Stranger's diary

All 'bout nothing but me.

[kittyblushes05]

[ningbuning-rc]

Is hiding also means lying? Hmm?

[ningbuning-rc]

Been a while baby.

[ningbuning-rc]

I'm a bit pissed because of shallow reason.

[theemotionmachine]

“I hope there are days when your coffee tastes like magic, your playlist makes you dance, strangers make you smile, and the night sky touches your soul. I hope there are days when you fall in love with being alive.”

— Brooke Hampton

[ningbuning-rc]

Devil's Time

It was 3:00AM when she passed away.

[ningbuning-rc]

Worst Year

09/11/19

This day will be such a memorable one. I watched over her at the hospital for a week, consistent, days and nights. I was the one who fed her every meal. I was the one reminding her to take her meds. I was the one helping her to pee. I was the one helping her in changing her clothes. I was the one hugging her every night before she sleeps. I was the one who were there until her last breathe. It was so heartbreaking. I wasn't expecting that I'll be struggling this hard. 'Coz realtalk this hurts so bad. Like af. The sad thing as well is when no one was there to comfort me during that time the doctor announced that she didn't survived. I was the only one watching over her that time. I'm fucking hurt that time and I so badly need a hug. It was really traumatic witnessing how she died. My closest person, my bestfriend, my sister, my boyfriend slash girlfriend, my teacher, a companion and most of all my oh so loving mother. You will always be missed and remembered. This is now the end of all your sufferings. Rest in peace mama. I love you. 💜💚

[ningbuning-rc]

There are quite times when dealing with decisions something's holding us back. Like negative stuffs - possibilities or consequences that it might result to. As I've read in a book, we shouldn't just follow what our heart is saying but also consider what our mind is shouting.

Think twice. So no regrets at the end of the day.

If there will be regrets then learn from it. Face the consequences. It is all part of our lives. We commit mistakes. We make wrong decisions. The most important thing with it is we take lessons from it.

Just fucking enjoy going with the flow.

[ningbuning-rc]

Is it just me? That when everytime I make rules for myself it is meant to be broken. Indeed, a rule breaker of my own rules.

/facepalm/

[ningbuning-rc]

My favorite escape from boredom?

Phone and earphones.

[ningbuning-rc]

Someone's in"like"

When can you say that you like someone? It's when you're afraid of losing him. It's when every songs that plays u remember him. It's when every time you are happy with him you wish to just stay at that moment. And every time you are sad because of some chaos you pray to fix the petty fights ASAP. It's when every time you imagine him spending time w/ others the way he spend his time with you, it breaks your heart. It's when you fear the most the idea of him leaving you. It's when you get so worry every time you feel like he is mad at you.

[ningbuning-rc]

Fine not to be Okay

It's fine not to feel that okay. Don't make it longer tho. Don't stay in that "not so okay" zone.

Be okay.

Maybe not for now but sooner.

'Coz healing takes time.

[ningbuning-rc]

What Ifs

What if that special person in your life suddenly disappear?

What if that person left you behind?

What if he/she suddenly felt sick or tired of you?

Will you chase after him/her?

Will you let that special person go away?

Or instead just let yourself cry on the corner while thinking what you might have done wrong and let time pass heal the pain?

[ningbuning-rc]

Tired and Drained

I'm physically tired and mentally drained. Don't wanna stay longer here at the hospital. It sucks to be a patient but it is not also that easy to watch over a patient.

I don't have enough sleep yet.

I don't have that appetite to eat well.

My back is in pain.

I don't even know why. Maybe because of tiredness? I guess.

I haven't review anything yet for my special exams and 100 items quiz on Monday. And I also have reporting on Monday as well.

[ningbuning-rc]

I guess things are better this way.

[ningbuning-rc]

I Hate You

I hate you for being kind to me that I sometimes misinterpret those gestures

I hate you for those flattery and heartwarming words you always tell

I hate you for the treatment like I'm such a treasure

I hate you for those sweet lines before going to bed

I hate you for running in my mind 24/7

I hate you for staying this longer

I hate you that you let me feel this way

I hate you that I care for you so much

I hate you 'coz you means a lot

I hate you but I like you

I hate you since you can't catch me from drowning this bad

But I hate you 'coz "I hate you" is the greatest lie I could ever tell to you

Maybe I just really hate you this bad.

[ningbuning-rc]

We all differ in many ways. But I think we all have this one wish in common that we sometimes hope for. That is to be liked back.