I might as well put this old throw away account to good use as a kind of random diary I guess. I’ve been living in Azerbaijan for around 5 months now. I enjoy my time here and it has been one of my favorite countries I’ve been to. I really needed to be here to heal from my life in the U.S. I was unhappy for a really long time. Being here has helped me put my life back together in a lot of ways. It has helped me with healing my cptsd symptoms and even coming to that diagnosis in the first place. With no sadness or avoidance I’m going to be 26 this coming summer and I don’t feel scared or sad or have any negativity surrounding my birthday. I’m learning to detach from the internalized expectations I have of myself that stem from outside people. There is this nice peaceful empowerment that comes with that but its bitter-sweet. I was trying to hold onto the familiarity of the past for a long time, whether that be people or things. Although dysfunctional, it was home for me. I’m so glad I’ve come to a place where I can let go and start fresh. I was so ashamed of myself for a long time. “I’m in my mid-20s, how can I start over? “I’m 25 now, I should have a fiance, my own apartment, a better job, etc.” These were thoughts that I had towards everything. I forgot how young that is because I never felt young. Even as a kid I just grew up with this unrealistic pressure and of course when I was ultimately unable to meet it, I was ashamed. For the longest time I was ashamed of myself, and thought I was a failure. Life showed me none of that was true. I deserved to give myself a chance and I’ve changed into this new person. I can just BE. Its really beautiful and I’m so thankful to just be here, alive and with everyone just being myself. I can’t wait to see what life has for me going forward! I’m glad to be here ❤️
2087
dailybridgerton
pixelskylines
yousharknotpass
tangentwithtanner
jacobvanloon
amandla
gummygunk
snowghoul
