What About The World?

Who cares, right? This blog is a product of my impulse just to, maybe, help me keep track of my life (or maybe this temporary worldly phase). Maybe, I can still get better and do something for the world…someday. Instagram Facebook PRDXCL

[nimbusparadox-blog]

Leaving Marks

I just recently published my latest poem on my other blog titled PRDXCL (Paradoxical). The poem is called “Leaving Marks”. Here are the first and last stanzas:

Words, they’ve drowned in my black pool of chaos Can’t fish them out to write down how I feel I try but only to get my hands soaked in ink Now, everything I touch I stain Leaving marks, unnecessarily

...

Only then, when we finally drown, We find the breath to give life to words Now, I intend to get my hands soaked in ink So everything I touch I stain To leave marks, necessarily

Notice that the thoughts between the two stanza are in conflict-- the first one is negative while the other is positive. Somehow, nonetheless, the last stanza complements the first stanza or suggests a solution. Other than inspiring my readers to embrace their feelings and take them into the light, the major take away here is that you can turn anything into positive in the way we are gifted to do so we can also inspire more positivity to arise.

Lately, I have not been able to write since I started working. Moreover, as I slightly matured as an adult human being, I became less sad. There was a time when I decided out of nowhere to read my old writings and found that I always wrote about sad things and then I thought to myself: “What have I been putting out into the world? Just futile sad impulses of fabricated words resulting from unfortunate events or memories. Nothing good can come from them.”

So I decided to alter my writing style and form. Now, I would not only embrace my emotions and drown in them but also provide solutions. Everyone deserves a happy ending and so am I.

Also, only you can make yourself truly happy from the light of love inside you.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

What could have been

As I was poking the box of my French Vanilla coffee with the straw, a little boy in barefoot walked towards the shop. I was sitting outside on a table for four furthest from the shop’s glass partitions. I thought this street child would approach me first. so I gripped a little tighter on my box of coffee. I assumed that he might take it away from me without even asking. I remembered an instance wherein a little street child, who was also a boy, in greased clothes grabbed the soda I was drinking and ran off. That was a slightly traumatic experience but then my soft heart won me over this time.

I took a sip of the coffee and gestured to the boy to come and sit in front of me. At first, he was anxious and confused but he sat still and stared at me. I asked him what he wanted. He wanted me to give him some spare coins. I told him that I couldn’t and shouldn’t give him money. Instead, I offered to treat him food.

So, I asked him what he wanted to eat. Although I only have three hundred pesos left to spend until the end of the week, I couldn’t let this chance pass, I thought. Even just this once, I have to be selfless and help this kid out. His eyes sparkled as he picked from the many various choices on the menu. At last, he told me that he would love to eat some fried chicken meal. I smiled at him, and told him to stay and wait.

I was going to go to the counter to order his meal but I didn’t. I blinked and stared at the empty yellow chair in front of me... the box of French Vanilla Coffee now empty, my thoughts trailing.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

A prayer for (my) humanity

I really pity our kind because we act so oblivious about the invisible forces that move our lives. Demons are everywhere and they’re winning. They come in various forms and appearances. They are very pleasing but deceptive.

Lately, I’ve been really distracted by many things, mostly my computer game which is League of Legends. I’ve also been watching romance and coming-of-age films (kind of a good thing because they inspire me but...) which just gives me mixed feelings afterwards but mostly sad because my love life is non-existent. All day I would procrastinate and not do anything rewarding. I have forgotten to remember all the good things that I can do instead of all the other futile things.

I wish to change my habit and routine again. I keep telling myself this everyday but I just can’t stop this present addicting and lazy routine that I do. I have this hunger and longing inside me but I kept feeding the false one.

I pray that my angels will help me and that they will be stronger than the demons that haunt me. I also pray that I can be more resilient against temptations and distractions. I pray that the whole humanity be the same.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

What’s my league?

Lately, what’s been exhausting me and making me juice up sweat is playing League of Legends. Is it a bad thing? Though, who says it’s not to be considered as a sport? But that’s not the point that I am going with this.

The thing is, I haven’t been so very sure my whole life about my future than now. I am graduating in two months and  still haven’t set out my goals after that. Recently, I have been brokenhearted again by the same person for the same reason (the one-sided thing) but it was much easier this time because he was actually horrible to me this time. I’m just glad that he’s happy.

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of films just to take my mind off everything, and to find for inspiration sometimes or whatever. I want to let the force out of me that will drive me to wherever I’m supposed to be. I’ve also been frustrated about finding a digital copy of the Septimus Heap book series (which I have now acquired) so I can disappear in the universe of Magyk  so I can take my mind off the things that bother me.

I realized that these will not help me. Only I can help myself. Only I can maneuver the course of my world. I now realized that the things I’m doing are only delaying the situation. At the end of the day, the problems will still be there. Therefore, as I write this under the influence of caffeine, I swear that I am up to no good.

I am going to climb the ladder up to the Challenger league. By the way, I don’t belong on any ranks because I’m currently on placements so I’m gonna have to play more ranked games.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

The social culture that we have created has become so disgusting. We have incorporated so many artificial things into our lifestyle that we have become blind to our true nature. These artificial things, as shortly lasting as they are, leave none but gaping holes of misery. They leave us empty. They make us crave for more.

Everyday we strive to fill these empty voids that social culture has engraved in us, or so we believe. Just over a few years, a new social culture was formed and most of us are trying to fit in. The struggle has given birth to conflicts within some of us. It has ruined friendships and families, degraded humanity and has killed many lives.

Sadly, many of us are not aware of this. Nowadays, people just tend to go with the flow, to follow the flock, tend to join the trends without realizing their truest essence in life.

It's time to stop being a victim of this artificial social culture/system. It's time to go back to our basic nature. It's time to escape!

[nimbusparadox-blog]

Can’t help falling in love

Love is such a beautiful thing until it is unfulfilled and it leaves you broken into pieces.

To tell you honestly, I was always the heart-breaker (at least, only twice). Well, that changed one year and two months ago and it was even worse. I got heart broken from a one-sided affair. Apparently, I was only used for temporary pleasure, but it’s not what you’re thinking. We only gone not so far as to kissing and touching. It was beautiful though, for me. I even wrote a poem about it.

Because, actually, I’ve been secretly in love with this person for how many years now. So, that moment was basically a dream come true. Well, a dream is just a dream and eventually we have to wake up from it. Immediately after that brief magical incident, he broke it up to me. The only mistake he made was he kind of made me expect for a possible future progression on our relationship.

It’s been more than a year now and we’re still just friends and thesis partners. Six months ago, I told myself to move on. I tried really hard until last week, I realized that all the agony has ceased. Along the way, I’ve also been looking around for other possible prospects to fall in love with so I’m a-okay.

Okay, honestly, I’ve been so frustrated that I can’t find someone to love and who would love me back. I’m so pathetic. I need distraction. I need a camera. I want to make YouTube videos. Seriously, where is this post going?

Sorry, can’t help falling in love. No, I need to learn to love myself first. But, what about the world?

[nimbusparadox-blog]

Why don't I smoke?

I will be lying to you if I told you that I never smoked before. I would still be lying to you if I told you that I don’t smoke now, if second-hand smoking counts.

Nowadays, people’s views about smoking are still varied despite the health risks it pertains. Some people are well disgusted by it while some think it is cool. What if I told you that it is not cool?

It is not cool because, first of all, you are breathing hot smoke. (Pun intended btw.) You know what’s cool? Winter breeze! Smoking is still not okay even when it’s winter. Don’t go to the grocery store to buy cigarettes. Go home, sit by the fireplace, and think about your future or what you’re having for breakfast tomorrow.

Smoking is not cool because it is not normal to breathe intoxicated air. We economize our energy use, minimize our goods consumption to avoid waste, promote green strategies and lifestyle and pay taxes to our government to strengthen the laws that protect our environment in order to conserve nature and to save our trees that maintain our progressive lives on earth by giving off oxygen into the air we breathe yet some of us still take the risk to directly breathe intoxicated air. That is just stupid.

Smoking is pointless. It has no good use (unless it’s for medication purposes). I’ve tried it countless times but I just can’t grasp its real essence because there is none. You say it helps you calm your senses. You say it helps you cope with stress. You can say all the reasons but it all goes down to one. You are weak. You have become reliant to a piece of paper-rolled dried leaves.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

Faith is like a rock

Rocks are destructible. They can be broken with one great blow or by weathering throughout time. There are many various ways breaking them but there is only one long way molding them back together.

Technically, rocks are formed in three main ways and are classified accordingly. Igneous rocks form from molten material called magma. Sedimentary rocks form from sediments deposited out of water or the air. Metamorphic rocks form from the alteration of other rocks through temperature and pressure induced changes in the minerals.

It doesn’t matter which type of rock you have. If it breaks, it’s hard to get the pieces back together.  It takes actually millions of years for rocks to change or take form.

Let’s all be patient. In the end, we can become diamonds.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

What have we become?

Honestly, I sometimes look at people as to how they dress. I assume their physical and mental abilities based on what shoes or outfits they wear. I have become a victim of a social disease.

I hate myself for it. But you can’t deny the fact that nice clothes actually make people better looking. Or do they really? I think it depends on how our ideas, thinking and sentimental judgment were formed. 

Media has a great influence to us on this matter and only a few of us are aware of this. We always readily accept and impose the trends that arise among the majority in our society because we don’t want to feel isolated or left out. We want to be accepted and not rejected. We often forget there is more than one current in this sea that we swim on. We often set aside our individuality.

Individuality does not aim to be better than everyone else; rather, it is set to make one embrace his or her own uniqueness and differences, to be one on its own and not one above others.

What our world needs is harmony among its people. What we wear, what our religion or sexuality is, what we believe in do not matter. What matters most is what we want to become, and we all just want to be loved and be happy in the end.

So, let’s think and ask ourselves “What do I want to become?”

[nimbusparadox-blog]

COherenCe

Our lives are uncontrollably branching out in all directions. Coherence is choosing the options or decisions that make sense or choices that harmonizes our future to our past. What if I break it?

(Even the world itself lives by sets of scientific laws that if you disturb will wreak chaos.)

These other options or branches of probable futures actually create the parallel dimensions. What if we can visit each of them?

Breaking boundaries– that’s what we all aim to live for. We all dream to overcome our own selves, our fears and limitations, our friends, our neighbors, other countries. We all wish to be better than someone else.

Though there is one boundary that we can never break down: humanity.

Everything we do is coherent to being human. However we try to be different, we are still humans. There is no going over, isn’t there?

However we try to stray away from the main thought, even if we die, we will still be coherent to existence because we still once existed.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

Sometimes, I wonder how people will react to my death.

My mother will be mostly devastated. My father, mad at me, will stop his tears from falling. He will remain strong for my mother. My siblings will be crying. They will be pissed. Especially, if I only killed myself.

Although I can’t imagine how they will react if I died from a natural cause. Well, the world will just keep turning, untouched. What am I to this universe, anyway, but a speck of dust. Eventually, everyone will move on and live their individual lives until they forget-- until only my tombstone speaks of my name.

How about when the world dies? We know, rather theorized, that the earth is on a constant decay and we, humans, are the catalysts to this slow and fatal process. What shall we do now? Shall we bring about the extinction of our kind if it’s the only solution?

[nimbusparadox-blog]

I took up Architecture

Six years ago, I decided to take up Architecture thinking that I would be able to learn how to design good-looking buildings, including my own dream house. I was ignorant about what it really is about.

After spending more than 6 years in university, I have learned that this profession is not just a form of art and business but also a solution to the world’s problems. I believe that to be a true architect is not to build on earth but to build with earth.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

I want to be a match

“I want to be a match that will set a house on fire, turn everything to dust.”

I am just one person out of 7.125 billion in this world. Do I think I can make a difference? I am discouraged.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

An old note to myself:

You are an infinite soul, as perfect as He is, for He commands you to be. Having possessed the Physical World, you have also possessed all its imperfections, limitations, and threats. This was not by choice, but as a soul with now a physical body and mind, you have been given the freewill. It is now up to you whether you want to go back to the spiritual realm purely, or be condemned forever for all the worldly acts you embrace from the enemy. It is wrong to say you only live once because you are supposed to live forever. This world is temporary. There is an eternal and permanent life beyond.

Therefore, do not be blinded by the pleasures of the excuses of being imperfect, of being human. You are a soul with a body. And, He has offered you a free gift, an everlasting life in His Kingdom. All you have to do is to accept it, and to strive to fulfill your most true destiny.

[nimbusparadox-blog]

What about the world?

Life isn't supposed to end. We can cease to exist but still be alive. The world is the reason why we exist. As long as the world subsists, humanity will strive.

Honestly, I don't really think about the world as much as I think about myself, like how I suck so much at life, how big of a disappointment I am, and worse, how much more can I spend most of the day procrastinating. (Though, my procrastinations are quite helpful. It's just that I don't put the things I learn into action.)

Well, anyway, this blog is a product of my impulse just to, maybe, help me keep track of my life (or maybe this temporary worldly phase). Maybe, I can still get better and do something for the world...someday.