who you should fight: Australian Prime Ministers edition
Barton: You could fight Barton. He was pissed all the time anyway. Plus he was first so people will know who youāre talking about, but none of them will know enough to get angry at you for it.
Deakin: Heāll come back like three times. You will get to walk past everything named after him likeĀ āHa, kicked the shit out of himā though.
Watson: He was PM for four months, why would you bother
Reid: You could just roll him over, but be warned: heāll have a Cutting Remark about it.
Cook: I donāt know shit about Cook and neither do you.
Fisher: See Deakin, but without the name recognition.Ā
Hughes: DO IT. FIGHT HUGHES. Heās evil, tiny, and the whole ALP will help you.
Bruce: Just look at that smug little union-busting prick. You can take him.
Scullin: Dude had two splits in his party at once in two different directions. Why would you make his life worse?
Lyons: Donāt fight Lyons. He might die, and then Sir Earle Page and Dame Enid would kick your ass.
Page: Yeah, fight Page, I donāt think heāll mind, just leave Lyons alone and itāll be cool.
Curtin: Beloved national hero who led this nation through World War Two while struggling with alcoholism before dying in office. Do you want the whole country to hate you?
Chifley: Dude made a referendum in Australia pass. Donāt mess with him.
Menzies: The entire Liberal party will come after you. Donāt.Ā
Holt: Have fun fighting underwater.
McEwen: DO NOT FIGHT MCEWEN. Donāt be fooled by his being interim PM for like a month. He single-handedly stopped Holtās obvious successor succeeding him. He created the protectionist policies for rural Australia for decades through sheer force of personality. DONāT FIGHT MCEWEN.
Gorton: He survived crashing his jet, having his face torn to shreds and being left for dead in the middle of the Pacific. Heās a tenacious bugger. But just put Fraser in the room and heāll be too consumed with rage to even notice you.
McMahon: You could take McMahon. Anyone could take McMahon. You wonāt be proving anything.
Whitlam: Too bloody tall, also the entire Australian left will come after you in revenge.
Fraser: He might not look tough and have that snooty voice, but dude was like 6ā²4ā³ and destroyed two Prime Ministers. Donāt take the risk.
Hawke: You could fight Hawke. I mean youād lose, but heād definitely buy you a beer afterward. Youād also lose the subsequent drinking contest though.
Keating: DONāT FIGHT KEATING. DO NOT FIGHT KEATING.Ā I donāt care how skinny he is, he will play dirty, destroy you will psychological warfare,Ā ādo you slowlyā and probably come up with some insult people will still be quoting three decades later.
Howard: Do it. Fight Howard. Tiny, evil, whole left will help (also Peter Costello).
Rudd: Seems like an easy win until he devotes the rest of his life to destroying yours. Donāt fight Rudd.
Gillard: Woman is tough. Best avoided.
Abbott: Like, I wanna see Abbott get punched as much as anyone, but he was a prize-winning boxer. Let the Liberal caucus do it instead.
Turnbull: Give it a go. Fuckerās gotta be bad at something, right?
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