Poetry by Nikki Burian @nikkiburianpoetry - Tumblr Blog

When a gazelle spots a potential predator in the wild Say, a lion Before they run the fuck away, They will often perform an act called stotting, a behavior in which the gazelle springs into the air, back arched, all four feet off the ground, limbs completely frozen It is widely believed that stotting is a type of alarm signal, a warning to the herd that something hazardous is near

So when you asked her if she was dressed that way because she "had a man to impress," And I felt her body freeze And I felt her eyes spring away from you I knew what she was telling me I knew something dangerous wanted to consume her

You see, gazelles/prey/women are constantly running away from lions like you We are always looking over our shoulders, even in our homes We are always warning each other of your chasing And maybe this is why we are always apologizing for allowing you to destroy us This is just normal lion behavior, isn't it? This is just a lion being a lion? The gazelle probably asked to be hunted, right? Y'know, the thing people don't understand about lions/predators/men like you Is that you are no less terrible because you are typical We will love you And you will still kill us

#poem #poetry #original #mine #nikki burian poetry #slam poem #slam poetry #spoken word

I told my therapist that giving up on you is a slow, dull ache of a pain I could feel the most in my throat. Maybe this is because I have finally used a voice I never knew was mine. There is a lot I need to set down here. It's heavy, and hurtful, and I don't know how to make my waking away feel like I'm not losing someone. I am now no more victim to than I am hero for myself. I am so wired to clench for the sharp sting of your leaving. I know if I was wrong, you would not have asked me to wait. I know if this stung at all, you would not have told me. I know you are not the type to change. I know that is what I loved about you most. I know I have changed too much to wait any longer. My therapist said the best thing one can do for a cut is to tear the bandage off in one quick motion. Stop picking at it. Let it air out. Allow it to heal. I asked her if she ever thinks about how little the bandage must care for the skin it is torn from, Yet the wound underneath is gasping, screaming "finally."

A POEM TO YOU, WHOM I HAVE RIPPED FROM MYSELF by Nikki Burian

#poem #poetry #original #mine #slam poem #slam poetry #spoken word #healing

I don’t know how you do that thing, Y'know, That thing that makes me yearn to be ruined Whatever fuckin magic power you have Where I need to strip myself bare Please see all of me I am waging war on my defenses Rip these walls from my throat Pillage my secrets like gold They’re yours They’re yours I swear it I am cracked egg for you I am spilled drink for you I am floodgate for you I’ll cascade your way, I swear it I’m tempted To melt behind your teeth To be consumed whole To sweep you, fearless, into the current All I have is time To give to you To give to me To give to this I swear it

I AM TRYING TO WRITE ABOUT YOU UGH

#poem #poetry #original #writing about ya crush #also just swooning forever #wip

Thank you so so much to Woke Monozine for including my gender poem alongside so many talented and beautiful writers. Y'all worked so hard on this and it turned out so incredibly!!!

#poem #poetry #original #nikki burian poetry #nonbinary #gender #spoken word #slam poem

Lots of nonbinary boobie feels lately.

#poem #poetry #poet #slam poet #spoken word #nonbinary #queer poem #original #mine

MY PARENTS LIKE TO ASK ME WHAT MY DAYS CONSIST OF SO I TELL THEM THIS: mom and dad: every morning when i wake up, the first thing i do is brush boy into my teeth so hard, my gums bleed i wash woman out of the hands i got from my father and clip her out of my fingernails i shave woman off my legs in the shower and rub boy into my elbows to prevent woman from cracking through my skin i wear boy to cover woman when woman is too woman i sit, all boy, at my work desk while my coworkers remind me of the woman you two planted i don’t tell them “this” grew instead i don’t tell them i am as much woman as i am burnt out candle i don’t tell them the boy in me wants so desperately to be spilled from their mouths to be running water to be the whole goddamn ocean to be consistent just sometimes to take up space on your fridge next to pictures of girl me and certificates of achievement which is to say I don't want to be an accomplishment only when I am female mom and dad: I don't want to be your "darling daughter" I want to be your "handsome child" I need you to understand in this whole gender debacle I am Switzerland as fuck

#poem #poetry #poet #original #mine #spoken word #slam poem #slam poet #gender #nonbinary

how'd you find out your mouth was made for stripping my name bare all bone and no hide and laying each ration down until my hollow self apologizes for the way I was worded for you I tell myself to hoard the wolves' teeth to howl at you until I am spelled starving I tell myself to cut out all the dead I am carrying and devour it whole until I am swollen with goodbyes until I am no longer thirsty for my own blood until I am grey hunter once more claws and everything all bark & all bite

#poem #poetry #original #love poem #WIP #nikki burian

#poetry #poem #original

Not done poem about a dumb relationship

After @brennatwohy

did you know that handshakes were originally meant to make sure the person you were meeting didn’t have a weapon up their sleeve?

& did you know the clasp was to prove your hand was empty and the shake was to dislodge anything concealed?

& did you know about the weapons I have stuffed so far up my sleeves just to protect me from myself?

& did you know when I say myself I mean everything about me you destroyed;

& did you know when I tell people not to touch me it is because I am afraid of what they might shake loose;

& did you know I am begging them not to listen?

& did you know I only speak of you between my teeth, the way you strung yourself around my arms and called it love

(even now)

& did you know our entire relationship is hanging in my coat closet, waiting to be worn and daring me to introduce myself

& did you know this is how I’ve kept those years hidden? entering a snowstorm in a t-shirt as if I ever cared about you keeping me warm

as if I ever hoped I’d see you again

as if I ever wanted to shake your hand

#poetry #poem #original #mine #need to rework the ending #and this one middle part

bishopsrobes

Finally.

bishopsrobes

You were right I am still in love with you  As in love as I’ve ever been I live inside this love for you I make breakfast in this love for you I drive ten miles per hour over the speed limit on this long stretch of loving you I bank with the Loving You credit union I don’t love you so much it hurts I love you so much it’s everything good I’ve ever wanted to feel

bishopsrobes

My new apartment is high up

I have to go down five flights of stairs to get outside and miss you Which doesn’t mean missing you is any more difficult Because it isn’t at all And I have an elevator Which makes me getting outside to miss you simple and much more probable Tonight I will sit in the rain and come home to a bed you’re not in but really should be in You can’t see it, but I’m trembling without you here Or breaking, whichever lights the room least As my ceiling fan light is very dim I only came back inside because my phone is dying and I need more time to tell you how much I hate you being not here So really I’m not going back inside by choice As I never go back inside by choice As I never want to be inside And now that I’m back indoors I feel super claustrophobic I’d rather be outside This is all a big fucking metaphor

i have eaten so many dates in the past month, I get nauseous just smelling a date, or going on one, and the two are not mutually exclusive cuz if you go out with me, I will tell you how, like a date, I am sweet and leathery and, like a date, very few people are allergic to me ancient Mesopotamians ALSO considered me to be an aphrodisiac if you go out with me I will tell you how I wish there were more dates without expectations and somewhere someone probably has their hands full of dates a gaggle of dates held between their fingers and ironically enough, the Greek word for finger is what the word date was derived from which doesn't help my problem of hanging onto things past their expiration like odd coffee mugs and also people i have learned the importance of "best if used by" dates i spent two years writing the word date down until the dates became abusive and I became more perishable and harder to blend into anything worth consuming i am hungry for anything but a shelf life and this date we might go on is the reason why I walked out of Iowa if you go out with me, I will tell you the story of how I used to fit in her palm tell you how, like a date, or like her, you can find 100 ways to use me and 7 ways to destroy me with your teeth if you go out with me I'll tell you being sticky makes it harder to sign a restraining order but not hard enough to run away think of her as a knife think of this date we're on as healing think of just how little the band-aid must care for the skin it is torn from yet the wound underneath is screaming "finally"

Part of this is a ‘Fuck You’

#poetry #poem #poet #slam poem #spoken word #original

Saying "no" to you was nowhere near as empowering or relieving as I had hoped it would be

It just kind of fell off, this old heavy load Flossed out from my way back molars A “no” I should have dug for sooner A “no” I can’t say is worth fighting anymore Pick and choose your battles Or some stupid shit like that Here’s the real deal gist of it, darling There is so much of me that felt “yes” Like maybe you’d regret it Like maybe if I could be mailable, I wouldn’t break in your hands And yet, look where we are now

This isn’t about you anymore This love belongs no more to you than it does a dull steak knife And I think it’s my turn to be the blade Julienne me disenchanted Your cuts ain’t so uniform after all

You don’t get it This grand descent I fell into Kept the falling out part a secret Rather, I’m not crying because I still love you I’m crying because I think I'm starting not to

#letters #poetry

“A Letter to Master Pokémon Trainer Ash Ketchum” by Nikki Burian

#poem #poetry #poet #slam poem #slam poetry #spoken word #nikki Burian poetry #pokemon #pokemon poem #slamfind #video credit to slamfind

All this loving you This 2 months gone, as fresh as this morning loving you This remembering every little thing loving you This longing-handed loving you This need to tell you I'm always still loving you This if my loving you is traveling south at 120km/hr, how long will my loving you take to get back to you again? This Pangaea, it's obvious where this piece belongs loving you This 32.7157° N, 117.1611° W loving you This historical nonfiction loving you (As if you don't already understand) Sits snug behind my teeth, The only place I can say everything, where you can't hear If you knew If you knew If you knew How all this loving you is still so close, So tip of my tongue Too big to wash down Would you want to listen? I am not finished mouthing your name I am merely wanting to speak it

#letters #poetry #kind of?#okay let's call it that

Her first response: "when you were 8, you cut your hair short and told everyone to call you 'Nicholas,' and since then I've always had a feeling this day might come" Her second response: "you don't have to cry, I'll love you through it all, just tell me what you need" Her third response: "I just don't want my child to struggle" I didn't tell her I knew about the phone call she had with my brother immediately before ours In which she said, "I don't understand this" "I am upset" "This doesn't make sense" "This is coming at a bad time for me" A phone call in which he tells her it's not about her Or her convenience Or her ability to comprehend my identity I didn't tell her I was crying because I don't believe her (I was crying because she conditioned me to prepare for the storm that always follows her calm acceptance) I instead say, "I'm crying because I thought you'd yell at me" I thought she'd scream At me for being myself How silly of me to say that, right? How silly of me to hold her hand to support her, a genuine, set in stone woman to imply a tandem bicycle gender journey to let her think this belongs to her as much as it does me to make her think her opinion will just decide who I actually am How silly of me to have to wait until she changes her mind Her fourth response: "I just need to process this"

"TODAY I TOLD MY MOTHER I'M NOT ALL WOMAN BY MEANS OF A 27 MINUTE PHONE CALL (I CRIED FOR 15 OF THEM)" by Nikki Burian

#poem #poetry #poet #slam poem #slam poetry #spoken word #original

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