ALEXANDRA

You run from the feeling, it finds you ECHOS SAVED MY SOUL FROM ETERNAL SUFFERING

[velartis]

Franz Kafka, 1912

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

Need to start doing this again

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

Echos saved my soul from eternal suffering

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

haven’t been posting as much lately I’ve been working on another body of work and taking my time being present in the woods!!! love you all <33333

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

<3

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

Like being everywhere all at once

grief / death is a weird thing

what do you mean my grandfather's ashes are inside of a box now

a whole person with a whole life just sits on a shelf

i guess we return to what we're made of

but my brain will never be able to comprehend it

it will never be able to weave those realities together

how someone who was there my whole life, and had their own full life and favorite color and favorite things and a laugh and a favorite memory and a favorite person and a cat and hobbies and friends and a favorite restaurant and a favorite ice cream flavor doesn't exist anymore

or maybe they do and we just can't see them

"What do you think death feels like?"

.....

"like being everywhere all at once"

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

AWFUL THING - ECHOS

Shot by Kiara Baudoin

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

go slow I don’t wanna get sick on it

[velartis]

Franz Kafka, 1912

[causings]

[velartis]

Franz Kafka, 1912

[bookofoktober]

Sleepy Hollow Cemetery. Photo by Terri Foss

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

I had a dream last night that my house had ten more rooms

In one of the rooms was a giant bed with white blankets and the lighting was bright and the room felt cold

I sat down on the left corner of the bed and started to cry

It felt like someone else inside of me was crying and I could tell it was my younger self

I held onto her and felt like we were both sobbing and I said “I know you still feel alone like you’ve always felt but it’s my job to protect you now”

A dry heave sigh came from my body as I held onto the sheets and blankets around me as if I was clinging onto my younger self

Grief pangs sometimes feel like a phantom limb

I hope she knows that she is safe now

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

Sometimes I think god is just continually like “when she finally reaches her breaking point, she will learn” but unfortunately the curse I have is that my tolerance is higher than the distance between me and the furthest thing from where I’m at

I can stay in the absolute worst situation for years and just deal with it and I’m not sure what part of my lineage failed to breed itself out where I can withstand the depths of hell and even choose to stay in it when given an opportunity to leave — rope sent down from the heavens, yet I’d still find a way to romanticize my own burning

Is this what it means to be a woman?

[causings]

today i saw the woman who lives in the apartment above me. she’s old but has brand new teeth. she doesn’t speak any english—the only english i’ve heard from her mouth is “i love you”. every time she sees me she kisses my cheeks and she tells me she loves me. like i’m one of her own. today when she spots me, she throws both of her hands up in the air and runs to me like a child. i hug her and she kisses my cheeks and we walk away. i spend the entire day thinking about her. / later i take the dog for a walk even though i don’t want to. it is dusk and i see a very tall rose, taller than me. i run to it like a child and smell it and smile and then smell it again. i bend a shorter rose down for my dog to smell and he sneezes into it and the petals break off and fall around him. i laugh and we run away like we’ve committed a crime. / i wonder if my neighbors ever look at their doorbell cameras and think about the young lady who runs up their yards to smell their flowers. they must think she has the biggest lust for life. / maybe they’re right.

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

How many ways can I melt in the floor?

I’ve been counting the days on my ceiling

Could I be your muse, did you summon me too?

Am I saved? Am I healed? Am I feeling?

Oh to be a poet (work shopping things for my next album but also sometimes poetry can just exist without meaning) - these are the thoughts in my head, yes this is about you

[nothingleftinmylungsforyou]

And sometimes life gives you a day that you hope will never end

[melonwah]