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Mike Driver
@theartofmadeline
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@nichole-bitches-too-much
I don't think this will last forever, I would be silly to think so. That's not how my life works. However you're sleeping next to me right now and all I care about is seeing your smile before I go to work in the morning. You're my best friend. I'm so happy I get to experience this happiness at least for the time being. Blessed as can be
Let me tell you yet another story.
This guy. This amazing wonderful guy came into my life early January when it was cold outside and my absolute least favorite part of the year… He came in to pick up a call-in order at work.. Let’s start from the beginning! I work in a restaurant bar which is always cold no matter the weather outside, it could be 80 degrees outside and 56 in my bar or 34 outside and 23 in my bar. Always fucking cold! Anyways, I just so happen to take this amazing guys order over the phone because it had rang while I was sticking my hands under the heater to keep warm while everyone at the bar top bitched about needing a sweater inside. I answered the phone all annoyed, because I actually had to do something instead of warming my cold hands. (Obviously I’m a hard worker.) He ordered his wings and I remember thinking “This guy is too nice” as he ordered and all I replied with was “uh huh. yeah. Sure. Uh huh” we hung up after I told him how long it would take and I forgot all about it because the only thing I had on my brain was how cold it was. I went back in the bar to give my regulars another round of beers probably told them some weird story that had nothing to do with what they were talking about, got my courtesy laugh from them and left the bar thinking I was the funniest person on the planet. I walked my happy little ass to put my hands back under the warmer (if you can’t tell it’s a routine at this point) however this time there was a very good looking guy sitting on the benches waiting patiently for his food. I remember walking past and thinking “well damn, why couldn’t he be in the bar right now” as I stuck my hands as close to the heater as I possibly could without burning them and making this little story the beginning of a horror movie plot. After a couple of minutes I decided I should probably go back into the bar and look like I was actually doing my job in case corporate was watching the cameras. As I walked past the bench the good looking guy wasn’t there anymore which was weird to me because I never saw any food leave the window, but I just shrugged it off and went into the bar. Can you guess who was at the bar top when I got there? 😍 uh huh you guessed it. Soooo little cute Britney went over and asked if he wanted a beer, he replied with “what kind of IPA’s do you have on tap?” I answered, he ordered a Coors which made me laugh because why ask about IPA’s then order a Coors.. I was too nervous to keep talking to him so I went and stood by my regulars and thought “well you at leasted talked to him.” Like asking if someone wanted a beer and giving them one (oh I dunno my job) was actually taking to someone. 🙄 He eventually asked for his check when he received his food and told me to have a good day. And left. He tipped pretty well too. At this point it was 2pm and that means you can smoke so of course I went out in the cold– pissy as hell but feeling like if I didn’t get nicotine in me I would blow up the place– beating myself up for not taking a chance and talking to this guy more but shrugging it off because I wouldn’t see him again after that. After my very much needed smoke break I walked back into my bar to check on my cute little beer drinking babe regulars and to my surprise the guy was back at the bar top. I remember thinking “Maybe his order was wrong? Maybe his friends called and wanted food? Hmm He was on the phone when I walked in so I waited until he hung up to walk over to him to ask if he wanted another beer and instead of the answer I was prepared for he threw me a curve ball. He said “I haven’t taken many chances in my life lately. So I was wondering if you had a boyfriend and if not if I could have your number.” Well shit. Before that moment I hadn’t felt like I had smiled in a really long time. Not an actual smile that wasn’t forced or made up so people don’t worry about me. I smiled a real smile for a second lost in my own head, thinking about how smooth the line he used was and I remember butterflies is my stomach as I scratched my number on a piece of paper with my name on it so he wouldn’t spell it wrong if he actually did text me “I don’t have a boyfriend actually. So here you go.” I answered as I handed him the paper. If you know me pretty well you know I don’t do that. I don’t even remember the last time I gave my number to anyone. I know for a fact I haven’t done it on the clock at work. I always make up excuses if guys ask me. So why didn’t I this time? I have no idea, really. I don’t regret it at all either. In the beginning when we first started talking I blew him off. So many times, I would go as far as to say for a month straight. We just talked through text and occasionally he would pop up in the bar for a “date” while I was working haha He didn’t stop trying. After all the times I blew him off, all the times I told him I wasn’t worth it, the breakdowns… anything I threw at him he wouldn’t give up. And now… in May I get to call him mine. And I get to hang out with him all the time. Go on trips and see shows or just relax at his apartment without feeling judged or like I have to be someone I’m not. I'm so incredibly thankful for you Russell. I love you and I won't trying to be better for you.
I guess all I really wanted to say was.. stop looking for love. Stop trying to push things away that you don’t think you deserve. When you least expect it. They’ll appear, and they won’t give up. They will bring you out of the dark and they will show you so much in life. The world will be in color again and you don’t have to pretend to be happy, force a smile or go to bed crying anymore. It will happen. Give it time. Give it your all and never give up. Because it is wonderful and it’s worth everything you’ve gone through in life. He is a blessing. My blessing, and I don’t want to ever see this happiness end. He has shown me more love and strength than anyone else I’ve ever known or loved has in the past. I don’t know why we crossed paths, I don’t know why things happened the way that they did. I probably never will. I thank every star in the night sky that it did happen though.
Dukie - Pretty In Pink ( 1986 )
The tenth Fast and Furious movie should be called Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
04-06-17 Everything is so different. There's still times when things don't necessarily go my way and it stresses me out but for the most part I have a permanent smile on my face. I'm nicer to people I care about and I haven't been very negative.. let's be honest if I wasn't a little negative I wouldn't be me.
When your best friend is in town 😍 I'm such a lucky girl. 🍀
Recently I suppose. I just really enjoy life lately. Russell is such a huge positive impact, weird how life works. Summer is crazy and full of adventures. Work has been smooth for the most part. Outside of work has been pretty positive and dare I say... fun? I dunno. I enjoy waking up. I enjoy not knowing where I'm going until I get there. I enjoy morning text messages and not having to stress about lies and feeling guilty all the time. I enjoy not being afraid of losing someone I care about. I enjoy being alive.
I was looking through old snaps that I had saved and LOOK AT MY FREAKIN EYEBROWS. WHY CANT I DO THAT EVERYDAY?! I know 4 people who saved that wink picture and I KNOW it was because of that brow. Holy guacamole
Today. I adore Russ. I love Summ and my nails look bomb. Happy Brit is happy. 🤗🤗🤗
This. This is what happens when your friend says "you've been through enough. Let me buy you some drinks." Oops. 11 shots and some odd beers late. I'm still cool to drive though. Bet guys. Bet. I love you. I wish I didn't have feelings. I wish I was a robot and I didn't have to feel so sad for not having you in my life anymore. I just want the best for you. I just want you to be happy. To find someone who makes you happy and for you to succeed in life and I hope you never regret our time together. I don't. I never will. You've made me so strong. So happy. Thank you for this life Lord. Thank you for making me who I am. Thank you mom. Thank you everyone who thinks I'm worth something. I love you all. I never want to lose any of you. God, thank you for everything this life has given me. Thank you for giving me the strength to never go back. ❤❤❤
Nights like this make me so excited for summer. It’s 71 degrees and feels so amazing. Sitting on my back porch listening to the world. Makes my heart so happy.
The sun will rise and we will try again.
Twenty One Pilots (via samxcamargo)
Moment of weakness
Oh boy... what did I just get myself into.. After a year and 2 month and 10 days.. I broke. I just unleashed another year and some odd months of torture.. Jesus Brit. You're walking right back into the miserable life where he controls every move. Fuck me. Here we go.. Here we go. Buckle up Britney. You deserve every heartbreaking moment. Maybe this is exactly what I need. Maybe we'll get married. Hey, there an idea.
Using filters to cover your bruises and swollen eyes. Thanks snap 🤙🏻🤙🏻
True story
Tonight I was talking to one of my regulars at the bar top (Vance) when another one of my regulars walked in. I sorta ignored him at first hoping my co-bartender would get his drink, after about 3 minutes I walked away from Vance mid sentence annoyed because of course she would sit there talking to her friend instead of actually helping. Anyway, I went over grabbed Ben a Bud Light put it in front of him started meaningless chitchat and started walking back toward Vance when he said something weird. Ben said and I quote "you look different" tilted his head and looked me up and down, puzzled. "Uh I mean I didn't change anything. Still have black hair which needs to be cut (laughing) and same ol darling uniform Ben. I haven't changed a thing." He continued to stare head tilted and all when he gasped "No, Brit. You look happy." I did that thing I always do with my eyebrows when someone says something I think is odd, kinda like The Rock but cooler (ya know) and just smiled because I guess I hadn't noticed that I was laughed and smiling and joking with everyone at the bar too but before I could say anything back to his remarks Vance piped up. "We were hoping no one would say anything to her about it. We really enjoy her when she's happy, you point it out she might build those walls back up and go quite again. I'll beat your ass if she does Ben." Which made me laugh hard enough to snort because I like Ben but I would pay money to see him get his ass whooped. (He's just that kind of annoying guy. The typical bar guy) then Russ started in "I'll gladly help him if he needs it. Britney is my favorite bartender here, especially when she's this happy. I haven't see her this way since at least January. So shut up and drink your damn beer Ben." But it made me think. I really was happy tonight. Enjoying work, enjoying the company. Smiling, laughing, playing pranks. Im a hell of a good prankster when I want to be and I did it unintentionally tonight. Mixing gross stuff in my co-workers drinks trying not to laugh when you see the face they make when you put sweet and sour in there dr.pepper or salt in their water. I find it so amusing, especially because they can never prank me back. It was... it was a great night. Fun, and full of joy. I love my regulars, and it's nice to know that they care enough to see when I'm happy. Kinda blessed I suppose 💕
Next stop? Freedom from you.
I've felt like there's something missing within me for quite a while now. Years actually.. I remember sitting in a Sonic parking lot laughing with my friends back when I worked at the movie theater and being uncontrollably happy. I remember lake trips that lasted all day and thinking "life couldn't be better". I remember when my phone was full of nothing but pictures with smiles and goofy faces with my friends. I remember thinking my high school boyfriend was the love of my life and nothing could take that happiness away. I remember laying awake until 5am on school nights with my best friend talking about new adventures we wanted to experience together. I remember having so much joy. Where did it all go? It all seemed to stopped when I dated the guy who took what feels like everything from me. My joy. My fearlessness. My smile. My laugh. My friends. My calmness. My trust. My life. He took advantage of me in so many ways. Forced me to do so many things I never wanted to do. Things so personal.. it's like toxin to even think about. It crushes me to relive. But I do. Because if I don't relive the horror I had to experience the two years I was trapped I'm afraid I'll go back. That I'll go and try to help him again. If I do that, if I went back after a year trying to fix myself. I would die. Maybe not physically but mentally I would be dead. I can't figure out what I'm missing. I know it's not a person. It's not an object. Whatever it is, I need to find it. I need to complete my heart because living without the whole piece is exhausting. I don't feel right. I don't feel complete.. I wake up feeling wrong, not myself. I look in the mirror into my eyes and see something wrong. Like it's not me looking back. He took a apart of me with him and destroyed it. I'm going to get it back. Myself. Without anyone holding my hand. I'm going to beat this hellish life and everyone who ever doubted me or left me through this process is going to regret it. I never gave up on anyone. Everyone gave up on me. The best revenge is proving everyone wrong. I will do it. Buckle up. Life is fixing to get really interesting.
