This is me.. now.

Nico. East Coast. Questions? Ask box. My blog is a mixture of everything I like, i.e. fashion, music, and I also talk about my personal life sometimes & issues that are going on around the world.

[nicobby]

[nicobby]

[nicobby]

[nicobby]

[nicobby]

💔🥺

[nicobby]

Knows*

[nicobby]

[nicobby]

[nicobby]

[nicobby]

I remember when Ronnie and I use to send each other songs. 💔 ugh. God, this is so hard.

[tropic-havens]

Coconut palms on a coral sand island in the blue-green waters of the Caribbean Sea off Lighthouse Reef.

[myeternaltime]

by Todd Trapani

[imanhai]

[nightlyquotes]

“Don’t forget: that you’re human. It’s okay to have a melt down. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.”

— Unknown

[nicobby]

Note to self:

[thepersonalquotes]

[nicobby]

Today was Ronnie’s funeral. The day I have been dreading for a few days.

My mom and i arrived to the funeral home about half an hour early. I was extremely nervous sitting in the car till the point that my stomach was upset. We went in about 10 minutes early and waited in the hallway for his family to arrive. They arrived and I saw his mom. I’m assuming it was very surreal to her that she was going to her sweet, handsome son’s funeral.. She got closer to the chapel and she started crying. Then I started to cry... everyone began to cry. I can’t tell you the most agonizing, hurtful cry is a mother’s cry after losing her baby. I think it will be a sound, especially of someone I know so personally, I will carry that with me for a very long time, if not, for the rest of my life.

I couldn’t bring myself to walk up to his casket because I did not know whether I could stand it literally. I did look at him from my seat and he didn’t look like himself. I began to wonder if it was a mistake, if it really was him? Does he have the star tattoo on his hand? I couldn’t see. I didn’t want to..

I did feel a breeze on my right side that I would like to believe was him saying he was here, as the heat in the entire facility was blasting and no doors were open on that specific side.

My mom and I followed them to the cementary and it was extremely hard to see something so final occur. I got to hug his siblings and his mom. It broke my heart even more that she was hugging me and she didn’t want to let go. 💔

It still feels very unreal and I will probably read our conversations and stare at his social media accounts like “no way” this isn’t real.. it can’t be.

Ronnie,

I am so happy to have spent time with you and have known you. I loved everything about you. Your quirkiness, silliness, your style, taste in music, and your ambition. I wish we didn’t fall off with communication like we did. Maybe I could’ve saved you. You meant so much to me and I never got to tell you. I hope you know somehow, someway. I was definitely on the side lines silently cheering for you with your successes and your two beautiful babies. “You know I wub you!” Remember that? I do. I’ll miss you forever. I’ll love you forever. I hope to see you again one sweet day. ❤️

[nicobby]