Wilderness of the Mind

...your wildest dreams...Ephesians 3:20

[nolongerconsumed]

I swear a lot...

i swear a lot and i’m a pastors kid. 

i know i shouldn't 

i was definitely not raised like that at all

i aint got no excuse

except maybe...anger. 

STILL not a good enough excuse

YET i still swear

i want to stop

i try to stop

i switch the words

i say them in my head instead

even under my breath

but whether out loud or in my head...

i’m still saying them

so 

so what can i do to stop completely?

the Word says our tongues are fire

we can kill people with them 

i don't want to be murderer with my words

Help me God to let go

help me to not be so angry

help me to not turn to those words 

help me to stop “cold turkey”

help me

nothing in return

i’m asking for ur help

this is my venting time

this is my time with you

i just want you

i want to be so deep with you 

that the ONLY words that come out of this mouth

are praise, love, encouragement, words of wisdom, and even prophecy. 

So tell me God, how? 

how can i stop this cycle of wasted breath and words

how? 

Take that root of rebellion and cease from existence 

help me to be a better person 

to be a greater influence

help me 

cause without You 

i can't do nothing. 

[nolongerconsumed]

when my father dies one day...

pssssshhhh...

when my father dies one day

dont think i won't start calling out people

calling them out for their BS

calling them out for the bs person they were to my father

for the crap you put him through

for the things you NEVER did for him. 

and the immense things he did for everyone else BUT HIMSELF!!!

i love you papi

pero me enfurece ver que la gente te trata como mierda

the Bible itself says to give honor where honor is due

SO WHERE THE FK IS THAT HONOR!?!?!!?!?

cause all you clowns aint doing crap

wasting his time

not even blessing him 

can't even give him a word of wisdom 

can't even give an encouraging thought

can't even do ANTYHING FOR HIM

after all is said and done.....i hope you have the decency to at least show respect to his wife

cause thats the least you can do. 

THE LEAST

[nolongerconsumed]

Dad

i wish people appreciated you like i do. 

i wish people weren't so completely inconsiderate. 

i wish people weren't so damn mf selfish. 

you are all selfish, selfish adults, selfish individuals. SELFISH

you only look for him when you need him. 

do you ever think about what he needs!?!? 

Just because he's a pastor he doesnt need to cater to you or to ur every need. 

yeah yeah i get it, he helps out the community

but do people ever understand that being a pastor is a heavy burden 

and only one person takes it all. 

the good the bad and the ugly. 

that all your ugly 

all your garbage

all ur criticism

all ur negative thoughts

all ur SHIT

all ur problems

everything.... absolutely everything

he takes,  he doesnt complain 

and then is ALWAYS giving advice

ALWAYS HELPING

Doing the most for others

all UNSELFISH ACTS

YET your Dumbass thinks u can complain. 

nah, fuck you man

LeAVE him alone, 

leave my father alone. 

he's done his part for YEARS

before you were even born. 

Little boy...be a mf man, bitch!

and even then, my father wants me to forgive

to be a better person

while this mf is older and has “supposed” maturity and experience

LMAO

dude is so insecure, instead of speaking up, 

he lets his woman do all the talking. 

dont get me wrong, 

i got plenty to say myself, 

but if you got a problem with a mf

man the fk up and saying something

dont let ur woman fight ur battles for you, 

little baby bitch.  

[nolongerconsumed]

Dear Father-In-Law

Fuck you. 

Fuck you for not being able to be a father to my husband. 

Fuck you because as a grown man, you still don't know how to be a father, even though you have 4 other kids. 

Fuck you for acting so childish, disrespectful and for thinking you can “tell on us” with grandma...your mother. 

Your own mother even knows what piece of trash you were to your kids. 

Yet she still sits there blindfolded, thinking the truth will go away. 

So I had to be the bigger person? Fuck you dude. 

I don't like you, not because you’re a douchebag to me, but because of all the pain you’ve caused my husband. 

Yet if I’m not the bigger person, you’ll never stop your berrinche. 

Pinche estupido, si no sirves como padre, como vas a servir como abuelo?

Seriously, how you gon’ do it?

Then on the other hand, my husband is hurting thinking you’ll never be there for our kids, your grandchildren. 

 I Hate that you bring him so much pain. 

Do you even realize that your actions affect people around you, specially your kids?!

Inconsiderate bitch

I promise I’ll make “nice” just so that you will be a part of our kids lives. 

Unfortunately I can't promise you'll choose to be a part of theirs. 

Your loss.

God help me not keep being angry at this man who doesn't know better because he wasn't taught better. 

I love grandpa....but he must’ve done some not so great things if your kids came out effed up. 

Unfortunately, Grandma too. 

What can we do? 

But Choose to do better with our own. 

So my dear Father-in-law,

 I hope you’ll choose to do better this time. 

Stop putting up the wall that leaves everyone outside. 

Climbing, & seeking your approval. 

Maybe what you’ve truly been seeking all along is ur own approval. 

PS. To clarify, it’s not our fault you effen don't know how to communicate. It’s called a cell phone. If you need help, you simply text or call & if 1 person doesn't answer, there’s always me, you dumbass. Stop being such an ass. 

[nolongerconsumed]

Yeah, it's ur turn, I'm talking about you!

[nolongerconsumed]

I need to let it out, this shall be my daily diary

The Sad Truth

We’re living in a fallen world.

In a society where people can’t keep their word.

If you say you’re going to do something, then do it!

Stop telling lies and giving hope,

When your words don’t matter anymore.

We live in a society where keeping your word is not necessary

Because failing someone else is “ok”

Because we’re such delicate individuals who cant handle responsibility

because life and people have failed us before so it’s “ok” (rolls eyes)

 are we suppose to dumb down the truth

having to be sensitive to everything we encounter

having to sugarcoat the truth behind each person

having to make excuses for the  way we speak, act, talk, the way we be. 

they say “I am me, you cant change me, only God can judge me now”

are you sure you know what you're saying and are you just trying to come up with another excuse? 

If God really had a fair trial to judge you, I’d love to see the outcome. 

Except His grace always intervenes.

Ain’t that right? Ain’t it the truth? 

Grace, the only thing that truly brings the peace

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