Tired

INFJ, 21 Enjoy my random insights :))

[stuckinapril]

today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern

[stuckinapril]

you will never guess what I’ll be doing today

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

Today, I will be a pattern

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

I have a strong feeling of surrendering the feeling I am feeling.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

Mai hosh mai hoon toh tera hoon

Deewana hoon toh tera hoon

Ho raaz agar toh tera hoon

Afsaana hua toh tera hoon

Veerana hoon toh tera hoon

Qasaana hoon toh tera hoon

Ve mahiya tere vekhan nu- Fareed Ayaz Abu Muhammad Qawwal

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

How come at this particular time of my cycle I am again that little girl, looking for lost relationships, seeking forgiveness, trying to rebuild the same environment, and being sad for no reason.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

Lately I have been not feeling the emotions as I used to. I am torn between what I should feel and how I actually feel. I am suppressing my emotions and I don't like that.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

Adulthood is realising that you can manage multiple things at one point.

[dangerousduck-blog]

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

The realisation of the fact that I ruin things beforehand to gain the assurance that somebody else won't ruin them. And there is a high chance that things won't get ruined. But this defence mechanism of having control over situations beforehand is troubling.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

The realisation of the fact that I ruin things beforehand to gain the assurance that somebody else won't ruin them. And there is a high chance that things won't get ruined. But this defence mechanism of having control over situations beforehand is troubling.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

It's okay.

This way, that way, all the way. It is okay. You are going to come out of it. Right now it is the worst you are feeling. But soon you will shine, soon you will see the beauty, soon you will enjoy it.

It isn't about being or having brightness all the time, sometimes it's just about venturing through the ill lit tunnel. It's just about living through the mundane reality of it all.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

I will not let the non-porous ground of fear restrict me. I will break it and let my emotions flow freely.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

Nowadays I am zoning out a lot.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

I feel like I am again in that hypersensitive state where I used to be super anxious, be worried about small small things, be responsible for things I didn't do, simply be not okay with things happening around me, being reckless, overthinking stupidly, being unaware of my surroundings yet being hyperaware, being defensive for no reason at all, organising things to the point of craziness, not being compassionate towards myself or anybody else, getting irritated by even the slightest discomfort, and just not being able to settle down.

And it's all becoz of my roommate. She's super irritating.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

But things can't go like this. I do acknowledge it all. I will not let her ruin my peace. I will work on myself and create strong boundaries to live a great life.

I do have some other concerns but they are still manageable. But this thing is taking a huge toll on me. Not really sure how long I can hold up.

I hope it gets better asap or just as long as it takes.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

I feel like I am again in that hypersensitive state where I used to be super anxious, be worried about small small things, be responsible for things I didn't do, simply be not okay with things happening around me, being reckless, overthinking stupidly, being unaware of my surroundings yet being hyperaware, being defensive for no reason at all, organising things to the point of craziness, not being compassionate towards myself or anybody else, getting irritated by even the slightest discomfort, and just not being able to settle down.

And it's all becoz of my roommate. She's super irritating.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

You can't be frens with people just for the sake of it. Either you feel that the frenship is easy peasy lemony squeezy or it's just suffocating you.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

There is no time set for things to happen. They won't happen one after the other but all at once. Everything is managed in the current second only.

[nothingyeteverythingkind]

I can only be polite when I know the rudeness that lives within me. I can only be happy when I know the depths of deep sorrow. I can only be elated when I have passed my days with pure boredom. I can only be positive when I have lived the negative. I can only express love when I have hated from the bottom of my heart. I can only be sweet when I have tasted the bitter truth myself. I can only be both yin and yan when I have lived.