Nie

Я ведь всего только и хотел попытаться жить тем, что само рвалось из меня наружу. Почему же это было так трудно?

[niegaront]

If I stay here, I'll die.

[niegaront]

My dear lacking one, your parents failed in raising you.

[niegaront]

No one seeks answers; everyone is just waiting.

Neither time nor words can heal me.

All my life, I’ve lived among people who know nothing.

I thought I was open to what others were closed off to. But, in reality, I’ve always been the one who was limited.

[niegaront]

The world is not equally difficult for everybody.

[niegaront]

God doesn't love us. He doesn't care.

[niegaront]

Have you ever eaten a watermelon scooping it with a spoon? I feel like my chest, my soul is such a watermelon, empty, and the back of the spoon is sandpapered, scratching...

[niegaront]

I seized to discuss after I stopped expecting others to understand.

[niegaront]

The happiness of being able to see her.

And the despair of meeting her gaze.

[niegaront]

Nobody loves those who tell the truth.

[niegaront]

Всю свою жизнь я шёл на компромиссы с собой ради тех, кого любил.

Но никто из них

никогда

не шёл на компромисс с собой ради меня.

Я жертвовал собой, чтобы меня любили.

надоело

ненавижу

Я больше не хочу страдать ради других.

Но как это прекратить?

[niegaront]

Perhaps I've never been chained.

Perhaps the chained were everyone else.

[niegaront]

Лена никогда меня не любила.

Она никогда меня не любила.

Меня никто никогда не любил.

Это всё была ложь.

Она никогда ничего не понимала.

Она никогда не хотела быть со мной.

Она меня не уважала.

Она использовала меня.

[niegaront]

Ideology is a compromise with one's conscience. One believes in logical rules, turning a blind eye to certain nuances for the sake of convenience, so as not to disturb one's peace of mind.

But my conscience has always been stronger... I cannot turn a blind eye. I need a comprehensive, sufficient explanation.

[niegaront]

You know, none of this matters—but only until it starts to matter.

[niegaront]

I'm not the rest of my family. I'm different.

I'm not the rest of my fellow-townsmen. I'm different.

§ I'm not "everybody"/"nobody". I'm different. I'm me.

[niegaront]

I dreamed of so many different colors

But envy will paint my hands in black

My soul's being tormented by voices

Which sing so happily without me

[niegaront]

There is such a small effort... In blaming the weaker for being oppressed. For a mind as limited as mine, perhaps it's the only way to stay in tact.