No Hair, Do You Care?

Adventures in Dating with Alopecia

[nohairdoyoucare]

When I keep flipping through OkCupid profiles and they all say, looking for a guy with a great beard.

[nohairdoyoucare]

It Must Really Suck

Before I lost my hair I had gone on a few dates with a woman and was starting to feel a connection, but had to pull back and call it off because I knew I couldn’t continue seeing her while also struggling with my hair loss. She didn’t know about my alopecia, as I was able to hide it for the short time that we went out together. My hair loss all went really fast and within less than a year it was gone. I had struggled with the feeling of being bald after over 33 years with hair on my head and wore hats for a year to cover it up, as I was still uncomfortable with showing off my bare head. I hibernated from the shame of losing it and didn't leave the house for weeks, except to see close friends and go to work. I knew I needed to kick myself back into life, so I decided to reach out to any old friends that I lost contact with. I found her number and asked if she wanted to catch up. She seemed open to it, so we agreed to meet at a small coffee shop in town. I arrived a few minutes early and took deep breaths to cool the nerves that came over me. I walked in donning my best hat, which served almost as a comfort blanket for me at that point. I ordered peppermint tea and walked over to her table and sat down across from her. We had some small talk but then she asked what had been going on in my life since we last saw each other? I proceeded to tell her the personal and difficult story of my alopecia, how I had lost all my hair in a matter of months, how I struggled watching it fall out in the shower and in the bed, how I was so ready to shave it off and how liberating and scary it was when I finally did. 

She paused and looked at me, took a sip of her almond milk latte and said, “It must really suck to be bald, that’s just horrible.” 

I was taken aback and paused for a moment while thinking of how best to respond, but no words would come out of my mouth. I quickly tried to get through my drink and the stories that she would continue to share about herself, and got up from my chair and said thanks for meeting. I walked out the door of the cafe and removed her number from my phone. I never saw her again. No Hair, Do You Care?