Undeci-dead

500 days of bummer

[nityatoraskar]

The real question is:

Does god believe in You?

[nityatoraskar]

Why is loving your own body so difficult? Like, I'm grateful but I'm not happy, you know?

[nityatoraskar]

Give me recommendations for books like The picture of Dorian gray, song of Achilles, hunger games, divergent, etc.

[nityatoraskar]

People who downplay efforts in friendships to seem 'cool' and continue to claim friend privileges as per convenience<<<

[nityatoraskar]

I watched The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes yesterday. Explains a lot. Katniss was just a trigger for snow in all forms. I'm glad they drew so many similarities between Katniss and Lucy Gray but didn't overstep the line and make them relatives or something. It's on the verge of being unbelievable, yet believable. I really wanted to know more about how things went sour between Snow and Tigris. RIP Sejanus Plinth.

[nityatoraskar]

It's a different kind of pain when love is not enough, when you want something they can't give.

[nityatoraskar]

Birthday dress shopping is the most difficult thing ever. Sleeves, colour, texture, length, sizing, knife, cut, die ahhhh

[nityatoraskar]

I craved and I craved and I craved,

So I gave and I gave and I gave.

[nityatoraskar]

Food shaming has been on my mind throughout the day. I think it's unbelievable the lengths people will go to, to justify their comments on your food. Please don't give unsolicited advice, especially about food. Let people eat what they want. It's just as stupid as someone commenting on people's dressing or bodily choices. It's sad. Doesn't matter what reason (read: excuse) you have. Don't do it.

[nityatoraskar]

I think Gale would be more likeable if Liam Hemsworth hadn't played his role.

[nityatoraskar]

Being emotionally clever is depressing.

[nityatoraskar]

If I walk away from other people, I will be in the middle of the road. If I walk in the footpath, someone will touch me inappropriately. If I take a bus, my wallet will be stolen. There's endless ifs and buts. Somedays, I absolutely hate being who I am.

[nityatoraskar]

Who tf said overthinkers take good decisions? It's SO not true, please don't leave it up to us.

[nityatoraskar]

Ban cooks amazing. Ban looks amazing. I need nothing else.

[nityatoraskar]

Sometimes, you invest in the wrong people. When they disappoint, you try to ignore the red flags and try to make it okay in your head. You twist the story to make them sound like a good person. You defend them and convince yourself that you're probably overthinking it. But when it continues, you get tired. You run out of excuses to give yourself. You come to know that you've been holding yourself back for them. You see how you have stifled your intuition to make space for them in your life. You sit back and realize how much time and effort you put into this.

What do you do after that?

[nityatoraskar]

HOME ALONE.

I look at the things around me.

The showpieces on the walls,

The empty halls,

My own old overalls,

And I sigh, loudly,

Wanting for someone to acknowledge it

And ask me what's wrong.

But all I hear is that song;

Alexa, fulfilling her purpose in life,

And making me wonder what's mine.

I get up and get back down,

Feeling dethroned and uncrowned.

Till yesterday,

I was at 16, Surrey Road,

Apparently happy with my apparent parents.

Why does it matter to me,

That I'm not their biological child?

That I don't belong there?

Maybe because I'm supposed to grow in the wild,

Maybe because they've made me

Realise my foreignness,

Every second,

Every minute.

So,

Now I live at 17, Surrey Road,

My second house,

My first home.

And instead of the maid,

I wake up to

solitude in its most negative form,

I wake up to

loneliness,

I wake up to

An aching scar,

I wake up to

The realisation that both our houses

Are so near to each other

Yet so far.

[nityatoraskar]

The magic

That writers do with their words,

And artists do with their colours,

She did with her eyes.

Her eyes;

They sang

Songs that the hills came alive with

If only you could listen.

Her eyes;

The two moats guarding her soul,

Which people so shallowly addressed,

Held me captive in depths not fathomable.

Her eyes;

They held a no-entry sign for every visitor

Even me

But they let him in willingly.

Her eyes;

They were blurred,

Or perhaps blindfolded,

Enough

To not see his unfaithful endeavours.

Her eyes;

Instead of crying out rivers,

Whispered in the most fake way,

"I got this."

When he deserted her.

Her eyes;

Were filled with

A strange, revengeful emotion

When she looked back at me,

Before she jumped.

Her eyes;

Looked lifeless

When I reached her body

And couldn't believe

Such lifeless things were my reason to live.

She

Didn't want anyone to hurt her

But she herself did.

She

Had avenged herself,

By killing herself.

People gathered.

They rushed her to the hospital

But she

Was dead by then.

Amidst all the commotion in my head,

I heard someone say,

"She died due to blood loss; supplying blood could've saved her." .

I chuckled

And thought to myself,

"No, she died of love loss.

Love, and only love could've saved her."

- ©nityatoraskar