@not-thriving - Tumblr Blog

when you can't say "that makes sense" I'm case they take it like "that explains what I've been thinking" when you really mean it like "I understand" bc you couldn't say "I understand" in case they took it like "I understand how you're feeling" instead of "I understand what you're saying"

#HOW TF DO YOU TALK TO PEOPLE CLEARLY WITHOUT SOUNDING INHUMAN

me running for my life: 🚶‍♂️

me running to hide food when I hear the door open just in case god forbid my parents see me eating Two Whole Yogurts and go "oh that's a lot of yogurt": 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️💨

#no but fr i didnt even know i was listening for the car door until i was upstairs and back down again #like it was pure insinct #and just the other day i was thinking about how i havnt felt the need to hide what im eating as much anymore #guess not lmao #but yeah i got trauma or smth idk

horrrifiction

yes my feelings are valid but i don't want them

crying over fake scenarios to avoid crying over the real ones >>>>

#im 10 steps ahead

this is the longest and most dysphoric I've been in quite a while. not enjoying that too much.

#not much to say but I wish there was #not much I can do either #wish there was

me when I'm having a breakdown for the second time today bc I did something Nice and I'm Embarrassed about it ????? bc it was impulsive and unexpected ??????? and therefore my brain thinks I did it Wrong ?????? aren't you supposed to feel good when you do unexpected nice things impulsively 😭

#mentol iolness

how to have normal proportionate reactions to events

#LITERALLY NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED #WHY IS MY ENTIRE NIGHT RUINED #I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING CHILD I JUST WANT TO PROCESS THINGS AT FACE VALUE

having teachers use your correct name is Such an affirming feeling like getting to put it on assignments and all that makes it feel like an actual official thing BUT absolutely Nothing can compare to having a teacher who actually USES THE CORRECT PRONOUNS TOO

#actual best teacher alive fr #had her for 3 years and and shes been top tier since day 1 #and im a student aid for her in a class of only 6 so it's like a much more casual environment than most classes #and like. she uses the correct pronouns fnsndbf its so so so cool #granted its only like 60% of the time But she almost always makes an effort to correct herself mid sentence #and I've never ever reminded her or anything she just makes the effort on her own #and that's whats so nice like she actually Makes the effort at all #that's so much more than most teachers and even most students #and it means so much like she actually takes my identity seriously #when i graduate i hope to tell her that #oh and another thing? i didnt even tell her my pronouns for like a year #i just told her the name change #she switched on her own bc she didn't know #an absolute icon i know some other teachers who should take notes

kind of sad to realize I still body check habitually. I went to the bathroom today and casually checked how visible my ribs were without a second thought. it took me far too long to realize what I was even doing and why. and there are way too many other little things like that in my life. it really never goes away

#ignoring the fact that I've recently been thinking of restricting again bc my time/mind is no longer constantly occupied #which. says something #im not going to tho #i cant i refuse to do that again. im at the best place I've ever been with my body image and relationship with food #i cannot set myself back like that again

y'know what fuck it I am going to post all my essay length rants about not being able to communicate. I've got too many of them they're clogging up my drafts

#might just put them all into one big post #for efficientcy

LMFAOO THAT ONE BODY VISUALIZER WEBSITE DOESN'T SHOW BODIES WITH A BMI UNDER 17 ANYMORE

#guess they realized who their demographic was fbdbdbbd

genuinely I need jaw surgery wtf. why do I look like that

#permanently look like i got hit in the face with a massive rock fndndnfb #not to be insecure on main #dbxndn as if this is my main

being the stray friend to a bunch of separate people who each have huge groups of close friends that you'll never meet is. a dynamic.

#idk fndndn like i have friends #but it still kinda feels like I'm just a leftover or smth dbdbdbf #bc like i see them and theyre like ''omg heres all about my best friends from school !!! heres a big photo of the 15 of us !! :)''#and im like that's great ! can't relate tho you are all i have :)

it's kinda funny how causal it still is after so long. just hits you like a craving the same way you'd crave cereal for breakfast. as if it's that normal still.

#i dont even like cereal idk why thats the only food i could think of fndnfnfnf

I literally don't have time for this. I cannot lose motivation now. I do not have time to feel like shit all day. this is some of the worst timing for this to happen again

learning what masking means has answered. a lot of questions

#do i like the answer ? no #but it is there nonetheless

screaming crying ripping out my hair crawling on the ceiling foaming at the mouth clawing at the walls

#like in a /pos way tho

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