@nicoledeeblog - Tumblr Blog

a few words to describe what might have delayed this for as long as it has been... frustration, anxiety, procrastination, distraction, indecision. but when I look at this I feel a whole other set of words - excitement, accomplishment, encouragement, happiness and pride. I'm so stoked to finally share this, guys!! if you have time, have a look at what I've been working on recently. here are new and old photos, finally all in one place. 🙈👀📸 www.nicoledeephotography.com (at Toronto, Ontario)

taken 11/08/15 maddy rodriguez

#toronto #photography #portraits #maddy rodriguez #toronto music #digital photography #make portraits #citylife #model #musician #nicoledee

taken 01/02/15 i pulled these cards in january of this year one card to represent each month and one in the center for the overall year ahead there’s only so much one can take and take seriously from the tarot but looking back it gives me chills and although it is hard for me right now and I'm scared i cannot wait to look ahead truly look ahead and for the first time in a long time smile

taken a few years ago.

my favourite distraction is my own destruction. i don’t know how to do it any other way. some fear grips me so strong i wake up with a pounding in my chest that will not go away without the devil down my throat. i feel like my nights and days have started to blur together and it’s finally caught up with me. i am tired. i’ve been avoiding the thought of my own fate - how i have the power to choose it and why have i not chosen differently yet? i feel a resistance with every step forward something that is dragging in the dirt behind me making the path ahead of me even harder than it already seems and the view over my shoulder such a tempting scene to run back into. then I remember there is no such thing as a past that is not present with us now and no such thing as a past that does not align with the future. every mistake becomes wisdom. every pain is new strength. if you let the past course through your veins and empower you instead of poisoning you it is not just an ugly memory but a stepping stone. making the choice to be a better you and not hate yourself for the mess you’ve made to get there is a tangible goal. a goal I’ve been struggling towards. the thing about old habits is that they die hard and I have a bad habit of not taking my own advice.