[nopppeeee]

3 things I’m grateful for

1. A cat who has finally clocked into her job as ESA

2. A really good boss

3. The benefits of marriage. God today was so hard even coming home— Grieving, scared— to come home to my wife. To be the person she needed that put a piece of me in place.

Things I’m excited about

1. 4th of July weekend. Triple couple hangout

2. My job

3. The idea of having a regular work life balance (eventually right???)

Things that made me happy

- being a college graduate

- working with intelligent people

- good leftover pizza

- great music right now

- my brother called me

- this nj life

[perfectquote]

“Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go.”

— Mandy Hale

[miiilowo]

where is my favorite painting i need to find my favorite painting

[miiilowo]

a break in their day by david hettinger. i loveyou

[nopppeeee]

3 things

1. Wonderful wedding day, with wonderful surprises, the best people around me, and a great party. A beautiful bride who took me on the best honeymoon ever.

2. Friends. It feels so good. I will always be grateful to have now what I once didn’t.

Going to Kzoo today for a long weekend with some great friends (you don’t just have any old schmuck officiate your wedding)

3. Good books. Nesta’s healing journey heals a bit of me each time I read it.

I’m excited

1. Graduation even if it means leaving this chapter behind and having to deal with starting the next one

2. Moving to a nicer place and having nicer things. Finally

3. For good food and loving my body

[thepersonalquotes]

[qvotable]

When you come back, you will not be you. And I may not be I.

E.M. Forster; The Other Boat

[somerabbitholes]

bullseye (lucy dacus ft. hozier)

[notesofseptember]

If you’re worried and you can’t sleep

Count your blessings instead of sheep

[nopppeeee]

1. Abundance in time and energy to go places/see people (also financial freedom)

2. Being so close to done with school (1.5 more years) here’s to hoping if goes quickly

3. My lovely fiancée

Who loves to do all the same things as me when we travel

Who will listen to me discuss all my favorite books

Who will watch 12 year old YouTube videos that make me feel so nostalgic, yes I’m aware that they’re probably not enjoyable if you take that nostalgia benefit away

Who shows up everyday to be a good life partner

Who invests in me

Who goes to bat for me. Even after I’ve gotten over it, she’s still pissed about it for me

Who balances me and my need for tight control over everything

Who put me onto new content that I now love

4. Good health!

[nopppeeee]

Abundance

Secure friendship, i remember, vividly points in my life where I felt like I had no one in my support system/no one I could actually talk to about what I was feeling or thinking except one person. I remember feeling cut out of social circles and feeling the ever lingering threat of being left alone, left out or behind. I am so glad that I now have my village. I have people who when I am having a hard time at work with the kids I teach I know they will respond, theyll have good advice or they will be there to relate with me. I have people who come over, people who reach out, people who say theyre always just a phone call away. I dont have to count the days until my next social engagement. I can sit with my own company without feeling intense shame about not trying harder to be with other people.

While it might not feel abundant income. Financial stability. I have been much more down bad for cash. Now I have a life partner who I know has my back in case of emergency. I am getting better on reaching out to my parents and relying on them. I have a ob. Looking back now I know it isnt normal for a kid who is 11 to be so worried about her parents making ends meet that she is going and buying her own back to school shoes. Yeah my parents put up a little fight when I wanted expensive stuff but that isnt because they couldnt afford it, it was just not what they would personally prioritize their money towards. I am relearning how to navigate finances with my parents. The more we have open conversations about it the more I learn that it really isnt make or break. And the more times I see that example shown to me the more it is cemented in my brain in a way that assuages my anxiety.

Freedom to roam. I am so glad I know, deep down that I can go wherever I want. Whether that be traveling or moving. I know my parents are good without me, I know my other family members are going to be ok. I know that I will be ok and that my support spans multiple forms and will be there for me no matter where I am. As politics are all that I see right now I am constantly reminded that there are people who do not control where they live and what state laws they have to abide by. And I am grateful for my abundance of freedom and autonomy.

[nopppeeee]

Nothing like being back home. It’s so weird being back in the same place driving around the same streets. It’s all the same but all different. I don’t even have a bedroom. My grandparents have moved in, Daisy’s gone.

Every time I come home for an extended period of time I think of how it could be my last time. About how the plan is to move away and leave my parents and grandparents to my siblings. I think everything will be alright but I still get guilty about missing them getting old. When is it their golden years have they already gone.

I mourn the idea of raising my kids with my parents nearby. But I can’t stand the idea of having a family in Indiana… the idea of leaving for good used to be all I ever thought of when I would come visit.

[paramitski]

those new boygenius songs, but make them lesbian pulp novels!

[nopppeeee]

boygenius the record ranking

cool about it, true blue, letters to an old poet, not strong enough, we're in love, emily i'm sorry, anti-curse, leonard cohen, revolution, satanist, $20, without you without them.

[starspulledfromyoureyes]

Boygenius performing at the eras tour photographed by @/avkv85

[ossifyings]

I ask you how you’re doing and I let you lie / But we don’t have to talk about it / I can walk you home and practice method acting / I’ll pretend bein’ with you doesn’t feel like drowning / Tellin’ you it’s nice to see how good you’re doin’ / Even though we know it isn’t true

[nopppeeee]

i remember its impossible to pass your test! im trying to forget about it, feelin like im breaking a sweat about it, wishin you would kindly get out of my head about it. tellin myself one day ill forget about it

[shisasan]

𝙾𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟷, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟽 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹

[heavyrain-dc]

“Today I forgive myself. Not just once. Again, and again, and again. As many times as it takes to find peace.”

— Unknown

[atticuspoetry]

Tweeted

And as I sat and looked at her and the rolling hills she sat upon I thought, what amazing luck I have that the world had created such beautiful things and given me the eyes to see them.

— ATTICUS (@atticuspoetry) May 5, 2022

[nopppeeee]

i don't have anything really to say. I am living my life. Is this what life becomes? Just the same week on repeat. I am not unhappy. But routine has become my enemy. School is suffocating me and I am forever teetering between feeling like I am failing everything and feeling indifferent about the whole thing.

At this point I am looking for a sign from god to change my major. i cannot tell if I am just not passionate about this or if I am just not passionate about anything anymore. What happened to my joy. I need to lay out and let the sun hit my skin for a few hours on saturday maybe.

how long can I play this as seasonal and not just forever.