Love Minus Zero: a kinky love story with an autistic cis boy artist and his trans polisci-loving beloved facing family drama and political intrigue together, and growing as a result.
Light BDSM content and phobic language used against the leads.
My first erotica novel is now published at Smashwords!
Tristan Lind is a Princeton drop-out artist, cut off from his family and all their money. At a gallery night, by chance, he meets Eli Murphy, a Princeton political science student, and the two instantly connect. There's one major issue: Tristan's mother is a newly-anointed presidential candidate, and Eli is camera-shy for reasons he's not immediately ready to tell. Chemistry will win the day, but the road won't be easy, with family issues and a media that won't stop blitzing on them. A kinky love story with an autistic cis boy and his trans beloved facing the odds together.
Warning for light BDSM content (unless that's your thing) and rough ist/phobic language being used against the leads.
I’m almost finished with my novel and I wanted to throw a teaser out there in advance of it; this is queer BDSM erotica, an m/m trans/cis couple, who struggle with being shoved into the limelight against their will while falling absurdly in love.
Here’s a clip from what’s currently titled Love Minus Zero:
"It's okay." Eli can keep a level head for at least this split second; it's very minute to minute at best with Tristan. "Come here, man." Tristan takes the cue and moves to him, surprisingly sheepish as he does. Eli smiles faintly and draws him closer with a touch to the face. Tristan can't seem to resist a second longer, catches Eli around the waist, and kisses him a few times. Eli is suddenly so happy, an uncomplicated, sunshiney feeling that warms him inside his chest, that he's sure Tristan can tell.
Tristan doesn't say anything about it, though, just keeps kissing him until they're both tensed against each other, so hot that they hesitate to break. Eli's never been the most reasonable person about sex and romance, but this is further than he's ever sunk into it. It's surreal how even the slightest contact with Tristan lights him up, bursts sweet starlight under his skin and across his nerves. It's terrifying. It'll end in tears. He doesn't ever want to stop.
"Come sit with me," Tristan murmurs, and Eli makes a sound of assent; they go to his couch, and Tristan turns on a couple of fans before he takes a seat. Eli can't resist a smile at the simplicity and complexity of where Tristan's landed, and he catches Tristan's attention with a simple touch to his cheek. Tristan looks anxious, still, but mostly as terrified as Eli is. "What do you want?" he asks Eli, cautious.
They both know that the question is layered in ways that Tristan can't voice easily. Eli looks at him, honestly stunned, and breathes out softly. "You." Tristan reacts just enough, a catch in his posture, the brief nuzzle against Eli's hand. Eli keeps his words muted. "I know this is fucked up. I know I'm fucking up. I don't think this is the kind of thing you throw away."
"Right," Tristan says instantly, and slips his arms around Eli in a bid for comfort. Eli settles back with him on the couch, Tristan's face pressed near Eli's shoulder as he tries to steady his breathing. Eli says nothing, waits for Tristan to pull himself together, and eventually he mostly manages it. "I want to be with you, Eli." He's barely audible, scared to even voice it. "Really. It's a lot, it's too fast. I get it. But – tell me you get it." He's on the verge of begging. "Please tell me you get it."
"We can date." There. Eli's said it out loud, and Tristan sinks against him in relief. It's done, it's sealed, no more equivocation. Either he breaks Tristan's heart or he commits to this, and he knows which one is way more likely. "I'll figure out my own shit. Just promise me something."
"Yeah." Tristan's tone tilts hopeful. "What?"
"They're gonna dig some shit up. I need you to be on my side when they do. It's…" Eli drifts his gaze away from Tristan. "I might get kind of fucked up, depending on how it goes. Stay with me, if you mean it."
"Yeah, obviously," Tristan says, apparently surprised that it would even be a question. "I'm with you, I promise. No matter what."
Eli can't help the tinge of a smile. "What's the catch?" he asks ironically. "I mean, besides the thing with your mom. You're sweet, you're hot, you're great in bed. You can't be this perfect."
"I'm not perfect," Tristan says immediately, and he sounds stung and insecure even voicing the word. "I'm – I'm not always a good person. But I've got your back. I swear. I don't make promises I don't mean."
Eli considers that. "I'm not easy to date," he confesses. "If you just want to fuck around tonight then – "
"Stop." There's an authoritative snap to Tristan's tone, not cruel but definitely not easy, and Eli feels himself falter completely. Tristan draws him in for a few kisses, then smiles, the kind where its beaming warmth breaches too deeply inside of Eli's petty depths in a way that makes him swoon. Tristan stays close, a breath away. "I want you. All of you."
Eli tries to absorb that, then exhales and shifts on top of Tristan to stroke his face and demand his attention. "I want you." He charges the words with as much adrenaline as he can, and something sparks hard behind Tristan's eyes. "Here. In bed. Everywhere." He kisses Tristan fiercely, and Tristan pulls him close as they start to make out again.
It doesn't take long for Eli to become totally delirious under Tristan's spell, and he releases a warm gasp into his mouth as Tristan starts to stroke his cock through his pants. Tristan makes a very approving sound and keeps going; Eli keeps kissing him, grinds against Tristan's touch, and a shiver breaks through him after enough of this.
Tristan is on it, way more coherent than Eli right now. "Hey sweetie," he whispers as they break. "I want to play a game. What do you think?"
Eli tries to think through the haze. "What?" he asks, because that's an easy response.
"I'm gonna tease you as long as I can, you only get to come when I say so." Tristan looks like he wants to devour Eli right now, and it's turning Eli on so much that his entire mind blurs out into just pure arousal. "Yes or no. What do you think?"
Eli realizes he has to form words. "Yeah. Fuck. Tris – "
"Unless you say no, right now, I'm gonna expect you to do what I say when I say it," Tristan says, brisk with a snap to it. Eli isn't used to this, used to playing with boys, not being played with. It's not a bad thing at all, and no one has ever been as instantly persuasive in this direction as this weird former trust fund kid he met by sheer coincidence. "That's another yes or no question, Eli."
"Yeah." Eli aches to be kissed, desperate to be touched this early in. At some level he recognizes that he's in way too deep, but he doesn't care. "Please. Just – " He tries to shift towards Tristan, grind forward against him and steal a kiss; Tristan accepts the kiss briefly before turning his face, and a shiver breaks through Eli again. "Please," he whispers.
"Get up." Tristan looks satisfied but not smug as Eli climbs off of Tristan's lap and shifts aside. Tristan flashes a little smile, then catches Eli's hand with a little squeeze to guide him to his bedroom. Eli is almost too out of it to fully appreciate it, but Tristan's room is gorgeous. Yeah, it's messy in the same way as the living room, but he's gotten around not being able to paint the walls by piecing together a huge mural made up of various canvases hanging on the walls. It's vivid, intense, fully-realized, and such a beautiful look into Tristan's head that Eli gets emotional as he faces it. Embarrassing, but he'd dare anyone to say there's nothing to what he's looking at.
"Babe." Tristan calls him back to reality, and Eli has to put some effort into looking at Tristan in the same way. Tristan pulls him close, kisses him a few times, and Eli looks him in the face. "What?" Tristan prompts him, softer, outside of whatever scene they're doing.
Eli is too scared to put this into words, so he doesn't. "Tell me what you want," he says, instead of anything else.
Tristan shifts gears back to the scene, obviously a little hesitant to do so. "Clothes," he says, with a quick gesture at them, and turns away to idly get undressed himself. Eli is more self-conscious than he should be, considering that Tristan's definitely seen him naked before, but the initial recognition after undressing has always been his least favorite part about sex. He gets it over with and moves to the bed before Tristan does, surprised to find that Tristan's bed is very comfortable, chaotic as it looks.
"Hey." Tristan's just hanging out looking immensely hot and already a little hard a few feet away, with a little smile playing along the corners of his mouth. "You look comfy."
"If you want to sleep," Eli deadpans, and Tristan laughs, the same bright sound; he moves next to Eli and climbs on top of him to smoothly pin him down by the wrists in a movement that's almost too practiced. They kiss, and Eli's face burns again as he lets himself surrender to the situation completely.
After that, it blurs, Tristan kissing him with such targeted fierceness that Eli's arousal verges on painful by the time he pulls back. "You want it?" Tristan whispers.
Eli realizes he's being spoken to way too slowly under the haze. "Yeah. Yes. Please. Fuck." He arches into Tristan, who presses him down harder into the bed, pressure surprisingly punishing for his size. Eli's head drops back and he releases a helpless breath. Tristan laughs again, and this time it's a different, pleased sort of sound. He gathers Eli's wrists together above his head, calmly pins them there, and shifts a hand between Eli's thighs.
Eli's honestly already so turned on that he jumps at the contact; it's like Tristan's turned half of his body into an erogenous zone in ways he'll never understand, so contact with his cock is already at the sort of bright heat he's used to later in the process. Tristan wears a grin when Eli glances up at him, then Tristan catches him looking and holds him firm with a look, freezing Eli mentally in place as he works Eli's cock like he's been thinking about exactly how to do this for weeks.
Oh, fuck, it feels good. Eli groans, shifts, but Tristan holds him firm and Eli realizes at the pressure that he's going to come much sooner than Tristan wants him to. "Tris," he breathes. "Tristan, if I – "
"Mm, no," Tristan says, and leans down to Eli's neck to nip hard into his skin. Eli can't hold back a hell of a sound at that, fucking throbbing at everything going on, and Tristan whispers near his ear while toying with his cock. "You could come. But what fun would that be?"
"Shit," Eli swears, squirms against Tristan, and a tremor breaks through him as he tries not to come. "Oh my god, what the fuck," he blurts out, agonized.
"See? I told you this was fun." Tristan kisses along Eli's neck, then releases his wrists. "Those stay up there," he mentions without missing a beat, then he casually shifts to rest between Eli's thighs to start sucking his cock. It's electric, a serious jolt, and Eli makes a sound he's never heard himself make. Tristan makes a very pleased sound without stopping, and Eli is genuinely having a hard time putting together any kind of coherent thought.
The changes in orgasm on HRT took some getting used to, but it's been five years and Eli is very fucking aware what it's like when he's about to come. He's just aware enough that he tries to haul himself back mentally as he jerks towards coming again, shudders, and Tristan hums happily, pressing a few kisses into Eli's thigh. "You're gorgeous," he tells Eli, heartbreakingly sincere, and Eli is so fucked up with the game Tristan is playing that he's somehow devastated at the look Tristan is giving him. "Another circle around the track, do you think?" Tristan teases him after.
"Do it. Please. Please." Eli rambles out the rest when the scene kicks into his brain again, and Tristan grins again, shifts up against Eli, pleased as he starts to kiss Eli thoroughly and play with his cock again. Eli falls apart much more quickly this time, grips into Tristan as they kiss, and when he gets closer Tristan seems to know. He breaks away, hums approvingly, and bites a mark into Eli's neck only to suck into it.
He doesn't stand a chance against all of that, and comes so hard and so brutally that time dilates until he sinks back completely against the pillow. Tristan drops gentle kisses, the briefest contacts, against Eli's skin, and the fondness behind it is so intense, so intimate, that Eli's breaths come in shaky even as he's starting to steady everything out. They sit in silence, Tristan thoughtfully draws a couple of fingertips down Eli's chest, and Eli musters something to say that seems worth breaking the silence. "You want to fuck me tonight?"
It's not intimate, it's not subtle, but that's not what Eli wants to do right now. Tristan draws his fingertips back up Eli's chest, tips Eli's face with the slightest pressure towards his, and looks at him. "Yeah," he says. "If you're up for it." He seems to be searching Eli's face for something, though. "Did that work for you?"
"Yeah." It's charming when Tristan checks in on things like this, because it doesn't seem like he doesn't know, but just that he doesn't want to assume. Eli realizes that he's been totally caught by Tristan's gaze at this point, though, and he knows he's just staring wide-eyed back at him like the archetypal trapped submissive. "You've dommed before."
Tristan smiles a little. "Yeah. It – it was the only way I could really do any of it for a while." He doesn't seem to want to talk about that, though. "I can do vanilla if I want. But it's old habit." He considers Eli. "You're okay subbing? I never actually asked. I know that's shitty."
"You think I didn't mean it when I said yes?" Eli can't help but be sardonic, far enough past the orgasm to manage that much. "I'm me, Tris."
Tristan beams. "No, you'd say something." He kisses him a couple of times, cheerful and fond in a way that Eli can't help but think of as his labrador retriever mode. "Let me know when you're ready, sweetie."
Eli probably could stop now and just snuggle in with Tristan, but even HRT hasn't changed how much he enjoys being fucked into coming. He looks up at Tristan, knows his own version of fondness is burning through his gaze; Tristan looks totally devastated in response, touches Eli's cheek, and presses his cock against Eli's thigh. "I'll take that as a 'now, please'," he whispers to Eli, who catches himself smiling outright and earns the brightest smile from Tristan in return. "Okay, babe."
Tristan shifts away to get lube and a condom, and Eli says it without thinking. "Don't – " He falters at the look he gets from Tristan. "Never mind," he hedges.
"Eli, come on." Tristan tosses the lube in between them. "Spit it out."
"I wanted to feel your come inside of me." Eli is mortified to say it out loud. "But forget it."
Tristan looks at Eli in frank surprise, and considers the condom in his hand. "You're okay with that?" he checks.
"It's been a long time," Eli confesses, regretting this immensely already. "We shouldn't, maybe."
"Do you trust me?" Tristan asks, thoughtful and unbothered. "I haven't gone raw since my last kind-of boyfriend, that was like – four months ago."
Eli can't believe he got himself into this situation, but he's also turned on again at just the thought of Tristan coming inside of him. He exhales, and beckons Tristan over in answer. Tristan moves to him, kisses him, and taps his cheek. "Okay," he murmurs to Eli. "I've got you, sweetie."
It strikes him within a few seconds how hard Eli is kinking on this already, heat arcing through him as Tristan teases him with thorough prep. Eli breathes out a moan, grips into the bed, and Tristan lets out a desperate sound. "Fuck, okay," he says, plainly agonized, and withdraws his fingers to lube both his cock and Eli's ass up.
Eli arches into the pressure, a sound escaping him, and Tristan makes an approving sound as he sinks deeper inside of Eli. "More?" he asks, and Eli makes a faint "mmhm" in response. Tristan presses his cock further inside of Eli, and Eli groans, grips hard into the bed, so turned on he can practically taste it.
"There we go," Tristan murmurs, and starts to fuck Eli just that deep, steady and easy at first. Eli loves having him this close, Tristan's breath just faintly warm on his face, the tease of a possible kiss. Tristan laughs through a groan of his own. "You feel so good," he says softly. "Do you like choking, babe?"
"Yeah," Eli manages, a tremor breaking through him at the overstimulation of it all. It feels incredible. Tristan touches Eli's face, strokes his hand down to Eli's throat, and gently presses down on just the right spot to cut off enough of Eli's air. Eli has a split second of lagtime before his head goes light, but he can still firmly feel Tristan's cock fucking deep inside of him. He gasps, so aroused it feels like his cock is throbbing, and Tristan releases Eli just in time for him to shudder from need.
Tristan is perceptive enough to shift down so he can move one hand between them to stroke Eli's cock. "You can come again for me," he whispers to Eli, and Eli is so broken in the moment that he makes a soft affirmative sound like the desperate boy that he is. "Oh, you want to," Tristan goes on softly, and his fingers are working Eli's cock better every time he touches it, to the point that Eli's panting through the thickness of Tristan's cock and the gentle but persistent pressure on his own. "Are you gonna be good for me, Eli?"
"Yeah. Yes." Eli is delirious, his nerves soaked in heat, and he knows he believes this here and now. "Please, please."
"I'm gonna count down from – let's say seven." Tristan steals a kiss, leaving Eli wanting more. "When I reach zero, you're gonna come. Okay?"
"Yeah," Eli says instantly, stunned at some level on how ready he is to do as he's told. Tristan starts to fuck him harder, and counts.
"Seven." Eli realizes very quickly how close this entire thing is tipping him into coming much faster than either of them wants, and the effort in holding back pulls another tremor through him. "Good, babe," Tristan soothes him, and goes on. "Six. Five." Four more numbers. Tristan's about to come inside of him, toying with him like a cat with a mouse, and Eli's supposed to keep it together for four more numbers.
"Four." Tristan fucks him in a few hard strokes, and Eli moans, a broken sound. "Mm, wait," Tristan reminds him, and Eli is in such a haze that he clings into Tristan for dear life. "Three. Two." Tristan kisses him a few times in between, the suspense of it painful, and Eli literally trembling as he tries to hold on. "One," Tristan whispers in his face, and presses a few kisses to his cheek. "Come for me, sweetie."
Eli is already at the exact edge when Tristan says it, so he smashes into coming full force and loses his shit embarrassingly loudly as he does. Tristan laughs as he does, a wicked edge to it, and he catches one of Eli's sounds against his lips as he makes out with Eli right before he thrusts into him, coming with a tremble inside of him.
Eli has a single, crystal-clear thought in his head as Tristan rests on top of him, laughing to himself. You don't deserve this. The way Tristan is looking at him, the unmistakable way they're both starting to feel, this isn't what Eli is meant for, with anyone. He's 21. He's a difficult person. Tristan has faults, sure, but he's nothing compared to the mess Eli is.
"It's okay," Tristan tells him softly, and kisses him a few more times; Eli tilts into each with full conviction, and looks up at him helplessly when he pulls back to pull out. "Come here," Tristan urges him, and he pulls over a few scattered blankets for them to snuggle under. Eli moves close to him, and Tristan nuzzles into him, clearly happy.
"I'm scared," Eli whispers, because it's too real a thing for him to keep in his mind alone. Tristan breathes, starts to speak, but Eli cuts him off. "Aren't you?"
Tristan hesitates. "Yeah." He touches Eli's cheek, draws his attention to Tristan's careful but firm gaze. "Whatever happens – it'll be okay."
Eli stares into his gorgeous dark eyes, such a contrast to his pretty pale blonde everything. "Okay," he says, and resolves to at least try to believe it.
Parts 1 and 2 of my queer love story Love Minus Zero are available free on my Patreon right now! It’s a story about young love, identity, and courage in the face of abuse once something’s worth fighting for.
Part 1: https://www.patreon.com/posts/love-minus-zero-65788660
Part 2: https://www.patreon.com/posts/66379530
All future parts will be available under all tiers here, starting at $4! I’ll be posting three parts every month.
I’ve made it that all tiers now (ranging $4-12 USD) have access to updates of Love Minus Zero, and adjusted prices some. I’m already mostly through Friday’s update. I’m also contemplating three updates a month instead of two? We’ll see about that.
Anyway, new tiers, info on Love Minus Zero, and its first installment all here: https://www.patreon.com/kathrynmarswriter
Mina Hilliard Lind, beloved movie star and half of a Hollywood power couple worth billions, is ready to announce her candidacy for President of the United States on the most conservative platform seen in the last fifty years. Her one fear this election cycle is her greatest shame: her only son, Tristan, at long last disowned not for his many "questionable quirks" like autism or obsession with art, but for choosing to live as openly gay.
Tristan Lind has survived for a year on his own in Princeton, New Jersey, working at a boutique and working hard on his passion of building an art career from nothing. He's more than accepted his life as it is when he meets Eli Alessi, a Princeton student who connects near instantly with his work. Their gentle start together is rocked when Tristan's mother declares her candidacy for the upcoming presidential election, and the Linds put in every possible effort to drag Tristan back into the closet. Tristan may desperately want to fight for Eli, but is Eli ready to trust Tristan's promises when a billion dollar inheritance and every comfort he could want are on the line?
Read the first part here on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/love-minus-zero-65788660 and find me there at https://patreon.com/kathrynmarswriter
I’ll update at least twice a month on Fridays! Please consider becoming a patron if this beginning intrigues you.
You know the muse has you locked in when you're daydreaming about them 😠I can't wait to pick up where I left off. Tris is an absolute delight of a narrator, I almost feel bad for where the plot is heading. (Almost.)
Check out part 1 for free here, since I haven't directly linked: https://www.patreon.com/posts/65788660
If you'd enjoy a good romance for a neurodiverse queer guy, go check it out <3
So in mild terror, I have opened the gates to the Patreon and access to the first (WIP) chapter of my original fiction, a queer romance called Love Minus Zero: https://www.patreon.com/kathrynmarswriter
I remain cautiously optimistic that I’ll have a couple of people meet me over there. We’ll see! Check out the tiers and see what might interest you.
