han

chronically depressed suicidal transmasc always going through some shit & trying to study japanese. 20, he/him pan/acespec

[nothum66n]

i miss flirting with someone so bad i feel like i’ve forgotten how to flirt.. ughhh i wanna be babied too i don’t wanna be strong anymore

[nothum66n]

you know dad, i could be the son you wanted so badly before i was born. the one that isn’t so shy and not a sissy as i am now. but you didn’t want it. i could become the confident man you wanted me to be if you had just let me. but now i’m stuck trying to fit your image of a perfect daugther and i’m never enough.

[mideias]

Star Wars movies (1977 - ) // The Fallen Angel (detail) - Alexandre Cabanel, 1847

[marinersubmariner]

fortunate son

[nothum66n]

everytime my mother tells me that maybe if i let my hair grow i can also grow to like it, maybe if i buy that dress i can end up loving it, deep inside i hope it ends up happening. i miserably hope that one day i’ll wake up and feel comfortable in my feminine body and find out i actually love being a girl. this all hurts too much, everything in my life is falling apart and not knowing who i am just makes it worse. i’m constantly torn apart between who i really am and who i need to be.

[dismoondart]

This feels so gross… this feels good

[teumitay]

what's inside you? 🩻

[nothum66n]

me and who …

[fiafey]

yeeeeah not to brag but likeee me and the entity are kinda dating rn (im scared)

[kayit-z]

run rabbit 🐇

[my-fancy-hat]

kissing the sun (I love you too).

[biterisker]

anyone else get sick and fucking tired of making decisions. sometimes i just want to go pliant and pouty and be arranged and petted at. "puppy in a bad mood?" yes actually. "puppy want me to handle it?" yes, actually!

[fettuccini-western]

in honor of leviticus being out on digital here's my tribute to ryanaim <333

[desolate-dog]

people pleaser sub x dom who actually doesnt allow that bullshit

“oh its fine you can do whatever” x “if you dont tell me what you want im not doing anything”

scared to safeword in scenes x has safeword training sessions

dom who actually puts in the effort to train me and make me feel comfortable to stand up for myself

[nothum66n]

ouuufffgghhhshshH

[alientboy]

i hav so many cool hobbies! like jerking off. and sleeping. and crying

[nothum66n]

i am exhausted of hiding him away in the closet, trying to fit into my parents’ standards. the depression got so bad that i’m losing everything alongside my identity. if there is a way out, i wanna know. i miss myself.

[ethmutt]

it’s about fucking time i promise the boy i am, that i’ll do everything in my power and more, to let him be seen.

[holly-hill]

Thinking about Naim Reid. Thinking about Naim going to the pastor and his wife. Thinking about Naim going to a police station and coming out to a cop.

Thinking about how the beginning of the movie introduces the idea that he is so fearful — afraid of the snake, afraid of heights, and the threat of the spider. Afraid of his and Ryan’s reflection as they’re making out. He’s so scared, and he’s just a kid, and we see over and over again this childlike trust he has in the people who are supposed to help him.

Why does he go to Hunter’s parents? Obviously there was some aspect of jealously, but Hunter and Ryan were also actively hurting each other. He doesn’t just watch them make out. He watches them pelt each other with fucking rocks and I think it was scary enough for him to regress into the idea that they genuinely needed help.

So, he does what he was raised to do. He asks for help. He watches Hunter get dragged in to the dark and he goes to the cops and he asks for help. He has that nightmare and he asks his mom for help. He’s attacked by an evil entity and he runs into the gas station asking for help and NO ONE IS HELPING HIM. Not the church, not the cops, or Izzy, or his mom.

In the end at the mill, entity Ryan tells him again that they want him to be afraid. Then in the daylight IN THAT SAME PLACE his mom confirms it. She tells him he needs fear. HE ALREADY HAS IT. He was already afraid at the beginning of the movie!!!! He’s been afraid the whole fucking time !!!!

And as my good personal friend Henry Chang once said “If you cannot be unafraid, be afraid and happy.”

So, he stops asking for help. He runs, and Ryan is there, and they cannot be unafraid but they will be happy — and I guess I’ll just be thinking about it for the rest of my life