every come with me, baby, I want you there was a stitch in a life being built around the two of you alone.
Your friend Jennifer noticed before you did.
âYouâve been busy.â She said over the phone one evening, her tone carefully neutral.
âI havenât been busy. Iâve just been with him.â
âYouâve been with him for three weeks straight. I called your house four times last week.â
âHe likes having me around. Is that a crime?â
âNo.â She paused. "Just donât disappear, okay?â
You laughed it off. You remember that now, the sound of your own laughter, completely dismissive, because you could not fathom what she was talking about. How could you disappear when youâd never felt more seen? Michael looked at you like you were the only real thing in a world full of illusions.Â
You didnât call Jennifer back that week, or the one after. It wasnât deliberate. Life simply filled up with him, every hour accounted for, every evening claimed, until weeks bled into each other and the sound of her voice on the phone started to feel like a voice from another version of your life.Â
In those early months, what you knew was that he was beautiful, he was kind, he wanted you close and he made you feel like the centre of everything. The sex was unlike anything youâd ever experienced.
He was starving for you. The first time you slept together, in his bedroom at Hayvenhurst with the door locked and the lights low, he undressed you like he was unwrapping something sacred. His fingers careful at the buttons, his mouth following each newly exposed inch of skin with a focus that bordered on devotional. He kissed your collarbone, your stomach and the inside of your wrist. He pressed his forehead against your hip bone and breathed you in, his eyes closed, his hands gripping your waist like he was trying to anchor himself.Â
So when he finally looked up at you from between your legs, the expression on his face wasnât just desire. It was hunger. A hunger so deep and consuming, that it made your breath catch, because youâd been wanted before but youâd never been devoured, and that was what Michael did. He devoured slowly with a single-minded focus that made you feel like the only woman whoâd ever existed.
The first time he came inside you, he didnât attempt to pull out. You hadnât discussed it. You were on the pill and he knew that, but something shifted in him at the last moment, some primal instinct that overrode logic. His hand tightened on your hip, his breath ragged against your throat. He buried his body as deep as it could go with a groan that sounded less like pleasure, more like a man finding religion. When the trembling stopped and the sweat cooled, he stayed inside you. He propped himself on his forearms and looked at you with those beautiful eyes.
I want to get you pregnant, heâd say, the words rolling off his tongue like a confession heâd been holding for years.
You laughed because you thought he was joking.
It became a thing after that. Not a conversation, not a boundary you set or a fantasy you explicitly agreed to. It became a thing the way all the most dangerous things in your relationship became things. He talked about it while he was inside you, when his control was slipping, when the polite, gentle Michael the world knew dissolved and the raw, obsessive one took his place.Â
You want that, baby? You want me to fill you up? You want me to get you pregnant? He would say, his voice dropping to something almost unrecognisable. His hand pressed flat against your lower stomach like he could feel the possibility of it, like the idea of putting a baby inside you short-circuited every rational thought in his head.
You said yes. You always said yes. Not because you wanted to get pregnant, you were careful. You were a rational person living in the real world. But the way he said it, in that desperate voice laced with something darker, made yes the only possible answer. The breeding talk wasnât about babies. It was about permanence. Him wanting to be so deep inside you he could never be removed, to leave a mark so profound it would outlast both of you. It was a language the closest his desperate, obsessive brain could get to articulating that need.
He finished inside you every time and you noticed that. You didnât think about what it meant, but some part of you registered the consistency, the way heâd thrust deep and hold still after, his hand finding your stomach, his breath evening out against your neck like a habit he had no intention of breaking.
The first time you rode him was your idea. Youâd been laying in bed, tangled together in Saturday morning light, his fingers tracing idle patterns on your thigh, his mouth pressed against your temple. You shifted on top of him with a slow confidence that caught his breath. His hands found your waist immediately, instinctively, gripping hard enough to bruise. The sound he made when you sank down onto him was grateful in a way that made your chest ache.
âOh God.â He breathed, his head pressing back into the pillow, eyes half-closed. âBabyâŚâ
His eyes found yours, wide and dark, his hands tightening on your waist. His thumbs pressed into the soft skin just above your hip bones. The lazy Saturday morning dissolved into something deliberate and dangerous, because you were on top, you were in control, except the expression on his face wasnât submission. It was hunger.Â
âMove.â He murmured, his voice rough as his hips rolled up into you once experimentally. His jaw tightened. âC'mon, baby⌠move for me.â
You moved slowly at first, your hands braced on his chest, feeling the rapid percussion of his heartbeat under your palms. The angle was deep like this, impossibly deep, every roll of your hips drawing a sound from him that evidenced his desperation. His fingers dug into your waist hard enough to leave marks youâd find later, in the mirror, with a kind of detached wonder.Â
His eyes never left yours, not once. He watched you move on top of him with that beautiful, consuming focus. So when you started to pick up speed, when the pleasure built in earnest, his hand slid from your waist to the back of your neck and pulled you down.
âYou feel so good.â He murmured against your mouth, his lips barely touching yours. âYou have no idea, baby. You have no idea what you do to me.â
His grip tightened as his other hand pressed flat against your lower stomach, that same gesture, that impossible tenderness mixed with something far more primal.Â
âIâm gonna fill you up.â He whispered, his hips snapping up to meet yours as his rhythm faltered, every element of his control slipping. âIâm gonna get you pregnant, baby. You want that? You want me to put a baby in you?â
âYes.â You gasped, because the angle was too good and the look in his eyes was too consuming for any other word.
âYeah?â His hand tightened on the back of your neck. âSay it again.â
He came with his face buried in your throat, his groan vibrating against your skin, hips pressing up into you so hard you felt him everywhere. The pulse of him deep inside. His arms wrapped around your back to crush you against his chest like he was trying to merge your bodies together.Â
You thought it was sweet and you thought it was passionate. You thought the breeding talk was a harmless expression of desire that made the sex hotter and the intimacy deeper, without seeing the seed of something else buried inside it. Something that looked like worship but grew like a root system, spreading quietly beneath the surface of your relationship in directions you wouldnât discover until much later.
You didnât see any of it. Not yet.
ââââ ŕ¨ŕ§ ââââ
It was industry, the kind of event Michael normally navigated with practiced ease. That smile, the handshake, the gentle deflection of every person who wanted a piece of him, his body language open and warm while his eyes stayed careful, keeping you close without appearing to.Â
You wore the black dress heâd bought you, the one with the thin straps that made his breath catch when youâd tried it on, his hands settling on your hips from behind.
That one, baby, get that one.
You felt beautiful in it, standing beside him with his hand on the small of your back, a glass of champagne in your hand, the room buzzing with industry faces, flowing conversations and the low hum of a band playing something Motown in the corner.
The manâs name was David, an A&R guy from Capitol, the kind of confident that came from money rather than talent. You noticed him, how his smile was too wide, his handshake too firm, his eyes doing a slow, appreciative tour of your body that lasted too long before he remembered to look at Michael.
âJackson.â He said with a grin, clapping Michael on the shoulder like they were old friends. They werenât. âGood to see you, man. And whoâs this?â
âThis is my girlfriend.â Michael responded, his voice even, his smile fixed in place.
Davidâs eyes returned to you. âLucky man.â His gaze dropped to your bare shoulders, tracing the neckline of the dress. âVery lucky.â
The conversation moved on and David drifted. Michaelâs hand remained on your back, his thumb tracing a slow circle just above the curve of your spine. You thought it was over until David appeared again forty minutes later, drink in hand, leaning against the bar where youâd gone to refill your champagne.
âHey.â He spoke casually, the kind of friendliness that felt like a door held open a little too wide. âYou having a good time?â
âYou look like youâre having a good time.â He took a sip, his eyes dropping again, like the act of looking was something he wanted you to witness. âThat dress is something else⌠Michaelâs got taste, Iâll give him that.â
Your smile tightened. âThanks.â
He laughed, leaning closer, slightly closing the proximity between the two of you. âBet he doesnât let you out much, huh? I wouldnât either, if I were him⌠Must be hard to share something like you.â
It was the kind of comment that sat in the grey area between compliment and proposition, the kind most women learned to navigate with a polite laugh and a strategic exit.Â
You were preparing exactly that, the excuse, when Michael appeared at your side. You hadnât seen him approach. His hand located the small of your back, not gentle this time, his body angled between you and David in a way that wasnât casual but was exactly as territorial as it looked.
âWhat did you just say to her?â
Michaelâs voice was quiet, not raised nor heated. Quiet in a way that made the air between the three of you feel dangerously thin. His smile was gone. Not replaced by anger, but something more controlled, the calm of a man whoâd heard exactly what he thought he had and wanted it repeated so there could be no misunderstanding.
David blinked. âHey, relax, man, I was justââ
âNo. Say it again.â Michaelâs head tilted slightly, his eyes fixed on Davidâs face with an intensity that made your stomach clench. âGo on, say it again. What did you just say to her?â
"Jackson, come on, I was just being friendlyâ"
Davidâs grin recalibrated, settling into something uneasy. âLook, I didnât mean anything by it alright? We were just talking.â
Michael stared at him for a long moment. Long enough for David to shift his weight, to glance sideways, to realise with dawning discomfort that the man in front of him wasnât going to let this go.
Then Michaelâs hand shot out and shoved David square in the chest.
David stumbled backward into the bar, glasses rattling and ice spilling, his drink sloshing over his hand as he caught himself. The sound was small and the impact was contained, but the room noticed. Heads turned and conversations topped. The band played on for a few bars before trailing off and in the sudden quiet, Michael took a step forward, his hand still extended, his breathing controlled but his body coiled.
âDonât look at her.â Michael said. "Donât talk to her. Donât come near her again."
David stared at him, stunned, a red flush creeping up his neck. âWhat the fuck, Jacksonââ
Jermaine was there. You didnât see where he came from, but suddenly he was between them, his hand flat on Michaelâs chest, his body acting as a wall. âMike. Mike, thatâs enough.â
Michael didnât listen. He tried to push past, his shoulder driving into Jermaineâs hold. His eyes were still locked on David, his voice dropping to something low and vicious. âTouch her again, I swear Iâllââ
âMichael.â Jermaineâs hand fisted in the front of Michaelâs shirt, yanking him back hard enough to stop the sentence mid-breath, his other hand gripping Michaelâs shoulder. âDonât. Donât do this, not here.â He growled into his ear.
Michael strained forward. His whole body was trembling, every muscle taut, his jaw clenched so hard the tendons in his neck stood out like cables. For a long moment, you thought heâd shove his own brother aside, thought heâd get past Jermaine and finish whatever heâd started. The whole room was watching. Every pair of eyes were fixed on the three of them, on Michael Jackson trying to fight his way through his older brother to get to a man whoâd spoken to you wrong.
You stood behind them, your champagne forgotten, your hand pressed to your mouth, shocked, because this wasnât the man you loved, this was something else entirely. Something youâd seen flickers of in the bedroom but never in public and never with witnesses.
Jermaine held him and steered him toward the exit, one hand on his chest, the other on his arm. Michael let himself be moved, but barely, his body rigid, his strides long and mechanical, not looking back.Â
Jermaine got him to the door before looking at you over Michaelâs shoulder, his expression complicated, somewhere between apology and warning.
âGet him home.â He said quietly.
ââââ ŕ¨ŕ§ ââââ
Michael didnât say a word in the car.
Not when you climbed into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut behind you, not when he turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the driveway without looking in your direction, not for the entire forty-minute drive back to Hayvenhurst while the city lights smeared past the windows in long, blurry streaks of gold and white.Â
His hands were on the steering wheel, his eyes fixed on the road with the blank focus of someone choosing where to look so they wouldnât have to look somewhere else.
You tried. His name left your mouth somewhere around Encino, testing, and it dissolved into the quiet without leaving a mark on him, without so much as a flicker in his expression.Â
You said Michael, it wasnât like that and his knuckles tightened on the wheel, the skin stretched white over bone, but he didnât flinch and he never turned his head. You stopped talking after that because there was nowhere for your words to go except back into your own throat, choking you, so you sat in the passenger seat watching the streetlights pass over his face in intervals, each flash catching someone you didnât quite recognise.Â
The gates opened and he parked. Michael got out of the car without waiting for you, without reaching for your door, without the hand on the small of your back that was always there, every single time without exception. You stood in the driveway, watching his back disappear through the front door and the distance between you felt like something measured in miles rather than the handful of feet it actually was.
The house was dark except for the foyer light someone had left on and you could hear his footsteps ascending, steady and unhurried, the sway of a man moving through his own house at his own pace who happened to not care that you were standing in it. You followed him up because standing alone in that foyer felt worse than following someone who didnât want you behind him.
The bedroom was empty when you reached it, the bathroom door already closed, water running behind it in a steady rush that filled the silence the way his silence in the car had.
You sat on the edge of the bed in your dress, your heels still on, your clutch still in your hand because you couldnât remember putting anything down since the car. You stared at the wood grain of that door until the lines blurred and your heartbeat stumbled over itself.
You replayed the party on a loop. Davidâs out of pocket comments, the sound of Michaelâs shoes on the floor behind you in the half-second before Jermaine grabbed him. The look on his face when he turned toward you. Not jealousy, but ownership. The look of someone watching a stranger put their hand on something that belonged to them while they were standing right there.
You put your clutch on the nightstand and kicked off your heels before reaching for the drawer out of habit, looking for a chapstick, something to fill your hands with so theyâd stop shaking.
Which was when you clocked the notebook.
It was small, encased with black leather, the kind youâd buy at any stationery store. It was sitting on top of a pair of folded reading glasses and a tube of hand cream, nestled among his things with the quiet belonging of something that had lived in that spot for months. You picked it up and opened it before your brain had finished deciding whether you should.
The first page had your initials at the top in his handwriting, neat and startlingly familiar, the way his handwriting always was when he was being careful.Â
Below that, dates arranged in columns. Cycle days marked in one colour, ovulation windows in another, little circles around certain dates with times noted beside them in the margin.Â
Some days were starred. One entry read simply day 14 with a circle around it and, in smaller, more deliberate handwriting beside it
Your vision did something strange at the edges, the lines of text blurring and sharpening in sequence. You turned it and found more of the same extending back further than you could have guessed, each entry uniform in its neatness and patience, the handwriting consistent throughout, which meant he hadnât started this casually and grown more invested over time.
Heâd been this deliberate from the very first entry. Heâd been watching your body more carefully than youâd been watching it yourself, every slow night when he held your hips a certain way, every time he pressed deeper and stayed after with his breath warm on your neck. His hand would find your stomach and rest there, and it hadnât been tenderness nor had it been a habit.
You closed the notebook before putting it back exactly where youâd found it. You slid the drawer shut and sat on the bed with your hands in your lap, the water still running behind the bathroom door, trying to decide whether to scream or hold the notebook up when he walked out and say what the fuck is this, Michael.Â
You thought about calling Jennifer from the landline downstairs, except Jennifer hadnât called you back in two weeks and the thought of explaining any of this to anyone made something inside you curl up and hide itself away like a small animal retreating into a place too dark to be found.
The water stopped. He came out in boxers and nothing else, droplets still clinging to his collarbone and he didnât look at you. He walked to his side of the bed, pulled back the covers and turned his back to you within seconds, the rigid line of his shoulders facing you like a wall.
He didnât speak to you that night. He didnât speak to you the next morning, either, leaving the bedroom before you woke, the sheets cool where his body had been. You found him in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and the newspaper. When you said his name he looked up at you with polite, empty eyes, the kind of expression youâd give a housekeeper or a stranger. He said morning the way someone says it to be polite, then looked back down at the paper.
The second day was worse because he moved through the house like you werenât there. Not cruelly or dramatically. He simply existed in the same rooms as you without acknowledging that your presence required anything from him. He ate breakfast while you stood in the doorway. He went to the studio, then came back. He ate dinner in the kitchen while you sat across from him, your food untouched, your throat too tight to swallow and when you tried to talk to him he responded in short, courteous sentences that gave you nothing, the way youâd respond to someone making small talk in a waiting room, pleasant and completely devoid of substance.Â
Iâm fine, thank you. The session went well. I think Iâll read for a bit before bed, heâd say.
You didnât sleep. You lay next to him on the mattress that suddenly felt enormous, the two feet between your body and you stared at the ceiling. You listened to the measured cadence of his breathing, too even to be asleep but too controlled to be anything but another form of the silence heâd wrapped around you like a punishment.
The third day broke something in you.
Youâd spent the morning in the bedroom, sitting on the bed, standing at the window then back sitting on the bed again, cycling through the same thoughts the way youâd been cycling through them since the car in the same loop.
Your chest ached, physically. A dull, heavy pressure behind your sternum that made it hard to breathe and impossible to think about anything other than the distance between you and him and what it would take to close it.Â
You missed him, that was the obscene part. He was in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, standing in the same kitchen and you missed him like heâd died.
You found him in the living room that evening. He was on the couch, reading, one leg crossed over the other, his glasses low on his nose. The lamp cast warm light over the pages and the line of his jaw. He looked up when you walked in with that same polite, empty expression, the one that said âyes?â without saying anything at all and your legs carried you across the room before your brain had finished deciding what you were doing.
You dropped to your knees in front of him.
Not gracefully and definitely not seductively. Your knees hit the carpet hard enough to bruise, your hands landing on his thighs and you looked up at him with everything you had, everything youâd been holding for three days, the desperation and the ache that had taken up residence in your chest like a second heartbeat. His expression didnât change as he watched you from behind his glasses, the book still open in one hand.
Your hands were shaking when you reached for his belt. You fumbled the buckle, your fingers clumsy, your breath coming in short, uneven pulls but you got it undone and moved to the button of his jeans. His hand came down and covered yours.
Not to stop you, to hold you still.
You looked up at him. His eyes were dark behind his glasses, his lips barely parted and his voice was quiet when he spoke, low and controlled, the first real thing heâd said to you in three days.
Your fingers hooked into the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down. His cock was already hard and the sight of it made something in your stomach clench, a wave of want so sharp it bordered on pain. You wrapped your hand around the base and leaned forward, opening your mouth.
You didnât think about the notebook. You didnât think about the dates or the careful, patient handwriting that had been tracking your body for months like a project. You didnât think about what it meant that you were on your knees in front of a man who had been planning your future without consulting you, mapping your fertile windows and holding your hips still on day fourteen while you lay there thinking it was love.
What you thought about, with your lips stretched around him and your eyes wet, was how much you liked this.
The fact that you had to work for it. The fact that heâd made you wait, made you ache, made you lay next to him for three nights feeling the absence of his warmth like a wound that wouldnât close, until your body overrode your pride and carried you across the room, dropping you to the floor in front of him.Â
There was something in the degradation of it, the submission of it, the way it felt to need someone so badly that the act of kneeling at their feet and opening your mouth felt less like humiliation and more like relief, like permission to stop pretending you hadnât been breaking since the car.
ââââ ŕ¨ŕ§ ââââ
The driveway was dark, the house lights off, the only sound the tick of the engine cooling under the hood and the crickets in the hills beyond the gate. You were bent over the rear bumper of the Mercedes with your palms flat against the warm metal and your cheek turned to the side. The night air hit the backs of your thighs where his fingers were sliding higher, tracing the edge of bare skin, finding nothing beneath the fabric.
âYouâre not wearing panties.â
It wasnât a question. It was the broken sound a man makes when heâs just discovered something thatâs going to ruin him, his voice stripped of every layer of composure he usually carried.Â
His hands tightened on your hips, pulling you back against him so you could feel him, the hard length of his cock pressing through his jeans against the curve of your ass, hot even through the denim and he rolled his hips once, letting you feel every inch of how hard he was.
âI didnât think youâd notice.â Your voice came out breathless, wrecked already and he laughed against your ear.
âDidnât think IâdâŚâ He shook his head, his mouth pressing to the curve of your neck, his breath hot and uneven. âFeel that? Feel what you do to me, baby. You make me feel like a goddamn virgin. Every time... every single time I get this hard for you like Iâve never done this before.â
His hand slid between your thighs from behind, his fingers tracing the slickness already gathered there and he groaned, low and guttural, the sound vibrating through his chest into your back, his forehead dropping to your shoulder.
âShit... youâre so wet.â
His other hand fumbled with his belt, the buckle clinking and you heard the rustle of fabric as he pushed his jeans down just enough. Then the blunt, hot head of his cock was dragging through the wetness between your legs, sliding along your folds without pushing in, coating himself in it, teasing both of you. Your hips pushed back involuntarily, chasing him and his hand came down on your hip and held you still.
âPut your knee up... right here on the bumper, baby. Let me get at you.â
You lifted your right knee onto the chrome edge of the bumper, the metal cool against your skin. The position opened you wider, tilting your hips back toward him. He made a sound, a wrecked exhale that stuttered halfway through and his cock pressed against your entrance, the head nudging in just enough to make you gasp, just enough to feel the stretch start and then he stopped. Michael held himself there, not moving an inch. His hands gripped your hips hard enough to leave a stain.
âIâm so crazy for you... do you know what you do to me? Do you have any idea?â
âMichaelâŚâ His name fell out of you like a plea, your voice cracked down the middle and his hips jerked forward involuntarily at the sound of it, the head slipping in just barely before he caught himself and held still again.
Then he pushed in. One slow, deep stroke, his cock sliding into you inch by inch, the stretch burning then blooming into something vast and consuming that made your elbows buckle against the bumper. Your forehead pressed into the metal. A sound fell out of you, something between a moan and a sob and he bottomed out with his hips flush against your ass, his thighs pressing into the backs of yours and his cock so deep inside you that you could feel him in your stomach.
âOh... oh fuckâŚâ The words barely made it out, muffled against your forearm where youâd buried your face.
He didnât move. He stayed buried to the hilt, his hands roaming your body with the slow, deliberate exploration of a man mapping terrain he intended to own. One hand slid up to grip your breast through your dress, his palm molding to the shape of you, his thumb circling your nipple through the fabric until it hardened beneath his touch.Â
The other hand flattened against your stomach, his palm pressing low, just above where his cock was splitting you open and he held his hand there, feeling himself inside you through the thin barrier of skin.
âYouâd make such a... beautiful mama.â
The words landed in your chest like a stone dropped in still water, ripples spreading outward through your ribs and something in your lower belly clenched around him so tight that his breath stuttered and his hips jerked involuntarily, a shallow thrust that punched a moan out of both of you.Â
He laughed, low and breathless, his mouth pressed to the curve of your neck, his tongue tracing the sweat-damp skin there.
âYou liked that, didnât you? You liked hearing that.â
âDonâtâŚâ You started, but you couldnât finish the sentence. You didnât know what you were going to say. Donât stop, donât say that, donât make me want that. Your hips pressed back into him and whatever protest youâd been forming dissolved into a moan that vibrated through your entire body, your pussy tightening around him involuntarily and his groan in response was ragged, almost pained.
He started to move. Slow at first, long, deliberate strokes that withdrew until only the head remained inside before sliding back in with a patience that bordered on cruelty. Each thrust angled deep, dragging against that spot inside you with a precision that made your vision fracture at the edges, your breath coming apart in ragged, uneven pulls.Â
His hand moved from your breast to the small of your back, pressing you down into the bumper, holding you at the angle he wanted, the angle that let him hit exactly where he was aiming. The pressure of his palm against your spine sent shivers cascading through your entire body.
âTodayâs your day, baby... your special day. You know that?â
His voice was low, spoken against the shell of your ear with the quiet certainty of someone sharing a secret. The words sank into you without landing, your brain too fractured by the devastating drag of his cock to process what he meant. His hips rolled forward, deep, deliberate, and your fingers scrabbled against the bumper for something to hold onto, your nails scraping the paint.
âI can feel it. I can always feel it when itâs your time. You get tighter... softer inside. Like your body knows, baby... like itâs ready for me."
His hand moved from the small of your back to your hip, gripping hard, his fingers digging into the soft flesh there as he pulled you back to meet each thrust with a rhythm that was slow enough to be torturous and deep enough to make your thighs tremble against the backs of his.Â
You could feel every ridge of him, every vein, the way he swelled slightly at the base, the way the head of his cock caught on that spot inside you with each withdrawal before pressing back over it on the next stroke, a relentless, calculated repetition that was building something vast and terrifying at the base of your spine.
âOh godâŚâ You pressed your face into your forearm, your teeth catching the skin there, biting down to muffle the sounds that were climbing out of your throat with each thrust.
His pace didnât change, that was the cruelty of it. He kept that same slow, devastating rhythm, his cock sliding in and out of you with the methodical patience of a man who had all night, who wasnât rushing, who wanted to feel every second of this.
His hand moved from your hip to between your thighs, his fingers finding your clit with a familiarity that made your whole body jolt, like he knew exactly where it was without looking, like heâd memorised the map of you.
âYouâre so close, baby... I can feel it. I can feel how tight youâre getting.â
His fingers worked in tight circles, matching the rhythm of his cock, the dual sensation building on itself in waves that grew higher each time, but pulled back before you could fall over the edge. You were sobbing now, your forehead pressed against the bumper, your hips pushing back against him with a desperation that had nothing to do with technique or rhythm, just the need to be filled, to be taken, to be broken open.
âPleaseâŚâ You didnât recognise your own voice, desperate and barely audible over the sound of his hips against yours. âPlease, Michael, I want it... I want it so badâŚâ
âI know you do, baby. I know... but I want to feel you first. I need to feel how bad you want this.â
His fingers pressed harder on your clit, the circles tightening and his cock drove deeper, the slow rhythm finally giving way to something harder, more urgent, his hips snapping forward with enough force to push you into the bumper, the metal creaking beneath your hands.Â
The dual sensation was annihilating, his cock hitting that spot inside you while his fingers worked your clit with a precision that made your sight darken at the edges, your breath coming in short gasps that matched the rhythm of his thrusts.
âIâm gonna fill you up tonight, baby... Iâm gonna cum so deep inside you.â
âPlease... oh god, pleaseâŚâ
âLook at me.â His voice was low, wrecked, barely holding together, but the command in it was undeniable. âCâmon turn your head, baby. Look at me while you cum.â
You turned your head, your cheek pressing against the warm metal of the bumper. He was right there, his face inches from yours, his eyes dark and blown wide. His composure was fracturing in real time, the controlled rhythm falling apart into something raw and desperate, his hips driving into you with a force that pushed you up the bumper with each thrust.
The sight of him, the undone look in his eyes and the way his jaw was clenched tight against the sounds climbing out of his throat, pushed you over the edge.
Your orgasm hit like a rupture, a white-hot wave that started at the base of your spine and crashed through your entire body with a force that stole your breath. You clenched around him in rhythmic, desperate pulses that made his composure shatter completely.Â
His hips stuttered and his rhythm broke, his hand on your clit faltering as the sensation of you tightening around him pulled a sound from his chest.
âThatâs it... thatâs my girl. Give it to me. Give me everything.â
He fucked you through it, his strokes growing erratic, his groans falling against the back of your neck in hot, uneven bursts. The aftershocks were still rolling through you, each one pulling a fresh moan from your throat, your body clenching around him in waves that seemed to go on forever.
He was close, you could feel it in the way his cock swelled inside you, the way his hands gripped your hips hard enough to bruise, the way his breath came in short gasps against your shoulder.
He came with his cock buried as deep as it could go, his hips pressed flush against you, his body going rigid from head to toe. You felt the hot pulse of him inside you, each throb accompanied by a groan that shook through his chest into your back, his hands gripping your hips so hard youâd see the fingerprints tomorrow. He pulsed inside you for what felt like minutes, his cock jerking with each wave, his cum filling you in hot, thick spurts that you could feel flooding the deepest part of you.
âOh god... oh god, babyâŚâ
He stayed inside you and pressed his forehead between your shoulder blades, his breath ragged and hot against your skin. His cock softened slowly but he didnât pull out. His hand slid from your hip to your stomach again, pressing low, holding himself there.
He reached between your legs with his other hand, not to clean you up, but to where his cock was still nestled inside you. His fingers gathered the wetness that was leaking out around him, his own cum mixing with yours and he pushed it back in.Â
His fingers slid alongside his softening cock, pressing his cum deeper into you, curling gently, making sure it stayed. He scooped more, his fingers working with a methodical patience that felt almost ritualistic, each stroke pressing another drop back inside, his other hand staying on your stomach, pressing down, holding everything in place.
âLook what I did to you, baby... look at that.â He groaned, his voice almost tender.
His fingers worked methodically, pushing every drop back inside and his hand stayed on your stomach like he was trying to hold something in place through sheer force of will. He pressed a kiss to the base of your spine, his lips lingering there for a moment.
âStay right there for me... donât move yet, just... stay like this for me.â
âIâm not moving.â Your voice was barely a whisper, your cheek pressed to the warm metal of the bumper as your body trembled with aftershocks. âIâm not going anywhere.â
He kept his fingers inside you for a long time. Long enough for his cum to stop leaking and for the wetness between your thighs to cool.Â
His hand on your stomach stayed pressed low, his palm warm against your skin and you could feel the weight of what he wasnât saying in the gentle, possessive pressure of his fingers.
You knew about the pill. He knew about the pill. Youâd been on it since before you started sleeping together and he knew that, but had never once questioned it, had never brought it up and yet here he was with his fingers inside you, scooping his own cum back into your body with the careful attention of someone performing a ritual they believed in more than logic and the small pill packet in your bathroom cabinet that made all of this pointless.
âMichael... you know Iâm on the pill, right?â You spoke, your voice quiet, almost careful. You were testing something you didnât have words for.
âI know.â He responded, but his fingers didnât stop. His voice was steady, absent, like the fact was irrelevant. âI know that, baby.â
He didnât explain because didnât need to. The way his hand remained pressed to your stomach, the way his fingers kept working, gentle and thorough, said everything his mouth wouldnât.
His fingers slipped out of you and he pulled his boxers and jeans back up, then straightened your dress, smoothing the fabric down over your thighs, his hands lingering on the curves of your hips, his touch possessive even in its softness.Â
He helped you off the bumper, one hand on your elbow, the other on your waist and he looked at you in the dark, his eyes catching the faint glow from the distant house lights. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his thumb tracing the curve of your cheekbone.
âYeahâŚâ You exhaled shakily, your hand finding his chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. âYeah, Iâm good. Iâm really good.â
You were better than good. You were full of him, still feeling the warmth of him inside you and the impossible tenderness of a man who had just fucked you over the hood of his car and then spent two minutes making sure his cum stayed where he put it.Â
You leaned into him, your forehead against his chest and his arms wrapped around you, holding you close, his chin resting on top of your head.
He held you like that for a long time. Long enough for the night air to cool the sweat on your skin and for the driveway to feel like a private world, just the two of you in the dark.
You didnât think about the notebook. You didnât think about the way heâd said todayâs your day with the casual certainty of someone whoâd been counting, or the way his hand had pressed against your stomach like he was holding something in place, or the way his voice had cracked when he said youâd make such a beautiful mama like it was something heâd been thinking about for a long time and finally let slip.
ââââ ŕ¨ŕ§ ââââ
Before you knew it, it was your birth control.
You noticed it on a Tuesday morning, standing at the bathroom counter in one of Michaelâs old shirts, the cotton hanging past your thighs. You reached for it out of habit, the muscle memory of six years of the same motion, pushing the foil through from the back, catching the small white disc between your finger and thumb.
You held it on your tongue for a moment. The familiar bitterness sat there, waiting to be swallowed.
You looked at the packet. The rows of pills, four weeks, twenty eight days, each one stamped with a day of the week. You looked at the small white disc on your tongue before your eyes dropped to the sink.
It landed in the basin with a soft, wet sound. You turned the faucet on and watched it dissolve as the water carried it down the drain in a milky swirl. You stood there with the taste of it fading on your tongue, your hands braced on the edge of the counter, your heartbeat slow against your chest.
Youâd been thinking about it for days, since the night youâd opened the drawer in the bedroom and found the small leather planner with your initials on the first page. Cycle days, ovulation windows, dates spanning months, stretching back before youâd even realised he was paying attention. Before youâd realised anyone was paying attention to something like that, something so intimate and quietly possessive that it made your stomach ache when you understood what it meant.
You thought about the car. The hood warm under your thighs, his hand pressed low on your stomach, his voice saying todayâs your day with the certainty of someone whoâd been counting.Â
You thought about the way heâd said I know when you mentioned the pill, his fingers not stopping, his voice steady, like the fact was irrelevant.Â
You thought about every time since then, the way he moved inside you on certain days, deeper, more deliberate, the way he held your hips still afterwards, the way his hand pressed against your lower belly like he was keeping something in.
Heâd been studying you, learning the architecture of your body with the same patience he gave to everything he wanted and youâd only just noticed. Youâd only just started paying attention to the days, to the pattern, to the way his rhythm changed when the notebook said it mattered.
Your thighs pressed together. The warmth spreading downward, slow and deliberate, pooling low in your stomach. You looked at the packet again before picking it up and you turned it over in your hands, running your thumb across the foil backing.
He knew your cycle better than you did. Heâd been finishing inside you on your supposed fertile days with the quiet focus of someone executing a plan and youâd let him. Youâd spread your legs for it, arched your back for it, begged for it without knowing why it felt different on those days, why it felt more urgent, more like something being done to you rather than with you.
You opened the packet and looked at the remaining pills. Tomorrowâs. Thursdayâs. Fridayâs. The whole rest of the month, lined up in their neat little rows, waiting for you to take them.
You closed the packet and set it on the counter.
You didnât put it back in the drawer.
You went back to bed. Michael was still sleeping, his face buried in the pillow, one arm stretched across the sheets where youâd been laying. You slid in beside him, your back to his chest, his arm coming around you automatically. He pulled you close, his hand settling on your stomach in the same spot with the same pressure, like even in sleep his body knew where to hold you.
The spot where he wanted to put something.
Your eyes closed with your thighs still pressed together. You could feel the warmth between them, that insistent pulse of something that wasnât going to go away. You thought about the way heâd held your hips still on ovulation days, the way heâd pressed into you deeper, the way heâd stayed there after.
Heâd been trying, quietly and patiently without asking, because asking would have given you the chance to say no.
And now you werenât going to say no, you werenât going to say anything at all. You were going to let the pills sit in the bathroom, untouched and you were going to let him keep doing what heâd been doing whilst you stopped pretending you didnât know what it meant.
You pressed back into him, fitting yourself against his chest, his arm tightening around your waist.Â
You didnât think about the pill. You thought about what would happen without it and a twisted part of you liked it.
ââââŕ¨ŕ§ââââ
The public thing started at a dinner party in the hills and became a pattern after that.
You didnât remember whose house it was. What you did remember was the murmur of twelve people talking over wine and his hand on your knee beneath the tablecloth. That slow, patient climb of his fingers beneath your skirt. The way you kept your face perfectly still while his fingertips traced the edge of your underwear, sliding underneath, finding you already wet from twenty minutes of anticipation you couldnât show anyone.Â
You remember the casual excuse he made with the smile that put a room at ease.Â
You remember the hallway and bathroom at the far end. His hand over your mouth, his cock inside you before the lock finished clicking. Someone knocking. His voice through the door, steady and betraying nothing while his hips were pressed flush against yours.
You remember finishing against him whilst his cum flooded into you in thick, slow pulses, his groan muffled against your neck. Then his hand on the small of your back as he led you back to the table, your legs shaking beneath your skirt, his cum already warm and spreading inside you. Someone handed you a slice of chocolate cake and you picked up your fork.
After that, it happened at a charity gala, his fingers working you to the edge during the silent auction while a woman talked to you about her foundation.
After that, a listening party for an album that wasnât his, his hand up your dress in a back corridor while music pulsed through the walls.
Then, the Grammys afterparty, his fingers sliding into you in a coat closet while cameras flashed thirty feet away, his mouth on your neck, your orgasm muffled against his shoulder. Him straightening your dress, smoothing your hair, walking you back out with his hand on the small of your back like nothing had happened.
Each time, he finished inside you and youâd go back to wherever youâd been, a table, a crowd, a room full of strangers, with his cum inside your underwear, pressing your thighs together under your skirt while you smiled and made conversation in an attempt to pretend your legs werenât shaking.
There was one night you thought about more than the others. An event at Hayvenhurst, some industry thing with too many people in the living room.
Heâd taken you upstairs between courses, fucked you slowly against the bedroom door with his hand cradling the back of your head so it wouldnât hit the wood. He took his time because he always did at home.Â
When he finished, he pulled out with the kind of care that made your chest ache before tucking himself back in and kissing your forehead. You went back downstairs in a white dress with no underwear because heâd pocketed them, grinning at you from across the room for the rest of the night while you sat on a velvet couch with your knees pressed together, his cum slowly seeping into the fabric beneath you.
He waved at you once, from across the room and smiled before taking a sip of his drink. You smiled back.
You were learning the shape of it. Not just the sex, not just the thrill, but the architecture of what he was building. The way the control lived inside tenderness. The way the public and the private were collapsing into each other, until you couldnât tell which version of him was real. The man who cradled your head against the door, or the one who put his cum in your underwear and sent you back to a party.
You thought about the notebook, the tracked dates, the fact youâd stopped taking the pill.
Then his hand was on your knee again and you werenât thinking about anything at all.
ââââŕ¨ŕ§ââââ
It happened the way things always happened with him. Slowly, then all at once, then so gradually you couldnât point to the moment it became permanent.
Your apartment lease lapsed. You found out after the fact, a forwarded letter from your landlord you opened at Hayvenhurst over breakfast. Michael didnât look up from his coffee when you mentioned it. He just said you donât need it, baby, soft and obvious, the way someone says the sky is blue. You put the letter in the kitchen trash and forgot about it by noon.
Jennifer stopped calling. Not because anything happened, but because you stopped being available for brunch, then for weeknight dinners, then for the Sunday calls that used to stretch past midnight.Â
Youâd pick up the phone and Michaelâs hand would find your knee under the table, his thumb tracing a slow circle, his eyes on the television, his mouth doing nothing in particular. Youâd tell her youâd call back. You wouldnât. Eventually she stopped dialing and you didnât notice the silence where her voice used to be.
Your manager started calling Hayvenhurst instead of your old number and Michael took the messages. He relayed them at dinner, paraphrased, sometimes days later. He told you which meetings mattered and which ones didnât and he was always right. That was the worst part. He was always right.
He ordered for you at restaurants. Not every time, but often enough that you stopped looking at the menu, stopped caring what arrived, started trusting the food that appeared in front of you because he knew what you liked better than you did.Â
He spoke for you at events, fielded questions with his hand on the small of your back, his answers so smooth and complete that you didnât need to add anything. You stood beside him and smiled, letting the warmth of his palm on your spine say Iâm here, Iâm his, Iâm fine.
Your world didnât shrink, but it narrowed, like a lens finding focus. Everything that wasnât him blurred at the edges until you couldnât see it anymore.
You didnât notice when it happened, that was the thing. You never noticed because it was already done before you thought to look.
ââââŕ¨ŕ§ââââ
The mirror was in the bedroom, mounted on the wall beside the closet, taller than you, framed in dark wood that caught the lamplight in uneven strips. Youâd looked into it a thousand times whilst buttoning your blouse, adjusting your earrings. It was furniture, it was nothing, until he positioned you in front of it.
His hands were on your hips, turning you gently, guiding you until you were facing the glass and he was behind you. You could see both of you in the reflection, his chest against your back, his chin above your shoulder, the dark line of his eyes watching you watch him. His hands slid from your hips to your waist, fingers pressing in, holding you still.
The cabinet was below the mirror, the surface cluttered. You put your hands on it, fingers curling over the edge, your knuckles white against the wood. The surface was cool under your palms.
Michael pressed against you from behind. You could feel him, the length of him, the pressure as he lined himself up. He held you there as he breathed against your neck, his fingers digging into your waist. His eyes locked onto yours in the glass, waiting. He was always waiting now, always giving you the space to say something, to stop it, to pretend you hadnât already made every decision that led to this moment.
You watched yourself in the mirror. Your face flushed, your lips parted, your chest rising and falling in pulls. His hands were on your body, cladding your skin, his mouth close to your ear. He looked like he owned you and you looked like you wanted him to.
âI stopped taking it.â
Your voice came out quiet, not as an announcement, but something smaller, something that had been sitting behind your teeth for weeks, months, waiting for the right moment to fall out.
The words hung in the air between your mouth and the glass, and you watched them land on his face in the reflection. His expression didnât falter and his breath didnât catch.
Of course he knew. Heâd known before youâd decided. Heâd been tracking the days, the numbers, the windows in his notebook and when youâd stopped swallowing the pills, spitting them into the sink, watching them dissolve under the faucet, he hadnât needed to see it to feel the shift in you. Heâd known the way he always knew.Â
He pressed his mouth to your shoulder, warm and deliberate, his lips flat against your skin. His breath held and then released in a slow stream that raised goosebumps along your arm before he pushed forward.
You felt him enter you. A single, fluid motion that filled you completely, his hips flush against your body, his hands sliding from your waist to your stomach, holding you against him. You watched yourself take him, how your mouth hung open, watched your fingers whiten against the cabinet edge, watched his hands on your belly like he was holding something in place.
He didnât move, he simply stayed buried inside you, his chest rising and falling against your back, his mouth still pressed to your shoulder.Â
You had never loved anything more in your life.
Not the way you loved him. Not this. Not the fullness, the weight of his hands, the knowledge of what he was doing and why and how long heâd been planning it. You loved the notebook and the pills dissolving in the sink, the way heâd never once asked permission because heâd never needed to. You loved the cage heâd built around you, the beautiful, airless cage that smelled like his skin and the sheets you slept in every night.
You knew what it was. You knew it was toxic and irreversible, the kind of love that hollows you out and fills the space with itself until you canât remember what you were before it started. You knew. You watched yourself know it in the mirror, your face open and flushed his body moving behind you now, deep inside of you.Â
You couldnât stop and you didnât want to.
