When Reader finished high school she was diagnosed with early stage of ovarian cancer. She put everything on hold to have a baby before it was too late, so she took a sperm donor. Now years later said sperm donor wants to meet his daughter and Reader is against it as she doesn’t know him, to her he was only a picture on the paper.- Modern AU
Ivar never thought that days could get any worse. After the accident, he lived every day at a time, and mostly, every day looked the same. There was nothing present to make him smile or to make him feel anything positive. He has been carrying the guilt since the moment his father stopped breathing beside him. He always thought that his days couldn’t get any more dreadful and lonesome, only to lose something that he actually never truly had.
Since the day his mother told him that he had to wait, each day got harder. Knowing his mother and her way with people, he actually thought that he would see you again. He didn’t expect you to reach for him immediately, but he was hopeful that after at least a week, you would make an agreement with him. There was hope that he would be able to see his daughter; he didn’t care if you agreed because of the money, although one part of him would be disappointed, but he wanted both of you in his life. As the days turned into weeks, and as weeks turned into months, the last bits of hope disappeared from his shattering heart. He never had you or your daughter, yet he felt the loss, and he couldn’t completely understand why. It could’ve been that his imagination created scenarios of you three being a family, or that he simply liked you, and already having a daughter with you was just a bonus.
After so many months, he almost stumbled after noticing you. He was baffled at your presence and the fact that you seemed distraught. However, his mother told him not to approach you ever again, so he took a deep breath before entering the building. He kept saying to himself that he won’t approach you, still, only five minutes later, he found himself moving towards the building’s entrance with his coat already in his hands, ready to put it around you. Yet, when he stepped into coldness, you were no longer there. For a moment, he thought that it was just a figment of his imagination. He forced his feet back inside, but your presence couldn’t leave his mind. Through the rest of the day, he was distracted. You and your daughter were the only ones on his mind, so for the first time in years, Ivar left the office before his brothers.
He was trying to stop his feet; he was trying to reassure himself that both of you were alright, as he truly didn’t want to push you even farther away. But nothing could’ve forced him to turn around and walk away. Soon, he found himself at the same place where your story started on the wrong foot, mostly because of a series of misunderstandings. Ivar knew that it was stupid to go against what his mother told him, as she was right, but she was also right that he did everything wrong and that he added stress to your life for things you shouldn’t worry yourself. He thought that he was ready to start over, to put all of his cards on the table, but nothing could have prepared him for the way you looked. You seemed defeated, if he dared to say, almost broken.
You didn’t seem surprised at seeing Ivar at your doorstep. It almost seemed as if you were waiting for him. You didn’t greet him or let him speak first before you scoffed at him.
“You will be happy to hear that my daughter hates me.”
Ivar’s brows furrowed, not understanding what you meant as your daughter was too young to have a real argument with you or to be able to express herself with such emotions.
“Ou…“ Ivar stopped himself before it was too late. He took a deep breath before starting again. “Why would your daughter hate you?”
You couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes as he was the answer to that question. You opted not to answer before inviting him in. You weren’t giving up; that wasn’t who you were. However, you wanted to know who you were up against. You decided to be a bad host, not offering him anything to drink, as you didn’t even want him in your home.
“Who are you?” you asked with no clarification, which left Ivar rather confused. He wasn’t sure how to answer that question, but he decided to try.
“I’m Iva-”
You interrupted after hearing the wrong answer. “I know your name, I know where you work, I know that you have four brothers and one sister. I know everything that a stranger could know about you. Now tell me what they wouldn’t be able to know.”
Ivar lowered his head as he wasn’t comfortable with expressing who he was. He knew what was at stake, and he actually didn’t even feel awkward with you, but he didn’t want you to pity him, as you were the first person not to do that. He didn’t want to be seen in your eyes as weak; he wanted you to see him as someone who could provide for your family, someone who could support you. But he knew what had to be done.
“I killed my father…” Ivar said, shocking you with his bluntness.
“It was an accident!”” You were quick to fight him on it as you found articles about it. You were curious about Ivar, and you wanted to be prepared, so you dug up anything you could.
“I’ve been sick since I was born. So I wasn’t just the youngest, I was also the sick one. Everyone likes to think that things got harder for me after the accident, but they were just as hard before it." He confessed something that never before seen the light of day. His gaze flickered quickly to your form as he realized that his statement could make you concerned. "You don’t have to worry about your daughter; there were complications during my mother’s pregnancy. I was a premature baby. There were difficult times, but I got by. I was closest with my mother, but I always felt like, among all of my siblings, that my father respected me the most, not loved, but…yeah.”
You felt bad for Ivar, although at the time he had both parents, but you always knew how your mother felt about you and your sister. And although it seemed that there were no worries about genetic disorders or anything from Ivar’s side, you still had to live with the possibility of your daughter having to deal with the same thing as you had, but you were going to take all the precautions.
“When you see my brothers, you can immediately tell who was the most popular. I was jealous and stupid and vain. I did things I’m not proud of, and my father found out. We got into a fight while I was driving. I was still new to it, my reflexes were too slow, and that was why he died. I never saw him so angry and disappointed before.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that,” you stated as a matter of fact. “But what did you do for your father to feel like that?”
“I kind of…” Ivar lowered his voice and avoided eye contact. “I slept with my brother’s girlfriend.”
You raised your eyebrows, not impressed. To you, that kind of behavior is inexcusable.
“They weren’t together together. She messed around with almost all of my brothers. I was stupid, it was a disaster, so…but I still don’t know why he reacted like that.”
“I do.” You stated with no hesitation. “You are looking at it from your perspective; look at it from your father’s. There was a woman who was obviously trying to get involved with your family. You were the youngest, and she fooled around with you. I don’t think your father was angry at you; he was disappointed that you went through that. I think he was angry that he didn’t protect you.”
Ivar took your words to his heart as he still remembered that day. His father wanted to know exactly what happened; he wanted to know what she told him, what she asked from him, but he was oblivious to that back then. He thought that his father was almost mocking him, as his brothers had, they were present when she was making comments about him, yet none of them said anything about it; they only encouraged the behavior that ended with a bad memory.
“Our daughter won't be allowed to date until the day I die.”
Ivar’s eyes were quick to find yours after hearing your words. He couldn’t even tell if you realized what you said, but he could barely stop his lips from stretching. There was a small smile present, and he was ready to take that as a small victory.
“Why are you smiling?”
Ivar just shook his head, urging you to ask him whatever you wanted.
“So, you were reckless when you were a teenager. What about now?”
Ivar didn’t see his mistakes as being reckless; he saw them as plain stupid and irresponsible. “I’ve grown since then; I don’t trust people easily. I no longer trust my brothers completely. I do work with them; we are as civil as it can be, but the tension is there. I don’t follow blindly or play games.” Ivar took a deep breath before continuing, as he was finally going to address what was bothering him the whole time. “When I found out that I have a daughter, I was petrified and angry. Firstly, I thought to myself how I didn’t take care of all the mistakes that I had made when I was a kid. I didn’t want her because I kept thinking about that girl who was pregnant with my brother. I kept thinking to myself, what if now I will be tied to someone like that, or even worse, what if my daughter becomes like her?”
You listened to Ivar, and you honestly didn’t think about how he felt in the beginning, as you didn’t know him back then. But hearing his worries and struggles, you could understand him more.
“But then one day, I was walking in the park, and my crutch slipped from my fingers. A little girl ran over and picked it up for me. She smiled brightly and disappeared before I could thank her. Her smile didn’t leave me for days. At first I thought about all the negatives, and then that smile, one smile started turning everything into positive.” Ivar was baring his soul to you as he knew that this was indeed his last chance. He decided to be completely honest as he didn’t want anything to come back at him in the future. “I hired someone to find everything about you. I wasn’t interested in whether you shopped when you were stressed or if you were in a relationship. I wanted to know what kind of person you were, and they couldn’t find anything bad, so I approached you, actually, your sister. You two are really similar.”
You moved your hands closer to your torso, feeling uncomfortable with knowing that someone was at some point watching not only you but your daughter as well, and Ivar noticed that.
He was quick to add, “They never took photos of you or anything, also I never looked at your documents, I ju-”
“I understand, you wanted to know, but what do you want now? I am confused, as it seems that your mother was actually honest.” You stated, still not believing that she put you and your daughter before her own son.
“Of course she was honest, she could see what you meant to me, and she didn’t want for my actions to ruin it,” he clarified. “And what I want didn’t change. I just want to be in her life. There is no catch; I want to support you in any way you will allow me. I will sign anything, I will adapt to your schedule, and everything will be on your terms, because if it wasn’t for you, she wouldn’t have been born.” Ivar stood up as he didn’t want to overstay his welcome; he was well aware that his daughter was so close, but still, he didn’t even ask to see her. “I will leave now, and you should drink some hot tea. I don’t want you to get sick again just because of me. You can call me any time after you decide on what you want to do, but please, whatever you choose, let me know because the wait was killing me every day, piece by piece,” he said before pulling out his business card; his personal number was already written on it in ink. “I hope I’ll see you soon.”
When Reader finished high school she was diagnosed with early stage of ovarian cancer. She put everything on hold to have a baby before it was too late, so she took a sperm donor. Now years later said sperm donor wants to meet his daughter and Reader is against it as she doesn’t know him, to her he was only a picture on the paper.- Modern AU
A/N: It's been a long, long, long, long, long time, but here is a short little thing I wrote
Time stood for a few moments after Aslaug left your room. Her words touched your heart, but you had to remind yourself that your heart was no longer just yours, but that it belonged to your daughter as well. You could empathize with Aslaug as a mother. There were no vile words in anything she said and that made you even more suspicious. It bothered you how she seemingly left her son’s happiness in a stranger’s hands. You would have never done such a thing to your daughter. You would fight until your last breath to secure her happiness. Because of that fact, you were more than sure that Aslaug lied to you. You felt the love she had for her son and there was nothing that would stop her from destroying your happiness for him.
With only one thing on your mind, you hired a lawyer. You needed to know what you could do to protect your daughter, no matter if you would have to drag Ivar through the mud. After everything was done you had what you needed to fight for her legally, but still, you decided to wait until Ivar or Aslaug made their move. And you waited and waited. Months passed, and you healed completely. Your daughter grew and as time went by, there were no signs of disturbances around you. It even made you wonder if perhaps they were no longer bothered by you, that maybe he had realized that it would be easier to have a child with somebody else. All of those thoughts helped you breathe again. You could not relax entirely, however you were no longer on the edge, as you were ready if they ever appear again. Or so you have thought; as to what happened you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy.
Nothing could have prepared you for the first time your daughter broke your heart. With one simple word, she reminded you of one thing that you took away from her. The moment you heard her curious voice you were left in shock. Your body couldn’t move and your brain stopped functioning. You had to wonder what you have done in your past life to deserve such a betrayal.
With hurried steps, your sister took the child from your hands giving you an opportunity for an easy escape and you took it. You rushed down the hallway and slipped inside your daughter’s room. After grazing the soft pillow with the tips of your fingers you grabbed her favorite plushy. There was no strength left in your body to carry you to the chair, you just collapsed onto the ground. Sobs escaped past your lips as you inhaled your daughter's scent. You were no longer sure if you were broken because you took away the possibility of your daughter having her biological father in her life or that she would hate you for it. It seemed that Ivar was no longer the only one who wanted a relationship with his daughter. Just moments ago, she was calling out for him during her small birthday party. It was as if she was searching for him in the crowd only to start screaming and crying after not seeing him.
What were you to do, you could not answer. But before you knew it your feet dragged you to the building where Ivar worked. You sat on the stone bench close to the entrance still in your slippers and the plushy in your hands. You left everything else at home, even forgetting a sweater. The wind was chilly against your skin and you could feel it creeping up your spine. With minutes passing by coldness sipped deep to your bones. Yet, you refused to move even after two hours had passed. And when the third hour started approaching you saw him heading towards the building. You noticed the way his eyes got wider after spotting you. You couldn’t blame him as almost half a year has passed. You let a soft scoff when he recomposed himself and headed inside the building as if you were nothing but an inconvenience.
You couldn’t explain it, but your eyes got teary again and in that moment you gathered enough strength to stand up and go back home to your growing daughter who will never understand why you did what you did, or how you wished for her life to be easy with no disappointments. You couldn’t let her suffer the same fate as you have through your whole childhood; you had to do better for her.
I don't understand why send someone in their inbox dirty videos....? Like some random ask send me a video, like leave me alone! And those stupid fake accounts that keep following me.....
Tumblr is really out there doing nothing about it, no matter how many times it has been reported!
I’ve seen a lot of people with the same problem you’re having, myself included. I think it’s just a new wave of porn bots. Personally I’ve been reporting them under spam.
Hi, dear Anon
I also reported them before blocking. I did that to a lot of accounts, but I'm just afraid that I will accidentally do that to a normal account.
I'm at least glad that they don't send me offers to buy their photos like they used to. It's just weird and annoying. And it just makes me reluctant in opening any new massages I get....
‘Probation’; the word was still echoing in his mind like a throbbing headache. After, hearing it, time stopped for him. Although minutes were passing by, he stayed stuck. He was locked in an invisible prison forced to stare at the other side of the coin. While for him the word ‘probation’ cut deep into his still-beating heart, those who did not deserve to hear it, were overjoyed. That word had awoken satisfaction and relief in those who were supposed to be caged like wild beasts. Those who were supposed to spend the rest of their life in remorse and full of regret were given back the opportunity to live freely and to forget the one they have hurt.
Banda could not take it. The judgment was not a fair one. His fingers curled into a tight fist almost ready to bleed. His focus stayed on smiling faces which could not stop laughing while his nails dug deeper into the skin. He has never believed in justice, yet he was deeply disappointed and furious.
For a long while, nights weren’t as dark as they used to be, as long as you were by his side. He promised you that he will be the best man he could be for you, and you promised never to stop smiling for him. Unfortunately, you were the first one to break the promise. You were the first one to do so, and now it was time for him to do the same. There was nothing left to hold him back from his true nature. Banda could freely let anger swallow him whole. Yet, before he could let his true nature reach the surface, for the first time in his life, Banda felt wetness on his cheeks.
Banda Sunato has never cried before; not even when you showed him how it feels not to be alone anymore, or when you smiled at him while covered in bruises telling him how you felt about him after falling multiple times on the ice.
Witnessing those who hurt you was ripping him from within. They were happy after what they had done, there were no consequences they will have to endure and not even one person was held accountable for the hideous crime. The whole process was rushed and evidence was tempered. The victim became an irresponsible drinker and perpetrators were turned into casualties of your ‘inappropriate behavior’. Banda could scoff at their accusation. You were the most responsible person he had ever met. You did not fall on the road in the dark while drunk, you were run over while crossing the street on your way to meet him. When you didn’t arrive, Banda got worried and went to look for you, only to find you half dead on the side of the road. He could still remember how cold your body was and how your breathing could be hardly noticed. The crimson was smeared over your features and he could barely recognize you in that state.
After experiencing the trauma of finding you half dead, Banda had to make them pay. He had to revenge the one who was still breathing thanks to a tube stuck deep into the bruised throat; the one whose brain activity was miles below normal. You had died multiple times, you were even declared dead once, yet you kept coming back.
Banda only left your side when it was necessary, until the moment he knew that perhaps he will never see you again.
After leaving the courtroom, Banda headed straight to you. He made a decision on his way to the hospital. He was going to revenge, no matter what it does to him. He was not scared of being hurt or locked away. There was no fear in him for his well-being, he only cared about yours.
He walked slower than usual as if he was dragging the time. Almost as if he was trying to prolong the moment until he will have to say his goodbyes. It hurt his heart that he will leave your side, but it also filled him with an uneasy feeling because of which he hated himself; he was almost glad that he will no longer be in presence of your bruised and broken body which was tugging on his heartstrings.
His nose was filled with the smell of disinfectants and death. Wherever he looked he could notice glimpses of depressing images and lost hope. To others, he probably looked just like that; a broken man with no faith left. His shoulders were slumped and his head lowered which was the complete opposite of his usual self. He was more than sure that if his former self was to see him like that it would be disgusted at the sight of a pathetic man, but he couldn’t care less about that. He loved himself more when he was with you and most importantly he loved you so much that you became his everything.
Yet instead of remembering your smile, the image of you lying on the hospital bed with machines beeping around you was stuck in his head. But for a moment, when stern voices got louder, and panicked screams filled the space, Banda was pushed to the side. The woman, which was placed two doors from your room, was quickly moved past him with blood dripping onto the ground following the path of gurney wheels. Just a week ago, your body was in a similar predicament.
Banda was pulled out of his thoughts after a door near him was opened and then quickly closed. He immediately recognized that your doors were moved so he rushed there hoping for some good news. But when he arrived, everything was the same as he left it.
“Mr. Banda,” the nurse greeted him before approaching your side. She gently tugged on your sheets fixing the loose corners.
“Are there any changes?” he asked hopefully.
The disappointment was evident on the nurse’s face. Although she had years of experience she was yet to perfect her poker face. She has never been good at masking her own emotions. She pressed her lips together stretching wrinkles on her aged skin. “Unfortunately not…”
“Another doctor left her room just a moment ago,” Banda pointed out.
“Mr. Banda her doctor is not on the call, I do not know who you are referring to.” The nurse stated hiding the truth. She knew who came to see you, but nothing good would have come from Banda meeting the man who just left. So before Banda could question her, she excused herself and left the young man to keep you company.
Sunato felt slightly uncomfortable which has become a rare occurrence since he got to know you. It took him a few minutes to finally sit next to your side. With shaky movements, his fingers curled around yours. He was reluctant to even hold your hand scared that it would hurt your fragile body.
“I should be the one lying there; I should have never let you stay by my side.” Sunato took a deep breath before continuing. “You would have been happy if it weren’t for me. I know that now it’s too late, but I will release you from my presence and hopefully bring you peace.”
Getting back to his feet, he leaned closer to your body. He left a soft kiss on your forehead wishing for your eyelashes to flutter just like they used to when he would do so.
Unfortunately, nothing happened. There was no reaction to his touch or his words and he could only blame himself. But while many people would not be able to do something about it, he could. He could punish those he deemed responsible.
Not long after his visit, Banda killed the woman who drove under the influence and who ran you over, he also killed the one who was in the passenger seat and decided not to stop and check on you, if they had, you would have already been awake by now.
Just like Banda had thought, there were plenty of people involved in the trial, as the perpetrator was a daughter of a rich and influential man. Banda could understand him doing everything to keep her away from prison, but that man could not keep her away from death. He decided to also punish those who should’ve been unbiased, and that was the prosecutor who tempered with evidence and the one who should’ve been an epitome of justice; the judge. He left the judge for his final victim and he killed her at his trial. Like a madman, he pierced her throat with a pencil.
Banda ended up in prison on death row never disclosing the reason behind his actions or being remorseful for it. He didn’t regret killing, but he did regret leaving you completely alone. He had been slightly impulsive not thinking clearly about how it would affect you.
Twenty-three months passed by and Banda kept calling the hospital. He would call once a day at the same time. Most of his calls would be unanswered as the nurses already knew who was calling. They couldn’t disclose any information about your condition as he refused to introduce himself not wanting them to tie you with a serial killer. They mostly avoided his calls, rare were days when to him an unknown nurse would pick up and say that your condition has not changed. Yet what happened after almost two long years shook him to the core. A male voice answered the phone telling him to stop disturbing the hospital staff as there were no reasons left for that anymore. Banda listened to the words telling him that your heart has stopped three times in the past two weeks and that it was expected for it to completely stop in the next few days. There was no malice in the voice, just facts, but Banda could not accept them. He decided to see you no matter what he had to do to get to you. But nobody could have thought that after escaping prison he will be forced to experience something that will take him even further away from the person you have grown to love.
Fifteen days and fourteen nights you have spent in seemingly an empty city screaming for Sunato. Yet no matter how loud your voice rose, or how scratched your throat got, you never received any kind of response; not from him or anybody else. It became a frustrating living nightmare from which you could not wake up. Each day, a little bit of hope died within you. You weren’t sure where you were, or what was needed to do to return safely home; to Sunato'’s arms, but you wished to arrive there sooner than later.
You moved through the unusually quiet city. You were no fan of loud voices, but you couldn’t get used to Tokyo in absolute silence. It was a rather bizarre thing to witness.
Your steps became slower and your will to live slowly decreased with every passing moment. You dragged your feet to the only place that was vivid in your memory. It was not a special place to you, to many it would evoke emotions, but you were indifferent about it. You were a bit confused about it, but there was nobody who would help you understand.
To your misfortune, elevators did not work so you had to climb up the stairs. It became obvious that it was difficult for you to do so. After reaching the fifth floor you had to stop to catch your breath. You haven’t eaten for a few days and your last meal had been unsatisfying. You were losing strength and the ability to think properly. Sleep also didn’t visit often, no matter how hard you tried to conjure it.
Your fingers wrapped around the metal railing helping yourself up, after resting for a few moments. Your legs were tired and you could barely hold yourself up, but you had to endure it for a little longer as there were three more floors between you and your goal.
It took you a long while to finally reach it but when you did, it felt underwhelming. As you stood in front of an empty hospital bed you could do nothing but let out a long breath. The sheets were unmade and the bedside table was empty. There was nothing personal there, but you could remember it as clearly. You woke up in that bed after falling asleep in the street while struggling to breathe; you were choking on your blood while coldness settled in your bones. But all of that was fast to disappear after warmth embraced you when you heard Sunato’s voice. Then you knew that you were safe and you could let yourself close your eyes. Now, while standing in front of the lonely bed, you were regretting your decision as you were no longer in Sunato’s presence.
You searched for him wherever you thought he could be. You ran to the home you shared with him only to find no trace of the man you love, it seemed abandoned. It was dusty and stale and so lonesome. You couldn’t stay there; you couldn’t sleep there so you had to return to the place where you were unlucky enough to open your eyes.
It took you only four more steps for you to settle onto the harsh covers. Your feet stayed firmly on the ground and your gaze stayed on them. There was nothing particular on your shoes to focus on yet it didn’t waver. You could only stare at the dried splashes of mud and occasional narrow line of dirt on them. Those shoes were almost new, yet they looked nothing like that after walking for so long and through so many obstacles. You could only hope that they won’t rip apart before you find your way back to where you came from. But those shoes weren’t the only ones on which you were placing leftover pieces of what used to be hope. You wished for your legs to carry you back, and for them to do so you had to stay healthy which was proven to be a difficult task for you. Even when you found something to eat, you could barely eat it without feeling nauseated. Your strength was at the bare minimum and stress was only worsening everything for you. Worries plagued your mind not letting you sleep and to restore your energy. So you were more a dead man walking than a threat to anyone and soon you came to find out that although it mattered to anyone else, it made no difference to you.
Hell; that was the first association that found its way into Banda’s mind. He wouldn’t even use it for prison as he knew how to take care of himself and how to control those around him, and while there, he was more than certain of your whereabouts. And your location was what made the whole experience in Borderland for Banda difficult. He couldn't have let out a breath of relief, to even enjoy what would bring him satisfaction without knowing that you were alright. At first, he thought that he indeed was in the afterlife where he was punished to wander in the world where he will never meet you again. He could laugh at that as the one who created it, knew more than well how to hit him where it hurts. Still, he didn’t want to jump to conclusions and he continued with the same agenda he had back in the world he was a prisoner; actually, a man who has escaped prison to visit you.
Banda ran up the stairs hoping and praying although he had no religion or beliefs. He was desperate for you to be there, he was ready to see you lying in your hospital bed only to find it empty.
Banda let out a sigh not believing his eyes. He hit his fist against the wall cursing. He couldn’t process how you weren’t there; if it were the normal world it would have probably meant that you were dead, but he had no clue what it could mean in a world where barely anyone was present and the whole town almost completely abandoned. He approached your bed with a sad smile. He sat down gripping the covers between his fingers. His eyes closed while trying to calm down only to notice it; the lingering scent on the material he was gripping. He pulled it closer to his nose and he could smell it; your scent. It was proof that you had to be close by although the presence was no longer strong.
Yet as days went by, and after he learned more about the world he was in Banda was grateful that he has not witnessed your existence in the Borderland. He was relieved that you were not a player in any of the games he has played, and he played every single one he stumbled upon no matter how many days he had on his visa. He was still searching for you although not wanting to find you there. Banda knew you deep to the core; he knew exactly who you were. He has always been good at reading people, yet he never needed to read you as you were always honest and never lied. You believed that there were no bad or good people, but that there were simply people who either do good or bad deeds and no matter how similar that sounded, you always strongly argued that there is a difference and if you were there with him you would be proven right and it made his heart heavy.
Nevertheless, Banda hoped that you will never witness the carnage and the animalistic urges crawling in the Borderland as he was aware that you were not made for that kind of world. He knew that if you had to choose either to kill or be killed that you would choose the latter. He would have been surprised if he were to find out that you had been in the Borderland for so long that you had seen kings rise and fall.
Emptiness; you had embraced it since living in the Borderland. You had met people here and there but soon found out that everyone is just trying to survive and that they will always point the gun to your head. You felt uncomfortable among people, more than in the world you called home. You watched them with sadness and pain growing in your heart. Because of one simple reason; you were hurt by the animalistic behavior. Unfortunately, one small piece of it reminded you of Sunato. You were well aware of how smart he was and also that he could be quite sadistic at least when you met him for the first time. There was nothing that could explain to you why he was never like that to you, or why he ignored that side of himself for you, but you were glad that he did. You were at peace knowing that he was trying to be the best version of himself. You didn’t want him to change, but just to try to stay on the right side of the law and to be a person with good morals.
To you, Sunato was the only person keeping you alive. He was the only one urging your heart to beat and keeping your eyes open. Even when the walls were gray around your body, you could picture Banda leaning against the harsh surface smirking at you. While being locked in a solitary, he was the one to bring you comfort. You waited for hours for the game to end after entering it on accident.
After you heard the doors opening and someone being dragged away, you walked outside only to come face to face with a blond-haired man.
“Ohhh…” you let out. Your eyes were wide as you stared at him. You pressed your lips into a thin line before turning around and heading back to the solitary but you were stopped.
“Who are you?” Chishiya questioned
You let out a breath knowing very well that it was too late for you to run away. “I…” you started but didn’t know what to say. You turned around to face him again not feeling comfortable having your back facing a stranger. Your eyes locked and you were pleasantly surprised as you noticed something strange in his. You were more than sure that he recognized you. “You know me?!” you let it out before you could stop yourself. There was a small hint of hope noticeable in your voice. Your fingers fidgeted while you waited for his answer.
Chishiya recognized you after observing your face. He wasn’t completely sure if he was right as it was confusing. He remembered the day when he abandoned you as a doctor. He has done something that nobody should’ve had. He was supposed to be the one operating on you, but the higher-ups decided that someone more important needed his expertise. Because of his lack of defiance, your surgery was a failure, and you had to go under another one, which Chishiya performed, however, it was useless as it was too late. And to make matters even worse Chishiya never memorized your name the first time, then he decided not to see you as a person, and shortly after you became one of his biggest mistakes and regrets. He visited your room exactly seven times in the early months of your arrival and three of those times he brought you back to life. He wasn’t sure why he was doing that; either he didn’t want you to die, or he didn’t want to blame himself for your death. Yet, somehow he was sure that it wasn't the latter. He grew to care for someone who seemed abandoned in their times of need. He could only remember flowers in the room when you were admitted, but as time grew, they withered. Your room became bare and no one ever visited. Chishiya was surprised to find out about phone calls that were meant for you. He was rather rattled when he answered the phone because you were abandoned, with no one by your side and although he had witnessed those kinds of patients before, he cared more now as it was partially his fault.
“Do you know me?” you repeated slightly on the edge. Your body was leaning in his direction with no patience left in it.
“Yes,” Chishiya let out. “You died on my table.”
You laughed at his statement as his words couldn’t be true. Your reaction was an honest one and you realized a moment later that so was his statement. Because of it and his sincerity your eyes got watery as you could somehow feel it, almost like you could remember it. “I’m not dead,” you said refusing to believe him.
“That was the first of many times when your heart has stopped,” Chishiya explained while still trying to understand what was happening.
You looked at him with tears sliding down your cheeks. “So you are not a grim reaper…”
Chishiya couldn’t stop himself from snorting at your whisper. He couldn’t understand why would you associate him with them when there were no similarities or any connections except the major one; death.
“Who are you here?” you questioned. There were flashes of your memory where a man with blond almost white hair stood in front of you. You never saw his face, but you concluded that he truly looked like the man who was now standing in front of you. Then, you thought that the man was the one who came to take you to the afterlife, but you were wrong.
Chishiya shrugged, he was reluctant in giving you answers as this could’ve been another game as since the final phase began the rules weren’t as clear as they used to be.
“You are still a player, aren’t you?” you questioned more than sure of his role in the game after he stayed quiet for far too long
“What does ‘still’ mean?” Chishiya asked.
You smiled for the first time in a long time. “I guess I was right.”
“What does it mean?” Chishiya repeated. He tilted his head glaring at you.
“After you beat the face cards, you either leave or become a citizen,” you explained what you gathered over your time in the Borderland.
“Why would anyone stay here?” Chishiya questioned out loud, although aware of the obvious.
“Freedom,” you whispered while remembering one person whom you had met in the Borderlands and who had left a positive impression on you.
“No morals, no consequences.”
“You should’ve met Kyuma, he was nice, although a king,” you said with a sad smile because you witnessed his blimp falling. He was someone you wished you had known before you entered the world you loathed.
Chishiya stepped away from you. It seemed that you were close to a king and were present during a deadly game and didn’t die although it would’ve been impossible for you to simply guess the symbols every single time before the time was up.
“I’m not a queen…” you admitted not even knowing why. But you got lonely and sad in that place. If you take only the previous hours of your life, you spent them completely alone while guessing what was on your collar, you tried to cheat yet not even once any danger came close to you. It was like that since the beginning, even if another player would get close to killing you, you would wake up where you opened your eyes for the first time. “I’m not a player…” you continued not completely sure in your statement. “I guess I am a citizen…?”
“How can you not know?”
“After first face cards had fallen, everyone was asked if they want to leave or stay…” you stopped for a moment remembering it vividly. You were so hopeful and happy that you were going to see Sunato again. Yet it never happened. “I wanted to leave, but they didn’t let me…” you were crying again. “Another fell, again I chose to leave…You see, I am not a player, but can’t be a citizen either, as I have no choice.”
Chishiya stayed silent. He was confused and your next confession and worry got him stunned as he realized what he should have noticed before.
“You were my doctor, you said that right?” you waited for him to nod before continuing. “There was only one visitor, was he well?”
Chishiya never witnessed any visitor in your room and his silence spoke volumes.
“You didn’t see him, but he was there, I know Sunato came to see me.” You stated as a matter of fact as you trusted him.
“Banda Sunato?” Chishiya let out not believing. He was more than sure that there were more people named Sunato in Tokyo, yet somehow it seemed right to make such a guess, although it would’ve been a great coincidence. He never talked to you or knew if you were a good person, but he knew that nobody could deserve to be with someone like Banda Sunato. But at least he knew that Banda has killed after you were admitted to the hospital and you weren’t present to be hurt by it.
“You met him?” you were relieved although you didn’t doubt it.
Chishiya finally connected that Banda was the man with whom he had spoken all those months ago. However, after meeting him in the game it seemed as if those were two completely different people.
“Shouldn’t you focus on leaving this game?” Chishiya tried to change the subject as well as to get you out of the building so that you wouldn’t come face to face with a serial killer you seemed to be missing.
“I played today, I couldn’t see my collar, I cheated, and nothing…”
“You didn’t play,” Chishiya told you making you confused. “Your picture wasn’t on the monitor; you weren’t one of the players.”
“Ohh…” you let out deflated. You lowered your head moving towards the stairs to leave. Somehow all the energy got drained out of your body and heaviness settled upon you. You were completely losing hope and although you didn’t want to be lonely you had to be alone at the moment. “I wish you all the luck,” you offered him a small smile along with your sincere words.
“I am Chi-”
You interrupted him as it would hurt less. “It is better if I do not know. I wish for you to safely return home.”
Chishiya stayed silent as you slowly disappeared down the stairs. After hearing your words Chishiya was more than relieved that you haven’t met Banda. Just from your words, he could hear truthfulness and actual care for someone who was practically a stranger to you.
To anyone looking from the outside, you and Sunato would seem like two people with no connections but who were merely walking at the same pace. You were side by side yet nothing was tying you together at least that was what anybody witnessing you two would’ve thought. But even what was on the surface could make a different statement.
Neither you nor Sunato had a desire for unwanted attention; you two were not into PDA or grand romantic gestures which were mostly used just to be thrown into other people’s faces. However, it didn’t mean that there was no romance, care, or love between you two. It all came down to little things, how Banda was wearing fluffy pairs of glows which were too small for him because you gave him an extra pair that you found in your bag, or the gray hat, Sunato’s favorite, which was now keeping your head warm. Also, his wallet was in your coat pocket as he has forgotten to tell you that yesterday, both of his pockets broke at the seams. There was also one eye-catching thing and that would be your Pokemon backpack carried by Sunato which was filled with two thermoses with hot drinks and a few snacks.
Although rare were people who knew about your relationship neither Sunato nor you would be offended by anyone assuming anything else, as you just didn’t care. What you two had started many years ago and since then you only had each other and you were more than satisfied with that.
A sudden cough was what made Sunato stop in his steps in the middle of the sidewalk. Some passers cursed him because he was in the way. He gripped your forearm making you face him. He was quick to remove the borrowed glow before placing his palm on your forehead. He scrunched his nose at the warmth radiating from your head.
“Do you feel well?” Sunato question. He noticed that you were startled by your sickness as you hadn’t noticed anything in the morning.
“I’m just a bit cold, but that’s normal…” you shrugged because you didn’t feel ill.
“We should go back,” Sunato suggested and you agreed with him as it was better to be safe than sorry. There were plenty of days ahead of you to go to the park and make a snowman as winter just started. And honestly, you had nothing against going home and being taken care of and cuddling with Sunato.
Sunato put the glow back on before slowly intertwining your fingers with his. It was your way to bring comfort to each other and at the moment he was terrified of you getting sicker. It seemed that he was more concerned than you were. And that was one of many reasons why your heart was beating for him. He was your person, your other half and you were more than sure that nothing will ever come between you two.
Banda felt slightly conflicted. He wasn’t sure if he should go back home. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see you, he wanted that the most in the world, but he wasn’t sure if you would ever be able to accept what he had done since you closed your eyes.
He didn’t see himself as a good man, he knew that he wasn’t by any standards, yet he still wanted to be with you. He was selfish for it, but he couldn’t lie to himself or you. He moved slowly through the street filled with a few people expressing their wishes. Not even one of theirs caused any reaction in him; there was not even one single piece of his soul interested in others.
He knew what he had to do and what he wanted to do no matter the consequences. It didn’t matter if you reject him, or tell him that you are disgusted with him; he just needed to know that you were safe. So, he said what to him, the only and obvious choice was.
“I want t-”
“Forever a citizen…” your voice came out filled with sadness and defeat.
To Sunato your voice was like a beckon in the middle of a dark ocean. He moved with ease to your body before saying the words he thought he would never say. Yet he chose to stay so that his fate could once again be intertwined with yours.
He stayed quiet while coming closer to your form. He had no words to say, so with only a small smile to offer, Sunato intertwined his fingers with yours without even facing you.
You were startled by the sudden touch. During your time in the Borderland, you haven’t even shaken anyone’s hand let alone hugged them. So feeling someone else’s warmth surprised you, mostly because you didn’t want to let go as if it was something you were craving, something you needed, something that belonged to you.
You moved your gaze to your fingers and your heart softened in your chest as you would recognize that hand even in darkness. Your eyes moved from the fingers following the lines of the well-known body all the way to his face. He was already smiling at you, and you couldn’t do anything but do the same.
For the first time since you arrived in that strange land, you found hope, not in getting out or going back home as that was no longer needed. Your home came to you and you could finally see yourself being happy again. It didn’t matter in which world you were as long as his hand was not letting go of yours.
Borderland was a devious place where no person should feel comfortable or safe. That was true for most people. However, it became a blessing for those with no morals or boundaries. Nevertheless, there were also a few of those to whom Borderland was simply an escape. That Hell, to you, was more a form of a vacation. You were not a bad or a cruel person outside of a Borderland; you were a victim. Every second of your life was being watched and observed. You were not able to run away or hide from it. You no longer had one shadow, and the new one was a form of a newly made serial killer whose victims died because of you.
So being in the Borderland gave you the ability to breathe again. You were no longer anxious every moment of the day, but only when you would enter games, at least until the next phase had begun. Still, even after that, you found yourself smiling at your friends because all of you were still alive.
“Has something changed for you?” Chishiya questioned. There were plenty of things he has concluded about you, but still, you were someone who kept their past life hidden. He could not understand you as you were not like others. He could see no malice in your bones, but he noticed a slight disappointment in you whenever you would hear the words: ‘game cleared’. However, after the next phase had begun, he noticed the sadness in your eyes as well as fear, which strangely enough, he had not witnessed from you yet.
You stopped on your way, turning to face someone who became dear to you. Although cold, and most of the time a bastard, you adored Chishiya. He was like a moody kitten from which you could never walk away. “What do you mean by that?”
“Have you finally grasped the reality of the games?”
You scoffed at his question and although you knew that it wasn’t his intention; it did come out a bit insulting. “That’s funny,” you said through your teeth as you were well aware of all the lives that were lost around you.
“You never showed fear, yet you are showing it now. We are not close to the King of Spades, and we are not in a game, so why is it present then?” Chishiya explained his question the best he could. It was difficult for him to find the answer, so he sought it directly from you.
“I wanted to die,” you admitted. You could feel a sting in your cheeks and your eyes welling up. You have never said anything like that before. You never trusted anyone that much, not in the Borderland or the outside of it. But you knew that you could trust the man in front of you, although he wasn’t the most empathetic person around.
Chishiya stayed silent as he had nothing to say. He could comment on your words, but all he would say would come off as insensitive. He wasn’t aware of what kinds of demons were chasing you, but it seemed as if they weren’t the residents of Borderland, but that you have brought them there with you.
“When you and I met in that game, I didn’t give you the solution so that I would get out. I didn’t want you to die. At least I had control over that, I could save a life.”
“But why not yours?” Chishiya wondered out loud. “You didn’t want to die that day. I know it.”
“I didn’t want to live either,” you added. “When we met that was my first game, I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I knew that I didn’t want to go back and I didn’t want to play.”
“If you had a shitty life in the real world, it doesn’t mean that you can’t change it once we go back.” Chishiya tried to reason with you, but he wasn’t aware of your fear.
“This place wasn’t the first one where I saw the dead, and it wasn’t the first one where people died because of me.”
“What did you do?” He was curious, but he didn’t believe your words. He knew you were not irresponsible to let people die. So he was more than sure that you were blaming yourself for something that you had no impact on.
“I caught the attention of someone who I wanted to kill so many times, but I never had the guts to do it.” You licked your lips before you continued. “I was never much into the people, almost like you. I ignored them and just moved without trying to interact with them. I don’t know why, I truly don’t, but a guy, whom I have never met before, took an interest in me. I didn’t even notice that happening,” you admitted before taking a deep breath. You were trying to control yourself not wanting to shed any more tears because of that man. “He didn’t seem to mind that, but he killed four people who tormented me in different aspects of my life. After he had done that he appeared before me for the first time. He thought that I would be grateful, but he was wrong. However I thought he was joking, so I continued with my life, but I couldn’t shake off his words. He followed me everywhere, and I prayed to anyone listening that those horrible women would just appear back in my life. But the only things that appeared were whispers and gossip about the sudden deaths.”
“You didn’t kill them,” he said almost nonchalantly. “That man did, so forget about it.”
“Easier said than done, Chishiya,” you said after wiping your tears. You smiled sadly at him before continuing up the stairs. “At least I locked him up,” you whispered. It took a lot of courage to do so, but you reported him, and soon after he was arrested, however, it seemed that although he was put in a cage, he could still reach you. You got his letters; you got his ‘gifts’ and you tossed them away. You moved plenty of times, yet he always found your address.
You walked up the stairs until you entered the enormous building which was a prison. And once again you were forced to play with a collar around your neck. You only hoped that you won’t be turned against Chishiya, however, you knew that you would choose his life over yours. So, somehow it didn’t bother you that much, but you could never tell what he was thinking about or if was he willing to do the same, you only hoped that he wasn’t.
After the collar clicked you took a deep breath before exhaling loudly. You were getting exhausted at the mental abuse of the games. But you had no choice but to play, just as Chishiya as your visa was close to expiring.
You climbed up the stairs which slightly crumbled beneath your feet. You were anxious as this was your second time in prison; however, the first time, you ran away before you were escorted to the visiting area. However, it was obvious that this time you will not be able to escape that quickly.
Chishiya followed after you, and he witnessed the exact moment when the hairs on your arms rose and your body went rigid. He also noticed the way you tried to ignore it and how you rushed into one of the hidden corners, far from anyone's curious eye.
“Are you alright?” Chishiya asked although he knew how stupid that question was at that moment, he couldn’t do anything else. He couldn’t provide you with any comfort or help you with your fears. But at least he could show you that you had someone who cared, although in his little twisted way if he had only known that there was another person present who cared like that but in the darkest possible way.
You were almost scared to breathe, and you refused to even glance to your left as you knew who was standing there. “He is here…” you spoke softly and quietly not wanting the man to notice you, you hoped that he hasn’t yet and that he will not.
Chishiya could immediately determine who the man you were talking about was. He even recognized him and he could see clearly as a day when the serial killer, Banda Sunato, saw your picture on the monitor.
Air got caught in your throat when you noticed Banda’s eyes seeking you in the open space. You swallowed the lump in your throat forcing yourself to be brave in front of the man who destroyed your being and will to live. Before he could find you, you took one step forward gaining his attention. You noticed a glimmer of happiness in his twisted eyes. But you did not return the sentiment; you glared at him with coldness. Today was good enough of a day to end his life any way you can, even if it kills you.
After the first round, everyone was relieved except a few of you who were aware of how cruel and disturbing people can be. You could only wait and see when the carnage will begin. And it was sooner than you thought so, but not surprised at the one who started it. You could tell what was being whispered, but what surprised you was a genuine smile directed towards you from the one spewing lies.
You weren’t sure if Banda was aware of it, or if he could even comprehend it, but he was making you completely uncomfortable. You have spoken to him, only once in your life at least that’s what you could remember, and you could remember that conversation vividly as it scared you to death. You never appeared in court as they had enough evidence, and needed no witness who had only their word and no proof to back up what Banda confessed. But there was a moment when you got the urge to speak to him, and you went to prison to do so, but before you could confront him to leave you alone, you got sick to your stomach at the thought of seeing him.
During the game, you tried to stay as close to Chishiya as you could. But there were moments when it was inevitable for you to separate. However, you agreed to meet between the rows where your favorite snacks were placed; in the furthest corner of the room. When that time came, after so many had already lost their lives, you were sited on the floor munching on the little treat. You were so absorbed in your mind that you failed to notice footsteps approaching you and when you finally have it was too late.
“Would you mind telling me?” Banda questioned while pointing to his collar. He slowly turned his back to you while you stood up, but instead of speaking you were ready to walk past him. He was faster than you, so it was no problem for him to catch you by the wrist in a tight grip.
You refused to turn around. You could not look at him. His face always seemed so innocent with the smile he always gifted to you, but you knew what he truly was. So you stayed still, just waiting for his next move.
“Do you wish for me to die?” Banda asked in a joking manner. He thought that you would be happy to see him; after all, you did come to visit him. Although he never got to see you that day, he knew that you came for him. However, your answer did something truly rare for him; it shocked him and it stirred something dark deep within him.
“Yes!” you answer with no hesitation.
Banda could not force himself to believe your words. “Say that again!”
You repeated, but the only thing you got after that was the feeling of your back slamming into a shelf and Banda’s hands digging into your shoulders.
“Did he force you to say that?” Banda questioned as he couldn’t ignore how close you seemed to be with Chishiya. He could see why you would find Chishiya attractive as both of them shared many characteristics. To him, it almost seemed as if you were trying to replace him.
You shook your head at his question while trying to endure the pain he was putting you through.
“You do not need a replacement anymore,” Banda said without losing his grip, however his facial expression softened and he smiled warmly at you.
“Why?” you questioned. You could have said anything, but the only thing you wanted to know is why you were so special to him.
“I am here now and I w-”
You cut him off completely ignoring the way his jaw clenched at the rude interruption of his declaration. “I don’t know you, Banda, I don’t understand why you keep following me, why did you kill for me, what do you want from me?”
Banda tilted his head to the side. He leaned his face closer to your ear to whisper what you could only assume would be the answer you longed for. “I want to break you apart, piece by piece,” he admitted with his lips close to the side of your face.
You could feel his hot breath on your ear and it made your skin crawl. You flinched but he kept you in place.
“But don’t be scared,” he comforted you condescendingly. Banda pulled away slightly. He moved one of his hands higher with his fingers barely ghosting over the skin of your neck. He stopped them over your cheek softly smearing your tears. “I will build you up again.”
You scoffed at his words; a crazy chuckle escaped past your lips. The whole situation finally reached your normality-deprived brain. You could no longer take the absurdity of the moment.
Banda moved away from you in one calculated movement. He was pleasantly surprised at your behavior. It was almost as if he was at the finish line with you, but he couldn’t be more wrong. He failed to notice that he wasn’t the main cause of your act, but it was Chishiya who appeared only a moment ago.
You knew that it was no longer just your life at stake, but Chishiya’s as well. Banda was crazy and had already killed in the normal world, so it was time for you to snap as you were not going to let him kill someone dear to you.
“Break me?” you laughed in his face finally making him uneasy as he was no longer the one in control. You tusked at him as if he was a little child, almost the same as he treated you. “You can’t break me Sunato and you never will.” You stated it as a matter of a fact.
“I find enjoyment in challenges,” Banda admitted while stepping closer to you.
You scoffed at his words deciding to make the distance between you two.
“So will you tell me?” Banda repeated his question as if nothing has happened.
“Should I tell? Should I lie? But why do it as you already know the answer?” you asked faking innocence. “I am done with you, Banda. I don’t want a replacement, I don’t want you!”
“You came to see me, so don’t act like this is one-sided,” Banda accused as for the first time he could see how much you despise him. It made him slightly confused.
“I came to ask you, to beg you…” you spoke from your broken heart just trying to reach his, to make him understand, although you were more than sure that he won’t. But you had a solution for that as well; you had a solution that went beyond your principles and morals. “I came to threaten you to leave me alone. I was willing to go as far as to see your smug face just to get my life back, but I couldn’t. The moment I saw your face through that tinny window of visiting room I got sick. I could taste the vomit in my mouth. I threw up at the sight of you.”
Banda just shrugged at your confession no longer in the mood to be close to you. He needed to clear his head to find another way to get to you as he was not willing to let you go after all the effort.
He decided to walk past you, but while doing so you’ve done to him the same thing he had done to you. For the first time since you were forced to come to know about his existence, you initiated physical contact.
You took him by surprise, but he didn’t let you see it, he only glanced over his shoulder toward you. “If you don’t die during this game, I will kill you.”
“Is that a promise?” he questioned staring into your eyes as if waiting for you to succumb to his gaze.
Your eyes flickered toward Chishiya who was ready to interfere. His presence gave you the strength to confirm your intentions.
“There is no escaping me,” Banda confessed getting away from your touch. “In the end, I will wait for you even in Hell, and we both know you will end up there.” He said smugly not letting you win the argument.
Nevertheless, you were both aware that your words were truthful and that you were going to stand by them. However, you decided to do something unexpected. So when the last countdown came, and when it reached zero; it wasn’t only one bang that was heard, as two more echoed outside the solitary.
You decided to go back on your word as it was apparent that he was going to survive the game, so you broke the rules to end it once and for all. You took him down with you, it was the least you could do for the lives that were taken. The only regret you had was that you left Chishiya and the rest of your friends behind, but you knew at least one thing; they were all in less danger now when Banda was finally gone.
You died with a smile on your face as you at least have done one right thing in the end. But you were never going to rest as the bloody hand was tightly holding onto yours and he was determined to find you even in death.
I haven’t been here in a long time, but I will most likely post Alice in Borderland fics, don’t know if anyone is interested, but I’m already working on one for Banda....so maybe I post it tomorrow.
What the world has become you could not answer. Days were passing by one by one, and with them, pieces of you were left behind. Everything became meaningless, even your own life. The only time when you would feel even worse was when Chishiya would leave you alone. He wasn’t doing it to hurt you, but to survive as he wasn’t as lucky as you to not depend on games.
Sometimes you would wait for so long that your mind would keep telling you that he was dead and so that you could end it now.
Still, you never acted on it as you promised him that you will be there when he comes back and he always had. You could see clearly on him that this kind of life wasn’t for him, but somehow, it seemed that it was made for all of those other people. You couldn’t see what the point was in doing anything they were doing and you weren’t even sure if any of them would even want to return to their old lives, as here, there were no worries except death and that was waiting for them even outside of this crazy world.
Used to, you thought that all the bad things you were doing were so that you and your family would have food on the table, but after entering Borderland you realized that if you were to enter a game, you would either have to kill or be killed. It was eating you away little by little and you weren't sure if you were ever going to find your way out.
You were exhausted, both mentally and physically. There were days when you found yourself on the mere edge, but because Chishiya stayed with you, you were forced to step away from it.
Chishiya was still the same as you remembered him to be, however, a little more friendly. You two were never actually close, you couldn’t describe it. Sometimes it seemed as if you had a playful love/hate relationship. However, there were moments when you would question how playful it truly was, as Chishiya could be more than mean and he has proved that to you countless times. Perhaps, you were just a fool, who thought that he could be your friend and after entering Borderland you started believing that maybe he was. Nevertheless, there was gawking suspicion not leaving your mind, there was a simple thought that he was just pretending so that he could save himself later on by using you and for that to happen you were meant to enter a game. And when you thought that finally, you were close to going back home, unwillingly you became a player as the invisible walls took away your freedom.
You thought that the Beach couldn’t become more vulgar or crueler yet you were wrong as only a few minutes into the game, it turned into a massacre. In a moment everything changed and you were left with only one choice, the choice which you were dreading almost your whole life; you will either have to take someone’s life or let them take yours.
You were no saint before you entered Borderland and people had died before because of you, but you never killed someone with your bare hands in a hallway filled with cadavers. It was sickening more than the blood dripping from your hands.
“This will never end…” you whispered. Your voice was barely hearable and your hands were shaking terribly. Your fingers were slightly cut from a makeshift blade. The only thoughts in your mind were regretful ones. You wished that you have never chosen the life that had brought you where you were, as you saw Borderland as nothing more or less than Hell.
“Move or you will die,” Chishiya stated as a matter of a fact. He was aware of have people can act like animals if put in dangerous situations, he had witnessed it before, too many times to count. He was sure that if you don’t start looking after yourself that your body will ultimately join the fast-growing pile. However there was something different between you and those who have already found their tragic end; those whose flesh was burning although they tried everything to stay alive, it was actually, quite simple. None of those people had him by their side, but you did and you still do.
You were an anomaly to him; since he met you he couldn’t understand it. There were plenty of things that annoyed him about you, but somehow he didn’t mind your presence, and weirdly enough you were always there. Usually, he wouldn’t like people and they would reciprocate that same dislike. Whoever stayed for a while by his side, left sooner or later even his family, so you, staying although not for him, made you slightly special.
“Why are we even trying to survive, Chishiya?” you whispered with the last fragments of hope. You wished to hear a reason that would make you hold on for longer as although your life wasn't good, you wanted a chance to live. And although you were still alive it seemed like you were already dead.
“So that we win, isn’t that obvious?” Chishiya questioned before urging you to follow him. “You used to like to win…” he pointed out, there was teasing present in his voice. “And wouldn’t it be fun to find the one who trapped us here?” He shrugged as if he wasn’t sure and the only way to find that out would be by following his steps.
You were at the point in life where there was practically nothing left, nothing that could provoke any kind of reaction out of you besides annoyance or disgust or plain confusion. There was no brightness around or inside your form. You were partially aware of it all, still, as if you were completely oblivious, you kept living a monotone life that was no longer touched by happiness. Not even the innocence of a child’s laughter could make you smile as long ago you were like that. Nevertheless, the cruelty of life showed you that it all fades away too quickly for you to hold onto it.
Surprisingly, one day that unfortunate survival began to change, however, that moment didn’t come in a form of a sweet dream surrounded by sunshine and rainbows; there were no unicorns or fairies, but one particular presence. One person succeeded in getting an honest, slightly bright reaction from you without actually trying, honestly around you, there were not many who even tried, at least not anymore. And that person was a maniac who was sticking a needle in your flesh as if you were a puppet that could endure careless stitching.
Your patience was close to vanishing and after the needle was again pressed into your skin, there was nothing left for you to do except to push the culprit away from your body which made him stumble and hit his elbow, hard. You were quite surprised at your reaction as you always tended to be invisible to others and tried not to cause any trouble, but you couldn’t just let it continue.
The guy, who would use to sew you died, actually was killed a month ago. Luckily since then, no pain great enough for you to need medical assistance has found you. Sometimes you would even stitch yourself if you were running out of time, and there was rarely any time for you to spare for anything. Every minute that you didn’t spend on the streets stealing, or assisting during larger thefts, you were losing money that you were already lacking. Your parents treated you as if you didn’t exist, yet you were the only one bringing the money which would be mostly used to pay off their debts, still, there was no respect there for you, not even a thank you. Nevertheless, you continued to lose yourself just so that your siblings could have food on the table, you couldn’t even think about what their future will going to look like. You only hoped that it won’t be as dark as yours was.
Still, even in that darkness, a smile found itself on your face. Your lips stretched so wide that it almost hurt. Still, it was worth it, it was satisfying to witness karma in action, actually karma which wasn’t coming to get you, but someone else.
After his unexpected punishment was served, you stayed silent, but slightly amused at his glare. However, you weren’t ready to avert your eyes from his as it became more a power play than anything else. And when it finally seemed as if you were the one who lost as your gaze moved to something else, the silence was broken with a subtle, almost nonexistent cry from your abused skin when you ripped it again with a needle.
Chishiya scoffed at your actions. “I wondered what simpleton stitched you before. I thought it was that idiot whose license got revoked. But I guess it was you. Nice scars you have! ”
You decided to stay silent as you didn’t need someone to talk down to you and you weren’t going to humor him. You had slightly better things to do and other places to visit. You had no intention of staying longer than needed in the old dingy basement which your employer used as a makeshift medical room. However, just because you stayed silent didn’t mean that he was done with his deductions. Still, although he talked, it didn’t mean that you were listening.
After tying the final knot you exhaled in relief. You let your feet touch the ground only to realize that your leg was slightly dead, but you ignored it as best as you could. But before you left you looked at him again and it was obvious from the first glance that he was someone who didn’t belong in that basement as much as you did. Someone like him belonged to the neighborhood which you would only visit in an attempt of getting a bigger slice of cake. Those places were something that you could never understand and will never be a part of. To you, they were the same as the places you saw in documentaries, but will never have enough money to visit.
“If you came here to do your research and to have some fun. I would advise you to go back to where you came from, as sooner or later death will find you. I guarantee you that.”
However, months went by and he stuck around. You actually started to enjoy his presence no matter how annoying it was most of the time. But it all was once again taken from you as one day Chishiya failed to reach your side when you were again in need of medical attention. Then you hopped for his sake that he has decided that he will go back to where he truly belonged. It partially broke you that he didn’t make that choice on his own, and while you thought that he was enjoying his life, he was forced to kill and fight for his life.
Besides the pain you felt for him, a part of you, a really selfish part was relieved that he never got to make the decision that would mean that he would leave you behind as he became the only person in your life onto whom you could at least slightly count on.
Now, you were watching his back, seeing his feet moving further from you. He gave you a choice and it was on you if you were going to be left behind. It was on you to decide if you were willing to do whatever it takes to go back to the world you once knew and despised. It was only a matter of time to be seen if you and he will both make it out alive, or will one of you succumb to the cruelty of Borderland, or perhaps, both of you.
A/N: It’s been a long time since I watched it and it’s my first fic about Borderland……
Summary: You find yourself in an unknown place completely alone…
Warning: Blood…..
Word count: 1,6k
—————————————————————————————————-
The world you knew changed before you could try to hold onto the familiar voices and shouts. Now, there was only silence, silence so loud that made it tempting to scream. Yet, since the abandoned streets became your home, you could never force yourself to say something, not even whisper. You weren’t happy for the given circumstances, you were rather petrified. There was something looming in the air and it made your skin crawl. You could almost feel that no matter how calm everything seemed, there was something waiting for you, watching you, making you feel like a prey.
A/N: It’s been a long time since I watched it and it’s my first fic about Borderland……
Summary: You find yourself in an unknown place completely alone…
Warning: Blood…..
Word count: 1,6k
—————————————————————————————————-
The world you knew changed before you could try to hold onto the familiar voices and shouts. Now, there was only silence, silence so loud that made it tempting to scream. Yet, since the abandoned streets became your home, you could never force yourself to say something, not even whisper. You weren’t happy for the given circumstances, you were rather petrified. There was something looming in the air and it made your skin crawl. You could almost feel that no matter how calm everything seemed, there was something waiting for you, watching you, making you feel like a prey.
A/N: It’s been a long time since I watched it and it’s my first fic about Borderland……
Summary: You find yourself in an unknown place completely alone…
Warning: Blood…..
Word count: 1,6k
—————————————————————————————————-
The world you knew changed before you could try to hold onto the familiar voices and shouts. Now, there was only silence, silence so loud that made it tempting to scream. Yet, since the abandoned streets became your home, you could never force yourself to say something, not even whisper. You weren’t happy for the given circumstances, you were rather petrified. There was something looming in the air and it made your skin crawl. You could almost feel that no matter how calm everything seemed, there was something waiting for you, watching you, making you feel like a prey.
The world you knew changed before you could try to hold onto the familiar voices and shouts. Now, there was only silence, silence so loud that made it tempting to scream. Yet, since the abandoned streets became your home, you could never force yourself to say something, not even whisper. You weren't happy for the given circumstances, you were rather petrified. There was something looming in the air and it made your skin crawl. You could almost feel that no matter how calm everything seemed, there was something waiting for you, watching you, making you feel like a prey.
Yet days passed and no disturbances touched your troubling mind. You kept looking over your shoulder, but there was no one ever behind. Nevertheless, you didn't let those days to fool you. You were expecting something to visit you and nothing could've prepared you for the moment when you came face to face with a blond haired man.
“Chishiya?” you let out confused at the situation. Not in the millions of years would you ever expect to see him of all people who you could've stumbled upon. You were deeply disappointed that after so many moments of silence that his name was the first thing that passed your lips loud enough for somebody to hear.
“Did you think I was already dead?” he questioned observing your reaction, yet only thing he could find on your face were hints of conflict. However your reaction wasn’t prescribed to his words as it hasn’t change since your eyes met.
“Why would you be dead?” the words passed your lips before you could stop them and there was a faint emotion present with them. You never had any ill thoughts of the blond haired man. You never wanted for him to get hurt or to be in pain, but it didn’t mean that you enjoyed when he was around. Whenever your eyes would settle on his familiar figure or whenever his scent would intrude your space, you could feel anger bubbling to the surface. It wasn’t anger towards him, but towards the situation you were in. He reminded you every single time that you have never wished to be in the circumstances where you had to break law only to earn enough money to provide for your younger siblings after your parents were killed, and while you did what had to be done Chishiya did what he wanted to do. He wasn’t in the same circle of people because life was bad, but because he was a med student who could practice on the still living while being paid for it.
Although your question was valid, he decided to ignore it just like he usually does. You were used to it, however the world around you was no longer normal, and he was the only familiar face you had seen so far; actually he was the only one.
“How long have you been here?”
You scoffed at his question as although everything around you changed, he was still the same entitled being who would always make things work in his benefit. However you had enough of it and didn’t cave. “Why would you be dead?” you questioned tilting your head.
Chishiya narrowed his eyebrows slightly amused by your question expecting for you to add something filled with dark humour later, but it never came. And although he would usually have most of the answers, he was clueless. He noticed the way your shirt was dirty on the edges and there was a slight tear at the seam. The bag you were carrying was something that he has never seen with you, but was big enough to be filled with necessities and other useful things. He noticed the lack of earphones without which you never go anywhere, so it was obvious to say that you either lost them or were saving your phones battery or simply your phone was dead. Strangely, all of those details were indicating that you had been brought there at least a few days ago; to him it seemed that it must’ve been weeks, but seeing as you had no knowledge of anything, it was borderline impossible.
Chishiya remembered the day when he got stuck in the wicked land vividly. Also not even ten minutes later he found himself in a game which made him realize that all he has been doing until then was a child’s play. The stakes were higher than ever and he was determined to get his life back under his control. However, because of you he could already feel his resolve slipping away and changing into something else.
“Have you played any games yet?”
“I am not a child, Chishiya! Stop treating me like one!” you ordered. You couldn’t understand how the whole time you were holding onto something imaginary, and exactly now it was slipping from your grasp. Truthfully, you had no idea where you were, and how to get out. You weren’t even sure if you were still alive, but most importantly you were devastated as you were oblivious to what has happened or was happening to your siblings who weren’t old enough to take care of themselves.
“Did you come alone?”
“I think so,” you whispered ashamed of who you have left behind.
“It wasn’t your choice,” he stated the obvious. “Yo-“ Chishiya wanted to say something when a sound was heard in the distance reminding him that he unfortunately, wasn’t alone.
You got anxious hearing the sounds of cars in the near distance. You were quiet stunned to hear something that you missed for more than one reason.
“You have to go!” he stated as a matter of fact. He wasn’t leaving any room to fight him on it. However it didn’t mean that you were going to listen.
You couldn’t understand his words as there was nowhere you could run to, but you weren’t aware that he wanted you to run from and not to something. So, scared of again being left alone you followed his steps. He even told you that he will come back for you, but you didn’t believe his words although he had never left you stranded before. Sometimes, you truly wished to hate him, but he never gave you a reason to do so. You weren’t stupid, you noticed how cruel he can be, however he wasn’t doing it on purpose, he didn’t get satisfaction from it, so you actively dismissed it.
You managed to follow after his quick steps until he walked pass the opened doors. You noticed bright lines appearing for a moment only to vanish as if they had never been there. And before you could move closer Chishiya abruptly turned around stopping you with on movement of his hand.
Your feet stayed locked to the ground and just by staring into his eyes you couldn’t find any strength to move closer. Somehow you were placed into the position as if you were a child again and were waiting to be scolded by your parent, but harsh although warring words never came from the man who once again showed that he was unreachable.
“Don’t!” he warned. His voice came out loud and clear but there was something else hidden in the depth of it.
“Why not?” you wondered out loud, daring him to give you a truthful answer, however you couldn’t fake confidence as your fidgeting fingers were a clear giveaway.
“I’m not ready to lose you again,” Chishiya let out.
You couldn’t help yourself but laugh at his words. Never before had he said something so ridiculous and unbelievable. He was nothing like the words he said, he was a guy who would convince you that you need stitches only so that he could practice his sewing techniques on you. Soon the laughter died on your tongue as you could see something that you had never seen in his eyes before; they weren’t as cold as usual. They actually looked as if they could provide a little bit of warmth during freezing nights.
You didn’t know what to say as although you have known him for years; it seemed as if you got to know him more in a few recent moments than all of the months which turned into years over the time.
He noticed how you got lost in your mind so, without giving you any explanations he only asked for one thing; he asked for you to wait for him to come back.
Although you were unsure in what to do, you decided not to cross the threshold. You stared at Chishiya’s figure and soon his back was to you until he disappeared into the darkness. Where he was going, you couldn’t tell. There was nobody around who could explain you anything or assure you that you will see those blond locks again. All you could do was to wait oblivious to the deadly game in which the one you were reunited with was trapped in. So you waited, minutes turned into hours, shadows grew ticker until the light was almost completely gone, just as the last remains of your hope. And then just when the moon was well above your shaking form, soft sounds of footfalls could be heard. Your heart almost stopped at the possibility of coming face to face with Chishiya. Just a moment later you were willing to eat those thoughts as they brought something in front of you that made you shiver. There before you stood the man you knew, covered in blood and bruises. He seemed broken and it made you realize that this was no longer living, but surviving. And it was only a matter of time when one of you will stumble and fall with nothing to grasp onto.
It was the little things. It was something which many would have never noticed at least in a normal world and under ordinary circumstances. It was something natural and common. The actions could be perceived as an act of care and love, two things which shouldn’t be considered as strange, yet everyone who has witnesses the tinny actions, could not believe their eyes. The most unusual things weren’t plainly just your actions but the reactions towards them of someone who was seemed as a cold person.
