Kick my fucking ass @nothingfeelsasgoodasfitdoes-blog - Tumblr Blog

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A lot has changed for me since the summer. I was experiencing a lot of emotions and life events, I started to forgot my values and who I was. I wasn't myself anymore. I had began to let someone who would be leaving me come September change me, and not for the better. He left me in September and I found out he regularly took cocaine. I was so disappointed with myself that I let someone who wasn't even who he said he was change my life the way he did. And it was all for nothing. I was foolish to think that any of it was real. I was experiencing a new kind of relationship. This was solely a physical relationship and that's not what I wanted. I let a man use me for my body. It was used by both of us though. There were times when I used him, but he always used me more. I never felt loved or liked, just used. I began to really hate myself and that's when I decided to end things, but I felt as if people would judge me if things ended because of our communal work space. How was it fair that I let a man tell me I had to pretend to be with him for the sake of his job. I am so disgusted that I let him do that to me. But... It is possible for that feeling to change. There are so many amazing things happening to me today. I'm so blessed and enjoying taking the time learning and building new friendships and relationships. Since summer has ended. I haven't had one day of grief. I've been happy since September.