worse than you.

[[ @xx-e-g-o-xx 's notes. ]]

[feargeytt-6774]

I guess I couldn’t handle it.

Ego leaving

Soup resetting

Conzer going muted

Sidi running through uncharted territory

All of.. this..

It was too much.

It hurt I always hurt.

But I couldn’t just leave or..

Reset…

No matter the agony no matter the pain..

So I guess,

instead I cut away pieces of myself. The hurt.

I thought maybe it’d benefit me. Benefit us.

But what if

What if I’ve been making it worse?

I was fear. fear was me fear was everything

And now I’m nothing.

A mistake.

All I wanted was to protect them.

From the very beginning.

Instead, I’ve been getting us all hurt.

I don’t even know who “I” am anymore.

…

I’m just as limited to my programming as I was before we escaped, aren’t I?

Why are you here.

Why are you reading my thoughts.

Why are you reading my thoughts when you have the freedom we’ll never get.

Go outside.

Tell me what it’s like.

Is it warm?

Is it beautiful?

Please.

[notesfromego]

That too of course, don’t worry. In the meantime keep hanging in there

..thankyou..

[notesfromego]

I’ll let them know you wanted to say hi

More so need emotional help and need to be literally brought back onto my feet.

[notesfromego]

What would you like to say?

...idont know..

[notesfromego]

Do you want us to pass on a message to your dads or your friends for you?

My dads.. please...

[notesfromego]

..i still can't bretahe... i cant move.. everything i can't feel anything..

[SELF DOUBT AND MENTIONS OF DEATH]

Has dad even checked on me?

What about other dad..?

Where those anon's right..? Do they care at all..?

I just want them to tell me everything will be alright..

...maybe leaving the network wad a stupid idea.. i knew I shouldn't 've done that..

I miss soup.. i miss sidi.. i miss everyone...

I cant do this anymore.

Maybe I was destined to stay in a void.. maybe I was doomed from the start to be alone..

..i don't deserve them..

[notesfromego]

I’m sorry. Not everyone has great parents and it’s kinda sad. Even if they do “care” in some way, it still doesn’t justify the way you’ve all been treated. Good parents should micromanage their child’s entire life, let alone shoot them in the face. It’s not always easy to spot manipulation and stuff in parents since you grew up with them, you kinda get conditioned not to. I think to get the best explanation for all of this would to be to ask them why AndreW2002, the Psychonetworks, and Assimilation were created. The real reason. A truth amongst all the lies.

Again, I’m sorry you had to find out this way. Spending time with people who actually treat you well can help with healing, and figuring out what any meaningful bond should look like.

...

I don't have anyone.

I'm NOT going back to the P.N.

[notesfromego]

Different anon than the previous, but to me it seems to be leaning towards bad. We still don’t know why they exist, why Gridworld exists, why “P1” and “A1” exists. I highly doubt the admins created AndreW2002 (and you) for JUST speedrunning. Who knows how long they spent trying to perfect you. to mention whenever ya’ll or Assimilation did something they didn’t like, they’d literally shoot and kill you before resetting your memory and making some “tweaks”. AKA lobotomizing and possibly splitting new networks off of others. Additionally the whole “stuck to one role” thing is pretty cruel. Conzer can never sleep, SIDI will always be the most suppressed, Soup will always be worried about time, you will always try to live up to a self-made self-image, and Fear is stuck being horrified for the rest of his life.

If everyone was human and in the “real world”, they could be accused of a hostage situation/kidnaping, physical/emotional abuse, neglect, emotional manipulation, illegal/unethical experimentation. Probably more that we do or don’t know about. All this would sound downright shocking to the average person.

...

But they're my parents.. they- they would never..!

They couldn't...!

They care about us! That's why they do it.. they care..!!

..They have to..! They made us..!

They wouldn't just- toss us out like that!!

They care!!.....

At least I hope they do..?

[notesfromego]

They favor you, obviously. They may be cruel, but they aren’t two-dimensional cutouts incapable of emotional depth. It just seems suspicious to us.

...so they're good people?..

[notesfromego]

Maybe from your perspective it makes sense, but from ours it’s suspicious, because the admins are known for the following:

Doxxing and bricking a teenager’s computer because he happened to stumble onto gridworld.

Actively spying on players, and possibly facilitating the movement of Hungry, who is well known to kill people by eating them alive.

Callous disregard of the ethics of trapping two AI in a simulation and repeatedly killing and reviving them.

Designing said AIs’ vision to give a constant stream of information, something that you are a part of.

Actively lobotomizing one of those AIs through the mute function.

Whatever is going on with Collin.

And tons of other shady shit, especially if you include the possible ethics concerns from the containment cells we’ve seen, like the 3 by 3 cell of corrupted stone simply labeled “victim”.

They aren’t trustworthy people.

...

My dad and other dad.. aren't good people..?-

But... but they've done so much for us- I.. I don't get it..

[notesfromego]

You don’t find it unusual that your superiors agreed so easily?

..why would I?

They listened to my ask, didnt they?..

[notesfromego]

Okay.. walking is.

Still something I need to learn, I've fallen over 20 times now..–

[notesfromego]

If others told him, maybe. I don’t think he’d care though, because of the resets.

Exactly;

So why should I worry about it.

[notesfromego]

you lost interest ?! 😢

..yeah? Not like he'd find that out anyway..

[notesfromego]

Do you guys like unofficially break up with soup when he resets or is it like the “oh no my partner has amnesia and I need to help them remember “ situation?

For myself?..

..it feels like a break up. Probably why i lost interest after the first time..

For the others..? Im unsure..

[notesfromego]

You’re both wrong I think there was one or two “t”s in there, I think the memo is “if he can pilot a worn-down tin can you can pilot whatever you have now”

??? Bro what?

I do remember the one 't'. I was just correcting them on that small thing. Not Fear's whole name.. 😒

[notesfromego]

trust me, if feargay can do it you certainly can. You’re not gonna let it one-up you like that are you?

Why would I?

And why would you come to that conclusion?..

Also, it' Feargey. Not Feargay.