Hmm where to begin with this year… I started 2017 fawning over a bartender to anybody that would listen, and I ended 2017 with a kiss
I actually fawned over the bartender and then one of my professors to Jon. And Jon asked me to stop talking about other boys to him soooo I did.. And we tentatively stopped talking as much. Which led to me meeting a guy named Alex who is not the same person as my ex. But Alex was another mod on a board that Jon moderated so I thought lets ask him if Jon is ok cuz I haven’t heard from Jon in weeks. One thing led to another and bam we’re fuck buddies.
Oh somewhere in that time frame I graduated. I have a bs degree. It’s bs cuz all I learned while gettin my physics degree was that I don’t want to do physics for a living. Movin on…
I went to Japan for a week with my boss and Greg (oh Greg you poor thing) and I guess it was exciting. The nightlife was the funniest part I think. Well of course I think that.. Free alcohol right lol
Anyway so Alex and I were fuck buddies then Jon comes along and is like wtf why did you lie to me bout this it’s lying by omission. When I’m sitting there like you told me not to tell you about other men… Damn I wish I had that first phone call after a week of no contact recorded. I remember he said thinking about me with Alex made him disgusted and it broke my heart. I thought my year of veiled flirtation with Jon would come to an end. I hung up and he was like dammit Jenn call me back we’re not done talking about this. So I called him back and he told me that even though he hated ‘what I’d done’ I was somehow special and he couldn’t imagine not having me in his life.
Now remember that at this point, we had never met in person. My role in his life had been consulting on chemical reactions and biological processes. And occasional flirting.
So the conversation ends with us agreeing that we would rather continue being in each others’ lives over not. And he asks when he can flight me out to meet him. At that time I had a summer job and my parents would zero percent approve of any of this. So I had to wait for the week they would go on a vacation by themselves leaving me home to do whatever. That was a week in September but this was the end of July so I had a month to wait. By god was it a long as fuck month.
I went to otakon while I waited for September to arrive. It was an exciting experience and I met more of Alex’s friends (Alex and I stayed friends even after Jon freaked out at us). I literally wasted days just waiting for September to meet Jon.
And I finally did. I finally met him. And he is everything I could ever want and more. My perfect.
But I come back to Virginia. How can I live? I have to move out there and be with him. The days are less bright without him sharing them with me. We make plans for end of September. Jon has had a house in the works since summer and he should move in around then. So I arrange to fly out end of September.
It is wonderful. We sustained ourselves trading bitcoin and being tech savvy. I guess I should have gotten a job ASAP though. But all in all it was a dream. We had a full month of perfection before we hit the first snag.
I had a feeling something was wrong with me but I couldn’t put a finger on what it was. Then my period was late. One day was understandable. Two days was ok. Three days I was getting nervous. Four days made me anxious. On the fifth day I asked Jon to get a pregnancy test. He told me I should pee on it first thing in the morning when the urine is most concentrated. I did. It was positive. I waited a day and took the second one cuz yknow they give you two sticks for some reason. That was also positive.
Fucking hell. I was there like a month. And we already got knocked up. Isn’t that amazing. Kay. So I call planned parenthood and schedule a chemical abortion, November 8. You get three pills with a chemical abortion. An antibiotic, one pill that 'stops the growth of the pregnancy’, and the actual miscarriage inducer. They also suggested I take a painkiller. Up to 800mg of aleve. As far as bleeding out a 6week fetus goes, it wasnt at all painful. Some cramping, but no stabby stabby uterus feelings.
Unfortunately the day we pulled up to the clinic was the very same day the online community we curated was banned off reddit. The community was important for us. We were going to use them as our customer base for a company we were planning. So Jon got busy working on that. The day after the abortion was complete, We had our first actual fight with screaming and crying and that was not a fun night. I blame the stupid hormones for that honestly. I am just not a happy pregnant woman.
After that we spent all of November tryin to keep the community alive. I’m rather proud of the work we did. We got a forum and brand new website up and running in 3 days. It wasnt perfect, but it worked. It was a lot of work. We didn’t have time to set up our business in all the mess so it was a full month before we set up a business meeting with a lawyer to help us with the legal side of starting a business. It was to be after thanksgiving
We had thanksgiving dinner with Jon’s family and then I flew back to Virginia to spend a bit of the holiday with them. Jon doesn’t like traveling. He didn’t come with. Even though he’d been saying he would. Whatever. I spent a few days in Virginia and flew back November 29th.
I wasn’t even back a full week before we were raided by the goddamn federal government. Seriously. The FDA came in and they brought along the DEA, the national guard, hazmat, state police and the local fire department. I wrote a 10 page narrative on exactly what went down that day. There was a fuckin search warrant on the house and Jon’s car and the FDA investigators took that as a go ahead to ruin our lives. This is ACLU level worthy shit. Like. Jon isn’t the most sensitive or PC person ever but this just made him look like a perfect feminist ally person.
So that’s what I’ve been dealing with for the past month. I had a taste of paradise and it was ripped away. Now I guess I should look for a job out there but I need a place to stay and you can’t rent a room unless you have like 2 pay stubs which I don’t have because I need the room to work there for a month before to get pay stubs. It’s a stupid mess. I’m only half adulty enough for this to work.
Jon is the first person I have outright said I loved in years. That both terrifies and excites me. I believe so hard that this will work. I will make it work. We complete each other. Either one of us alone can survive in this world and be successful most definitely, but both of us together can make magic happen. That is something I never want to have to live without ever again. I'm wary though, as I sound like an infatuated high schooler again. Just like with the last boyfriend. And the one before that. The difference now I guess is that I don't want to be afraid I'll get hurt anymore. I don't want to keep believing everything will end horribly. I don't want to keep a part of me protected from Jon. I want to love him unconditionally and forever. And I'm willing to do almost anything to make it work.
All in all it was an amazing year until the end. I hope to god our new coding project works and we can find a place to live and I get a job with cutie animals. Sorry there isn't much in depth psychological analysis happening this time around.
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