Writings @ Night

[nightly-writer]

Person A: I'm so polite today.

Person B: You asked about teenage if something is wrong with them. Unprompted.

[nightly-writer]

Priest: Confess your sins

Person A, guilty: I ate the last cookie in the cookie jar.

Person B, unrepentant: I shot god in the face.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Why were you asleep in the fireplace?

Person B: It was comfy.

Person A: You were sleeping in a fireplace while there was a fire there!

Person B: I was cold.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: were we talking about again?

Person B: Prostate exam.

Person A: Right, so-

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Why are you wearing a necklace made of human teeth?

Person B: Aesthetic.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: You do remember I'm a cop, right?

Person B: Yeah, in space. Are we in space? No. So you can't do shit.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Are you going to sleep?

Person B: After I eat God's bone broth.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Love it when my soul leaves my body for a few seconds. It's how I get my adrenaline rush.

Person B: Just go skydiving like a normal person.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Just because I am severely self-destructive does not mean I don't enjoy bubble baths every now and then.

Person B: Ah yes, the little things in life.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: There's something in my eye.

Person B: Is it your eyeball?

Person C: Is it a spider?

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Don't mind me, I just want your organs.

Person B: To be fair, they are good organs.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Is kidnapping romantic?

Person B: The fact I can't tell if you're being serious is concerning to me.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Where should I put my ears?

Person B: Which ones?

[nightly-writer]

Person A: I will forever live inside your body until you decompose.

Person B: Just because I said broth indeed of bones in regards to your spine doesn't mean you can turn into soup.

[nightly-writer]

Person A, at work: If someone so much as looks at me, I will break down crying.

Person A, after everyone leaves except their coworkers: Nevermind, I'm better now.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: My villain origin story is that my girlfriend didn't kiss me before she fell asleep, so now I need to set something on fire.

Person B: Or, hear me out, you give her a kiss yourself.

[nightly-writer]

Person A: Let the lesbians love you!

Person B: My moms are trying to kill me!