Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@notlittlelights
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“Let’s just go back in and be children and do nothing. That’s the whole point of this weekend, right?” Alex rubs at his eyes.
“Hell yeah!” Scott grinned, hoping it would make the mood better. “We can go back to the beach, or watch a ton of movies.”
"Uhhhh, beach. I haven't surfed in way too long." He grabbed Scott's hand and pulled him out, "Then movies. We sit in our towels like drowned rats and watch movies."
//I know I owe Scott on this account but I'm just gonna go ahead and say that while I'm away, Alex is in a clinic working on his depression and things. ~ I WILL finish that thread with Scott when I get back.
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“What’s there to be proud of? I try really hard at school so I don’t go completely insane. And, I dunno, I just…” takes a deep breath. “Do you think maybe we could train together? You’re the only one my laser doesn’t affect.”
“Hey! You’re strong, and awesome. You’ve been so much stronger then me this past year, and I didn’t even see it till now. We’re gunna get you help, and I promise you you’ll be even stronger soon. And of course I will.”
"Let's just go back in and be children and do nothing. That's the whole point of this weekend, right?" Alex rubs at his eyes.
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“A doctor might be a good idea…” Alex nodded and pulled back enough to kiss the side of Scott’s head in return, near his ear. “Sorry I shouted at you.”
“I know… I’m sorry too…” He sighed a little, before smiling weakly. “Y’know I’m really proud of you.”
"What's there to be proud of? I try really hard at school so I don't go completely insane. And, I dunno, I just..." takes a deep breath. "Do you think maybe we could train together? You're the only one my laser doesn't affect."
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“You promise?” He tucked his chin down onto Scott’s shoulder, “I thought it’d get better, or go away. But it hasn’t…”
Scott held onto Alex more firmer this time, and kissed the side of his head. “I promise. It’ll go away, we’ll find something… We’ll take you to a doctor or… We can have Emmett go into your mind… He can know what you’re truly feeling.”
"A doctor might be a good idea..." Alex nodded and pulled back enough to kiss the side of Scott's head in return, near his ear. "Sorry I shouted at you."
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“Scotts I love you, I really really love you…” Alex whispered, arms wrapped tightly around his older brother, “Later you can help the world, I’ll even help but … now just don’t leave me, please don’t… I still need you, I can’t do this… it’s so hard already…”
“I’m not leaving… Once you’re all done with school, I’ll go… It’s sucha great school, Al… But you need help…”
"You promise?" He tucked his chin down onto Scott's shoulder, "I thought it'd get better, or go away. But it hasn't..."
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“They told me you were dying! I thought you had! But I wanted to know, know for absolute certainty so I kept searching. Everything, everywhere was about finding you. You think I didn’t have the same nightmares? That maybe if I hadn’t whined and asked Dad for us to go earlier and not wait till the next day? That maybe if I’d made more of a fuss I could have stayed with you?” he’s crying too, almost sobbing by this point, “I love you… I love you… Whatever’s wrong with me… whatever’s happening, the reason I put down the knife, or or gun or… whatever it is, is you. You bring me back. I can’t leave you.”
“Oh God…” Scott said, grabbing Alex pulling him into arms, sobbing now. He just couldn’t help it. “I love you so, so much… I’m not going to leave you, I promise, not now.”
"Scotts I love you, I really really love you..." Alex whispered, arms wrapped tightly around his older brother, "Later you can help the world, I'll even help but ... now just don't leave me, please don't... I still need you, I can't do this... it's so hard already..."
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“For twelve months, Scott?” He didn’t want to say it though, that he was having a hard time distinguishing what was real and what wasn’t anymore. “I’m trying too, okay? This isn’t easy to talk about.” No fucking tears. Man up. Now. “Need? No, no, you didn’t just say that. I was taken away from you. I was FORCED while you were in a HOSPITAL BED for all I knew DYING, to be taken away from you. To people, to people that didn’t give a shit about me. The only member of my family, the only remainder in my life and you were taken from me like it was meaningless. What I NEEDED was YOU. What I NEED is YOU. What you always NEEDED was to find ME. Now you’re saying you need to go do some stuff for mutants who won’t appreciate it? We are HATED in society, Scott. You’re going to get shot, or… injured, I dunno. I haven’t even finished high school! If you really love me, you won’t leave me right now. Not right now.”
“At least you knew I was alive!” Scott shouted back. “When I woke, they told me you died! You died for me Alex, and you have no idea how much that hurts, to have someone you loved more then anything, die. I had nightmares most nights you, dad, mom, telling me it was my fault, that I wasn’t good enough to even help you!” He was angry, of course he was, and a few tears fell from his eyes, and he quickly wiped them away from his cheeks. “I lost you, mom, dad, I had no one! At least you had the hope I was still alive, I had nothing! Then I find you… Find you alive?! Hearing the awful time you had growing up, and how the fuck do you think that makes me feel?! I was in and out of care all the time, and being chased by idiots down the street, because I was a mutant. I was thirteen! They were grown adults, and if I can prevent that happening to other mutants like us, then I can fucking well try, but don’t you dare stand there and tell me I don’t love you, because I’ve already fucking lost you once Alex, I love you more then anything! I can’t give up. And I’m not giving up on you, you know that! I never did…”
"They told me you were dying! I thought you had! But I wanted to know, know for absolute certainty so I kept searching. Everything, everywhere was about finding you. You think I didn't have the same nightmares? That maybe if I hadn't whined and asked Dad for us to go earlier and not wait till the next day? That maybe if I'd made more of a fuss I could have stayed with you?" he's crying too, almost sobbing by this point, "I love you... I love you... Whatever's wrong with me... whatever's happening, the reason I put down the knife, or or gun or... whatever it is, is you. You bring me back. I can't leave you."
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“You’re leaving me here. I don’t understand. I NEED you right now. I’ve needed you for the past twelve months. I’m not good at talking about things, or feelings. I didn’t even know how to explain this all. But you knew something wasn’t right, something’s… You know if I could just say it I would… you’d already have known twelve months ago!” The hand was pulled from his grasp. “No, just fuck off. I don’t need someone who just… fuck off. Promises don’t mean anything from you. Visiting, ha.”
“I thought you needed space…” Scott said slowly, trying to figure this all out. “I… Alex! Please, less of the attitude, I’m trying really, really hard here.” Tears were threatening his eyes again, but no one could tell through his shades. “Do you think it’s easy for me to leave my baby brother like this?! I don’t wanna leave you, or Jason or Bart or Nate! Hell, I even wanna stay with Lance and Roy, I love you all so much, but I need to go!”
"For twelve months, Scott?" He didn't want to say it though, that he was having a hard time distinguishing what was real and what wasn't anymore. "I'm trying too, okay? This isn't easy to talk about." No fucking tears. Man up. Now. "Need? No, no, you didn't just say that. I was taken away from you. I was FORCED while you were in a HOSPITAL BED for all I knew DYING, to be taken away from you. To people, to people that didn't give a shit about me. The only member of my family, the only remainder in my life and you were taken from me like it was meaningless. What I NEEDED was YOU. What I NEED is YOU. What you always NEEDED was to find ME. Now you're saying you need to go do some stuff for mutants who won't appreciate it? We are HATED in society, Scott. You're going to get shot, or... injured, I dunno. I haven't even finished high school! If you really love me, you won't leave me right now. Not right now."
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“Oh because that’s meant to make me feel better? That you chose the ‘mutant world’ over me? Cause guess what, Scott, it doesn’t. You and me against all odds, always! That’s what you said! And then you’re always off with Emmett, but that was okay at least cause you were HOME. And what, you think I’ve been distant for no reason? You…” He’s choking again and keeps going.
“It still is like that! Me and you,” He said. “I love you, you’re my baby brother, and I always gave you time, so you know that’s not true! It’s just really hard to talk to you lately, so don’t bring Emmett into this, because this is about me & you.” He grabbed Alex’s hand again, and attempted to pull him close, yet again. “I’ll come back and see you. All the time. I promise. We can visit each other and…”
"You're leaving me here. I don't understand. I NEED you right now. I've needed you for the past twelve months. I'm not good at talking about things, or feelings. I didn't even know how to explain this all. But you knew something wasn't right, something's... You know if I could just say it I would... you'd already have known twelve months ago!" The hand was pulled from his grasp. "No, just fuck off. I don't need someone who just... fuck off. Promises don't mean anything from you. Visiting, ha."
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
Alex pulled his hand back immediately, “You’re leaving me? You JUST said you’re going away! I… can’t… out of everyone…” He takes a deep breath, keeping down the glow before it could barely begin. From there he quickly exits the room, breathing heavily.
“Alex!” Scott called after him, before running after him. “Wait! I’m sorry, but you have to listen to the whole thing… You’ve been so distant, and weird lately, I thought… I thought that it was my fault. That you’d been too attached to me, I thought it’d be better if I left, and this guy, he said I can make a difference in the mutant world. A real one. Alex, I’m sorry!”
"Oh because that's meant to make me feel better? That you chose the 'mutant world' over me? Cause guess what, Scott, it doesn't. You and me against all odds, always! That's what you said! And then you're always off with Emmett, but that was okay at least cause you were HOME. And what, you think I've been distant for no reason? You..." He's choking again and keeps going.
notlittlelights || Surfing weekend. || Closed.
“I told Nate after he found out I got engaged. It’s hard to talk about… to describe accurately, or even get up the guts to say, okay? And then it just felt as if you were getting further and further away. And I like Emmett, but I’m beginning to hate him…” He swallowed, “I just… I dunno, Scott, I dunno…”
Scott didn’t know what else to do, but he held onto Alex’s hand, because now was him time to say his news. “God, Alex, I’m so sorry. I really am… I thought… You were being so distant lately, and we arguing a lot more, and… Oh god, if I’d known… I’m going away, I got an offer for a private boarding school for mutants, but I won’t leave you, I swear.” He said, tears stinging his eyes, as he attempted to pull his brother close.
Alex pulled his hand back immediately, "You're leaving me? You JUST said you're going away! I... can't... out of everyone..." He takes a deep breath, keeping down the glow before it could barely begin. From there he quickly exits the room, breathing heavily.
“I really do love him, dad. I don’t think he understands how much. I don’t think he knows how much it hurts when he leaves me here…” Alex pressed a kiss to his dad’s shoulder. “Oh I know I can. Especially when I get some crazy idea.” There’s a grin, “But I know who I learned that from.” He nudged Nate lightly.
He didn’t speak for awhile. “Then maybe you should show him.. He’s worth it, so why don’t you show him how much he means to you?” He rested his head on his son’s. “…That better be a compliment.” Still, his tone was joking more than anything.
"I did... we got engaged... But... I don't know. I do want to marry him. It's what I want. But everyone will be upset." He stayed close, enjoying the moment. "Totally is. Who wouldn't want to be like you?"
“Thanks Dad… I’ve been studying a lot. I missed Armando so much, it became a coping tool, I guess.” He took a breath, just happy to be where he was. “Seriously, I have the best luck… for you to have found me when you did and decided that hey, you could take a chance on me… and you’re still here… you’re always here for me. Even though I screw up, and I’m hard work, and I can be a little asshole… I love you so much, I can’t even describe it.”
“Well at least something good came out of it all.” The words brought a smile to Nate’s lips, and he pulled Alex closer again even if he was already pressed against his side. “I love you too, squirt. A lot more than you think. Though I do have to agree, you can be a little asshole sometimes.” His tone was teasing of course, to show he was kidding.
"I really do love him, dad. I don't think he understands how much. I don't think he knows how much it hurts when he leaves me here..." Alex pressed a kiss to his dad's shoulder. "Oh I know I can. Especially when I get some crazy idea." There's a grin, "But I know who I learned that from." He nudged Nate lightly.
“We could do it at Christmas? I just really don’t want to flunk this year. I mean, final exams are important, even if my grades are already high.” He nodded right back and slowly hugged his dad, “I need you to make sure I’m not alone, okay? Just for a while. Because at least if I’m not alone, if something just smashes in my mind, then people will know…”
“Mhm. Christmas. It’ll be a first too. I don’t think we’ve celebrated Christmas out of Star City. And have I ever told you how proud of you I am about your grades, because believe me, I seriously am.” He only squeezed him with his arm again, placing a kiss on top of Alex’s head. “I will. I’ll be with you every time you want me to be.”
"Thanks Dad... I've been studying a lot. I missed Armando so much, it became a coping tool, I guess." He took a breath, just happy to be where he was. "Seriously, I have the best luck... for you to have found me when you did and decided that hey, you could take a chance on me... and you're still here... you're always here for me. Even though I screw up, and I'm hard work, and I can be a little asshole... I love you so much, I can't even describe it."
“Distractions are hard to get to work… because these things just pop in and then I go and hide away in the lab. And sometimes it makes me… well, I’m not me, and I say stupid stuff.” He chewed his bottom lip, “Besides, I still got school. Maybe for Christmas we could do something? And maybe… you could check up on me in the lab?”
“Well, the original plan was a get together. But we can always do that next year instead. We’ll do whatever you and Scott want to do, that is to say, if it’s also okay with Barty and Jason.” He nodded his head. “Yes to that too. I can even help out if you want me to.”
"We could do it at Christmas? I just really don't want to flunk this year. I mean, final exams are important, even if my grades are already high." He nodded right back and slowly hugged his dad, "I need you to make sure I'm not alone, okay? Just for a while. Because at least if I'm not alone, if something just smashes in my mind, then people will know..."
