Certified Dirt Lover

Kel, est. 1989, they/them, queer. Prospective Jewish conversion student. Icon credit: @5eyed https://picrew.me/image_maker/93922. If you're on mobile, search for the tag "kel's intro post" to see my About Me.

[glamourtrvsh]

70s Dream Barbie 🌻🖤⛓️

IG: @glamourtrvsh_

[ryebreadgf]

munchausen syndrome is what hansel and gretel had

[ryebreadgf]

[transfemininomenon]

hang on i gotta google some things

[transfemininomenon]

yeah this is funny

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

“yes, I’ve been wanting to read that!” I say with complete earnestness, as I proceed to ignore every opportunity I have to read it

[pelahnar]

“I’ve been meaning to read/watch/listen to that, but the stars are not in position, so I can’t do it yet”

[twinsfawn]

even though she died two years before i was born, there were always tabloids in the grocery store about JonBenét Ramsey’s death and “new breaks in the case”. i would always stare at them and wonder who the pretty blonde girl was that died. surprisingly i didn’t know anything about 9/11 until grade school.

[spoonie-isms]

I was born in 1990 and grew up just outside the DC metro area.

Locally, a little boy in my sister's class was raped, murdered, raped, and dumped on the school playground. That was big for me. I remember OJ's trial, I remember Clinton getting impeached, and I remember Cal Ripken beating some record. But I didn't care about any of those.

But the first big national story I was invested in was the DC sniper, because I was 100% sure I'd get shot.

[distantvoices]

Keanu Reeves For Vanity Fair, 1991 via @__themme__ on Instagram

[madeleineengland]

💥 Red Panda in Oregon

[bulliness]

@peetbools

[sabrebash]

That tweet about Tricia Lockwood’s cat is going around tumblr again as a sort of semimeme and I wanted to commemorate it. Had to look up a bunch of pics of her for ref

[l0vegl0wsinthedark]

Jail for mother! Jail for mother for One Thousand Years!

[enraged-chihuahua]

ur first and last recent emojis are ur gender now. mine is 🅱👨‍❤‍💋‍👨

[medianox-astrum]

[bumblebeerror]

🥲🤷🏻

[gothicprep]

why is your cat green?

She’s built different 😌

[gothicprep]

Look i tried to laugh it off, but I haven’t stopped thinking about this message because… my cat literally isn’t green

like where is the green

[gothicprep]

Oh Christ

[sapropel]

This is the color your cat is

[lazygravez]

colors i eyedropped directly from op's cat

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I drew a tree using only colours eyedropped from OP's cat.

[karakats]

every time i see this post all i see is some green alien kitty with antennae so i had to draw it

[rabbitindisguise]

It's your white balance op! The whiskers should be more white

[rabbitindisguise]

Wait I can fix him

Brown boy now

EDIT: oh shit I accidentally made your cat transgender too my bad

[3dmaze]

covered in cuts and burns and bruises and scrapes from trying to find download links

[aurpiment]

full of malware and add-ons from trying to forage blackberries

[iovealexivs]

What do you call a gay man in the textile industry?

[iovealexivs]

Fruit of the loom

[headspace-hotel]

concept: there are lots of different worlds and all of them have different levels of access to magic. Some are just all over the place and some have no magic at all.

You would think that we would be one of the strictly non-magical worlds, but actually, that’s not the case—we don’t have like, a huge excess of magic, but we have, like, dreams, and the placebo effect, which puts us pretty solidly in the “Numinous” world category.

[headspace-hotel]

This post brought to you by the placebo effect, which is completely insane if you think about it for more than like 3 seconds

but for some reason we insist on thinking of it like “so people’s symptoms improve, but like, it’s Fake” rather than “HOLY SHIT humans are so powerful, they can improve the symptoms of their illnesses just by believing they are being cared for.”

[headspace-hotel]

Anyway just imagine like

Human, suddenly sucked by portal into a Magical Land: damn I wish I came from a magical world lol

Elf wizard dude: hahaha bro what are you talking about

Human: well, my world is just—

Elf wizard dude: what about the magic rocks????

Human: What magic rocks?

Elf wizard dude: You know, the magic rocks. The ones that generate near infinite energy by tearing apart the fabric of their reality? You know, like, uranium? You haven’t found those yet?

Human: Wait wait wait. That’s not—

Elf wizard dude: And like, come on, you even have some low level necromantic spells over there, like—

Human: We do not have necromantic spells, what are you talking about

Elf wizard dude: didn’t you say your friend was an EMT though? they do that shit all the time. Hell, you don’t even have to be like a high level caster or some shit, it takes like a few weeks to learn CPR

Human: Wh—

Elf wizard dude: You guys do have CPR, right?

Human: I mean yes but—what the—CPR is not necromancy!! That’s not how it works, it doesn’t bring people back from the—well I guess technically it does but that doesn’t—

Elf wizard dude: Next you’re going to be telling me Mothman doesn’t “count” either.

Human:

Human: …

Human: …What.

[headspace-hotel]

Human: You don’t understand. I mean…Radioactivity kills people!

Elf wizard dude: Ohhh. You got just the cursed magic rocks.

Human: …

Elf wizard dude: Damn. That sucks man.

[headspace-hotel]

Elf wizard dude: So you have no talking animals? None?

Human: Well I mean—there is that one type of parrot but like that doesn’t—

Elf wizard dude: godDAMN it

[stabbedinthenameofscience]

It got better!

[thessalian]

Human: Oh, right, and various of the corvids. Ravens and that. They talk too.

Elf wizard dude: And no sapient animals? At all?

Human: Well ... I mean, depends what you call ‘sapient’. Crows remember who’s nice to them and bring them presents, and will get the whole flock to attack people who are mean to them, and cats basically conned us into lavishing them with food and attention--

Elf wizard dude: And that?

Human: Oh, that’s a pigeon. They’re really dumb, though.

Elf wizard dude: It’s getting on your public transport network!

Human: Yeah, it’ll get off at its stop-- wait.

Elf wizard dude: CATCHING ON YET?!?

[fuckyeah2000s]

what's the first movie you remember seeing in theaters? don't try and be all edgy and cool and say like tetsuo: the iron man. be honest.

Go!!

[succubusboyfriend]

me at any given time: can we just buckle down and focus on the task at hand please???

my brain:

my brain: ……….ranibow sprimkle……………

[succubusboyfriend]

ranibow sprimkle……..

[cr0wswithknives]

kepchup.

[cosmicyeehaw]

SPINCH

[oli-nerd]

B A N C H

[scoobertdoobertlove]

chichen nuggest

[yondus-wife]

b R o G L e

[borzboy]

strawbebbies..

[sprayed-cheese]

this post almost moved me to tears

[were-owl-deactivated20241025]

Tag yourself, I’m spinch or rainbow sprimkle

[justnick612-deactivated20210723]

I’m kepchup lmao

[fysticalmorest]

Brogle and rainbow sprimkle

[atlinmerrick]

This is so charming I feel punched in the solar plexus and I’m here for this sort of gentle, sweet violence.

[kristiemewisstan]

some additions from my own collection

[weepingwillo-deactivated2022071]

[churchyardgrim]

“if you’re not angry you’re not paying attention” used to be such a powerful phrase but now it’s more accurate to say “if you’re not angry you’re probably exhausted by 5+ years of Panic Outrage Mode and are nearing the limit of your emotional range for reacting to this shit”

[ghost-in-the-shul]

[hella1975]

im sorry but writing enemies to lovers on ao3 is so fucking funny. one of them will go a whole paragraph saying how much they hate, absolutely despise, have genuine burning contempt for the other and we’re all here knowing damn well that enemies to lovers tag is just sat there. like we already know what’s coming bro you’re just embarrassing yourself

[ashes-and-ashes]

the appeal of enemies to lovers though is less “oh will they ever get together?” and more “at what exact point does he go from wanting to kill the bitch to the oh in italics?”

[vixenofcourse]

[aleatoryw]

Monsterfucker alignment chart! created because i was having an internal debate if Roxanne Ritchie is a monsterfucker. the answer is kind of.

image transcript + notes below

Keep reading

[untitled4023]

@lokisbeignet this caused my brain to shutdown

[hugintheraven]

@apocrypals