Writing a post just so I can pin it at the top of my blog. Hey I’m shxme. You can mostly find me on twitter but i do post here sometimes and my ask box is always open here if you feel like chatting. im a talon fan first and foremost but i write a variety of pairings for league. on this blog I mainly just talk about talon and sett and talsett, but I'm willing to talk about most other things too.
i am absolutely despising my art but i must keep it up for idk some reason. i do have more talon art coming mainly to do with him not being able to read and i will probably hate it too but we persevere
idk if I've talked about it here but my dream skin for talon right now is actually heartache talon, except he needs to be that third skin out of three.
like if you look at the current heartache skinline. there's heartache vi who likes heartthrob caitlyn (all swell idc) and then there's heartache amumu who has a crush on Caitlyn but is doomed to be rejected. (common amumu L)
I think you could put talon in that skinline along with another couple, let's say heartthrob Lucian and heartache Senna for example, and talon can be an unrelated heartache skin not because he's got a failed crush or anything but because he's simply not interested in anyone. in my dreams his bio would make a nod to him being aspec by mentioning how people have asked him out but he's rejected them every time because he prefers his own company.
idk i think it would be really fun to put that spin on it and it's fun for aspec talon and it'd be double fun for his catalog because he still doesn't have a proper modern line. sigh.
rambly hc time but i think talon was definitely one of those kids who did not cry as a baby/toddler because he learned that no one would comfort him. idrk how he got through that but he just didnt cry imo. and i think later when he's older he only cries when he's overwhelmed or as a pain response. (though he has a high tolerance for pain!) like in my fic amputation it's only after he's been waterboarded 10 million times on top of being put under tons of stress because he doesn't know what else to do. (And he STILL doesn't get comforted, so he just handles it by himself.) i think talon is sensitive but not in a cryish way he's sensitive more in the way that he's just Raw.
like i think when you think of yourself as a blade, when your whole life and purpose is like: one thing, it's kinda hard not to take things personally because like, in that case, someone taking issue with you or something you've done is more like, someone taking issue with your whole existence. i think im explaining this pretty badly but. especially with how self-critical talon seems to be. i dont think he takes criticism well unless he thinks he's way better than someone. like if someone he deems an ant tries to insult him, why is he bothered? they're dirt. they're pathetic. if they're on more equal ground supposedly, or if it comes from a place of power, then it'd be more painful i think. but i dont think that would make him cry it would just make him want to kill them.
overall i think talon's tears are involuntary and unwanted. he hates them because they feel like a cry for help, and talon doesn't want anyone's help, even if he needs it.
i was thinking about why i make talon so envious of masculinity, or why i feel as if his own gender is smth he kinda has to fight over or struggle with (even when cis) and i've come to the conclusion that i find it fitting because gender expression is something that is inextricably tied to your personhood, and personal agency/being used is something that talon canonically reckons with.
so to me it makes sense that he reckons with his gender, not necessarily in an "i'm trans" way, (though that's also good!) but in a baseline "am i allowed to have this" kind of way, especially in the context of lacking good role models.
okay ive marinated my opinion on locke and after finally getting his bio/color story i will say my opinion of him has definitely improved, mainly due to him being a total hypocrite. his design still doesn't thrill me (personally) but i think he seems very easy to write so i'll probably slot him somewhere into my fics where he fits.
in terms of the (budding?) talon/locke ship (talocke?) i still do see how it works (moreso after his bio came out) but im not sure yet what tier i would put them in, as right now im more ambivalent im guessing they'll end up around B tier due to my personal tastes, but who knows, maybe the motion comic will change my mind.
finally, i still do find the prose in locke's voice lines pretty disappointing, especially his long move lines. this is all just my own opinion of course.
(I mean this in hopefully the nicest, non-rushing sort of way!)
I fucking love "goner weather"!! Like it's up there alongside any actual horror novel from my shelves re: the amount I'm hyped to read it/re-read it!
Just for the record. 👏
wow THANK you 🥺🥺thats such big praise, im honored you think so highly of my fic, even though its incomplete. i know you dont mean this in a rushing way but i will also add that i am still working on the upcoming chapters. im just hoping to finish most of it before i start posting so i won't have huge gaps between chapters anymore.
I know it may not mean the most coming from an internet stranger, but your writing has accompanied me through a lot recently. There’s a certain mix of excitement and comfort that I feel whenever I get an ao3 email about your works. I just want to say thank you for all that you’ve shared. And I love your Talon. Always and forever <3
ahh THANK YOU no it does mean a lot! i recognize your comments and you've supported me for a long time and I really appreciate it. It makes me super happy to know that you like my fics/talon. 🥺🥺 and thank you so much for reading my stuff.
i've written a lil followup to my talsettez modern au fic (ao3 link) it's still the same ezreal-centric deal, with all the schizoaffective bells and whistles.
I won't be posting it to ao3, only here. all the same tags apply. (hurt/comfort, ezreal-focus, talon is unwell, basically a vent, etc) It's about 1500 words, under the cut. the first fic should probably be read before this one.
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The contents of Talon’s apartment don’t even fit into the back of a U-Haul. There’s actually so much extra room that Sett ends up having to lock everything down with like ten million straps, and he grumbles the whole time. “I knew we should’ve just used my truck,” he’d said. And Ezreal had laughed and said “Yeah probably,” but what’s done is done. They ditch some of Talon’s furniture at the dump, and then they go to Sett’s apartment, and by the time Talon gets out of the hospital the spare room’s all fixed up, only a few boxes remaining. It’s pretty unfair that he gets his own room, Sett’s apartment has only two bedrooms, but Talon’s life is generally pretty unfair, so maybe it evens out.
Talon’s never been a big talker, but when they’re driving him home he’s super duper quiet, and Ezreal tries to make up for it until Sett shoots him a desperate look. Then Ezreal decides to take charge of the music instead. He picks out some of his favorite songs and he fiddles with the volume knob to make sure it's not too loud, so the music comes out just right. When he looks over at the back seat, Talon is leaning his head against the car window, his eyes closed. Ez wonders if maybe he's reminiscing. After all, they’d first listened to this song together. Ezreal remembers sitting on Talon's ratty couch—that thing’s at the dump now—and listening to music with him. Talon’s great to listen to tunes with because he’ll just hear anything and like it, since he has as much music taste as the inside of Sett’s elbow. But that means he and Ez could sit together hip to hip, Ez’s head leaning on his shoulder, and Talon blowing smoke in front of the open window. He’s always said smoking cigarettes helped his moods, but Ezreal’s really not sure how true that is, and he thinks that’s the only reason Talon kept his own apartment as long as he did, since Sett despises the smell. Ezreal likes it honestly, because it reminds him of those black and white movies where everyone’s puffing, and all the ladies have those long cigarette holders and bat their eyelashes. It’s just a little romantic, okay? Okay, anyway, the song had come on, and Talon had tilted his head up to exhale smoke, and Ezreal hooked his leg over Talon’s and had felt pretty happy. So maybe Talon’s thinking of that in the car. And if he’s not, maybe he should be.
At Sett’s apartment, Talon isn’t in the mood for much of anything except sleeping. When he sees the welcome home banner Ezreal had hung up (with Sett’s help) he barely cracks a smile. Maybe his lips twitch or something. It’s not really the reaction Ezreal was hoping for, but it's not a big deal. For the rest of the week Talon pretty much just eats and sleeps and takes long naps. It’s the med's fault. He got put on something new and he takes it in the morning with breakfast. Sleepin’ Beauty, Sett calls him, but Ezreal’s tried kissing him awake and it hasn’t worked. Between all of the sleeping, Talon slowly unpacks the last boxes in his room, and Ezreal sits on his bed and watches him sort his odds and ends. All these random little memories and not a single book, which Ezreal teases him for. Talon hunches his shoulders. I’m just messing with you, Ezreal says. I know, Talon answers, but his voice is low and prowling. Ezreal likes his voice a lot because it's raspy and slightly unsteady in a really fun way, and Ezreal wants to play with his hair or maybe get naked.
But ever since he got out of the hospital, Talon hadn't been in the mood for sex. Sett’s offered, and Ezreal’s tried to woo his ass off but Talon is definitely too out of it. It’s just not the right time. In that case it's good that he has his own, sexless room to sleep in while Sett and Ezreal get it on, but it still feels weird. They try to keep quiet, out of courtesy, but it’s not supposed to be like that. Talon’s supposed to be the quiet one, so that Ezreal and Sett can drag all the noise out with their bare hands. It feels weird knowing he's in the other room playing Sleeping Beauty. He’s moody, he’s distant, he’s trying, you can see how hard he’s trying, and you can see how hard it’s not working. He might need different meds, Sett says to him, and that bums Ezreal out for uh—an admittedly selfish reason. He just wants Talon to be better so he can pay attention to him again. He misses Talon’s attention because it’s wholly undivided. When he looks at Ezreal it’s with laser focus. Or at least it’s supposed to be. Ever since Talon’s gotten out of the hospital his gaze has been fractured or refracted like light through a tall glass of water. Ezreal takes big sips to keep from interjecting. Talon’s telling him about how he thinks they might’ve planted thoughts in his brain. Who’s they? Ezreal wants to ask, but he knows Talon won’t have a good answer.
“But like, how do you know they put them there?” he asks instead.
Talon is chewing on his fingernails, which is a universal constant like the speed of light. “I just know.”
“Maybe we should try sleepin’ again,” Sett yawns. He’s slumped over the kitchen table next to Talon, his ears on a mad tilt from staying up too late. It’s almost three in the morning.
Talon gets up out of his chair. He’s been doing that constantly. He’ll get up, pace in a circle like a dog, and then sit back down uneasily. “I don’t know,” he mumbles.
“I think it’d be a good test,” Ezreal says brightly, “to see if they’re still there in the morning.”
So they sleep together in Sett’s bed, Talon hiding under the covers and the reach of Sett’s arm, and Ezeral regretting drinking so much water because the floor is cold and the bathroom is worse. He needs Talon to get better soon, please and thank you. When he’s really bad his paranoia warps his whole world, and sometimes he doesn't even have room for Ezreal. (A total shame. Everyone should have room for Ezreal.)
The next day Talon doesn't talk about implanted thoughts or whoever they are. He struggles through breakfast, face colored by shame, and then he goes back to bed. Ezreal spends a lot of time on the couch, rearranging himself into increasingly haphazard positions and dreading going to work later. Sometimes he just can’t get himself to do anything. He sends Talon a snapchat of him hanging upside down over the couch, and then when he doesn’t get an immediate response he decides to go bother him in person. Ezreal knocks before he comes into the room, but he still comes in. He would rather be bored and brainrotting with someone else. Talon’s only got one box left in his bedroom now. He’s laying on the bed on his side, covered in a soft blue blanket that Sett’s Ma made for him.
“Hey are you awake,” Ezreal asks. Talon’s phone is facedown on his nightstand.
Talon’s eyes flutter open. He looks up at Ezreal but he doesn't move, and he looks so like, worn out. Ezreal feels bad. He crawls onto the bed next to him, worming his way closer like an annoying cat, squishing himself back against Talon until they’re pressed together, Ezreal’s back against Talon’s front. Talon makes one small grumble but otherwise doesn’t resist. In fact he hangs his arm over Ezreal’s waist, so Ezreal considers this arrangement a success. He goes back to scrolling and he feels Talon’s arm progressively tighten around him.
“Are you feeling any better?” Ezreal asks.
Talon clears his throat behind him. He presses his face against the back of Ezreal’s shirt, hiding. So that’s a no, or a maybe, or a maybe-Talon’s-being-too-hard-on-himself-again.
“No biggie,” Ezreal promises.
“Is Sett at work,” Talon mumbles.
“Uh huh,” Ez says. “But he’ll be back before I leave.” Thinking about work makes him feel melty in a bad way. Like a popsicle on the sidewalk.
“Is he mad at me.”
“No one’s mad at you,” Ezreal laughs.
Talon’s hand has flattened itself solidly against Ez’s stomach. He’s missed that, the ways Talon would touch him. Sett is bossy and demanding with it. Talon has always been—careful.
“Everything’ll be okay,” Ezreal announces. He gives Talon’s wrist a squeeze. “Don’t even worry about it.”
i do like my train-of-thought style of writing ezreal and i think it would be really fun to write a modern au where he tries to woo/get with someone (as in really tries and the fic revolves around this love interest) and ends up failing. but it's testy because i wouldn't want that to be seen as like 'ship hate' for that unsuccessful ship. i just think it would be a good character study because ultimately i think ezreal is unlucky with love, except unlucky is the wrong word. i think it's largely his own fault he just has trouble acknowledging it.
