No Really, Don't

bruh

[veryluckyclovers]

[iamoutofideas]

I will consider this suggestion

[striders]

me staring at my calculator app for 45 seconds before i remember i was trying to open my clock app to set an alarm

[memewhore]

[the-rattking]

[animeadult]

look at this extremely chaotic video my fiancé took of our cat

[isa-ghost]

Oh my GOD the baby has OPINIONS

[bobodenkirkisgay]

he is literally so fucking funny

[cammiesoldblog-deactivated20221]

This is exactly how working retail feels.

[retiredmahoushoujo]

you may not like it, but this is the current Elden Ring pvp meta

[third-order-simulacra]

bro the pose?????

[jasminerice]

If I was a girl’s stomach I’d never hurt her

[wizardpotions]

Btw your magic wizard party was poorly organized and we’re all leaving. The magic fireworks were not spectacular and the homemade potions were not delicious

But it's my birtday

[soothifying-sounds-asmr]

Bubblegum K.K. via chumbygal

[paddingtonicon]

[iscairot]

i think the hardest i’ve ever been owned was when my boyfriend and i were talking about our favorite feelings/sensations and he was like “my top 9 out of 10 feelings are sex with you” and i was like “well what’s the tenth one??” and he didn’t hesitate even a little before saying “sex with your mom”

[lordknightmon-deactivated202405]

This literally feels like satire

[dutchster]

i’m not sure if my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense

[sandmandaddy69]

[sigmaleph]

what's this 'wife' business? nobody calls him Prince-Consort Mario

[rustingbridges]

if Bowser kidnapped my plumbing client, I would be saying “wahoo” as long as those hours were billable

[gas-station-dick-pill-deactivat]

you know when you and that e-girl you fancied actually make it and hook up but you live in different cities and shit. yeah that was chill and dating some sort of girl creature is nice but you know when you’ve endured weeks of “would you love me if i was a lamp🥺🥺” and “please mod my stream please mod my stream please mod my stream” and “spit in my mouth” messages and you go to her place for date weekend and the smell just hits you like a wall when you open the door. homegirl got that reek. that no shower november, that cheap vodka and mcdonalds sweat vibe. That thank god you can’t smell me thru twitch kinda beat and you find her huddled in her cave watching whetever chinese cartoon is on the meme this week and before she gets at you with that “daddy i’m not dirty i’m just based and lainpilled” you drag her scrawny lil ass to the shower. she’s passed grimes and moved onto mud and baby you’re a gas station powerwasher. There’s no use resisting, you’re filled with the concerned rage of a diappointed parent. You ain’t daddy, you’re Father dearest. you hose her down properly but there is challenge waiting. the layers of filth, makeup and grease has formed a waterproof cocoon. girl putting the crusty in crustecean and you need a hammer and a chisel to break open the shell to get at the juicy pale white girlmeat inside. She makes a fuss like an angry cat and threaten to refuse wearing the asuka costume for you ever again, but she eventually drops the hissing and succumbs to the soap and water. Colours you ain’t ever seen before swirls around the drain hole and you just know you have to bleach the shit out of that later. Your creature is reborn as she emerges from the dirt and you remember why you love her. She’s beautiful. Cracked open and freed you dry her off with a towel and kiss her forehead. You cook her dinner after airing out her place and she nearly pukes before once again adjusting to solids. You two talk about how you feel as the evening drags on into the long night. Two humans connecting, breaking bread and caring for eachother. Love wins

[quinntvple]

@cleancrew

[yalnizveayi-deactivated20230913]