@nicholeah - Tumblr Blog

Throughout life, I’ve considered the idea of ending it more than I want to admit. The slightest thing. The smallest hurt can spiral me into every emotion. Swallow me whole. It all goes black. I feel nothing, but feel everything. The thing that makes me continue, the thing that makes me feel again - is the thought of my future children. To tuck them in at night, to read them a chapter of Harry Potter before bed, to teach them to walk, to talk, to be a good person. To be called ‘mommy’. How dare I not give them a chance? How dare I take myself off of the table? How selfish of me to not give them that? That’s what keeps me doing. That one day, I’ll be tucking my kids into bed and whisper ‘thank you’ and they will have no idea why.  

You saved me before you even knew me.

— A journal entry from June 15, 2016

kieljamespatrick

isiyamor

place0fperfecti0n

i have been alive for 360 days after trying to take my own life. i sit here in this airport a year later, passport in hand, with a full backpack but an even fuller heart. in 3 hours i will be on a plane to a country ive never been to. today ive taken 2 trains, 6 subways, and countless steps in the right direction. don’t get me wrong ive tripped and fallen in the last year(literally) but i have gotten up every time. the world has continued to throw punches at me and a few of them stung but nonetheless they healed in time and i got right back in the ring. this world may be throwing punches but I’m throwing them back now. i have been given every reason to give up, but i am here, i am standing, and i am breathing. I AM HERE. and that is worth something. so heres to being resilient, heres to being a fighter, and heres to a year of crazy, a year of having my medication changed so many times i lost count, to countless therapy sessions, late night drives, tears, bruises, to the days i couldn’t get out bed, shower, or even go to class, but heres to scoring the game winning goal, hitting a new PR in the gym, and laughing til i cried, heres to jumping out of bed today, heres to being alive after being given every reason not to be. and heres to the ticket ill be holding a year from now, to somewhere new, because i will be here. i will be alive.

pchcrew

This was taken while my girlfriend slept on my stomach on the boat ride to Bali. Pictures don’t do any sort of justice. The sun was in the perfect part of the sky where the ocean was very blue, the land very green, and the horizon very gold. The wind was warm wind and occasionally a little spray of ocean mist would hit us. I have neverrr been more content in a moment.