Food prepping for mere mortals

No AI. No fancy camera. No novel about the recipe. Just recipes. And cooking stories.

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Yo

Sick of cooking blogs that are clogged up with ads, 1000+ words worth of a short story about the author's personal relationship with the hen that laid the eggs used in the recipe before you see any ingredient list, "viral XX that has swept the internet", and peppy influencers telling you their tips are the only way you'll get enough protein in your body and also buy their sponsored product while you're at it?

Yeah, me too.

Lets just cook.

I do food prep and put portions of food in the freezer, because I AM LAZY and sacrificing one or two Saturdays every month to make the rest of my time considerably less filled with grocery shopping and cooking makes my life a whole lot easier, and I would like to share what I've learned. I am not saying this is the best way to do things, I am just sharing my experiences to maybe inspire and help you to also save a lot of time, effort and probably some money too (from ordering out because you can't be arsed, and from cutting the electricity use because cooking in bulk and then just reheating servings saves on that too).

Let's go, fellow mere mortals.

FAQ - them basics

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i planted too many pumpkin seeds. the pumpkins are taking over. mayhaps~ you have a soup recipe or likewise in which i can use up as many pumpkins as possible? <3

*cracks knuckles* I gotchu, fam. Savory pumpkin mash 1 normal sized pumpkin (I normally use butternut for this, but any food pumpkin will do) 1-2 yellow onions 1-3 cloves of garlic

1. Take the seeds out of the the pumpkin and cut off the skin. Carve the good stuff into similar sized chunks, about 4 cm/1,5 inches thick. Peel the onion and cloves. Cut the onion into wedges. If large, cut the wedges in half.

2. Toss it all into a bowl, splash it with oil and give it a toss or stir, so that it's at least somewhat evenly covered. Sprinkle with salt and pepper (if you're unsure how much, you can wait until after cooking and mashing so that you can taste it).

3. Spread out on a baking pan and cook it in the oven at 225 C/430 F for about ten minutes. Check with a tooth pick if the pumpkin pieces are soft all the way through, if not cook it all longer.

4. Blend it all up in a mixer. Depending on how much you made, you may need to do this in batches. If you didn't add salt and pepper before, you can do so now and also add other spices to your liking. This goes great with for example chicken spiced with ginger and cumin, and you can freeze it in smaller batches to heat up and use as a side.

Small savory pumpkin pancakes with yoghurt

½ normal sized pumpkin 100 g flour 1 egg 150 g plain yoghurt (optional: 100 g grated cheese of your choice for more flavor and protein) 2 tsp baking powder Salt and pepper 1-2 tsp of dried herbs of your choice, use what you like 1. Take the seeds out and put the pumpkin in the oven, 180 C/350 F, for one and a half hour. 2. Let the pumpkin cool for a bit, then scoop it out and mash it by hand in a bowl. Add the other ingredients and stir it all together. Or you can just throw all of it in a blender, that's easier. Note that you want the pumpkin to cool a little or the egg can get partial cooked as you add it, and that's no catastrophe but not great. 3. Heat up a non-stick skillet with oil and add the batter. NOTE: You do NOT want to try to make full sized pancakes with this, they will be a biatch to turn over in the pan. Add about 3 tbs at a time. You should be able to fit two-four of them in the pan, depending on pan size. Don't use too high heat. 4. If the pancakes start to look a little too dark but are still uncooked in the middle (you can split one with a knife to see if there's still batter inside), put them on an oven pan and finish cooking in the oven for a few minutes (200 C/400 F). 5. Serve them with a fried egg. These babies also freeze perfectly and can be heated up in the microwave.

Pumpkin jam (what?) Fair warning, this one is painful if you don't have a kitchen appliance that can help you grate veggies

1,5 kg pumpkin, finely grated (I do not recommend you do this by hand, you will wish misfortune upon my entire family line) 1 l of water The juice of 2 oranges The juice and finely grated peel of 2 lemons 0,5 - 1 kg sugar (I prefer less because of taste, but note that less sugar means it won't keep as long since it's a preservative)

Choose your spice: 1 thumb sized piece of fresh ginger, peeled and finely grated OR 5 cloves + 1 cinnamon stick + 1 star anise (if you can't find star anise, use ½ tsp aniseed) 1. Put everything except the sugar in a large pot and bring to a boil. Lower the heat and simmer for half an hour. Note: Careful! Check it and stir often, I have burned this so. Many. Times. 2. While the jam is simmering, sterilize as many jars as you think you'll need, and a couple extra to be on the safe side. To easily sterilize them, clean them and then put them and their lids on an oven tray. Put the tray in the oven and turn it on. Bring it to 100 C/200 F and leave the jars and lids in there for at least 30 minutes. 3. Add the sugar and stir until it has melted into the jam. Bring to a boil again, then lower the heat and simmer for another half hour. Again, be careful so that it doesn't burn. 4. Take the jars and lids out of the oven when you feel the jam just needs a few more minutes. 5. Fill the jars with the jam, screw on the lids. Let cool at room temperature. Never try to speed up the cooling process by for example pouring cold water on hot jars. They can and will explode from the temperature shift.

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Are we ready to cook, master chef?

All set, lets go!

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Minced meat sauce with veggies

I’d call this Bolognese to make it seem more familiar to most other fellow mortals (Swedes know what I’m talking about) but I don’t want to piss off all of Italy. They could send a ghost storm of angry grannies at my kneecaps.

Tools

Cutting board and knife OR food processor for cutting veggies

Big pot with a lid

Spoon

Ingredients

(Ingredients in parenthesis are optional)

Minced meat, pork/beef/chicken/veg is up to you. I’m using 500 g (11 lbs) in this batch

1 diced yellow onion

1-2 minced garlic cloves

1-2 carrots, finely chopped or grated

1 parsnip, finely chopped or grated

1 tbs tomato paste

1 buillion cube or 1 tbs concentrated meat or veggie stock of your choice

(1 can of tomatoes)

(1 can of either beans/lentils/chickpeas)

Pasta

”But fellow mere mortal,” you might say, ”that’s more veggies than meat!”

To which I say ”Indeed, fellow mere mortal!”

Instructions

1. In a big pot, fry the garlic and onion in a bit of oil or butter until transluscent. Then add the meat and start breaking it apart with your utensil.

2. Stir until you see no more pink in the meat. Then add the tomato paste and buillion/stock. Stir it in.

3. Add the tomatoes if you want them. Add the carrot and parsnip. Stir.

4. If it seems dry, add a little water. Then lower the heat and put the lid on the pot.

5. Let the sauce simmer while you cook your pasta, about 15 minutes.

6. If you’re adding beans/lentils/chickpeas, do so when the sauce has finished cooking. Then add spices. Taste the sauce and add more spice or tomato paste as you see fit.

7. Serve with pasta or divvy up for the freezer.

Personally I think pasta freezes just fine, but not everyone agrees with me. If you don’t like it or you’re unsure, you can just freeze the sauce on its own in smaller containers.

A serving of the sauce on toast with a fried egg on top is very nice as well.

And no, this is NOT the genuine, traditional Swedish way of cooking this dish. It’s just my version. Everyone has their own over here. Dad puts ketchup in his.

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Whole chicken in a pot

Challenge rating: Easy

Tools

One pot big enough for a whole chicken

Stovetop

Chopping board

Kitchen knife

Two spoons

Base ingredients

One whole chicken

One onion

One carrot

Chicken stock (or buillion cube and water)

(Two cans or more of beans of your choice, if you want to get more servings out of this one recipe)

Salt and pepper

2 tbs corn starch + 5 tbs water

Optional ingredients

4-5 cloves

1/2 cup of white wine

One bunch of fresh parsley, or a small box frozen

Instructions

1. Peel the onion and the carrot and chop them up in large pieces. Doesn’t need to be pretty.

(Optional 1b. Chop the fresh parsley if used. Open the box of frozen parsley if used. Stuff the chicken with the herbs.)

2. Heat up the pot with a bit of butter or cooking oil, then put the chicken inside. Lower the heat to high medium (what that means depends on your stove. Mine has settings between one and nine, so six or seven is high medium for me). Let each side be fried to a golden brown. Use two spoons to turn it over and hold it in place. (Why do this? Because it locks some of the juices inside supposedly.)

3. Place the breast side down and add the carrot and onion. Then add enough liquid so that it reaches about a third to halfway up the chicken. (Including white wine if you’re adding that. If you’re adding cloves, do so now and make sure they’re in the liquid.) Dust the chicken with salt and pepper - when adding spice, put in a little bit to start. You can always adjust too little seasoning later but there’s very little that can be done about overseasoning.

4. Bring to a boil, put a lid on and lower the heat almost as low as you can. Check after a few minutes to make sure there’s still some simmering.

5. Now walk away and do something else for one and a half hour.

6. Check if the chicken is done by making cuts in the thickest bits of meat, on the thighs and breasts. Clear meat juice means it’s done, pink means it’s not. If unsure, let it cook a little longer. You don’t want to take chances with chicken.

7. Now is a good time to start on your carbs. Pasta, rice and potatoes go great with this dish. In the pictures below, I’m using barley grains because they freeze well.

8. Once the chicken is done, lift it out of the pot and onto a plate or clean cutting board. Now we’ll make the sauce. With beans, in my case.

9. Put the pot back on the stove and bring it to a boil. Let it cook for a few minutes, then dump in the beans.

10. Add the corn starch to five tbs of water to make a slurry and add that in. Making a slurry saves you from starch lumps. Easiest way to do that is to put the starch and water in a jar, screw the lid on and shake the jar - but do this above the sink in case of leaks.

11. Stir the sauce and let it bubble away for a few more minutes. The sauce will thicken and the beans soak in the flavors.

12. Serve! Or split up into containers for the freezer. Thanks to the beans, I turned one chicken into all these servings:

Enjoy.

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FAQ you, fellow mere mortal - them basics

If you have any questions that are not answered here regarding cooking, feel free to ask them in my ask box. This list will be updated.

Q: Where do I start if I'm really bad at cooking?

A: Cooking is at it's core just following instructions, but there are definitely things that can go wrong (burning, under-cooking, too much spice...). Try the easy-peasy recipes first. I have a tag for that. When you feel more comfortable, try more stuff! Take it at your own pace.

Q: I burn everything when I try to cook! Why is that?

A: Your stove has different heat settings for a reason. TURN THAT KNOB DOWN. You only want it on the highest setting while it's heating up, then you usually go to medium high. The heat needs to reach through whatever you're cooking over a certain amount of time to cook it (and in some cases, like chicken, also kill bacteria!), but if it's too hot it's physically impossible for that to happen before the outside of the ingredient is turned to mush or charcoal.

Cooking on only the highest setting is like driving through a suburb with the pedal to the metal. You're gonna end up doing a vehicular Cool-Aid Man.

Q: Do I need XYZ machine to cook?

A: Unless it's an oven or stove top, pr the recepie calls for something specific, probably not. A LOT of kitchen gadgets can be replaced by a knife and your own hands. Be wary of recepies online that seem like they want to sell you a specific item.

Q: What DO I need?

A: An oven (any kind), a stove top, a cutting board, and a kitchen knife will get you far.

Q: I am allergic to an ingredient in this recipe! What do I do?

A: There are plenty of good substitutes for lactose and gluten intolerant people these days, and nuts are always optional if there are any in the recipe. Unless it's a nut bar or something like that, then you should probably just not cook that. Just substitute the flour, milk or whatever other product doesn't work for you with something that does.

Q: I am vegetarian/vegan/other life choice that prevents me from eating the main ingredient in this recipe, what do I do?

A: Good of you to make that choice! Like many other people I do eat animal products however, and sadly not all recipes I provide here can be turned completely vegan. But if you see one that might (soups, Bolognese come to mind), just use appropriate substitutes. I am certain you know those better than I do.