No-Fi Ghost

this is an internet diary belonging to a nihilist. that's about it.

[nofighost]

this song’s for you, jeff. I wish I could have seen you one more time. if you’re not in heaven, then nothing’s right in this world, or the next. I miss you.

[nofighost]

I’m dedicating this song to my sweetheart: I’m glad you can’t find my tumblr, anymore. I’d hate for you to be upset by anything that’s going on with me. I know you can’t see or hear me, but I’m making a toast to the hope of suffering alone for at least the next 50 years. if I can last that long, none will be the wiser.

[nofighost]

I’m starting to feel like I must have died alone, a long, long time ago . . . 

[nofighost]

I know you’ll never see this, and I know it’s been more than five years, but I ran across this song again while re-watching venture bros, and fuck you for posting this on facebook after dumping me that last time. we were never actually friends. there were only like three periods of time where we ever hung out. each of those consisting of like <6 days throughout a month, or less, and then being almost completely incommunicado for a long-ass time--spread over the course of like three years. two of those times, we were only hanging out because you wanted to go out, and the other time it was because I was someone you knew who might be able to play bass for you. so, they don’t even fucking count. 

aside from that--not even including when you dumped me--you were actually kind of a bitch to me, probably for the same reasons you posted this song. but, hell, I don’t think you were even aware of it. I know we were all young and retarded, but jesus christ, were you fucking immature and conceited, even reducing yourself to middle school bullshit like making fun of bands I like when you got mad at me. as if anyone older than 14 would give a fuck what someone else thinks of the bands they listen to. it’s not like they were bands I was in. but, whatever.

throughout the period of time where I gave a fuck, I probably tried harder to be your friend, than you did with me. and, then, you posted this song. fuckin, again--whatever. excuse me. just felt the need to say this shit, somewhere. I hope time’s been good to you.

[nofighost]

hold me tighter

I think I’m sinkin down

[nofighost]

in the last few years, I’ve been criticized a lot, because I don’t always show pain, especially in situations where a loved one is leaving my life. I get accused of not feeling grief or having emotion. neither is true. I feel grief, anxiety, depression, and loss. shit does hurt, and I have to deal with it. I feel this song pretty perfectly sums up my attitudes about pain and grief, and it’s definitely a favorite of mine.

[nofighost]

san francisco is a nice place for trash people

I visited san francisco for only five or six days, and twice had to deal with random homeless people threatening to rob me. and, yeah, whatever--they’re homeless. that right there is the only intimidation factor they have, but still: fuck. that. shit. I’m used to dealing with people trying to intimidate me when they actually have some weight to throw around, or fucking SOMETHING. but, having withering, middle-aged losers try to intimidate me is fucking infuriating. the next time any kind of derelict tries the fucking “ooga booga, I’m homeless, empty your pockets” routine on me, it ain’t ending with a mere “fuck you.” sick of it. ‘cisco fucking washed any sympathy I had for homeless people who do anything other than sit quietly with a cup right out of me.

[nofighost]

I don't feel okay

so, I'm sure I'm the last one to the party when it comes to knowing about this shit, but I feel like I need to talk about it, anyway. while googling porn (yes, I do that, I'm sure you do, too. let's move on) today I stumbled across a site called theync.com. I watched a few videos on it, and it seemed okay, at first. and then actually looked up at the top bar of the actual site, and now I'm feeling pretty disturbed. I tried to shake it off and just for porn somewhere else, but I still don't feel okay. the top bar listed links to things like "female suicides" and other things that I don't remember as clearly that basically boiled down to gore, murder, and I think rape. I don't want to go back and check for accuracy.

I'm actually pissed that I was able to find this site through a search engine. I would have thought shit like that would have been a deep web exclusive. why the hell is it legal? I feel as if I were hanging out with someone who seemed like they were okay up until they started talking about how much they love "killin jews", and all I knew how to do is be like, "holy shit, I need to go home NOW." I actually feel kind of paranoid about browsing the internet, now. it's not cool. and theync.com is a deceptively benign site name. it almost sounds like a news site. if they're gonna exist, they should at least change the name to something more telling as to what the fuck actually goes on in the site. not cool.

[nofighost]

I'm watching the world continue to go to hell, because people don't know who they can trust. the police, journalists, politicians--they betray us. they use us. it's sad. it's really hard to watch. we keep trusting them. we really shouldn't.

[nofighost]

it's a genuinely bad idea for bands to directly interact with fans and critics online. that means the stream of bullshit is never over, even if you walk away--because it is bullshit. it makes it so much harder to keep cool and let things blow over. social networking gives people who can't be appeased the ability to reach out and touch people--and touch them, and touch them, and touch them. you make a mistake when you try to reason with people who attack you when controversy arises. many people are profiteering off of you; many are stirring the pot because they think it's funny; many don't know what the hell is going on because research and fact-checking are a lot to ask from people. and, for many, you are simply the thing that they have decided to be furious with this week, and they don't need you fucking that up for them by doing things like apologizing.

just get off twitter. get off tumblr. get off facebook. just set up a band website, if you want to keep fans in the loop. things were better that way.

[nofighost]

this song really takes me back

[jungleindierock]

No words needed, lol

I was actually curious and i checked their music. Yeah! I understand him now.

[nofighost]

poor guy

[nofighost]

so, apparently the male singer of edward sharpe and the magnetic zeroes is the guy from ima robot.

so, the guy breaks up with his girlfriend, goes to rehab, makes up an alter-ego named edward sharpe, grows out a beard, and suddenly he's this indie-folk icon. I really want to call bullshit on this guy's situation. I don't feel like I should be expected to just accept this guy's transformation as anything other than him trying to take advantage of the recent popularity of faux-indie bullshit. everybody wants to be the next fucking arcade fire or something, and are apparently willing to make up new identities for themselves to pull it off. 

[aaaxiomatic]

welcome to tumblr

[nofighost]

so, I watched the history channel for all of 2 minutes and heard this:

"does devil's tower really have extraterrestrial or supernatural powers . . . " fucking click. fuck you, history channel. it's just a cool-looking rock formation in wyoming, whose name happens to reference the devil. that's fucking it. jesus christ. why the fuck do you people have to make everything about either aliens, bigfoot, or other supernatural bullshit? sometimes, maybe--just maybe--it's just a fucking rock! how about that?!

[nofighost]

just confirmed that I'm not dying. so, in celebration, here's the most hopeful song that I've ever heard.

[nofighost]

I'm not a juggalo, but can't even kind of pretend that I don't like this track. it's stupid how much I relate to it, sometimes.