No Bad Dates, Just Good Stories

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[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

Good post date chat

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

Peak Mansplaining

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

The little things

Legit just want to be in a countryside hotel, with a fireplace, a roll top bath, some gorgeous lingerie in my bag, beside a man I really fancy, only leaving for a walk wrapped up in layers of jumpers and scarfs, and bottle of red in a proper cosy dark pub with the windows steamed up.

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

So Lauren, how’s single life going?

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Hey, love the blog and I was wondering if you could provide a woman's perspective on something for me. On all my dating profiles, I make some mention of being kink and BDSM friendly (on OKC I come right out and say it, but on apps like Bumble and Hinge and CMB etc etc, things are a bit more mainstream, so I say something like "BDSM friendly" or "D>s", but I'm never totally sure when to bring it up as a thing. During messaging? First date? Just before sleeping together the first time?

Hey. it depends how important you think it is in a future potential relationship. I find that often if you mention something like that on your profile, it’s what people chose to hone in one, and therefore will see you as more of a sexual hookup than a future partner. Have you tried using one of the apps targeted to those in the kink community such as Whiplr? Perhaps using one of these, but making it clear you’re looking for a relationship, that way you’ll attract people with similar sexual interests and you can be candid about your kinks without fear of judgement :)

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

In case you’re wondering why I’ve not blogged about a date lately....

It’s because I've been offered approx 10 dates in the last 3 months and most have cancelled. Urgh.

You feel my pain?

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

Like reading your blog Lauren and thought you might be able to advise. My daughter's fabulous: kind, witty, intelligent and bloody beautiful too. Despite this she's single and sometimes thinks that is a reflection on her. How do I get her to see just how amazing she is?

Your daughter sounds fabulous. Unfortunately, being single can sometimes take it’s toll, but it seems as though you’re a positive influence on her. Best thing I can advise, is don’t ever ask her if she’s dating, or if she’s “still single”, when relatives/friends do this to me it can be upsetting and disheartening, plus, if I'm dating someone special I'd tell them without them needing to ask. 

Ask her about her achievements at work, or in other aspects of her life, and encourage other family members to do the same. When my Nan asks if I've met anyone, I’ve previously responded “no Nannna, how about you? You got divorced in the 70s, isn’t it about time you settled down?”.

Also, remember, just because someone *sometimes* gets down about being single, doesn’t mean they are unhappily single. xxx

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

Trying to be both smart and sexy on a date

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

Reminder that guys aren't dicks just because they don't wanna date you any more

I went on two dates with this guy a couple of months ago and we got on really well. After the second date he called me, said he loved getting to know me, but it just didn’t feel like something he’d want to pursue. 

Fair enough.

When I tweeted about it at the time, people were quick to accuse him of being arrogant to call, but I think it’s great. Especially in a time where ghosting has become so terribly normal. 

Anyway, he’s obviously just a nice genuine guy, because I got this lovely message from him last week, he just doesn’t fancy me that much. 

WHICH IS OK. Guys, it’s the point of dating, you date to see whether you like someone enough to be with. If they don’t like you that much, it does not make them a dick.

Rant over, byeeee.

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

*some* men are complete idiots Episode 6541

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The insecurities of mankind

So this was an actual conversation I had on a first date this weekend after I’d ordered a Bloody Mary.

Date: I don't think I'd drink a bloody mary. It's a bit of a girls drink. 

Me: why? I didn't think masculinity was that fragile?! 

Date: Well. I think it's the colour. 

Me: so,if they were blue you'd drink them? 

Date: probably. 

Me: *switches from Bloody Mary’s to pints of IPA*

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

A girl walks into a bar....

Well, I walked into a bar, and as I pass a guy he shouts “tits magee” in my direction. 

I stop, turn on my heels, and walk back towards him. I reach out, hold on to his arm with a concerned and sympathetic look.

"I just want to ask you about your relationship with your mother."

His face at this point:

So I continue…"only, I can't help but think that a man with your stunted rection to breasts must have either been breast fed until his teens, or not at all."

As you can imagine, he had no response, because he was an animal, not a man, and therefore unable to form any kind of sentence. 

UPDATE: So, after I posted this story on Twitter, it triggered a bit of a debate after one fellow blogger said she’d have considered the man’s remark a compliment. It is not up to me to say whether she is right or wrong, as she’s entitled to her opinion, however I would assume that in this case, her line of though is the exception, rather than the rule.

In my experience, I often find that the men who think it’s OK to shout degrading remarks across a room, are usually the ones who also find it acceptable to grope your ass at the bar. If you’re comfortable with that then fine, but it should be the woman in the situation expressing that the ‘banter’ could go further, rather than the guy pushing the boundaries and leaving a woman feeling awkward or uncomfortably sexualised.

If you are ever made to feel upset, victimised or humiliated by a man’s comments in public or in private, this is not something you should feel a need to apologise for because you’re too uptight to see the fun in it. End of.

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

“He died”

That guy I was meant to be seeing tonight? He died.

And the one I was seeing for a while last Autumn? Also dead.

Oh, and did I tell you about the one who asked to take me out for dinner last Saturday? He even asked me to dress up fancy for it. So sad, he died too.

At least, that’s the only possible explanation for why they would completely vanish, only to never message (not even to cancel), ever again.

Terrible tragedy. 

R.I.P them.

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

Hi Lauren, this is a completely unrelated dating email but I wanted to email to thank you for sharing your post about your smear test way back in 2015. I read this when you originally posted it but, if I’m honest, didn’t really know anything about it. Roll forward 3 years and having just had the results of my first smear have been diagnosed with CIN2. Much like yourself.. this has scared the shit out of me!

I hope you’re doing OK. It’s not fun at all, but it’ll be OK in the end and it’s so positive that you actually went to your test as scheduled and are now in the system. 

Love and happiness your way x x xx

For anyone wanting to read the post, the link is here: http://nobaddatesjustgoodstories.tumblr.com/post/128109773833/im-scared-about-my-awful-smear-test

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The guy who lied about his age

You’d think that a psychotherapist of all people, would be the most self aware, especially when it comes to dating, right? Wrong.

We were about 15 minutes into our date when he told me he was 38, not 32 as his profile stated.

‘Oh, was there an error on Happn then?’ I asked. ‘No’, he replied: ‘I lied.’

My face at this point was something like this.

And this is how the rest of the conversation went:

Me: ‘Why did you lie?’

Him: ‘Because most women my age are desperate to settle down and have children.’

Me: ‘But you’ve taken away my element of choice. Surely you should have just stated in your bio that you weren’t looking for anything serious. And, it’s statistically proven that women on dating apps usually choose men older than them anyway, so it wouldn’t have made much difference to your matches if you’re looking to meet women my age.’

Him: ‘Yeah, I did think about that.’

Me: ‘Out of interest, what age limits do you have on your matches?’

Him: ’21-30’

Me: ‘What on earth do you think you’ll have in common with a 21 year old? I’m guessing nothing and it’s that you just want to meet someone young and inexperienced in life enough that they’ll just do as you say, and be happy to have you control their choices. Unlike me, might I add.’

 How can he be so unaware of his own failings in social psychology?

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

Shoutout to my ex

Five years ago, this week, my ex (the ex) dumped me. I could play that game, the one where I tell you it didn’t bother me, that I was’t that fussed about him and that I was over him within days - but i’d be lying. I was heartbroken, torn to pieces to the point I’d spend my evenings on the sofa crying into the arms of my Mum and Dad. It was a breakup like the ones in the movies, where no day feels easier than it’s predecessor, and life is unimaginable without that person, the one who holds enough power to control your level of joy with the ease of a facial expression.

Now, tonight, I sat with two incredible women and amazing friends, and watched the ballet. Cinderella if we’re being precise, and we are being precise, because that’s how it started with him, The ex. Our first date was him and I, watching that same fairy tale unfold before us. Cinderella. I’ve gone full circle. 

Five years, the same story, but for me - a different leading lady, and most definitely not a princess awaiting her Prince Charming. Where before I placed my happiness upon someone so adept at making me sad, today I surround myself with those who fill my world with pleasure. I had once convinced myself that a controlled infatuation was true love, yet now I find that I’m head over heels for the life I have chosen to create for myself. And I couldn’t have done it without him.

So here’s a shout out to my ex. Thank you for making me miserable whilst simultaneously putting me out of my misery. 

Without him, I wouldn’t have realised that I can write my own happy ending. I’m not there *quite* yet - but the chapter I’m on at the moment is pretty fan-bloody-tastic.

x

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

Here's hoping 2018 sees me swimming out into the ocean