do you have any,. er , sad murdoc headcanons? e.g. (this one's not very sad but) i like to think he hoarded snacks in his winne during phase 1 b/c of his childhood
Yes, anon...probably too many 😭
To start it off, I agree with the one you shared SO hard. Scarcity is, imo, so familiar to Murdoc that it’s a norm to him, even as a successful musician with access to wealth and resources. Idt he’s unlearned many of his survival skills from childhood. Hoarding food was probably one of the only ways he could guarantee himself more than one meal a day, so yeah, he’s probably hoarding entire meals in his Winne and/or his room (depending on which phase we’re in).
Along those same lines, I think he has trouble telling when food has gone bad. Sebastian never bothered cleaning out the fridge and he definitely didn’t care if his kids got sick from eating moldy fruit. If it looked like there was food in the house, he was fine leaving it that way. As a result, general food upkeep, something we assume everyone knows, is foreign to him i.e. how to tell if milk’s rotten, when to throw away leftovers, how to clean food. He gets a lot of mysterious stomach pains, headaches, body aches, and part of this is trauma, but the other part is due to eating gross food without really knowing it. However, he’s gotten better with this over time since he has the rest of the band to call him out.
I also think he keeps all his clothes until they’re literally falling apart. He still wears clothes from the 30 years ago, even if they’re littered with holes and stains. If they still fit, so there’s no need to buy another one.
Also along the same line, he moves around and is prepared to move around a lot. The concept of a fixed, reliable place to call home is also completely foreign to him, and he lives on edge expecting to have to leave at any given moment. On the contrary, he also becomes restless when he’s in one place for too long, so the band is used to him going for walks and disappearing for days on end. Usually, these are benders, but sometimes he’s literally just gone away to stay at a random hotel or at a stranger’s place who he’s just met (or other risky behavior). He just like, lives life in a very antsy, discontent state, especially when he hasn’t had enough to drink. So he barely uses his dressers of closets. Most of his clothes are in piles on the floor, in trash bags or in suitcases scattered around his room.
He doesn’t know who he is. Some friends and I were discussing whether we thought he was an extrovert or an introvert on discord, and the final word was that we really didn’t know lmao. It’s hard to tell if he’s genuinely getting energy from being around others, or if it’s a defense mechanism he developed to distract and numb himself and make himself more appealing to the public. Because he’s also, in some ways, a people pleaser. He likes to act like he isn’t, but he’s admitted to abandonment issues, loneliness, anxiety, and his backstory implies desperation for fame and admiration. I assume at some point, the drunk/high Murdoc, the famous Murdoc, and real Murdoc all blurred together, and he can’t the difference anymore.
To continue from there - on a subconscious level, he kinda believes sex is the only thing genuinely he has to offer, hence why he’s shaped so much of his public identity around it. I can expand on this more (this answer is getting long sajdka...Murdoc and trauma could be an entire dissertation), but I believe a lot of this is tied to the sexual assaults he’s experienced over the course of his life.
This one is pretty common but he’s terrible at sleeping, and usually doesn’t get get truly restorative sleep unless he passes out. Otherwise, he’s wakes up every few hours, drinks himself to sleep, or getting jolted awake by nightmares.
He’s very out of touch with his own body, experiences body memories (due to trauma) etc, so he has a lot of difficulty truly knowing what he’s feeling emotionally, physiologically. This overlaps with some of my other points about food and identity, and makes those challenge even greater. He’s mainly self-medicating with alcohol, but the Zumba helps at times...when he remembers to go.
But anyhow, yeah...I’m gonna end it there because now, I’m sad lmao.
