Seekers of serenity

A mediator and his catoblepas familiar, living life one day at a time. (RP blog for original-character-rp.)

[nomastersnoservants]

Guardian AU -- closed with difficult-airway

[difficult-airway]

He just nodded. Yes, yes he would prefer that. But somehow the words weren’t quite able to make it outside. It had come as a shock to both of them, they had expected it to take longer to get to that point. His face clearly showed that he felt troubled.

[nomastersnoservants]

Jasper shuffled towards the counter like a penitent zombie, his mind echoing with self-flagellation. You forgot that he's dealing with someone dying too, didn't you? You thoughtless little leech.

[nomastersnoservants]

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"I think that would be fair so…" Was that a good thing to say? Or did that sound like he was doubting Jasper’s ability to pay? That would be bad because that wasn’t the intention. So it was very welcome when Jasper asked him about work.

"A-anyway, work, yes." That would be a better topic, he could just talk without stumbling around all the what-to-dos and what to-not-dos. "It’s been much the same as usual really. I don’t get all that much excitement in my field. Evelyn on the other hand, she was in emergency for a couple of years and…" But then he was reminded of the recent choking incident and went quiet.

[nomastersnoservants]

"...shall we just order now?" suggested Jasper, his voice barely reaching out of the pitfall of silence that the reminder of Evelyn's condition had carved into the world between the two men.

[nomastersnoservants]

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"Ah, yes, that sounds nice." Biscuits weren’t really what he’d had in mind for this but since Jasper recommended them he couldn’t just back out of it, could he?

He gave a nervous laugh when Jasper mentioned that he was intending to pay for both of them. “Oh, we can split the bill, that’s fine.” He’d feel weird just accepting it, even though it wouldn’t be about a big amount of money.

[nomastersnoservants]

"Ah, if that's what would be best for you, then let's." Dammit, Jasper, you've made him uncomfortable! You just asked him here because you're selfish and weak and now you're inconveniencing him even more?

"So, how's work?" He was not going to pour himself out to this gracious doctor before he'd received his food and drink.

[nomastersnoservants]

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It took Lawrence a few seconds to spot Jasper waving at him, but once he did he approached the table. He was still a bit slow in doing that, unsure how he was supposed to act in this sort of situation. Needless to say he’d never been a social butterfly. He attempted to smile a bit. “Hello. Nice place, isn’t it?” Of course, or he wouldn’t have asked to meet there, dummy. But he had to say something more than just hi, right?

"So, um…" What would naturally come next? "What can you recommend?" Since they were at a cafe he should order something too, so…

[nomastersnoservants]

A welcome delay to the inevitable confession of weakness this was; Jasper was on familiar territory, and his flowing gab (that flowed almost too quickly, perhaps) reflected that. "Well, they have the most exquisite ginger biscuits if you like that, and iced tea to wash them down with. Would that be allright? Don't worry about the price, I'll pay, it's the least I can do for cutting into your work like this."

[nomastersnoservants]

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Evelyn wouldn’t drop by Jonathan for the next couple of days. Then the day where Lawrence had agreed to meet up with Jasper came.

And so Lawrence was in the town looking for that cafe Jasper had suggested. It wasn’t awfully hard to find. He stood outside for a bit, wondering if Jasper might have intended to meet him here, but after some minutes of waiting he decided that it was better to go inside. Maybe Jasper was already waiting, and if not then he could find a nice table to wait at.

[nomastersnoservants]

Jasper was already inside the café, nursing a cup of rooibos tea along with a generous slice of cheesecake (good for neither his fitness nor his budget, but those were distant concerns to his current state). As the door opened, he turned his head towards it like a puppy awaiting its master and, unlike the previous dozen times he'd done so, sighed in relief. The social worker smiled as he waved at Lawrence, beckoning him to come closer.

His last visit with Jonathan had been marginally less awkward; he still hadn't been able to give him the note, but at least he'd managed to add a few things to it. He knew that his time was waning and that Jonathan deserved more than having a whimpering sadsack for a friend who's scared to express his feelings, but here he still was. Stalling. Betraying his friend.

[nomastersnoservants]

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It didn’t take long before someone got there, but at that point Evelyn was already starting to feel like she would pass out any moment and the only thing on her mind was oxygen, oxygen, oxygen, but she didn’t know how to bring that about. She’d be taken away and then someone would come to ask Jonathan if he also needed something.

When the issue had been resolved Evelyn found herself in a hospital bed. She’d sit there in silence looking up at the ceiling. She had thought of death before, but she hadn’t thought of it as intensely as she did now, as being within such close reach. But if she kept herself in check she should still be okay, right? Then she wouldn’t choke like that again anytime soon, right?

She’d still live for a while, right?

[nomastersnoservants]

Jonathan hadn't needed anything (aside from maybe a stiff drink after having to deal with Evelyn, but that was probably not going to happen) and thus, the departing hospital staff left him untouched.

He'd been a fool to assume that just because someone was dying (he could almost think that word without pausing now), that'd mean they'd let go of their senses of superiority. Evelyn had proven herself to be in the same league as his parents, as Jasper's parents, as most of the wardens. The league that stood on higher ground.

He reached out towards the railing of his bed and grasped it, testing to see if shaking it or something like that would somehow help the empty feeling left behind by the earlier confusion. After a while, he conceded that it wouldn't.

At least he still had Jasper.

At least he hoped so.

[nomastersnoservants]

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[difficult-airway]

The first part was okay. The first few sentences were nothing to object to. But the ones that followed definitely were, and she soon felt her anger grow with each additional one. And because of that she was talking fast again when she responded, so it would be hard to catch what she was saying even for someone used to her speech.

"My thick skull? Cushy? Excuse me, I’ve been in scary situations too, I’ve had patients assault me and I still managed to keep the most important things in mind, to handle the situation in a good manner. And what would you know about my family matters?" Well, Lawrence and her children were well described as cushy, but going further than that there wasn’t particularly much of it. "Of course I make mistakes but I don’t make those sorts of mistakes. I never endangered a patient’s life. You’re calling me a hypocrite when all you’re doing is assuming, assuming, assuming. Stop talking like you knew me! If you really did then-"

And then she choked.

At first she didn’t understand what was happening, because that was the last thing she had on her mind in that moment. But it didn’t take long for the realization to come. No, this wasn’t supposed to happen! Not suddenly like this!

[nomastersnoservants]

Jonathan hadn't even heard Evelyn's words because of her slurring - all for the better, because his chest was feeling familiarly painful. Not that he'd wanted to listen anyway; as far as he was concerned, Evelyn could just go and play at being a robot somewhere else.

However, the choking swapped out anger for concern for the briefest of moments; drained by coming down from a high of anger, all Jonathan could do was ram his finger down the call button next to his bed.

[nomastersnoservants]

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She didn’t see his reaction as a reason to reconsider or possibly be kinder in her words.To her that silence just meant that he was admitting that he could have handled things differently, handled them better. He had the experience. He’d said that he’d done rough jobs before. Of course he’d be able to handle it better.

"You had experience that should have helped you make a better decision," she countered when he asked. And she was ready to counter the next thing he said as well, until he used the word ‘doctor’. It didn’t throw her off for long but it was noticeable, her breathing changed, she’d quickly blink several times in a row. 

But that part was irrelevant to the discussion at hand. And so she continued to argue against him.

"Not everyone. But you’ve had experiences that should give you an advantage over the rest. And others would still have to take responsibility for their actions, wouldn’t they? Why is anyone supposed to go soft on you?"

[nomastersnoservants]

"You think I'm trying to plead innocent? It happened, I did it, I went in, I confessed, I did my time for manslaughter. I'm not asking for soft, I'm asking for you to get it through your thick skull that when you're scared, when you think you're gonna die, all that logic and rationality and experience just fucks right off. I fucking know I should've been more careful, don't you think I know that? It's easy for you in your cushy house with your cushy family to give me that hindsight shit and tell me that that makes me just a mad fucking beast, like you never make mistakes or fuck up because you're just fucking scared. You fucking hypocrite."

[nomastersnoservants]

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That gave her some pause again. “…no, that’s not what I was saying. But I was saying that you should have had the experience to handle it in a better way. You handled all sorts of rowdy individuals earlier, didn’t you? So why couldn’t you do it this time? If he stumbled over something and fell I could hardly see a reason to blame you, but with you getting into a scuffle and all…” The disapproval was clearly written on her face.

[nomastersnoservants]

This was only met with a silent scowl; Evelyn deserved nothing more at the moment. She was speaking with the voices of his family, the voices of the prosecutors, the voices he'd heard a hundred times before. It doesn't matter that he had a gun. It doesn't matter that you were scared for your life, you should've kept completely calm because you're not allowed to actually fear or be weak like a human.

"Yeah, because no one's allowed to be scared when some guy with a gun breaks in, right?" Reliving the moment was painful, but keeping silent would've been more painful. "Everyone's just supposed to be calm when that happens, infallible? And when they don't, it's their fault? You don't get to say shit like that from your ivory tower, doctor, you don't know what the hell you're talking about."

[nomastersnoservants]

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[nomastersnoservants]

Despite everything, Jonathan couldn’t help but huff at Evelyn’s behaviour. Sure, it was always easy to say stuff like that when you were a doctor in the upper middle class, when you live in houses that aren’t bust open by the police every other week.

"You’ve never lived in the shit part of town, have ya, Eve?" The shortening of the name was deliberate, if somewhat petty; Jonathan was not about to swallow her ivory-tower bullshit, and his voice bridled with scorn. "You think that the people there just stop robbing and mugging if you ask ‘em real nice? I tried that once, I tried ‘restraining’. Got branded ‘easy’. Got my radiator nicked. My damn radiator, Eve.”

[difficult-airway]

His response did manage to shut her up for a moment, leaving her sitting there with her mouth open as she worked to process what he had said, consider her own past experiences and formulate a reply. He was bringing up some valid points but that didn’t mean that she had to accept his whole point of view. And he had shortened her name again, but that was clearly in order to rile her up, maybe in the hope that it would throw her off and she’d give a stupid reply that he could use to further his argument. 

Stay calm and think.

"No, I haven’t. But I’m not so naive that I think that nicely asking works with everyone. I’ve seen things too, I know that life isn’t kind to everyone. But very often the solutions aren’t as limited as you think and someone with your background should know how to break some bones and limit the damage to that, shouldn’t they?" Not that she supported the breaking of bones. But she wasn’t saying anything like that either.

[nomastersnoservants]

"What, do you think I wanted to kill the guy?" And so it was once again demonstrated, thought Jonathan: the uncanny talent of the privileged to jump into conclusions. It didn't matter what was actually said, oh no; they could paint a mental image faster than anything. From poor and desperate to soulless, from accident to deliberate evil. It was becoming clearer and clearer that Evelyn saw a murderer in him. "What the hell do you think I tried to do? I tried to keep it to a few bones, but the guy kept struggling and he fell!"

[nomastersnoservants]

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"But you should know about the dangers, I mean with the work you did you would surely be aware of what injuries…" Somehow the ‘not thinking straight’ part wasn’t really making it through to her. "And breaking bones is hardly the way to go about teaching a lesson, it would have been far better to restrain him and let the system take care of it!" Because she got worked up she was speaking fast now, but because she was speaking fast her words were becoming very unclear and it would be hard to tell what she was saying.

[nomastersnoservants]

Despite everything, Jonathan couldn't help but huff at Evelyn's behaviour. Sure, it was always easy to say stuff like that when you were a doctor in the upper middle class, when you live in houses that aren't bust open by the police every other week.

"You've never lived in the shit part of town, have ya, Eve?" The shortening of the name was deliberate, if somewhat petty; Jonathan was not about to swallow her ivory-tower bullshit, and his voice bridled with scorn. "You think that the people there just stop robbing and mugging if you ask 'em real nice? I tried that once, I tried 'restraining'. Got branded 'easy'. Got my radiator nicked. My damn radiator, Eve."

[nomastersnoservants]

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[difficult-airway]

He’d offered less resistance on that than she might have expected. Not that she minded.

"Mm-hmm." She clearly paid attention as he explained. When the burglar was mentioned a bit of uncertainty began to show on her face, since she didn’t know where the story was going yet and how to respond. But when he mentioned the cracked skull it was as if her expression sort of froze. Then she’d blink several times, trying to snap out of that frozen state. It was clear that this wasn’t what she had expected. "Why’d you hit him that hard?"

[nomastersnoservants]

"Like I said. Pissed. Not thinking straight. Wanted to teach a lesson." Aaaaaand she's gone. Great. Still, can't have her leave with false assumptions. "'I'll just break a bone or two', I thought. Never meant to kill him. But, well, what you mean doesn't really matter with something like that, does it?"

[nomastersnoservants]

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She gave a chuckle, though her expression wasn’t really cheerful. “Parents sometimes have this need to try to influence your life far more than they ought to…”

His pause struck her as peculiar. And then he was being vague too, which didn’t do anything to lessen her curiosity.

"So, what was it that happened?" It was a question that begged to be asked. Whether she would get an answer was a different matter.

[nomastersnoservants]

He really should've known better than to expect vagueness to repel her, shouldn't he? Oh well, maybe talking about it to someone would make him feel better, too.

"I heard noise in my apartment at night. It was in the shitty part of town, you know. Couldn't afford better. I thought it was another burglar, so I was pissed off and all set to get a little rougher with him to teach him a lesson. I knocked him down and... his skull broke open. Died on my apartment floor."

Jonathan's voice was decidedly level.

[nomastersnoservants]

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She chuckled.

"Mm, it sounds like you started early along that path. But with the amount of them that are in the world it’s good to have someone who knows how to handle them."

[nomastersnoservants]

"Yeah, that's what I said to Dad when he was breathing down my neck about getting a 'real' job." The bald man's air quotes were so laden with sarcasm that his muscular fingers could've cleft the very gods in twin. "He got around, eventually. But then..."

Jonathan was given pause; would Evelyn abandon him if she knew about his criminal past? "...then things happened."

[nomastersnoservants]

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"Mm… being able to keep someone safe, that’s a really nice thing." She knew that it was one of the things that bothered her most, once she was gone she wouldn’t be able to look out for her family. Of course she trusted that they’d be able to go on without her as well, but still… her expression reflected the fact that her thoughts took a turn for the not so pleasant at the mention of that. "It’s important to have someone who teaches proper values, yes…"

She shrugged. “Maybe a little bit. But it’s sort of a cute image.”

[nomastersnoservants]

"That's the first time anyone's called me cute, I think. It's not half bad."

"Anyway, I passed high school and joined the army. Got some of the guys there to put in a word for me, and once I got out, I got a job as a bouncer. It was allright; had to deal with assholes, but that wasn't exactly new."

[nomastersnoservants]

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"Oh, you know… all the embarrassing stuff? You could pretend that you’re a tabloid magazine reporter." She laughed. "But if that doesn’t sound like an appealing option you could just go with a few things you feel are important about yourself."

[nomastersnoservants]

"Well, I've always been good at keeping people safe. Always been a bit of a hulk, you see." The feeling of an interview - the last interview before the Pearly Gates, or whatever else would befall him? - was strangely soothing. "Thank God I had a strict mom, otherwise I'd have been the schoolyard bully. Instead, I was kinda like... a guardian."

A pause, a blush and an embarrassed rub of the neck. "That was cheesy, nevermind."

[nomastersnoservants]

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Him apologizing struck her as odd and she gave a clumsy wave of her hand. “Don’t mind it. I wouldn’t really call it offended. Just that it wasn’t particularly… convincing? And I do have a thing against people shortening my name when we barely know each other.” She didn’t know if that was the right word, but at least it was a word and finished the sentence. “Certainly, we do have some things in common, but still… At any rate now that’s been said so I consider that matter over and done with. So… why don’t you talk a bit more about yourself?”

[nomastersnoservants]

At least she'd bought it. Jonathan was visibly relieved, which may have affected the speed and enthusiasm of his reply. "Sure, but I'm pretty shit at talking about myself. What do you wanna know?"

It occurred to Jonathan that Evelyn might not know about his jailtime. He'd have to tread carefully.