— treasure's paragon ; °
like impulsive fire, he skips steps and slides fingers, down underneath the final layer of clothing. he fingers along the other’s erection, before wrapping around to slowly stroke him. involuntarily, char is the one that moans, a puff of hot breath kissing joonmyun’s lips for him.
silence greets char’s words because he doesn’t have to say anything — he knows he doesn’t have to say anything, and that’s what’s so beautiful about it. the panic in his eyes turns to something so peculiar, something so recognizable and joonmyun can only smile through the tears, smile like his heart is bursting and he’s sure that it probably is. it’s love that has his thumbs tracing the skin underneath char’s eyes; it’s love that has him smiling through his tears. a myocardial rupture in the shape of a flame destroying the walls of his heart. before he knew it, before he recognized, kim joonmyun was marked by fire, taken by the flame. the smile on his face proves it, the burn through his limbs proves just how deep the other man has burned through his veins. he’s happy. he’s happy.
a small voice asks just how long this will last, but joonmyun drowns it out and pays it no mind because he’s far too focused now on the way char feels upon his skin. he doesn’t want to focus on the voice telling him he’s not good enough because char’s lips, char’s hands say otherwise and for once, joonmyun wants to believe that he could mean something to someone. he just wants to mean something to him. he wants to believe that even for a sinner, a monster, someone worthless who can’t change the world no matter how hard he tries — he wants to believe that this kind of person deserves all the love in the world, too. and so he cups his hands around char’s neck in affection, curls fingers into the ends of his pretty blond hair. he is somebody. he will be somebody, at least for now. at least until this precious moment runs its course.
joonmyun doesn’t think that giving up little pieces of himself is wrong if that’s what he wants to do.
he realizes that he shouldn’t be thinking, not in a situation like this — but he can’t help it. not until char’s lips travel from lip, to neck, to chest and they’re slipping away like dirt under running water. he wonders for a moment if char is purifying him; he knows he is. char has always been way too bright and hot to the touch, and flame burns the rotten to bring forth something new. something beautiful. joonmyun wonders if he’ll be beautiful when char’s done marking him with his lips, with his mouth around his — … … he shouldn’t think like that. he admonishes himself with a smile and joonmyun’s hands slip from their grip on the edges of his hair to the top of his head, toying with the wisps and looking at char with eyes half lidded, so full of love. yes, he’s almost full to bursting.
especially when char kisses him like he’s hungry, starved — for him, and it’s something that’s so unusual to be that wanted. even the last time he took a stroll on lover’s lane, joonmyun was not adored ( not like now ). it already has him shaking at the barest touch of lip, makes him moan when char presses down on the heat of his lust with a devil’s grin. of course he’s sensitive. “ it’s been a while.” is what he admits with a gasp, too busy trying not to push his hips into the pressure of char’s hand. but the reality of it is that he’s never come undone by anyone’s hands like this, not before. joonmyun has made love until he’s cried, but never has he felt like fire. this is char’s doing. this is all for char.
kim joonmyun is all for char. and he will never be for anyone else.
the thought almost hits him like a freight train. he tries to tell himself that he shouldn’t be thinking, not like this, not with char’s lips to his hips and so close that he has joonmyun biting his lips and struggling against himself not to turn into a needy teenager when he’s anything but. but thinking is all that joonmyun does, in the depths of night when he’s alone or in crowds of people that hurry past with gazes down, too terrified to look each other in the eye. his thoughts are all charcharchar and he’s only half paying attention when the man slurs his words, hides himself in embarrassment. joonmyun thinks he’s perfect, so he laughs. breathy and light and he kisses his ear. “ me neither.” a small attempt to make him comfortable, even in this — joonmyun is the same, and he is changed. he will grow.
… even if he does feel like he’s about six years younger with char’s hands down his pants.
he freezes a little when he feels the first stroke — it’s been a long time, joonmyun knows it, char knows it. but nothing has felt quite so perfect to the touch as char’s hands on him. so joonmyun relaxes then ( or tries not to buck his hips, at least, doesn’t want to appear quite so desperate ). he buries himself in pillows and the softness of his bed and sighs long, loud; whispers keep going into char’s kissed -red lips. he doesn’t ask for anything much, doesn’t ask for anything at all — wonders if it’s okay to indulge in this bit of greed, knows that he doesn’t deserve it. but he wants. it’s what he wants, so he allows his own fingers to travel slow and steady up char’s spine, feeling the bones stick his fingers through hot skin and this is probably what euphoria feels like. joonmyun can feel the way that char moves when he ruts against his thigh and the strength of his backbones, and he wraps his arms around him tight. he pulls char closer, presses his thigh hard in between his legs to give him some relief. he adores the way char feels on top of him, legs tangled and all desire.
this is unlike him to be so wanting, and he knows he’ll feel guilty for it later to the point of a physical sickness that burns inside his stomach. but for now, for now joonmyun just bumps his nose against char’s once before he kisses him slow and breathes a moan to his teeth, his tongue. more. his fingers tighten their grip on precious skin and by the end of this he’s sure he’s going to be murmuring apologies into char’s back later.
if greed is a mortal sin, he might as well take all he can before hell hath no fury.
