youre one heckofan incoherent sack if discourse arent you
Look, I think Iāve made it quite clear:
If you can explain to me how I am fetishizing queerness by being queer, I will take your words into consideration.Ā
Nonie has the sheer audacity to call you incoherent.
Yet does not use an apostrophe, space-key or question mark where it is clearly needed.
I assume- and itās an assumption made on little evidence other than personal experience- that theyāre typing poorly because theyāve got the shakes because theyāre very upset that someone pointed out that their behaviour is unacceptable.
Trauma responses are Like That, and the majority of antishippers, especially those who are angry enough to send me detailed fantasies about post-mortem rape torture, tend to be dealing with trauma.
Theyāre dealing with it badly, but I try to cut them a little, little bit of slack in that regards.
Thatās actually heartbreaking.
Itās a very common kind of reaction to the abusive manipulation that dominates antishippingĀ ādiscourse.ā
People with severe trauma are collected and preyed upon by a small group of aggressors, usually sex-negative radical feminists, and turned into a self destructive police force.
They are then praised for harming themselves, as long as they also harm others.
Itās actually one of the many ways that anitshipping discourse models itself, consciously or not, after cult dynamics which claim that it is noble to suffer as long as you make your enemy suffer too in the name of righteousness.
You also see this kind of thing a lot in extremist Christian sects, for example.
You make the right choice in trying to leave situations that are harmful for you. That is one of the healthiest coping mechanisms out there.
But itās also something that has to be learned. At least in the context of abuse. If you grew up in a situation where abuse was unavoidable, you rapidly lose theĀ āflightā stress response, and it takes conscious effort to regain it. Instead you rely very heavily on your other fear responses (fight and friend, usually, and sometimes freeze). This makes you extremely valuable as a tool for future abusers, as yourĀ āfriendā response will tend to make you more accessible to them, and yourĀ āfightā response will tend to make you a useful attack dog against others.
Now, of course, I imagine the great majority of antis arenāt trying to indoctrinate themselves into an abusive cult dynamic. Theyāre victims here, too. They deserve an escape from the shithole theyāre stuck in, and if they ever want to leave it all behind, I support them wholeheartedly.
But just because they donāt know better doesnāt make it acceptable for them to do the things they insist on doing.
An incisive, lucid and important analysis.
Now, of course, I imagine the great majority of antis arenāt trying to indoctrinate themselves into an abusive cult dynamic. Theyāre victims here, too. They deserve an escape from the shithole theyāre stuck in, and if they ever want to leave it all behind, I support them wholeheartedly.
word. I will welcome them with arms wide open, just as I would any trauma survivor.Ā
@ fangasmagorical, if you have time and interest, could you talk a bit about theĀ āfriendā response? Iāve never heard of it before, and I think it may be something I do. I think I and others could benefit from your thoughts.Ā
āFriend,ā also called,Ā āfawn,ā is one of the primary ways human beings react to fear. Itās like fight or flight, but there are other ways people respond to fear, especially people dealing with trauma.
Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries. āPete Walker, Psychotherapist
Trying to talk your way out of a stressful situation. Rather than Fight, Run, or Freeze on the spot, we decide to reason or rationalize the situation. This can be anything from flattering the abuser, cringing in obedience, attempting to please and seek favor, offering alternatives; doing whatever we have to do to save ourselves by talking our way out. āSurviving My Past, abuse support group
[T]he inclination to cooperate or submit oneself to oneās threat or captor. āCurtis Resinger, clinical psychologist
It basically involves trying to turn the thing that made you afraid into an ally, or getting help from existing allies to face the threat. Itās part of why humans are so super social.
Unfortunately, in people who have been traumatized or abused, this natural response to fear can become overactive. You may have heard that people who are abused once are more likely to find themselves in abusive situations later in life?
This is because the friend/fawn reaction is very easily taken advantage of, and abusers know it (albeit often a subconscious knowledge). People who are overly likely to respond to fear by ignoring their own needs in favour of pleasing others are much more attractive to abusers, including cults.
While itās called a fear response, friend/fawn is a response to stress of all kinds. You donāt necessarily have to be afraidĀ of the person youāre appealing to, just experiencing stress that youāve learned can be reduced by appealing to others, especially to authorities.
The way you see this work in the context of antishipping, since thatās the discussion at hand, tends to be a little bit like this.
Victim: I saw something that set off my PTSD, and now I am in a stress induced panic and I donāt know what to do!
Manipulator: Donāt worry, if you just listen to me, I will tell you what to do and you will be fine.
Victim: Okay! I completely believe you, because you are offering me safety from my trauma, and by subconscious mind perceives this as you literally saving my life.Ā
Manipulator: Great, so since I saved your life taught you how to repress your fear, you should do anything you can to please and appeal to me.
āManipulatorā here refers not only to the handful ofĀ āringleadersā in antishipping circles, but also to the social group of antishippers as a whole.
Social pressure is one of the most important reasons the friend response exists, and the larger or more aggressive a social group is, the more likely people will fall in line with it just for that feeling of safety.
This is also why major political movements that rely on fear-mongering are so effective: they create a stress response in the populace, and then say,Ā ācome with me and we will eliminate your stressor.ā
Interesting fact that plays into this: a smile or laugh, for humans, especially women (who get hard socialized into it) can be a stress response. Itās directly related to that friend/fawn response.
Because if youāve been socialized not to run, and youāve hadā¦.consequencesā¦.every time youāve tried to fight, smiling and nodding and going along with it? Tends to get positive responses, and that is a drugĀ after those consequences.
(I know from experience.)
Fuck! That āsmile if youāre scaredā, I totally do that and didnāt even think of itā¦
